Last night was the Tony Awards, one of the biggest parties of New York, a celebration of Broadway and singing and dancing and acting. This year, Sean Hayes was the host, and by all accounts, he did a wonderful job. Sean opened the show with a little appearance from his friend Kristin Chenoweth, who defended him against Newsweek’s homophobic critic. They responded the only way they could – by making out in front of the packed audience. Sean looks like a good kisser!

I have to admit, I didn’t watch it, not because I really have anything against the theatre, it’s just that I don’t think the Tonys are a particularly exciting awards show. However, the Tonys went Hollywood this year, and several big “names” won awards. Denzel Washington took home best actor in a non-musical, and his Fences costar Viola Davis (Oscar nominated for Doubt) took home Best Actress. Also receiving awards: Scarlett Johansson for best featured performance (it’s like a supporting actress award), and Catherine Zeta-Jones for her work in musical A Little Night Music. For a complete recap, go to HuffPo or People Magazine. From here, I just wanted to cover the fashion.

I liked Scarlett Johansson’s dress and styling a lot. For once, Scar didn’t get anything wrong. Great dress, great fit, great makeup and decent hair. Does she give off the faint whiff of “corpsey”? Sure. But she doesn’t look deathly, so that’s an improvement.

Katie Holmes was a presenter… with Daniel Radcliffe. Is Daniel really, really short or is Katie just that tall? Probably both. The dress is meh. The color is okay, I guess, but it washes her out, and it doesn’t look long enough. Like it’s a dress meant for Suri. Daniel looks adorable, though.

I love Viola Davis, seen here with Denzel. I’ve loved her for many years, ever since that show she did with Sam Waterston. So I’ve followed her career, and can I just say something? She has the right idea with her style, she really does. She likes to look a bit sexy on the red carpet, and her makeup and hair usually look awesome. But she consistently has fabric issues with her dresses/gowns. This acid yellow-green is hideous, and it’s only because I like Viola that I think it looks okay.

Okay, seriously, how much work has Catherine Zeta-Jones had? She’s so beautiful, but looking through all of these photos of her… she looks like a 50-something woman who recently had an extreme facelift. Oh, I think the dress is Versace. It’s really pretty.

F-ck me, how much do I love Cate Blanchett? On anyone else, this suit would be a disaster. On Cate, it’s AMAZING.

Jada…girl, stop. This sh-t ain’t good. Why are you even there? And why are wearing that sh-t?

….Ricky Martin…?…

Melanie Griffith and Antonio Banderas. Is it just me, or has Antonio gone in for a little work too? He looks very young and refreshed. Although I suspect anyone would look young and fresh standing next to Melanie. No offense to Melanie, who I actually like. But yikes.

Ugh, I do not care for Naomi Watts’ dress at all. It may be high-fashion and all, but that color on a fair-skinned blonde makes it seem like Liev Schreiber is standing next to an statue of oatmeal. Liev looks cute, though. A bit squinty.

Angela Lansbury! She got some kind of lifetime achievement something or other. She looks so f-cking good. I love when older gals wear red. My verdict: Angela is best dressed at the Tonys.

My God, will you look at Helen Mirren’s body? It’s insane how amazing she looks. I even like the simple dress, with what I can only imagine is a sprig of mistletoe on her boob.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Queen. Aretha!!!! That’s it. We have to end it on Aretha. All you other bitches can just go home.