OMG. *dies*

*slowly picks self off of floor, only to look at Fassy once again and whimper plaintively*

So, My Beloved Michael Fassbender covers the February issue of GQ UK, likely to promote the UK release of Shame, as well as… Haywire, I suppose. It comes out this month in America, no idea when it comes out in the UK. Look, I’m already primed to whimper whenever I see a photo of Fassy. It’s Pavlovian. I see Fassy-ginge, no matter how rough, and I’m already crossing my legs and cooing. But the early excerpts from Fassy’s GQ interview are… MAGICAL. He uses words like “buffet” and “beast” and “control” and “seduced”. I swear, if he used the word “thrust” I would be buying a one-way ticket to Fassyland right now, and I wouldn’t even care if I was arrested, pantsless and screaming, when I arrived. Here are some highlights. Just go ahead and take off your panties. I won’t tell anyone.

Fassy on sleeping around, and being “used” for his celebrity lifestyle: “Sleeping around? I don’t think it’s a cliché. You’re traveling around a lot and perhaps lonely and you want some kind of connection again. You’re in a position where people treat you differently. Maybe a lot of people are in denial and think that it’s down to their looks and their charm that a lot of women proposition them, but the fact of that matter is they are living with what appears to be an attractive lifestyle. Your opportunities are multiplied again, so there’s more of a buffet of choice.” [Editor’s Note: OMG!!!!!!!]

He’s not immune to beautiful (easy) women: “I think you just have to keep an eye on things. I’m not immune to anything, but I’m aware of my weaknesses and THE BEAST WITHIN [Editor’s note: emphasis mine]. Like anything, if you feed it enough times, it starts to take control. That thing of being seduced, and you’ve just got to be careful. But that’s no guarantee that I’m not going to go crazy and destroy the sweetshop.”

Losing all that weight for Hunger killed his sex drive: Michael famously lost weight for his role in the 2008 movie Hunger. At the time, the actor revealed that the drastic diet killed his sex drive. Now he says embarking on the weight loss regime also made his life a lot easier at times. “You realise how much of a distraction it is. Especially on a hot summer’s day. Girls are wearing less,” he added. “I mean, yes, I have a wandering eye. But when I focused [on losing weight], it released me from that.”

[Via Film News]

I can’t. Even. Start.

“I’m aware of my weaknesses and THE BEAST WITHIN.” OMG. It’s like he’s the Mr. Hyde of boning. Srsly.

And then with the “buffet of choice” stuff – we get it Fassy, YOU LOVE GOING DOWNTOWN. Jesus.

And then, this beautiful statement: “That thing of being seduced, and you’ve just got to be careful. But that’s no guarantee that I’m not going to go crazy and destroy the sweetshop.” Oh. MY. F–king God. This man could WRECK my sweetshop. I need no guarantees that he won’t. I just need the Fassy BEAST, treating me like a buffet, and going balls-out cray-cray on mah sweetshop.

Photos courtesy of GQ UK, and GQ US. Additional pics by WENN.