First off, I must admit to feeling utterly delighted that you bitches gave Russell Brand some serious love on last week’s discussion of successful marriage, and please keep feeling the Rusty awesomeness if you want him to continue being featured in this very venue. For awhile, I had lost faith, which is why I didn’t cover Rusty’s admission on “Conan” that he wanted to bone Jennifer Lawrence (and he said so in the most hilarious manner.) Since I am feeling so generous and candid, I suppose this is a great time to admit that I am a huge Russell Brand fangirl, yet I would never dream of sleeping with him because — let’s face it — dude has been with hundreds of women in his lifetime. However, I would indulge in some suggestive phone conversation with him at his leisure about any topic of his choosing.

Call me, Rusty.

Moving right along. Mister Brand has been making the talkshow rounds, and the above photograph shows him outside the Ed Sullivan theater for an appearance on “Late Night with David Letterman.” Accordingly, I’ve included a Letterman video clip at the bottom of this post, but you might be wondering what Rusty is promoting at the moment. It’s certainly not “Brand X,” which (sadly) has been cancelled by FX (after three seasons) although the network has moved forward with Brand on a “scripted, live action comedy that’s loosely based upon the comedian’s life.” Certainly, anyone that has read Rusty’s Booky Wook (or its sequel) will know that Russell’s personal life is a depthless mine just waiting to be plundered (ha). For the moment though, we’ll have to make do with Russell’s interview with HuffPo, during which he insists that his cumulative daily orgasm total is … nine. Whoa. Also, the scarves have duly returned:

HuffPo

What’s the most number of orgasms Russell Brand has ever had? That’s the pressing question at least one fan of the 38-year-old comedian wanted to know the answer to, judging from this wildly unhinged interview on “HuffPost Live” with host Josh Zepps Tuesday morning.

When asked by a fan — from her bed, no less — what topped his list in sexual climaxes, Brand answered with the number nine. “Once in Dublin. Nine. It wasn’t even a day. It was an evening. It was crazy there. What a mental night it was. I felt exhausted the next day. No I wasn’t on drugs. After I’ve came off drugs, I had a lot of energy that needed to go somewhere, and I thought … [motions to waist] that way,” he said.

He added: “But you’ve got to make sure everyone is happy. I think that that person you’re having sex with must have an orgasm first, or you’re not fulfilling your duty as a man.”

[From HuffPo]

HA. Russell is so candid and so completely without shame as to his past behavior, and it’s very hard to fault him when he’s being completely honest, and any woman that gets with him must surely know the parameters. Seriously though … nine? He’s obviously telling the truth, but it’s still hard to imagine without contemplating a slow dry heave. Dry. Heave. Sorry.

Here is the aforementioned video from Russell’s brief visit with David Letterman a few nights ago. Rusty opened up to Dave about his three-week stint as a postman in London, and he discusses how he was seduced by the “potent cultural myth” that “as a mailman, sex will be everywhere for me.” Rusty continued, “It wasn’t true. It was a series of doors being closed in my face.” Russell admits that his theory resulted in a “zero-percent success rate.” Awww.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet