One of the things I find eternally confusing about Hulk Hogan is how he manages to be holier-than-thou. That’s a pretty tough attitude to pull off, especially for someone who has sported a bleached-blond mustache for the last thirty years. Hulk went on Larry King to talk about his suck-ass family – specifically his worthless son Nick, whose drunken drag racing accident left passenger John Graziano a vegetable for life. Nick is currently serving an 8 month sentence in the Pinellas County Jail – and he’s done nothing but bitch and wine about it the whole time.

For whatever reason, Hulk thought it’d be a good idea to go on Larry King. I’m guessing the delusional dad thought he’d go on to clear the air and show everybody just how wrong they are. Unfortunately for Hulk, all he did was remind us of what an asshole he is. Now we know where Nick gets it.

Hulk Hogan almost broke down last night on “Larry King,” but his outrageous behavior over his derelict son’s criminal behavior was in full blossom.

For starters, Hulk said he felt Nick’s accident, which put friend John Graziano in a vegetative state, was God’s plan to make John a better person.

As for Larry…..no questions about Hulk going to Hooters after the sentencing, no questions about rubbing his daughter’s ass, no questions about Linda saying she was the real victim. Oh well.

[From TMZ]

Hulk also accused the media of being unfair to the family, saying he called it “Tabloid terrorism.” He looks pretty proud of himself for his alliteration, too. He claims that the public knows his “focus is on John,” and that the media has been unfairly harsh on Nick. Because anyone who doesn’t mollycoddle his kids like he does is obviously irrational.

The most annoying part of the holier-than-thou shit is that Hulk claims that he believes in God and God is clearly trying to teach Nick a lesson and make John Graziano a better person. The Hogans have often alluded to John being some sort of terrible person who was deserving of divine retribution. I’m pretty sure that every time they do that, a new level of Hell is created just for them.

Nothing has come out in the press indicating that John Graziano was anything other than a nice, normal guy – an Iraq war vet. John’s father pointed out that Nick Hogan managed to do to John what Iraq couldn’t – nearly killing him. Hopefully the Grazianos will be able to sue the Hogan’s for every penny they’ve got. I really wish there were a way to throw Hulk and Linda Hogan in jail for being such crap-ass parents and saying such horrible things since the crash. But since there isn’t, hopefully scrimping to make ends meet for the rest of their lives will teach them a little humility.

Speaking of which – Linda is trying to put Hulk in jail too.

Linda Hogan wants Hulk to spend time with Nick — behind bars. Linda is asking a judge to cite the Hulkster with contempt of court, because he allegedly didn’t ante up money for a $4.2 million Vegas condo, as required by the judge. Yes, the judge ordered Hulk to pay for a party pad. We love the law.

The condo was in escrow when the divorce was filed and the court order required both Hulk and Linda to close the deal and then put the asset in the community pot. Linda has put her share in but Hulk hasn’t.

And here’s the kicker. In the legal papers, Linda is asking the judge to throw Hulk’s ass in the Pinellas County Jail, where Hulk and Nick can sure scheme to hatch the post-pokey real-ality show. Dis and gusting.

[From TMZ]

Here’s a clip of Hulk on Larry King last night. Let the outrage begin.