“OMG, I’m so DRUNK. Am I seriously wearing a trash bag?”

In Touch Weekly has a hilarious story about Angelina Jolie this week. ITW usually has stories about Jolie, as she is their favorite villainess. Nothing she does is ever good enough, and there is no Jolie story too innocuous to be twisted into a tale of conniving ruthlessness and petty, drunken jealousy. It seems that when Brad Pitt and Angelina made their appearances at the SAG Awards, Angelina was already seething with desperation and neediness, so she decided to upstage and humiliate poor Brad. The easiest way would have been to simply devour his soul in front of the crowd. But Angelina chose to get absolutely plastered with Tilda Swinton. VICTORY!!! Don’t believe In Touch Weekly? Check out this photo of Angelina “hiding” a bottle of vodka under her table. She took a swig whenever she thought about how much she hated Brad, obviously.

Slumped over in her chair, eyes half-closed, Angelina Jolie hardly looked like the poised, glamorous actress her fans know and love at the SAG Awards on January 29.

“She was downing glass after glass of red wine,” a family friend tells In Touch. “Brad even caught her sneaking sips from a bottle of Grey Goose vodka under the dinner table!”

Seeming more like a wild sorority sister than a mother of six, she could barely stand by the evening’s end.

“Angelina had to be held up as she stumbled out of the theater,” the friend continues. “Brad was absolutely mortified!”

“Brad really wanted to make a good impression,” the friend says. But Angelina’s boozy behavior made them both look like fools. Sadly, Brad wasn’t surprised that Angelina destroyed his special time to shine. Whenever they return to LA, Brad is the “golden boy” and Angelina gets uncomfortable and needy.

“Brad knows that Angelina hates when he hangs out with his pals at Hollywood parties,” an insider says. “She wants Brad’s attention focused only on her, and she’ll do anything to get it.” And her sneaky scheme – getting so drunk that Brad had to babysit her – certainly seemed to work.

“She should have been supporting Brad that night,” the friend snipes. “Instead, he wound up supporting her!”

[From In Touch Weekly, print edition]

Brad should be used to this by now – he spent seven years with Aniston’s boozehound ass too. I’ve never really considered Angelina much of a drunk – maybe because all her critics yell about is the heroin? It rarely occurs to me that Angelina might have an issue with alcohol too. Still, I doubt it. Isn’t it far more likely that Angelina was just enjoying Tilda Swinton’s company and getting her drink on socially? And even if she did get her buzz on, I still don’t see the big deal. It’s not like she slurred her way through presenting an award.

Photos courtesy of WENN and Fame/Flynet.