The National Enquirer: Lisa Marie’s secret shame
This week’s National Enquirer has Lisa Marie Presley on the cover about her “secret shame.” The article is about Lisa Marie’s half-brother, who reportedly has a drug problem, and is the son of recent Dancing with the Stars contestant Priscilla Presley. Navarone Garibaldi lives in a filthy rented house in the woods on Boulder Creek, California, where he grows pot and is said to smoke a lot of it along with smoking heroin. The Enquirer has photos of his house featuring drying marijuana hanging in the closet, a growing room in the basement, and dirty dishes in the sink. This is Lisa Marie’s third Enquirer cover since March. The previous two concerned her weight gain/pregnancy.

Ellen and Portia: An expensive dress for a small wedding
The upcoming wedding of Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi gets coverage in both National Enquirer and In Touch. The Enquirer reports that Portia has probably found her bridal gown, a “cream-colored beaded” Monique Lhuillier worth more than $15,000. Ellen is said to have watched Portia try on several dresses and the two agreed on the Lhuillier design, but decided to take a few days to make their decision. In Touch says the couple have scaled back their elaborate wedding plans to a small, romantic ceremony. “Only immediate family” will be invited, according to In Touch, and Ellen and Portia rethought their plans when their guest list reached over 200.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s twins get all sorts of coverage. In Touch has the photos Brad has threatened to sue over, taken with a telephoto lens at the family’s rented home in France. The cover of the rag exclaims it has FIRST PHOTOS (caps are theirs), but there are no actual pictures of the new twins in this issue. This is Brangie’s 8th cover for In Touch since March 31.

Is Angelina happy or stressed after the birth of the twins?
More coverage is given to Angelina’s mental state following the birth. In Touch and Star say Angie is happy. In Touch reports, “Angie’s happier than she has been in months. Now that she’s back home, she’s on top of the world.” Star says the family situation is “joyful bedlam.” However, National Enquirer says Angie is exhausted as all of her kids battle for her affections. They claim she yelled “You are all driving me nuts” and that she’s “overwhelmed” trying to care for the twins and give attention to her four other children, who missed her while she was at the hospital. Angelina is said to be at the center of a “kiddie whirlwind.” You would suspect she’s exhausted and happy, it just depends on which stance the tabloids want to take.

Note by Celebitchy: Please welcome Sammie, our new guest writer. Sammie reads a lot of magazines and tabloids every week and will be sharing some of the lesser-reported stories with us.