Who knew that Britney Spears was just a good, old-fashioned crazy bitch who likes to wander around naked and try to persuade random employees to f-ck her? *Raises hand* Yes, I think we all knew that about Britney, but now one of her bodyguards is claiming that Britney did all of the above, and then some. Oh, there is also a definite confirmation of Jamie Spears’ loose-nipple fatwa too – and his mandatory, must-be-enforced panty rule. The panty rule didn’t get enforced once, and Jamie had a fit that there were new photos of Britney with her vadge hanging out, so, according to The Sun’s interview with this bodyguard “Fernando”, he had to fall on his sword and take the blame for the public state of Britney’s vadge. Oh, and Britney was always naked and yelling at people, and she was always trying to get Fernando to bone her. Oh, Britney. It’s like she’s living in the most spectacular insane asylum ever.

BRITNEY SPEARS’ top bodyguard has quit – claiming the troubled singer sexually harassed him. Ex-cop FERNANDO FLORES, 29, stormed out after allegedly facing a series of bizarre come-ons.

He told pals Britney, 28, often paraded naked in front of him and beckoned him into her bedroom. He is now considering suing her.

A pal revealed yesterday: “She was always giving him the come on and he felt if he didn’t reciprocate he could lose his job. He finally handed in his notice last week and is considering legal action.”

The friend added: “Working for Britney is tough. She’s a nightmare to deal with and her emotions are totally out of control. She runs round the house naked and yelling at staff. All her guards knew they could be removed if they looked at her the wrong way. Unfortunately for Fernando, she took a liking to him, so he was under more pressure than most. He wanted to be a good security guard and look after her but the situation became unbearable.”

The last straw came when Britney’s dad JAMIE – who is in legal control of her and can hire and fire staff – kicked off after she left her Los Angeles home without underwear. Last month Jamie banned his daughter from going out without a bra and told her security team to enforce the rule. She was then pictured leaving a Hollywood restaurant without wearing knickers.

The source revealed: “It was embarrassing to tell her to put on underwear. Some guys would do it but others were too ashamed. Jamie went mental when he saw the pictures and Fernando was made the fall guy. He was not fired but told he was to blame. He had had enough.”

The divorced dad-of-two is considering a multi-million dollar lawsuit against Britney, claiming her sexual harassment forced him out. Another ex-Britney minder, Tony Barretto, went to an LA court in 2007 complaining about the her erratic behaviour and insistence on walking around naked.

[From The Sun]

If Fernando can document any of his claims, I’m sure he has a good case. Although, as Michael K pointed out – if you accept a job for the Spears family, you should know what’s going to happen. It’s going to involve nudity, insanity, pregnancy, the Los Angeles court system, daily panty checks, a buffet of bad weaves, fro-yo, Cheetos and tragedy. But here’s a question – wouldn’t Britney’s current and former employees have confidentiality agreements? How could they not? In addition to that, I can only guess that her bodyguards totally deserve hazard pay.