We’ve heard Lindsay Lohan’s bullsh-t crackhead excuses so many times that we’ve got it down to a science. Step 1: Crackhead f-cks up. Step 2: Crackhead denies f-cking up. Step 3: Crackhead admits that something got f-cked up, but it wasn’t her fault. Step 4: Crackhead gets called out for being full of cracked-out lies. Step 5: Crackhead’s mother goes to the press and whines about how the crackhead is just a child. Step 6: Crackhead f-cks up something new. So it was when Lindsay’s SCRAM bracelet went off at a party after the MTV Movie Awards. The judge ordered Lindsay in violation of her probation, and a new bail was set. Since then, Lindsay has been stuck in Steps two and three – she denies f-cking up, but if something got f-cked up, it wasn’t her fault. There was a theory someone spilled a drink on her SCRAM. There was a theory that it was the fermented tea she was drinking. And now we have a new excuse – and it’s a good one. Could Lindsay’s orange spray tans be setting off her SCRAM? Ha. You’ll take away Lindsay’s spray tan when you take it from her cold, dead, orange, dirty, cracked-out hand.

Lindsay Lohan is flirting with danger by spray tanning, after being warned it could trigger a positive alcohol reading with the SCRAM people.

Multiple sources say people have told Lindsay she can’t get a spray tan while she’s wearing the bracelet, because a chemical in the tanning solution can create a reading which would show the presence of alcohol.

Lindsay’s response to that warning — we’re told she’s still getting a spray tan 1 to 2 times a week.

And it gets worse. We’re told the famous probationer is “climbing the walls” … and is “filled with anxiety” because of the mandatory accessory.

Sources tell TMZ Lindsay was OK with it the first week, but the bracelet started digging into her skin, irritating it. As one person put it, “She’s made life hell for the people around her, since she is in pretty bad pain.”

And Lindsay’s 24th birthday is July 2, and she doesn’t like the accessory.

Lindsay wants the bracelet off, we’re told, even before her July 6 hearing. Ain’t no way Judge Marsha Revel would even hear of it.

[From TMZ]

Hahahaha, she wants to get wasted on her birthday, and the Judge is like, “Uh, you’ve partied enough, crackhead.” I love that Lindsay is such a f-cking disaster that she actually asked the court to take off her SCRAM so she could party on her birthday! Wait, she doesn’t drink or do drugs, RIGHT? So why would she need her SCRAM off for her birthday?

Even the Bible of Publicist-Approved Gossip, People Magazine, is noting that Lindsay seems out of sorts since she can’t be a drunk, drugged out disaster anymore. People claims: “The starlet ventured to Las Palmas in L.A., grabbing a spot in a booth where she danced in her seat. She also spent most of her time on her BlackBerry, occasionally chatting with friends before returning to her phone. But Lohan looked less-than-enthused, and snuck out a back door with her entourage after 1 a.m.” In People Mag-speak, this means that Lindsay is white-knuckling it through her forced sobriety.

Lindsay on June 6, 2010. Credit: Fame.