Melissa Etheridge’s estranged partner, Tammy Lynn Michaels, maintains a blog and has posted a few entries making it clear that their breakup was not mutual. According to Michaels, it was Etheridge who chose to end things after emotionally withdrawing from the relationship. In our last story on one of Michael’s posts detailing her side of the split, I wrote that she should really try to keep her personal business offline. Etheridge has talked about the breakup while promoting her album but has been vague about the circumstances, simply saying that they drifted apart and that it didn’t happen overnight. Michaels made it clear that it was much more sudden in her experience and that Etheridge is glossing over her role in the split.
Now Etheridge has filed to legally end the partnership and is trying to ensure that Michaels is not awarded support. (They did not marry in the window of time before Prop 8 passed, but had a traditional-type wedding ceremony in 2003). She is seeking joint custody of their three year-old twins, boy Miller and daughter Johnnie. Michaels wants us to know that she was blindsided by the filing and that Etheridge promised her she wouldn’t file until the fall. She also writes that she gave up her career to raise their kids, and that she is currently so broke she has to borrow money from friends and family to pay for food and gas:
i am wondering if it’s an art
gentle waves
no noise for awhile
or maybe gentle voicesand
SMACK!!!!!!!!!!!!
FILE FOR DIVORCE!!!!!!
even though we both promised
agreed
handshook
pinkysworeno filing until after tour
in the fallher broken promises
told to me by
headlines….
“you know what?” i said. “do you want me to take a year off? take care of the kids? i can be here when you’re gone, get them at school, bake for them, do the school stuff, and just catch them when you’re not here. want me to do that?”her face lit up like i was giving her a present she wanted but could never name. “would you do that??? you would do that???”
“sure! i’ve always wanted to make a home anyway! i’ll make a home for you and me and the kids, and you go and do your thang with your guitar!”
we laughed and hugged, and she said it was perfect, and it was what she had always wanted anyways, but didn’t want to ask anybody to do it for her….. make her a home…. etc. and that night was perfect. sitting on the porch, under the stars, back when we lived on the house on Mandeville canyon, near the ocean.
i gave up my managers, agents, contacts, all that good stuff, because i stepped directly into potty training a small boy, and carrying around a small girl on my hip. both excellent souls. and i was a very huge part in raising them for many many years while She with the Guitar focused on her Guitar.
i was always the house wife after that. the only thing i hated about it was not bringing in money- i have made my own money since i started babysitting at 10, and having a newspaper route at 11. having no steady paycheck killed me for those years with her. and now it’s really killing me. the other week i had to borrow money from a friend. two weeks ago i had to scrape together $1.25 to pay for gas. i know she doesn’t want to give me money. trust. i’m borrowing cash left and right from people to get through this summer, and feed my kids, with a stomach full of ulcers, thank you. no stress here. 🙂
[From two different entries on HollywoodFarmGirl.Blogspot.com]
In May I wrote that didn’t think that Michaels should air her personal business online. It’s more the way that Michaels is expressing herself rather than the fact that she’s telling us. It’s deplorable that Etheridge is not taking care of her children’s mother. She’s a millionaire and could easy make sure Michaels can pay her bills. This is just too raw and personal to be put out there like this, though. Michaels could earn just as much if not more sympathy will some carefully leaked stories to the press. Look at how Shania Twain told People Magazine that her husband was cheating on her with her best friend. She did it by attributing the news to “sources” through one of the most respected celebrity outlets. (Although that’s questionable given how much attention they’ve been paying to cheesy reality stars lately.)
Michaels could be a little more media savvy about all this, but I can’t begrudge her saying her peace piece. This is just another example of why it should be legal for same sex couples to marry. They need just as many rights when they get divorced, too.
I feel terrible for Tammy. Tammy doesn’t seem to have enough experience to know how to fight back but I hope someone advises her. I think Ms Etheridge is sooooo wrong for this. So wrong. She knows Tammy is a stay at home mom and hasn’t worked in ages at her request. How can she just cut her off like that? People just blow me with the awful things they do to their exes. Tammy has no other income expect for Melissa taking care of her and she wants to deny her spousal support. Thats bulls*it Tammy needs spousal and child support. Melissa can afford it.
I can’t possibly respect Melissa Etheridge anymore.
Melissa is a nasty old bat.
See I am going to go out on a limb and say I don’t think there shoould be marriage for everyone. BUT… I strongly believe civil unions should be required for everyone and the law of the land. Followed by the religious ceremony if the couple is so inclined.
If there is suppose to be separation between church and state, why do we all have/want the religious ceremony. Unless one is a practioner of a particular religion (as defined by the two persons involved).
Full disclosure I am a fairly religious person,not a spiritual person. If civil marriages carried the same legal rights as religious ceremonies maybe we can move past this divide in our country.
In regard to Tammy, someone needs to take her case on a pro bono basis until she is able to work again. Melissa should ashamed of herself if what Tammy says is true because her actions are truly selfish in my opinion.
If it’s true. We don’t know that is true.
Regardless, not to be a bitch but she really should have had something legal drawn up. I know it’s not something you want to do when you’re in love and happy (and all that “under the stars” crap she wrote) but it’s the smart thing to do.
If you’re giving up everything and you allude to being independent, you protect yourself. If it’s true. I find it hard to believe. As hard to believe as buying $1.25 worth of gas. That’s a little overdramatic.
Melissa Etheridge needs to make this right … you decide to leave and then don’t support your family? Pretty sick and twisted. Hope Tammy gets the support she deserves.
etheridge is coming off more and more like a dona juanita in her personal life. she seems to be the love ’em and leave ’em type. future partners, beware!
I believe anyone who wants to be married should be able to. That being said.. if you chose to do so then just like a straight couple you should step up to your financial responsibility. YOU CAN’T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS. I want the right to marry, but if it does not work out. I want to be a gay couple with no attachments. Melissa has been talking out of both sides of her mouth. She was the financial supporter of the family. Tammy can work, but still Melissa need to “man” up and take care of her business. Bad form.. Bad form
Melissa is so wrong. I can’t look at her in the same light. You hear about famous men doing this all the time to their wives. I never thought she would follow in their ugly footsteps..
It isnt too raw or personal to be said; besides Melissa would/will jsut end up penning it to a song, and then all of a sudden its ok to be aired and in fact multiple times a day on the radio while she makes millions off of singing about those exact thigns Tammy is talking about on a blog.
Yes, she is the ‘scorned’ one but who hasnt been there, or, who wont eventually eb there– and it is NOT easy to handle! Some handle it better than others, but… at the end of the day she has her right to handle it her way and overcome the pain through whatever venue necessary so that she can faster move on – find someone better for her and the kids.
If it’s true!!! Just because Tammy wrote it on her blog doesn’t make it the absolute truth. She does tend to write very overdramatically and over the top, I don’t know if I could take her at 100% fact.
I just don’t want to believe that Melissa Etheridge would be that kind of person. I believe she’s better than that.
@nycmom–ITA! Well said.
My god you people are quick to judge melissa based on this woman’s rants. Not to say that she is lying, but she certainly has taken the low road when it comes to rebuilding her life and that of her children. Angsty poetry? Blog rants? Get some legal consul, lady.
If you don’t like people writing personal stuff on a personal blog, don’t read it >_> That’s what blogs are for, to express themselves. Nobody is forcing anyone to read about their private lives.
I am with you nycmom, especially with the Pro Bono statement. Instead of spending time feeling bitter, she should start thinking forward and find someone to take her case because somebody would love to take her case. I am surprised Gloria Allred hasn’t called her up personally already. Now, about Tammy’s behavior. Part of me, can’t blame her. I know she is very hurt and scared. Also I remember reading interviews with Melissa after her cancer and she talked about what a godsend Tammy was to her during that time. Melissa really made it seem as though Tammy was an angel who slept in a hospital chair next to her bed while she was being treated and then nursed her back to health. That is a huge sacrifice. I don’t know if I believe that Tammy gave up her career to raise her children. Her career was pretty much nonexistent before she met Melissa and if it was really that important for her to go to castings and things after the children, I imagine that Melissa would respect her choice. Could it be that Melissa wants someone who is her own woman and not one who has lost her identity in being Melissa Etheridge’s life partner? Regardless, though, I think Tammy deserves some monthly compensation. She was loyal to Melissa for 9 years.
Tammy needs to stop posting poetry online and get herself a lawyer. She really did give up her career to raise their kids, and should be entitled to some support for that.
I am reserving an opinion until we hear Melissa’s side of the story. I find it hard to believe that Melissa would damage her reputation by being so callous.
@nycmom, I agree with most of your post.
It seems like Etheridge wanted the privileges of marriage, but she didn’t want to pay the price of marriage: hard work, commitment, sacrifice, compromise, counseling, etc. And she especially doesn’t want to pay the price of alimony. IF this is all true, then she is not behaving honorably.
Regardless of the marriage that wasn’t, whether straight or gay there is ample legal precedent (though don’t know how important precedent is in Family Court) for Melissa Etheridge to pay not only child support but some sort of alimony to her common-law wife.
I wouldn’t be so disgusted if she was simply a love em and leave em woman but she’s a love them and get THEM to have the kids and then leave them type. Like the manwhores like Diddy who have multiple children with multiple women, Ms Etheridge needs to step up.
As for Tammy airing on her blog, well more power to her. Songwriters put their angst into their words all the time, after all even Tammy knew by Melissa’s song lyrics something was off. Is it different to put a tune to your dirty laundry than simply type it up? I don’t see how.
Tammy whines exactly like many heterosexual wives who CHOSE to become stay at home moms and then ended up resenting their choice (which is fair BUT they shouldn’t resent the partner.. NOBODY makes you take a choice you don’t want to take). I hope that millionaire Melissa doesn’t get sentenced to pay a lazy woman just because the lazy woman is whining.
I work in family law. It’s a sad, sad business. Tammy needs to stop blogging and get legal counsel NOW!! We deal with gay relationships all the time. You DO have legal rights if you have children. Does she have a brain or not?
It’s hard being the less powerful partner. You say that Tammy-Lynn can leak some well-placed statement through sources to People magazine, etc…except that Melissa is the major celeberity here. It’s Melissa’s voice that these magazines are going to want to hear. People magazine tends to protect its relationship with celebrities, releasing stories only with their permission. So, if Melissa starts speaking to magazines about their break up and telling “her side” then it’s going to be Melissa’s side that everyone hears. Tammy will be reduced to a little tiny squawk on her blog.
Her best bet is to get a good lawyer. I understand that it’s incredibly painful, and I am sure that is the reason for using her blog as an outlet. However, getting a great lawyer and arranging it all through the courts will be the best way she can protect herself and her children.
By the way, I think Melissa should be ashamed. I tend to believe what Tanny Lynn has written because I have seen divorce up close before and I have also seen the break up between a same sex couple with a child. It can be just as nasty as a divorce– often MORE so, because the law is very unclear. It causes confusion, anger, hurt, and the child, unfortunately, is often the biggest victim.
Tammy’s adorable and I hope she gets more work soon, and custody of the kids.
I used to watch a sitcom with her in it called Committed, and it was one of the highlights of my day.
Kiss my ass, Melissa.
Unless those are biologically Ethridge’s eggs, I don’t think she should have to pay child support or be entitled to joint custody. She can’t sign as “father” on the birth certificate or obviously the mother so its just a break up and it sucks that intentionally fatherless children are involved. Tammy should know better than to be financially dependent on someone else in a relationship that isn’t really legally protected everywhere since according to her blog she relocated to Indiana.
What is it that when some people feel emotional about something it inspires them to write really BAD poetry?
Thanks CB for writing about this. I was pretty steamed when I read about this on another site.
Totally sign off on FeeBee and Riley’s posts.
Tammy met Melissa when she was red hot from Popular (Ryan Murphy’s pre-Glee, Nip/Tuck) series. For someone that hot to go from working so much to very few guest spots displays they made a choice as a family. Getting back into the game 10 years on is going to be very difficult.
I’m very disappointed in Melissa. She has been doing publicity for this tour and being pretty duplicitous — talking publicly about private matters and now the suit for dissolution. That tends to support Tammy’s version. And to be completely forthright before this I wasn’t a big fan of Tammy’s.
Don’t understand the Tammy hate. Melissa started this and is ending this dishonorably. Do the right thing ME.
Agreed LindaR… Tammy Lynn’s “poetry” is almost as bad as Melissa’s tastes in fashion.
I would never understand women who give up their rights to work in order to stay home raise kids,how many years actually takes that??in my opinion kids and the moms need to have a social life,in the kinder garden children can have so much more fun around other kids learning social skills as well and the women can have social network with people their age.And you don’t lose your independence and become financially dependent on your partner,cause you never know,things might not work out…
If Tammy’s earlier posts are still on her blog, anyone who doubts her love for, and loyalty to, Etheridge and the twins should go read them. She’s a gifted actress who, at age 25, left her career for Etheridge, believing that committment meant to Etheridge what it means to Tammy. For 9 years, during several of which Etheridge was very ill with cancer, Tammy was there. I believe Tammy has been treated dispicably. She has a strong heart and will be happy again. She’s a private person who has spoken out on her blog rarely since this all began – and only when pushed to her limits by the hypocrisy of her ex.
I really feel bad for Tammy. I can totally understand why she’s blogging about this. She is hurting, and this is probably one of the few outlets she has.
It amazes me that Melissa can be such a bitch after what Julie Cypher put her through. Tammy seems like a good-hearted person who sacrificed a lot for Melissa, for Melissa’s kids w/Julie and for their own together.
If I were in a partnership with a high-profile star who left me in the dust, I’d make sure people knew about it, too. Melissa has every opportunity to make this right but has chosen to be a cunt.
@Shelley, I was thinking the same thoughts. Tammy Lynn was there when Melissa was battling cancer and stood by her side every step of the way. She seemed to be a very supportive ‘wife’ to Melissa. She even credited Tammy for helping her survive. To do this to her is just so wrong on so many levels! Even if Melissa doesnt want to help Tammy, what about the kids. Why make them suffer?
When somebody’s starting to pull away and I’m broke, I usually snap into reality and action.
correction: she’s saying her “piece” not her “peace”.
and before judging, i’m going to wait until i hear Melissa’ side of the story.
in the meantime, i am getting kinda sick of the self-pity. are we really to believe that she had to scrape $1.25 to buy gas? which friend lends you $1.25? what exactly is Tammy trying to prove?
for the sake of the children, she needs to shut the hell up.
Tammy Lynn is absolutely no different than any other “home-maker” who leaves her career behind to be the primary nurturer in the family and raise the children. Therefore, she deserves no less than any other home-maker who finds herself single with children.
Melissa Etheridge is not always too well behaved in the romance dept.
She broke up Lou Diamond Phillips marriage to Julie Cypher. So she’s a homewrecker too. Others before, now her own.
Bad Melissa, give this woman her due now that your own kids are involved.
what a cold heartless bitch. i hope she gets whats coming for her and this time there won’t be someone young and loving to stand by her side if her cancer returns..
There are 2 sides to every story. So what does Melissa say??????
Wow, Etheridge sounds like a real asshole.
Wouldn’t Tammy be entitled to palimony? It seems like a classic case.
So its ok to vaguely exploit the destruction of your relationship for profit but not when you are broke taking care of a kid?
This is very sad. Melissa should want to help the mother of her children.
The 1.25 in gas does seem melodramatic, but when you’re broke it happens. Once after a breakup I had to scrap together $4.00 for gas (when it was $2.60 a gallon.) to get me home. I had to pay with a two dollar bill and some quarters.
It should be against the law of the land to manufacture intentionally fatherless children.
Consider me NO LONGER a Melissa Etheridge fan … She’s a middle-aged woman and needs to stop jumping from younger woman to younger woman. And she’s rich! She can afford to support her kids with Tammy Lynn, just like she supports the ones she had with Julie Cypher.
Stop being a dead-beat Dad, Melissa! Support the kids YOU wanted to have with Tammy Lynn! You owe them that, at the very least …
Disgraceful! …
Seems Melissa has been tried and convicted in the court of public opinion. While there were great arguments on both sides, we do not know the entire story. Maybe they did drift apart,maybe Tammy refused to accept it, but most importantly, it is hard to fight lies and rumors. Hence the reason Tammy is is ‘blogging.’ Once the nastiness gets out, it doesn’t matter if it’s true or not, the sheep will believe and the sheep herders will sit back and wait, quietly.
Someone commented that Melissa Etheridge doesn’t owe anything because they aren’t her biological children. I’m fairly certain that the law would recognize these children as being Melissa’s, too. With same sex couples, it’s not possible to have both partners’ contribute DNA to the child, but it is both partners’ children. I question if what Tammy Lynn is presenting is accurate. She’s sophiscated enough to know about getting a lawyer and if she’s using her blog to discuss her relationship, there’s something else going on. Melissa has been discreet about their relationship so far – Tammy Lynn may have major issues that we don’t know about.
21.Rosanna: Tammy whines exactly like many heterosexual wives who CHOSE to become stay at home moms and then ended up resenting their choice (which is fair BUT they shouldn’t resent the partner.. NOBODY makes you take a choice you don’t want to take). I hope that millionaire Melissa doesn’t get sentenced to pay a lazy woman just because the lazy woman is whining.
_________________
Proof that women can be misogynists, too.
Well said Liana.
Lazy woman whining, eh Rosanna? Shut yer yap. You can open it again when you’ve a) raised children – nothing lazy about that and b) sacrificed a single thing for the wrong person.
Not worth arguing, just thinking maybe you don’t what you’re talking about and have no ability to empathize with another woman.
Or you’re just a mysogynist.
@Jen: Exactly, thank you!
Oh Jen,you can raise kids and go to work,didn’t you know that?!?there is a place called kinder garden,kids go there,while parents go to work and make money…
Let me again point out that Tammy’s blogging on this subject has been rare and not even close to ranting. Go there and read – Google Tammy Lynn Michaels. As for ‘kinder garden’ as an option for her twins, may I point out that they’re not yet 3 years old? I’m sure Tammy now wishes she hadn’t stopped working too – and in my opinion she’s a far more talented actress than ME is a singer. But she believed she was doing what was best for all 4 children and for the committed relationship she thought ME honored as Tammy did. Many musicians have stay at home partners so that there’s some sense of sanity and routine for the children. By the way, I’m neither gay nor liberal but this is just plain unfair, no matter the sexual orientation of the parties.
and i see already there are twerps blaming Tammy for daring to sacrifice for love and family. Nice work.
Tammy’s hard work as housewife and child-rearer is not being recognized. Work that women do within the home is often not recognized. “She’s just a housewife” kind of crap. It’s hard work, and harder still because its unpaid and therefore unrespected.
Tammy walked Melissa through cancer and raised those kids and built a home for Melissa to relax in.
Tammy has earned her right to that monetary support!
No one is a woman’s worse enemy more than another woman. Married vs single, married with kids vs married without kids, married with kids and working outside the home vs married with kids and staying home to raise them…you’d think once we got past high school we would realize that it’s pointless and cruel to judge how another person lives her life if it doesn’t have anything to do with how we live our own.
Women who stay home to raise their children ARE working full time. I happen to work outside of the home because it’s just too damn hard to stay home with two little kids all day. I think it’s abhorrent for Melissa Etheridge to abandon Tammy Lynn this way. And we have heard Melissa’s side. She was all over the place doing talk shows and print interviews when the break up first happened.
Tammy Lynn might not be a household name anymore because she chose to support her wife and children at the height of her career. If she’d stayed in the industry, who knows where she’d be now. She could have been the breadwinner at this point. She deserves more than this, even if she’s being overdramatic about it (buying gas for $1.25 seems a bit over the top). I doubt she’s all that far from the truth though. She hasn’t been working outside of the home in years.
If not for Tammy, then why isn’t Melissa taking care of her kids? I find it hard to believe she is giving Tammy Lynn any money, because if she was she’d be out there saying so and defending her reputation. I was a huge Melissa Etheridge fan and now I have a hard time listening to her songs. I usually skip them now when they come up on my iPod.
Excellent point someone made earlier that Melissa can go write songs about this situation and actually make money off of it, so why can’t Tammy Lynn write a blog if she wants to? Maybe not the course of action some of us would take but she’s a creative person and perhaps this is how she feels best expressing herself.
I believe that couples, regardless of sexual orientation, should have equal rights under the law. It might be semantics to some, but marriage is between a man and a woman. Civil unions are between people of the same sex. Just like my male sibling is my brother because he has a penis and my female sibling is my sister because she has a vagina…it’s about the way their bodies were built and they are in fact different based on sexual organs. They are both my siblings – they are both equal in that way – but they are not the same because their bodies have different parts. Just my two cents.
I don’t consider myself a twerp, but Tammy has been pretty much nutty as a fruitcake for awhile. She had all kinds of crazy crap on her blog for awhile and then it just disappeared.
Everyone else has seen this coming for awhile and she is blindsided???? What the heck was she doing all the time? And don’t give me the crap about raising the children when they could afford all the help either of them needed.
She seemed to consider herself this wounded artistic genius, but she doesn’t seem talented in the slightest to me. Some of those blog entries were just insane. Maybe if she’d paid more attention to her real life and less attention to her blog, she might have realized her relationship wasn’t going well. I rarely think that there was no way a woman couldn’t know she was being cheated on, but in this case that’s exactly what I think.
Tammy writes free form poetry at times – I’m not a fan of it but it’s not crazy – it’s an art for which I have no appreciation. But read her earlier posts on going home to Indiana, on growing up etc – those are good – well written and evocative. Her political leanings and writings are also not to
my taste but she can write well, and she’s a fine actress. If your post above means that she’s an idiot or crazy to want to believe that her partner of nine years, whom she literally nursed through a very nasty cancer recovery, and with whom she hoped to raise 2 very young children, was loyal and faithful, then that’s sad.
I used to hang with some of Melissa’s friends a long, long time ago. They told me some pretty scary stories about her. Apparently she has always been a cold, scary, cheating whore with no conscience. Poor Tammy. But really, she needs to stop blogging and get some therapy.
Has anyone considered that this could all be a publicity stunt… for BOTH of them? Maybe Tammy Lynn has been considering going back to work for some time now and is hoping the publicity will help (many celebs feel there is no such thing as ‘bad’ publicity), and Melissa could very well be using this as publicity for her new album/tour as well. It’s not like celebs don’t ever do that sort of thing.
Melissa,should practice what she sings about!I have no respect for her anymore!The tiger woods of lesbians!I hope tammy gets what is due to her!Step up Melissa and speak true!