Gwyneth Paltrow has the funniest woe-is-Goop interview in USA Today – you can read the full thing here. After exhausting all of us with tales of her perfect life and after years of doling out helpful Goop advice (“buy $458,003 worth of clothes for Spring!”), after talking about her hairy Goop and after managing to get named “The Most Beautiful Woman” by People Mag, Gwyneth wants all of us to know that she’s just like us. She has flaws! She isn’t perfect! And she doesn’t know why everyone is putting such unreasonable “perfect” labels on her. Some of my favorite quotes:
She’s a lightning rod: “I’m a real lightning rod. People project a lot of stuff onto me. It’s nothing to do with me. I don’t read stuff about myself. I feel like it’s none of my business. People perceive that I have too much. I understand that, but I also feel like I’ve suffered so much. It’s not something I talk about. I don’t have a perfect life. I don’t have a perfect anything. I have incredible struggles, and I’m far from perfect. I struggle like every other woman, every other mother. I understand that things look a certain way.”
She didn’t realize that Goop would take off: “I never know where I’m going. I never know what I’m doing. I’m on this weird journey.”
She works so hard! “Right now I’m just so (expletive) tired. After my Iron Man and cookbook press tour and this, I’m done. I think I’ve answered every conceivable question. Your brain freezes.”
Her Met Gala look: “Are you crazy? I’m like RuPaul! I have so much makeup on. Foundation! Last night, I was literally a transvestite.”
Her city-guide Goop Apps: “I really pound the pavement. But I love it. It’s so much fun. It’s about curation and connection. I did the app for myself because it’s so helpful and it’s so practical. The website I do for other people,” Paltrow says, adding that she loves “the idea that you could share something that could positively impact someone’s life.”
She works so much: “I wake up with the kids. Breakfast. School run. I have an hour to work. I work out, and then I do Goop until it’s time to pick up the kids. It’s kind of my real main job. I can only do one movie a year. It’s too hard on the family. It’s great to have a few jobs! I work hard to keep it good.”
Being named “Most Beautiful”: Her husband, she says, “was really proud. It was very sweet. I got so many e-mails about that. I loved it, because I feel like I’m a mother and I’m a woman. I was very, very honored. It’s a huge title, even though it’s not true. I always see what’s wrong with me. I’ve got crow’s feet, and one boob is sagging more than the other.”
“People perceive that I have too much. I understand that, but I also feel like I’ve suffered so much.” I don’t really understand her thought process here. She does have “too much”. She worked for it (of sorts) and if she was just living her elite life with her five homes and $500,00 worth of clothes for each season, I think we would just accept it and roll our eyes, which is what we do when we hear of conspicuous consumption from other celebrities. It’s like she doesn’t understand that by making “recommendations” and encouraging people to “live like Goop” that she’s engaging us to accept her as the ideal we should have – and that’s what many people have a problem with. As for her “suffering” comment… I don’t understand? In Goop’s mind, she deserves to have all of this wonderful because she’s “suffered”?
Oh, and I think she meant that she had so much makeup on, she looked like a “sort of like a drag queen” not “literally like a transvestite”. But now I’m just being nitpicky, right?
Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.
Does she know what literally means?
Did she LITERRALY go to college?
Or is she trying to tell us something?
Nope. She literally doesn’t.
Does she know what shut up means?
😉
All I ever think of when I hear people misuse that word is Big Bang Theory “Literally? Literally?!”. Makes me laugh. Isn’t it gauche to misuse that word?
+1
It’s a bit like Bradley Cooper’s “I could literally be [Jennifer Lawrence’s] Mum”.
Oh, so you mean to say that you and Mama J-Law got it on?
So Goop – is there anything else you’d like to add to that Scrambling for a Razor story if you were *literally* a transvestite?
eheheh +2
I hear Rob Lowe on Parks and Rec – It’s LIT-TER-ALL-LY….
Thank you! So she is actually adopting the clothing and behavior of a man. OK, good to know! 😉
Between her and Zoe I don’t know. I’m going back to the Chris Pine thread. At least he’s pretty and can use words.
Not only that she thinks she looks as good as RuPaul. Ru is beauty on the inside and out.
Can I get an amen??!
My first thought, as well. What an imbecile.
No kidding. She was figuratively a transvestite. She is literally a dumbass.
Bwahahaha!
hahahaha
please GOOP stop!!!!!!
DONT SPEAK!!!!!
Right???? I absolutely loathe the misuse and overuse of the word “literally”.
Has anyone seen Vanderpump Rules? That girl Stassi could have all of us under the table and drunk as skunks should we drink for every misuse of the word.
🙂
Stassi could also get us trashed with her overuse of side-eye or the word “me”.
Literally? She admits it!!!!
She wishes she was like RuPaul. She really can’t talk about anything besides herself, can she?
I know I said not today Goop; especially after Angie’s Story but neelyo you just touched on something.
You’re right in saying that she can’t talk about anything but herself. I’ve noticed that she talks a lot about how she’s the one providing for the kids such as making breafsat, taking them to school as well as picking them up. It’s like she’s living the life of a single parent.
I don’t often hear her including Chris in any of her daily routine with or without the kids. We’ve heard her say that marriage is hard work or how much in love they are but I never hear her talk about outings as a family. I don’t recall her saying Chris, the kids and I did this or went there. It’s always I don’t let my kids do this or that, but never we don’t let our kids. I could be just reading into this wrong but it sounds as if he’s not present in that relationship all.
Hard to tell whether it’s because he’s not present or whether it’s because she literally cannot think about anyone but herself.
Oh Goop; not today.
I know it’s just my own pet peeve, but do people not understand what the word “literally” means? They sound ignorant–even the great and powerful Goopy–when they misuse the word. And because it is her, it is many times more annoying to me.
Maybe she literally has a peen hiding in that bush.
I have no idea why I found that so funny, but I am LITERALLY laughing uncontrollably at that image!
Go away.
Well, she is LITERALLY the worst.
I can’t… There’s just so much about this interview… Ugh.
OMG She’s soooo obnoxious.
Literally.
With my mood today, this is the kind of interview I would like to go line by line and “comment” on every silly thing that has spilled out of her mouth. But I will spare you all because you probably don’t deserve it.
The “literally a transvestite” comment? I had to just settle for slapping my monitor.
Oh, please, Miss Eyre, please do edit her. Get out that red pen & go wild.
Is this perhaps a pertinent time to ask whether we would like to hear more Cumby-blathering & waffling about poshness, or more of Goop’s suffering?
Darling EsCon, I can get angry at Cumby, I can roll my eyes at Cumby, I can even stop speaking to him for an hour or so, but he does hold a special place in my heart.
This one – my throat is sore from growling.
At least Cumby maintains his beautiful grasp on the English language.
This is the kind of day I’d love to read that.
Dear Miss Eyre,
Yes, he (literally) does.
This is why I fell for him. Not only does he appear to know what “literally” means, I would bet that he knows if & when he has mis-used it, literally.
Could you possibly whip up a Batch of your special lavender tea for Goop—the one with the natural sedative? Everyone literally needs a break from her yammering, & nothing else seems to work.
We would kiss the ground beneath your slippers, literally.
We get it you worked and earned your money. That’s not why people don’t like you. People don’t like you because you act as if everyone lives with the same bank account and views that you have. Stop trying to push your agenda on ppl and act respectful and interested in the reality of others
-_- <<< That's all she's getting from me. I can't even begin to form a comment.
Imma stand right next to ya…
-_-
This is turning into a line-up… -_-
Please. Make it stop.
It will never stop.
As long as she is literally around.
Stop with the interviews Gwyneth. You are doing yourself no favors.
I hope she is trolling everyone and that this is performance art, a la Joaquin Phoenix (though that didn’t work out for him either).
She’s a idiot. I can’t come up with anything more pithy that that.
And how have you suffered gwen? Did Hermes not have the Birkin bag you wanted? Did you want fresh organic kale grown by babies, but could only find plain old organic kale?
She talked about suffering many times and by suffering she meant losing her dad to cancer and her cousin in the car crush and now it seems like she thinks she deserves to have too much because of that. Everyone loses someone they love at one point or another. I feel sorry for her as I would be sorry for anyone who lost someone close to them, but I lost people I loved as well. Following her logic – where are my millions Gwyneth? Where are the villas and 950$ shot glasses for people who lost everything in earthquakes and tsunamis? How can she think what comes out of her mouth is alright?
I *cannot* with people that say “LITERALLY” all the frakin’ time, I swear, as a person with a Humanities degree makes me froth at the mouth.
“According to the Oxford Dictionary of Current English, literally means “in a literal way or sense.” The dictionary goes on to define literal as “the most usual or basic sense of the word.””[1]
I’m sorry, my husband started doing this just to mess with me and I might smother him in his sleep while yelling, “YOU LITERALLY CAN’T BREATHE CAN YOU?!”
[1] Taylor, Luke. “Grammar Grater®.” Minnesota Public Radio News. MPR News, 11 Dec. 2009. Web. 14 May 2013.
My friend has a great t-shirt that says “Misuse of ‘literally’ makes me figuratively insane”, which I love.
That is a great t-shirt. Now I want one too. Wouldn’t it be something if goop’s site offered one for sale?
Gwyn is so ashamed Kim was allowed there and her best friend Beyonce didn’t top fashion triumph, and hooray for SJP, dressing as such a creepy fool.. besides that awful Madge creature pretending she’s so up on describing Chaos in Couture.. How awful pedestrian, again I am to be counted as the prettiest attendant there yet again..
I am at a loss….at this point I just think she is really truly delusional about what true suffering is…I would feel better about her as a person if I thought she was heavily involved with charities but I never hear her talk about it. I remember when 9/11 hit and she bolted out of NY instead of helping out like other celebs did…I just think she is the most shallow person. And that is kind of sad.
I think she’s trying to say bad things about herself so that others will start liking her.
Maybe that’s her new ploy to make herself more relatable but she failing woefully.
I agree, but it’s not working.
She is quite possibly one of the most insufferable celebrities to ever exist. I just want her to shut the f up & go the f away.
I guess she doesn’t know what “literal” means.
-_-
Goop is such a stupid name for a company
LITERALLY.
Smh
Look at me, I’m so posh yet so down to earth! Please allow me to make an offensive, transphobic statement and then add “like” to it, just to like..prove my point.
Thank you for pointing this out!!!!! I don’t think that it is the first time she’s done that either.
I have a theory. Gwyneth, when you call your brand GOOP, are you perchance referring to the contents of your cranial cavity?
I’m not a grammar nazi, but I hate when people don’t use that word correctly. And it makes her sound dim.
As far as “suffering” goes, perhaps if she would start focusing on helping those who Literally suffer, rather than shilling Goop she might realize that she’s had it pretty damn good.
I think since her Epic Promo Tours of 2013 started, this is the first piece on GOOP that made me go “B!tch, please!” She manages to complain about how difficult her life is, how exhausting it is to be a millionaire wife and a mother and have a job without ANY sense of perspective.
She suffers bc her marriage isnt perfect and she lost a parent and she works too effing hard??? Let’s get real: tragic as it is but most people will lose their parents in their lifetime (by the simple calculus of age), and most marriages require work, and her ‘work’-work consists of mostly talking about herself.
But that makes her SO BUSY that her kids suffer! No mention of the fact that she can afford a staff of dozens to take care of her, her house and her children while she’s working. Oh, and ‘pounding the pavement’ means being a tourist, something that millions of people do for fun. And if she decides to take a break from it, for a week or forever, she doesnt have to worry about losing a roof over her head, or not having future opportunities. Because she is GOOP.
Yet repeatedly invoking the imagery of a ‘struggle’ and ‘suffering’ so emphatically she is trying to SUDDENLY make herself an Everywoman? Or worse, a MARTYR of some sort?
Make no mistake – Gwynnie’s verbiage is not accidental. This woman curates her image better than Henri Loyrette curated the Louvre.
Single mothers who work 3 min-wage jobs to support their kids STRUGGLE. Living in impoverished and disease-ridden communities and war zones, without basic necessities or a support network is SUFFERING. Because sh!t happened in your life, your VERY, VERY privileged life that you at least partially inherited, you canNOT appropriate struggle and suffering in such broad and whiny ways.
Gwennie had dealt with some very difficult things, no doubt, but WHO HASNT?! Yet this apparently entitles her to martyrdom and a life of unimaginable luxury. Well then. Excellent logic.
SIT DOWN, Gwynnie. The promo tour is OVER. Go pound the pavement on a million-dollar vacation together with private jets and yachts and servants. You have suffered so much, you deserve it. And we deserve a break. Literally.
And the congregation said, “Amen.” 🙂
I think she truly has lost all perspective on the real world. Other celebs at least pay lip service to the suffering of others, but I think she truly sees herself as, simultaneously, and uber-goddess and some kind of martyr. She needs to get out more.
It’s the hypocrisy that bothers me the most. Really, if you are a billionaire and want to spend every penny on yourself and be completely selfish – fine, you have that choice. It might not be admirable, and it might even be ridiculous, and it WILL invite criticism and jealousy, but in the end I am a firm believer in personal accountability and not doing things based on the external expectations. GOOP doesnt HAVE to be an Angelina.
But doing what you want without having to apologize for it has one critical requirement – dont judge others. Lives of others, choices of others.
When she talks about her sacrifices and grand suffering and struggles (because she isnt talking about particular experiences, just her LIFE), GOOP puts herself in the context – she implicitly compares her life to the lives of others. Without acknowledging her privilege in the least. It is egregious. THAT to me is the biggest sin. I cannot stand it.
Clue. Less. Completely tone-deaf. Cartoonish, even, –Queen Goop of the Consumptionists
THANK YOU. For saying everything that I wanted to, so eloquently. Because after months of being bombarded with her ‘suffering’, all I could manage was ‘Just shut up’.
Yeah, there’s a lot of suffering going on alright, just we’re the ones doing the suffering by having to listen to this irredeemable colossus of vacuity.
Is she for real???
No, you’re not a lightning rod, Gwyneth. You’re a boring, spoiled, semi-talented (if that) celeb who does nothing but talk about and promote yourself endlessly.
When you contrast this with Angelina Jolie. I mean, I’m no Angie fangirl, but on substance alone, the contrast is truly embarassing. Have we ever heard of Gwyneth even paying lip service to charity or a good cause?
As for the “literally” thing, it irks me too. And whenever people get into a discussion about its proper use, I always think of How I Met Your Mother, and Ted and Robin getting into a fight over Ted’s insistence over it being used properly. And then Robin says, “I want to kill you! Literally! Literally literally literally!”
I love that show!
Most of us have “suffered so much”, Gwyn. So where’s our money?
To all self-entitled celebrities “Never complain, never explain.” Gweneth, STFU.
goop’s interview made me roll my eyes until they practically popped out of my skull.
figuratively.
Well played.
God I never thought I would say this as someone who’s not a huge fan of Angie Jo (not a hater tho before I get jumped on!) – but, today of all days, JESUS, Gwyneth! Just take a look around at what your peers are going through – would you like to shut the f up??!!
I’m so over her. She is not even beautiful to me -at all
GOOP probably takes an hour of her day, LOL, not a workday.
After reading about Angie, something struck me. First of all, Gwyneth, we all suffer. I lost my parents. Angie lost her mom. You lost your dad. Many have a miscarriage. On and on. We don’t wear it on our sleeve when talking to people. “Oh, I’ve suffered. You can’t imagine how I’ve suffered.” Ugh.
What bothers people about you isn’t that we think you’re entitled because of your wealth and have a perfect life. I can tell in some way you’re not happy and don’t have a perfect life; although, you are rich and very comfortable in your misery, which many are just struggling to pay the electric bill these days.
It’s because you are wealthy and yet you spend your day researching the must-have $900 shot glasses to schill on your site. That brings me back to Angie. She is out as an ambassador for the UNHCR and effecting change positively in the world for those less fortunate and so we don’t begrudge her her wealth she works hard for. Because she sets aside a huge portion of her annual earning each year to make a difference, while you are out there talking about your snatch and how much you’re suffered, revealing a miscarriage to sell a book. If you wanted another kid, you would have one, either by getting pregnant or adoption. You don’t want another one. You just want to carry on in interviews about it, whining, I do but I don’t, the baby stage is hard, blah, blah. Yawn.
Being voted most beautiful by an entertainment magazine is no huge honor. Prioritize, Gwyn. Hittng midlife isn’t looking pretty on you with what you’re focusing on, your obssession with your body.
A very emphatic AMEN to every word.
I’m pretty sure that her make up wasn’t the issue with her look. She wore a poorly cut dress that made her look bigger than she is and it was fug to boot.
Bitch, DO NOT compare yourself to RuPaul. EVER. You couldn’t hold a candle to Ru.
Ugh, can she PLEASE go away?!
Bored now.
She understands that word about as well as Zoe S. understands “androgynous”.
Has Gwyneth Paltrow always been this annoying? I don’t pay attention to her that much but I do notice that she’s been saying a lot of stupid things lately.
ALWAYS.
Gosh today when I read about the stuff Goop finds important (which is all superficial/bought stuff from the life of a richy-rich spoiled gal) and read about Jennifer going on about the difficulty of having nice hair as if that’s what is most important in life, I TOTALLY GET why Brad Pitt is not with them and is with Angelina.I bet you every quote he reads from them he laughs and pats himself on the back for his escape and new life.
Wonder what A. Jolie thinks of her suffering… Oh well Gwyenth literally inspired me to watch the Chris Traeger literally compilation.
Fly your private plane into the Bermuda Triangle, ASAP.
Transvesites around the world are insulted. They take pride in especially their dramatic eye makeup and hers was awful. She should have let a transvestite apply it instead. She would have looked stunning instead of a mess, because you can’t blame all that pancake face makeup on transvestites. Your makeup artist was just trying to cover up that “perfect” skin you claim you have. LOL.
When will she STFU??????
I am no fan of Gwyneth but I do think she has suffered. Imagine having to spend all your time with Gwyneth Paltrow.
BOOM. Truth.
I feel bad for the gruesome projections. I think I was paraphrasing an astronaut (cosmonaut?) who said: Leave two people in one enclosed spaced for a 6 months, and you’ll have the perfect conditions for murder.
This is close to a nightmare scenario of mine, where I’m left alone with Goopy on a deserted island or in a space capsule. I imagine her talking all the time. About herself. With zero real survival skills. Perfect recipe for murder.
So *that’s* why the movie she made with Michael Douglas in which he tries to kill her (they’re married) was called “The Perfect Murder.”
I haven’t seen that movie. I think I should indulge.
Not that I advocate violence, but in the dark crevices of my mind, the scene where her character gets her ass kicked in the kitchen is the one that I stop and replay! Replay! Replay! Sometimes, I pretend I am the one delivering the beat down.
She must have body image issues — I’ve never heard a celebrity comment on, humble brag about their appearance so much. I wish the media would ignore her.
Wish she would spend some of that energy and $ on humanitarian causes like other celebrities…not on her self-obsessed blog. It would be good therapy.
Is she on medication? (Literally.) I mean, she seems (literally) determined to burn bridges and make an ass of herself.
I find her so vanilla and boring. I can’t imagine anyone actually aspires to be her (literally – that would be those lady friends of her husband’s, snicker).
How many times has she said ” It’s not something I talk about?” It LITERALLY made me laugh out loud when I read it AGAIN.
The fact that she is talking about how much she’s suffered on the day Angelina Jolie’s op-ed came out is priceless.
Karma’s a b!tch!
After Angelina’s news, I can’t with Gwyneth. The emotions she incurs is not where I want my head or heart to be. There are better people to be reading about.
For all her money, her lack of proper education is apparent any time I read her comments. She misuses words (especially “literally”) and says “like” every other word. She should put some of that GOOP money to use and take some online classes.
After reading about Angie’s bravery and still doing her humanitarian work during her procedures, Goop seems even more vacuous and banal. I know it’s just bad timing, but does Goop think of anyone else but herself?
Gwyneth Paltrow thinks she’s “suffered so much.”
Can we be done with her now? Forever?
“The cost of testing for BRCA1 and BRCA2, at more than $3,000 in the United States, remains an obstacle for many women.” – Angelina Jolie
There’s the sense, and there is someone who knows how to talk about money.
4 of Goop’s $950 shot glasses pay for one woman to take this life-saving test.
Perspective.
I’m sorry..but how exactly has this dimwit suffered? And how is she ‘struggling’ like all women do?
She is LITERALLY a bore. LITERALLY an idiot. And LITERALLY annoying as f*ck!!!
I’d literally tell her to stfu
You only wish you were Ru Paul, Gwyneth. You are more Ron Paul than Ru Paul.
And right now Goop is trying to figure out how to out-do Angelina’s mastectomy news–“Brave Gwyneth has radical bushectomy, learns to live with landing strip.”
My lord thanks for the laugh 🙂
What the he11 is she talking about? It didn’t look like she had a lot of make up on to me?? I could keep going on but I’m afraid I’ll have a rage stroke.
having difficulty being a coldplay fan because of goop. gwyneth said in an interview that she and chris are becoming almost the same person, i hope not.
Goopster’s gotta goop, people.
Last picture reminds a bit of Kelly Ripa. – I tend to feel that a mother might think ahead to their children and friends seeing these photos, and dress with that in mind a bit.
TW, what are you—a reasonable person or something?! 😉
Imagine the day poor little Apple & Moses happen to see their mom’s transparent butt-dress & the accompanying text about the Goopster bush & the Brazilian wax that changed her life.
Give those kids 10 years, & they’ll be running off to join Scientology so they’ll be cut off from their Goop by force. I wonder if The Church of Sci will allow Apple to keep her backpack full of $500 organic cotton white Tee-shirts. I sure hope so.
Apart from the drivel-talk, I’m still guffawing over that quasi dress…and I mean “quasi” literally.
What, she’s a zillionaire, was engaged to Brad Pitt, is married to a music-star zillionaire, has an Oscar, is world’s Most Beautiful Woman, has 2 cute kids, stars in movies and publishes best-selling books, is besties with Madonna (formerly) and Beyonce – AND SHE HAS TO SUFFER TOO? Life is just NOT fair to Gwyneth.