Okay, so even though Lindsay Lohan got out of UCLA rehab last night, her lawyer still had to go into court today and discuss the terms of Lindsay’s release with the new judge. Shawn Chapman Holley – about an hour away from the biggest margarita known to man – confirmed to the waiting press corps what the judge had decided for Lindsay’s post-rehab cracked-out self. I’m unsure about what to call this period of time – is it probation? Is it parole? Is it the state of California simply keeping tabs on what everyone knows will be the cause of some cracked-out triple homicide? I don’t know. Anyway, the terms, as stated by E! News:
First up: cancel that standing reservation at the Chateau. Lindsay was ordered to remain in California and reside at her West Hollywood home until her next court date on Nov. 1. (Lohan will not be required to attend that progress report hearing.)
At that point, should she obey the modified terms of her probation, she will be allowed to move out of state. But, judging by her track record, that could be a big if. Here’s what she’s got to do:
• Remain in California with L.A. her primary residence
• Undergo psychiatric treatment a minimum of four times a week
• Attend chemical dependency meetings (like A.A. or N.A.) at least five times a week as part of 12-step program
• Contact her chemical dependency counselor at least seven times a week
• Attend behavioral therapy twice a week
• Submit to random drug and alcohol testing two times per week
• Chapman must provide biweekly compliance reports to court
[From E! News]
Judge Fox confirms that Lindsay cannot miss any of these “random” drug tests, and that “Her attorney must provide the court with biweekly statements that these requirements are being met. Any missed tests or violations will result in 30 days in jail.” So if she tests positive once, she’s going back to jail. Holley told the press that Lindsay “is very serious about her sobriety… She looks forward to proving to the court that she is serious. She has learned her lesson and is going to move forward in a positive way.”
Also: tonight is a big Hollywood screening of Machete, and you just know that Lindsay is just dying to get all coked up and walk the red carpet, triumphant, right? Holley says that “The screening is tonight and when I spoke with her last it was her intention not to do that. She’s moving forward in a positive way and not necessarily going to something splashy. She has changed, she’s healthy, she’s clear-headed, she’s positive and she’s looking forward. She has accepted responsibility. She went directly into treatment, did everything that was asked of her there.” So it sounds like Holley is trying to tell Lindsay to keep her cracked out ass at home so she won’t be tempted to spend the next three days in a post-screening psychedelic haze of blow, tequila and dong, only to go right back into jail and have to repeat the cycle indefinitely.
Holley also made a comment on the alleged “misdiagnosis” of ADHD. Holley said: “I have no idea if there was a misdiagnosis. They started fresh. There was a fresh evaluation, they made their own diagnosis and recognized that there was no need for her to be there any longer. We’re happy with the court’s ruling today. The past is dead.” Dead like… Lindsay’s sobriety?
Header: Lindsay on October 26, 2009. Credit: WENN.
Well, at least her new judge didn’t let her off the hook that easily.
Now we get Lindsay’s tales of horror in jail and how she’s now a better person in every tabloid known to man.
Wonder what “unfair treatment” she had to endure. Barf.
Staying away from her enabler mother who is in complete denial would be a wonderful first step in the right direction.
Wow, those terms she has to oblige and comply with, must be worse for her than serving the remainder of her days in rehab.
Interesting requirements for someone who is NOT an addict, no?
I’m so glad to see all these provisions. She needs this kind of structure because she never had it at home. I agree that she may screw up initially, but with this kind of monitoring I think it will be harder to really damage herself. And following through on a return to jail would be the best thing for her if she does screw up. I’m lovin’ this judge, who seems to be showing the right response in light of the early hospital dismissal. I wish she could put a gag order on Lindsay’s lawyer, however. I think denials in the press aren’t helping LL.
@bellaluna, my thoughts exactly – she doesn’t need rehab because she’s not an addict, but she has to spend that much time in AA and getting tested? Hmmm.
Good for the new judge but I thought the “experts” at UCLA concluded she was drug free, alcohol free, ADD free, and mental problems free. Either UCLA isn’t what it used to be or the judge smells a rat. Probably both.
bbbbbbbbut i thought she wasn’t a drug addict alcoholic?
My thoughts too – the courts would not impose such strict guidelines on a non-addict. I’d bet her camp (mother) put out all that “misdiagnosed” victim crap.
If she makes it through this probation period or whatever it is without a violation, I’ll be stunned.
I see bellaluna and TQB have beaten me to it.
if she’s not an addict, why all the restrictions?
where’s “Innocent” to ‘splain all this to us?!
If she violates those conditions, her effigy will be placed in a drawer for an hour for punishment, I presume.
I agree with Bella keep her dumb ass mom away from her…..am sorry but she is not a good mom, if a mother knows that her child has drug and alcohol problem way not keep it away from here not around her dumb ass. Both parents are some sorry asses.
There is no way in hell she’ll show up for all those weekly programs and therapy sessions. She couldn’t even go once a week with her other program. She’d be better off just staying in rehab and having them walk her to every meeting since she can’t do anything for herself. This should be an interesting couple of months!
those lips…
Seriously the only headline I want to read about Lohan is her driving, falling, running, jumping or whatever off a cliff, with noone else hurt, unless her wacky parents were with her.
@Eileen, you know – that made me think. What if the UCLA folks actually thought this out – that keeping her in rehab would not be as challenging or instructive as actually putting her back out into LA and making her learn how to cope? Maybe it isn’t that she was doing so well that she was released, but that they just didn’t feel like they could really get to the heart of the issue there?
(BTW “heart of issue” = DINA)
In addition to all that rehabbing, behavioral therapy 2x per week: priceless! Always thought her acting chops were an overestimation, and all she has been known to provide — at inestimable value — is shock and horror at her antics. Whatever will she be worth?!
I look forward to Crackhan posts just because I can’t wait to see what hilariously bad pictures of her Kaiser puts up. They never get old.
The reason the guidelines are so strict is because Judge Revel placed Lindsay on formal probation until August 2011 with random drug/alcohol testing.
As she got out of inpatient rehab early the Judge is saying until November 1st when she would have originally have got out the Judge is saying you are sticking to these conditions and staying sober.
If she is sober and doesn’t violate until November 1st she will no longer be on formal probation and if she relapses she won’t be punished.
This new Judge is giving her a HUGE chance to prove herself and hopefully she takes it.
Can I just say something? I really loved my line, “So it sounds like Holley is trying to tell Lindsay to keep her cracked out ass at home so she won’t be tempted to spend the next three days in a post-screening psychedelic haze of blow, tequila and dong, only to go right back into jail and have to repeat the cycle indefinitely.”
I get depressed when no one laughs at my funny crackhead jokes!
N.B. Kaiser, it was funny! Why do you think some of us come back… simply to read and post speculations about celebrities?
@Kaiser, oh, trust me, there was much laughter.
@Kaiser
TMZ has the first pic of her post jail/rehab
That is basically what Shawn is saying stay sober and really focus on your recovery until November. Then you will be free and if you slip up there won’t be any legal consequences.
“Any missed tests or violations will result in 30 days in jail”
Those 30 days would end up being less than a week, anyway.
I hope that all of this is true and Lindsay looks forward by accepting responsability, I’m not a negative person but I’m not sure if that’s what’s going to happen.
(not sure = 10% sure)
LOL…..time will tell.
am i bad for wanting hohan to fuck this up?
IMHO those 30 days would end up being less than an hour.
hmmm, funny after all that propaganda that came out last week declaring “her child,” er, I mean the drug-addled train wreck that is Lindsay was not an addict and was a victim of a misdiagnosis, she got hit with some strict probation terms. I’m not a hater by any means, but I am a realist. Lindsay: Good luck following the rules and living in what the rest of us call “the real world.” The only victim here is Radaronline for printing bs propaganda from white Oprah. That b*tch probably got paid for it too.
Kaiser, do you mean real dong, or the Doc Johnson kind? Because if you mean the real thing, in order to be accurate, that sentence should read “dong and punani.”
Just my 2 cents on UCLA’s NPI program – my wife was in NPI for various problems and the staff there was great in diagnosing what her (and other patients) problems were and getting her “back on track.” NPI is NOT a ‘rehab center’ and they don’t mess around. They want you in, correctly diagnosed, treated and back out into the ‘real world.’
After several years of outpatient therapy, a few CORRECT meds, changing her lifestyle and a lot of support, she’s living a good life and content. You can’t ask for more than that. 🙂
Bottom line is ANY “fuckup” can change – but ONLY if they want to. If Lindsay doesn’t do the work, then she’s just another fuckup. The crack pipe’s in her court now…
Kaiser, I got stuck on your “biggest margarita known to man” comment. Mmmmmm margaritaaaa. It’s been a long day – sigh.
Let me repost this down here so we don’t have to scroll as far. .. yeah. This so isn’t going to happen.
• Remain in California with L.A. her primary residence
• Undergo psychiatric treatment a minimum of four times a week
• Attend chemical dependency meetings (like A.A. or N.A.) at least five times a week as part of 12-step program
• Contact her chemical dependency counselor at least seven times a week
• Attend behavioral therapy twice a week
• Submit to random drug and alcohol testing two times per week
• Chapman must provide biweekly compliance reports to court
Thanks for the positive feedback. I hate to admit it, but I LOVE writing crackhead posts. They inspire me.
Kaiser, I TOTALLY laughed at the word “dong”.
and kelly, I can’t believe you made a Doc Johnson reference…! at the risk of sounding cliche, you GO girl!
Doc is a gal’s best friend 😉
Oh, and re: the “world’s largest margarita” – somehow I can’t imagine Lindsay hanging out at TGI Friday. Seriously, though – those things are HUGE! You could bathe an alcoholic (or milkoholic) baby in one.
This is the time of the afternoon when I get punchy. Usually I roam the halls and crack wise, leaving ridiculousness in my wake.
Alrighty lets see if she can do it. I’d like to give her the benefit of the doubt. You could probably blame her parents for most of it up until now. But now she has to do this on her own.
She has a chance her to come out with a bang, earn her way back into hollywood. If she can do it, she garner respect like Robert Downey. If not, she’ll be just another punch line and they’ll be no coming back. I know what most people are going to say. But I’d still like to see her succeed.
I like it, is there anyone in the world that is not onto her antics yet?
I believe I read that her attorney, Shawn Chapman Holley, is representing Montana Fishburne also. Busy lady. Montana’s Dad, Lawrence, is paying the bill.
Wonder if Holley is getting paid by the Lohans?
Kaiser, your posts are always good.
Interesting requirements for someone who is NOT an addict, no?
==========
No one was suppose to notice that
@Rita: I believe they did diagnose her with a personality disorder.
Certainly giving someone the tools they need to deal with life in ways other than using drugs or alcohol can be useful, but only if they do something about her personality disorder as well. Sounds like they are covering all the bases. Keeping her busy and structured is the best thing for her right now.
Seriously the only headline I want to read about Lohan is her driving, falling, running, jumping or whatever off a cliff, with noone else hurt, unless her wacky parents were with her
———-
Are you kidding, her parents would not go, they would milk that until the end of times,, come now
Since when are OFFICIAL STATEMENTS synonymous with TRUTH? This shouldn’t even be a topic of debate, it should just be obvious. The public has been coddled so much we have forgotten the fact that we are coddled at all.
Of course she is an addict.
Can I just say something? I really loved my line, “So it sounds like Holley is trying to tell Lindsay to keep her cracked out ass at home so she won’t be tempted to spend the next three days in a post-screening psychedelic haze of blow, tequila and dong, only to go right back into jail and have to repeat the cycle indefinitely.”
==============
I laughed I cried, I rolled on the floor, Thank you.
@flourpot
I definetly think this is going to happen.
All she has to do is follow these rules until November and then she will have her freedom back and no longer be on formal probation. Remember she hasn’t been in NY since May and even missed her younger brother’s birthday.
If she does violate then she could be stuck on the formal probation until as long as August 2011.
So does this mean Adderall is off the menu? Yeah, right.
Maybe all celebs should get their diagnoses at UCLA if they realized she didn’t need adderhol they must be honest at this facility. I bet they don’t give out all those pain medications for “back injuries” either.
When I saw the terms of her probation I thought, “good, that’ll keep her busy”, but then somebody else pointed out that if she violates these terms and ends up “in jail for 30 days”, she’ll end up doing maybe 3 days, and be out again. And, after “serving her time”, I’m not sure, but wouldn’t she just be free of serving the terms of probation any longer? I think she feels she’s above jumping thru all of these hoops for anybody, and might just decide to risk get violated and do her “3 days” and get it over with, so she’s free to do what she wants instead. Why not? Seems like she gets her way every time anyway. I mean, look at this article. It’s says ” . . . she’s healthy, she’s clear-headed, . . . She has accepted responsibility. She went directly into treatment, did everything that was asked of her there.” Somebody asked her Mother the other day what she was doing in rehab to stay busy, her Mom said “she was sketching”. Is that what the UCLA doctor team asked of her while she was in treatment for drug and alcohol dependency? I notice her attorney isn’t screaming “misdiagnosis” any longer, but she says she started fresh at UCLA, with their own diagnosis and regognized there was no need for her to be in rehab any long? With a track record like hers? Who would need rehab if she doesn’t? I just can’t understand how she’s still playing the system, doing it her way, including getting the UCLA doctors to cosign her BS.
“The past is dead.” Dead like… Lindsay’s sobriety?
nice one, kaiser. what else?
-dead like the people lindsay will mow down while driving drunk?
-dead like her career?
-dead like dina’s gravy train?
@Kaiser- You are the reason we all come back here for your great posts! I told my daughter earlier, I have to go see what Kasier posted about the crackhead because I needed a good laugh. You are the best!
She should have gone straight back to jail, since it turned out she’s not(?) an addict, she’s a sociopath.
how soon will it take for Lindsay to realize that she would have been better off completing her jail/inpatient stay? that way she would have been scott free. this way, it’s a complete set up. no way she can do this.
also, most starlets use Adderral for weight loss. what happens if she tests positive for this now that they tell her she does not have ADHD?
@lachica
I don’t get what you mean this Judge is giving her a chance to show that she is serious about her recovery.
She is allowed some freedom and if she doesn’t violate will be placed back on unsupervised probation.
Her previous terms were 90 days of inpatient rehab and formal probation until August 2011.
If she tests positive for Adderall then it is a violation. That is probably why the drug testing is being continued as she is no longer on probation for the 2 DWI (cocaine) charges.
Recovery from WHAT, Innocent? Is she a drug addict or not?!
And her original term was 90 days JAIL. Because she’s a criminal.
Well this is interesting. I hope she does all that the court has stated she has to do and manages to turn her life around. Time will tell if she has really changed or if she is still an entitled asshole. I hope she has really changed. Her shenanigans were getting damn old and deadly.
@TQB: Hmmmmm you might be right! Maybe they are setting her up to fail??
No way is she going to be able to stick to all of these. I gotta find a betting site and place money on her failing. Milkaholic staying sober for over two months? Never going to happen. She’ll just have her licence stolen and be unable to attend classes, you’ll see.
Contact her chemical dependency counselor at least seven times a week
if this means ‘at least once a day’, well, that’s that right there. lindsay has no idea there’s an interval of time between saturday night and tuesday morning.
ITA. An interesting set of requirements for her to follow. It’s a lot of trust to place on a person with such a load to deal with (i.e., EVERY DAY check in, etc.). I get that UCLA isn’t a rehab as someone commented, so the the new diagnoses and release makes sense I guess, but I don’t get “and if she relapses she won’t be punished.”
It also seems like she’s get a bit of a pass for that driving/possible cocaine possession thing?
Great website! And I did enjoy your margarita joke but the Lindsay-crackhead jokes are now just mean-spirited and no longer amusing especially since there is no evidence that she has smoked or is addicted to crack. Regular cocaine and meth seem to be her drugs of choice.
I love you, Kaiser <3
My sister (not a reliable source) just told me that LL is being courted by Dancing with the Stars to be on their upcoming season.
@Kaiser
I think you are consistently hilarious and smart as hell with a refreshing dose of sensitivity thrown in.
I get that this is an entertainment gossip site and I can appreciate a good crack joke but I notice that some of the LL stuff falls flat for me….
I think it’s cuz
She’s so young,
Still in the heart of her battle,
It’s all so public,
(my issue of mortification, probably not hers)
Her family is such a bunch of douche’s
that to untangle that mess and get healthy in the midst of their influence seems like an epic battle…and It’s yet to be seen whether she has the inner strength or desire to do the work she needs to do to get well.
It all comes together sometimes and blocks my ability to laugh..sorry Kaiser. 🙁
I thought it was suspicious that she was released so early and I’m happy to see these very strict terms. It sounds like she’s going to have to go through a court-ordered complete overhaul of herself. That’s honestly what she needs and I hope she takes it seriously.
I hope this works!
If she screws up once does the probation mean that she has to do this all for a year? That’d be awesome for her! She’d never do it, but it would take every second of that to really fix this train wreck.
Now for that giant margarita…
Wow! Shocking, another celeb gets cut lose early….I never expected that-(sarcasm)!!
@lynda pringle, put your big girl panties on stop bitchen this is d-listed not time magazine… LL makes it EASY to be a target
I don’t know what will be worse.. opening this (and any gossip site) just waiting for the train wreck stories of Lindsey’s antics or reading the avalanche of stories and having to read about Dina “See I am a good Mom!” stories :/
“All she has to do is follow these rules until November”
yeah, good luck with that.
Did Hohan fuck up yet?
As already noted- UCLA is not spa/rehab-there business is diagnose and recommend. I don’t think any of the bullcrap we’ve been hearing from “sources” about misdiagnosis, not an addict etc are anything but Lohan based.
@Praise St. Angie
It will be hard but i definetly think she is going to do it .
The alternative is jail, more probation,
maybe a SCRAM and possibly more jail.
As i’ve said it isn’t about the “30 days” of jail were she wouldn’t spend more than a week or 2 max its about getting off the formal probation 10 months early.
Basically after November if she does relapse or start partying again if she can’t handle being sober then she won’t be facing any legal consequences.
Oh Eden, that was so well said. Thank you. No offense to Kaiser, but I feel the same way about the cracky posts.
C’mon you know that for 2 months she will be sober and bleating on about how she has really seen the light BUT as soon as her probabtion is over, back to the drugging and drinking
I really don’t see her recovering long term as sad as that may be
So, her driving around at 1:00 am last night picking up friends is a good sign right??
@Crash2GO2
Thank you.
And a belated thanks for your comment on the JA post about her career.
It’s nice when someone who’s posts I respect say they like my post. 🙂
Contrast this with (ahem) the current status of
A. Charlie Sheen
B. Kiefer Sutherland
C. Mel Gibson
WTF?
so she has tested positive twice. when is she going back to jail?