Tom Ford has a new women’s line coming out, and he’s given several major interviews to the December and January issues of various fashion magazines. Photos of his new collection here – they look hella good. I loved his profile in December’s Vogue – he sounded really good. Smug, but good. He has a lot to be smug about, you know? He backs his junk up. Anyway, Tom gave an interview to Harper’s Bazaar, for their January issue – the complete article is here. It is insane how funny, raunchy and fabulous Tom Ford is. We need more Tom Ford in the world. Here are the highlights:

Rumors about Tom Ford and women: Asking Gwyneth Paltrow to bear his children on their first date, which he said was probably true, and feeling up Natalia Vodianova at fittings, which she said is definitely true, though, would top the list. Artist Rachel Feinstein might have the most salacious story of all: “He once put my breast in his mouth. That’s the most provocative thing. I remember that,” she says, laughing. “I hope he remembers that too.”

Ford reintroduced women’s sexuality to fashion: Ford’s familiarity with the female anatomy has been well documented, and not only the nether regions. (He was probably the first designer to monogram a woman’s pubic area and then use it as a fashion campaign.) During his now legendary tenure at Gucci, Ford was credited with reintroducing a woman’s sexuality to the fashion industry.

Tom Ford on Beyonce: Somehow, he even got Beyoncé Knowles to shimmy down the runway in a body-clinging, sparkle-laden gown. “Beyoncé in real life is actually quite quiet and very sweet,” Ford says, basking in the pitch-perfect lighting of his new swanky, expanded offices in London’s Victoria neighborhood. “But she can really turn it on.”

Following the Oscars, he thrust himself into designing the collection, using a mental list of about 30 women he would love to dress: “Women I find inspirational and who are archetypes,” Ford says. “My collection each season should have something that a woman in her 60s, who is still stylish and lived through the Charlie era, could wear, so Lauren Hutton gets that look. There’s something someone of Rachel Feinstein’s size should wear and something for someone who is extravagant and shops at a bunch of vintage stores, like Lisa Eisner, should wear.”

On “sexy”: “Do you want to know what I think is sexy or what the current state of sexy is?” he asks. What’s easier for him to describe is what he thinks is unsexy, yet prevalent, today: “Women have turned themselves into these bubble-butted, grapefruit-titted, bloated-mouthed cyberbitches. I’m just not into that.” Ford’s ideal is a softer beauty, a calmer sexy. “I think the 1970s will always be the decade for me. Obviously, I grew up in that era, but the beauty standard was touchable, kissable.”

On his new line, shot in Bazaar by Terry Richardson: To celebrate his return to fashion, Ford spent last fall collaborating on a series of fashion shoots, one with (the extremely heterosexual) photographer Terry Richardson, who just happens to share Ford’s affection for the sorts of ’70s wrap dresses that breasts may easily fall out of. “I did a shoot with Terry, and we were shooting a girl and a guy kissing in the sunset with a windmill in the background. Terry and I decided to do a kissing shot, so we kissed and kissed and kissed. And Terry is such a soft, sweet kisser. That’s what I think is sexy now.” Really? Soft kissing with Terry Richardson? “Soft kissing with anyone. There’s an anger to everything in our culture right now. And I’m sort of ready for a kind of sweetness and a softness to things.”

Tom Ford on porn: Lest we think Ford is losing his provocateur touch, however, he does offer, “I watch straight porn all the time. If I go on my computer, there’s a button that can connect me to all the sites I look at most often, and they’re all porn—and 1stdibs.com. Porn and antiques!”

Tom Ford is sober (and happy) now: “There was a mega cocktail culture through my whole career,” reminisces Ford, who used to roll out cocktail carts for his design staff at 5:00 P.M. and could put away four vodka tonics before his own fashion shows. “But I realized I wasn’t drinking to relax; I was drinking to escape. That’s why I saw a therapist, to see exactly what I was trying to escape from.” Their conclusion: “I was trying to escape from boring goddamned industry dinner parties, which I don’t go to anymore.” He’s back in the business, but he’s steering clear of the party circuit. He’s lost 12 pounds and can eat anything he wants. He says he couldn’t gain weight if he tried. “All that puffiness that you have from alcohol just went away, and my cheekbones popped back out, I guess,” he says with a smile. When I protest that he looks better than any sober 49-year-old I’ve ever met, he smiles again. “I really mean this: I’ve never been happier in my life. If anything, I have too many good things happening right now, and that’s wearing me out! And you look better when you’re happy.”

[From Harper’s Bazaar]

PORN AND ANTIQUES. Sweet Jesus. I would live forever with Tom Ford. Sure, we would fight, and yes, he would yell at me all the time, but he would also dress me and fuss over me and we would watch porn together and go antiquing. Then, on our way to some deserted antique shop, he would pull over and nuzzle my breasts and I would know all was right with the world.

Here’s the photo of Tom making out with Terry Richardson:

Photos courtesy of WENN. Terry & Tom pic courtesy of Terry’s Twitter, via Stylite.