Thanks to LaineyGossip for this – a clip of Elisabetta Canalis beginning her five episode arc on TNT’s Leverage. Now, who watches Leverage, honestly? I tried watching a few episodes the first season, but I thought it sucked. Hard. Like, I can suspend my belief and watch some really strange fictional shows and enjoy them fully (like Lost), but some of the premises of Leverage episodes are just too stupid. I spent the whole time feeling bad for Timothy Hutton, who I actually adore. Anyway, so Elisabetta’s big American acting debut is on a sub-par basic cable show where she says lines like, “I know why you’re here, and I think it’s cute, but this is a matter of national security.” UGH. Note how she tilts her head when she says “national security” like she thinks it’s time to play coy and girlish.

Good Lord, her accent is thick. I mean, I get it, she’s Italian, she’s going to speak with an Italian accent. I have a good ear for accents too (my father has a thick accent, I’m used to being able to understand foreigners attempting to speak English), but I couldn’t understand half of Elisabetta’s lines. Guess we know that Clooney isn’t keeping her around for her witty conversation. In a recent interview, Timothy Hutton was trying to be nice about how no one understands a f-cking thing she says. Hutton said: “Working with her was great. She’s just such a lovely person and she brought great excitement when she came to the set. She was so excited to be in the show and she worked so hard and she was worried that her accent was too thick and you know one of the great things is her accent. She’s working very hard to minimize the accent and we all wanted her to have the accent.” Yeah. Timothy Hutton just cashed a check from Clooney.

Anyway, at the end of the day, this is what Clooney bought her. If I was Elisabetta, I would want a refund. And if I was Clooney, I’d want one too. No kicky sex for a week, they’ve both decided.