Late Thursday night, the world got the long-awaited confirmation that Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel had broken up. It was very sad. Okay, not really, because most of us had been expecting it for a long time, given JT’s blatant philandering and Jessica’s incessant clinging. Commenter Gloaming even put up this Daily Mail link with one of the first behind-the-scenes explanations for why JT and Biel split – it was because Biel threw JT a huge birthday party and gushed about how she stalked him, and JT was embarrassed and basically ignored her. Here’s part of that report:

Further cracks had started to show in the relationship earlier that month when Jessica threw the party for Justin at his home at the beginning of the year.

A source told MailOnline: ‘Jessica was overcome with emotion when she stood up to toast her boyfriend on reaching the milestone. She quickly welled-up as she reminisced about the first time she met Justin and joked about how she virtually stalked him into going on a date with her.’

The pair had exchanged numbers on a night out in 2007, but when Justin failed to call Jessica a few days later, she took matters into her own hands and began driving towards his house. She said that before she knew it, she was outside his house and he still hadn’t called her. She joked about how she felt like a stalker, but that thankfully he did eventually call and the rest was history.

During the birthday speech, the actress gushed about how utterly head over heels in love she was with the singer-turned-actor and went on at length about how much he meant to her. But after Jessica had finished her speech, Justin appeared dismiss her emotional speech by standing up and yelling: ‘Yeah b*tches!’

‘It was really awkward,’ the source told MailOnline. ‘Justin’s reaction was almost disrespectful. He just laughed it off.’

[From The Daily Mail]

That story makes me feel sorry for both of them, honestly. I know I’m supposed to come away from it thinking that JT is a major douche, and while I do think that, I also feel badly that he was, in fact, dating his stalker for nearly four years and that it took him so long to ditch her clingy ass. If the genders were reversed in this story, we would have no problem saying that Biel’s actions made her seem gross and predatory.

In the wake of Biel and JT’s breakup, there have also been additional reports that it was all because of little Mila Kunis. Mila and Justin worked together last year, and rumors were going around that Justin was really trying to make it happen with Mila, but that she wasn’t really interested. Then, Mila announced her split with Macaulay Culkin, and she and Justin were spotted together a lot during the awards season. And now a source tells E! News, “Justin is very interested in Mila. They’ve been flirting, but so far nothing has happened.” I believe that. I believe that Mila is Justin’s first choice for a new girlfriend. And I believe that JT’s first choice is making Olivia Munn hyperventilate a little bit – she’s been trying to nail this JT thing down for MONTHS.

Anyway, Biel and her publicist went to People Magazine to try to do some damage control with the post-split analysis so that Biel doesn’t come across looking so pathetic. A “source” tells People that the breakup “really was mutual. There really wasn’t a final straw. They’re just two people who realized they wanted different things in life and were headed in different directions. It was just easier to end it now rather than later. It’s never easy when a relationship ends, but she knows this needed to happen and she’s moving on with her life.” The source (who is sounding more like Biel by the minute) also said that regarding the “rumors” of Timberlake’s infidelity, “There was never any proof. When you’re in a relationship, you have to choose to believe the person or get out.” Oh, and People Magazine even got another source, who is totally not Biel, to say that Biel “looked the other way” when it came to Justin’s cheating. BURN.

Photos courtesy of WENN & Fame.