Miley Cyrus covers the March issue of W magazine. Could you guess her identity if her name wasn’t on the cover? I probably wouldn’t have immediately thought of Miley even though she’s naked, which is usually a dead giveaway. The wig is simply awful, and Miley’s face is almost unrecognizable because this shoot comes from her bleached eyebrows phase that deeply unsettled many of you. The rest of the shoot makes Miley look like Lady Gaga, which isn’t a good vibe to front considering Gaga can’t move albums these days. Bangerz actually outsold ARTPOP, so yeah. Not a good PR move except to get people talking, but talking doesn’t sell albums or concert tickets. Miley’s getting ready to head off on her US tour in about a week.

Miss Miley’s somehow remained in the headlines despite taking it down several notches for the new year. Some of you thought I was seriously off my rocker for enjoying her Unplugged episode (in spite of Madonna’s try-hard presence). Miley also appeared on The Tonight Show last week where she gave out some choice advice to Justin Bieber: “You’ve got a lot of money. Pay people so you don’t get in trouble.” Then over the weekend, Miley had two police cars show up to her home. The police left with grins on their faces, so who knows what happened.

For W, Miley was interviewed by none other than Ronan Farrow, which is interesting. Here are some excerpts:

On bratty kids: “I don’t love kids. I don’t love them because, I mean, I think I was around too many kids at one point–because I was around a lot of kids. They’re so f—ing mean. Sometimes I hear kids with their parents, and I want to go over and, like, smack them myself…Like if they meet me, they’ll be like, ‘Mom, don’t you know how to use an iPhone? Like, can you take the picture?’ I’m like, ‘Dude, if I ever talked to my mom like that when I was a kid, I would have had no phone, no computer, no TV, no anything.’ And so, yeah, kids are just mean.”

On social media: “I think with, like, Instagram, Twitter, whatever, everyone is a paparazzi now. How scary is that? Like, you’re never safe. Just think they can, like, talk about you like they know you. Especially because I grew up in it, and like you grew up in it, too, there’s a sense of entitlement.”

Outdoorsy childhood = future nudist? “We never were inside, and we never wore shoes. I think it’s why I like wearing no clothes so much and I’m always naked. I never had, like, a nanny that took care of me. My mom always fed me breakfast, lunch, and dinner. My dad, like, he’s the most trusting human in the world. He trusts everybody, basically, until they f— him over. And my mom, too, holds no grudges. She’ll let someone, like, f— her over twice, and then she’ll let it go, and then she kind of forgets about it. And I used to be like that. And now I just keep it in the back of my mind.”

On the lack of authenticity in pop: “I just don’t get what half the girls are wearing. Everyone to me seems like Vanna White. I’m trying to tell girls, like, ‘F— that. You don’t have to wear makeup. You don’t have to have long blonde hair and big t-tties. That’s not what it’s about. It’s, like, personal style.’ I like that I’m associated with sexuality and the kind of punk-rock sh-t where we just don’t care. Like Madonna or Blondie or Joan Jett–Jett’s the one that I still get a little shaky around. She did what I did in such a crazier way. I mean, girls then weren’t supposed to wear leather pants and, like, f—ing rock out. And she did.”

Her shows aren’t racist or degrading against little people: “I don’t give a sh-t. I’m not Disney, where they have, like, an Asian girl, a black girl, and a white girl, to be politically correct, and, like, everyone has bright-colored T-shirts. You know, it’s like, I’m not making any kind of statement. Anyone that hates on you is always below you, because they’re just jealous of what you have. I have a lot of people that I could call and hang out with, but I have very few friends, if that makes any sense. Like, I just don’t tell a lot of people anything. Everyone’s always like, ‘You’re so sketch.;”

Dating is intimidating: “Guys watch too much pr0n. Those girls don’t exist. They’re not real girls. And that’s like us watching romance movies. That’s girl pr0n, because, like, those guys do not exist.” The kind that do exist, she continues, “just try too hard with me, and it’s just like, ‘I don’t need you to impress me. I don’t want you to, like, take me to fancy restaurants.’ I hate sitting down for dinner! You don’t have to do that to me! You don’t have to take me on trips! I literally just want to chill here! That’s why I’m, like, not trying to jump into a relationship…I love my music so much, and I love what I’m doing so much that that has become my other half–rather than another person. I never leave the house. Why go to a movie? I’ve got a huge-ass TV. We’ve got a chef here that can make you great food. We don’t need to leave. I would just rather be here where I’m completely locked in.”

On the Bangerz tour: “I love being on, like, the road. I just want to make music. You know, I’ve made my money. If no one buys my album, cool. It’s fine. I’ve got a house, and I’ve got dogs that I love. I don’t need anything else. I hope I’m like Dolly–where I’m just still going at 75.”

Her favorite topic: “I love weed. I just love getting stoned. I just want it to be back to where it’s, like, organic, good weed.”

On the environment: “I think water’s, like, a really important thing. I’m so scared the sky’s not going to be blue anymore. It’s going to be black from all the sh-t.”

[From W magazine]

She was stoned in this interview, right? Poor Ronan didn’t know what he signed himself up for. At one point, Miley starts talking about aliens, and Ronan got all excited that they were going to discuss immigration policy. Nope. Miley started talking about flying saucers and sh-t. Poor guy. Hope he learnt his lesson. Miley also did one of W’s “screen test” videos where she basically rambles on about a million things. The eyebrows creep me out big time in this vid.

Photos courtesy of W magazine