These are photos of Ray Rice (formerly of the Baltimore Ravens) at a press conference with his wife, Janay, in May. Rice was attempting to mitigate the PR damage after TMZ published a video of Rice dragging his then-fiancée’s unconscious body from an elevator. The NFL suspended Rice from two whole games. The public backlash was enormous, thankfully. The outrage prompted NFL commissioner Roger Goodell to announce a strict, new domestic violence policy. The policy was not retroactive, so Rice was set to cruise easily.
Then yesterday happened. TMZ released new video footage that shows Ray punching Janay in the elevator. He hit her first, she tried to defend herself, and then Ray punched her so hard that she hit her head on a handrail (passing out cold). The NFL tried to say they hadn’t seen this “new” footage, but Deadspin says the NFL lied. If you read the whole Deadspin story, you’ll see that the NFL is swiftly reversing course on previous statements about the “new” video.
Twitter exploded in the wake of these new revelations. Seth Rogen (who never minces words) called for action in an (at least in this tweet) expletive-free manner:
I don't know much about football, but I know that Ray Rice is a piece of garbage who shouldn't be allowed to play it professionally anymore.
— Seth Rogen (@Sethrogen) September 8, 2014
Early yesterday afternoon, The Ravens released Rice from his contract via these tweets.
The #Ravens have terminated RB Ray Rice's contract this afternoon.
— Baltimore Ravens (@Ravens) September 8, 2014
Roger Goodell has announced that based on new video evidence that became available today he has
indefinitely suspended Ray Rice.
— Greg Aiello (@gregaiello) September 8, 2014
That’s not a ban for life. Hopefully it will become one. Get this though — CNN says the Ravens won’t be able to take back the $25 mil that Rice already received from his contract (worth $35 mil total). Don’t feel too bad for the Ravens. They may have done the right thing by letting Rice go, but a lot of people think this was a PR move. I think they’re trying to cover their spandex-clad tushies too. Back in May, the Ravens tweeted this ridiculous “apology” on behalf of Rice’s wife: “Janay Rice says she deeply regrets the role that she played the night of the incident.”
As of yesterday morning, the foul tweet was still posted on the Ravens’ Twitter page. The tweet is gone now. Interesting.
Photos courtesy of Getty & WENN
About damn time
What pisses me off is the lying. They said they had all of the footage and that they had reason to only issue a 2 game suspension. The league pointed to the fact that they were both arrested. The entire way this thing was played out was to place blame on the woman. That she somehow asked for it with her implied violence towards him. It’s this lie that led to Stephen A Smith saying women need to not get physical if they don’t want their men to be violent. *EYE* was commenting here defending their decision to suspend him for two games because of this lie. They made it seem like she railed on him in there and that in pushing her off of him, she got knocked out. He spit on her when she walked into the hall and she gave a reactionary slap. A small slap (punch?) he gave in retaliation once inside the elevator, which prompted her to charge at him. He knocked her out cold before she could do anything to him. How in the flying F-K could the NFL defend this with the punishment they gave him?! How could he stand there while she was knocked out for so long and not react in regret? This whole thing makes me so sick and angry!
The fact that several times he was kicking/nudging her with his FOOT when she was laying there unresponsive was terrifying. The way he dragged her off the elevator, face down, the tops of her feet dragging behind was disgusting, and then he kind of kicked her feet around to get them out of the way of the elevator door. What a psychopath~his obvious anger and lack of any concern for her condition, or remorse afterwards, is truly terrifying. The reactions of the lame stream media are very telling about who we, as a culture and country, have devalued human life and glorified violent competitive sports AT THE COST of our humanity. Is this who we are? The lying~from the official “Non Profit” NFL top echelons~needs to be aggressively prosecuted and punished. The NFL needs to lose its “non profit” status and be held accountable.
“The entire way this thing was played out was to place blame on the woman. That she somehow asked for it with her implied violence towards him. It’s this lie that led to Stephen A Smith saying women need to not get physical if they don’t want their men to be violent.” >>>>> MCraw should this not have been the first sign? Do you honestly believe Ray Rice with his size could not have found another way to contain the situation? He could have easily restrained her. AND, even if his wife was railing on him “Solange style”, he KNOCKED HER OUT COLD and DRAGGED her body out of the elevator.
But what really grinds my gears (not directed towards you) about this is that the code of professionalism and how NFL players should act is not extended to wives/gfs. Announcers want to rail on players when they get in fights on the field (or court) saying they should have better self-control. These men are probably trash talking to each other when competitive emotions are running high, but for the sake of the team, the love of the game, respect for the fans, etc. they should be able to contains themselves. If a player yells at a referee about an unfair call, it’s deplorable. When a player goes off on fans taunting him, it’s inexcusable. But when it comes to a women half their size (if not less), they stop and ask what SHE did?!?! WTF? We either expect better of these men all around or we don’t.
HH-
Yeah, it should have. It was suspect how she came out of the elevator- with him dragging her out. Like I said at the time, I’ve witnessed DV and have seen situations where men are unreasonably violent and I’ve seen women, angry about cheating, go into a violent frenzy and hurt themselves. It was the suspension the NFL gave and her arrest that made me pause and think…. Maybe there is something we don’t know. So while I side-eyed him, I thought the NFL- with it’s history of harsh punishment for things like weed- gave a punishment based on all of the info presented to them and acted accordingly. To see how that was sooo not that case makes me feel naive and gullible and angry.
Did you guys see she posted on her Instagram account that everyone else – the media, the public, the NFL – is to blame for the mess and the fact that Rice’s career is ruined:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/tasneemnashrulla/janay-rice-speaks-out-on-instagram-about-her-husbands-suspen
You guys are all on the money.
And i’m with most thinking the NFL knew of this. Most of this type of behavior in sports isn’t addressed until it makes the news. It’s kept quiet.
And i’m sickened at how calm he was through all this. He knocked her out and dragged her in a very calm way. Showing no concern. He’s a monster.
Hooloo Pie, I can’t believe this. I feel even more sorry for her now, she seems determined not to distance herself from her monster of a husband. I can barely wrap my brain around this. It’s almost as if someone pressured her to write it?
Because Football Stars here are treated like royalty.These guy’s get away with anything.My Dad was a football coach.It was only for college but I use to hang around with them when I still lived with my parent’s.I had no choice.Thank goodness I never got involved with one.How they would talk about girls and use them and pass them back and fourth was disgusting.These were young men at 18!This kind of thinking starts even before then.No wonder I can’t stand a jock and have no respect.
Yesterday a co-worker of mine was discussing this. He couldn’t understand why Janay wasn’t being charged with battery for smacking Ray. According to him – Janay “antagonized” Ray and then smacked him, and that’s when Ray came after her – thereby implying it was Janay’s actions that set this whole ordeal in motion. He was also upset that this “incident” was going to ruin Ray’s career and that it wasn’t fair because in the first video you couldn’t tell that Ray had beat her. It just looked like she was “drunk and Ray was taking her out of the elevator”. Basically, his “logic” is nonsense and Ray shouldn’t have been sacked and this is all Janay’s fault for not just taking her beating and moving on and women are always out to ruin rich men, etc, etc.
Later in the day he said something along the lines of “Ray is probably on suicide watch now because of this. If he didn’t beat Janay before he’s probably going to now”.
see also: my co-worker’s comments in regards to Cee Lo Green post from Sunday. I think I’m going to indefinitely put in my ear buds and listen to Pandora while working from here on out.
How about reporting him to HR for offensive comments instead.
Good god, I’m truly shocked. He carries her out of the elevator like she’s garbage! He pushes her legs away with his feet! I can’t believe it. How utterly inhuman he behaved. Disgusting.
Your co-worker’s comments are disgusting and should be reported to HR as offensive and sexist. What a jackass.
Your co-worker is a douchebag. Sorry you have to put up with that crap. The fact that he sees no problem with violence against women is troubling.
Take it to HR, put on the headphones, do not engage with him in any future conversations. No more chit chat, no pretending his vileness does not matter. Only speak to him when the work absolutely requires it. Period.
Unless you love that job and that company, start building a path out of there, especially if HR does nothing. We spend 10-12-14 hours a day working for someone else. If that company does not share your values, they are not worth your hard work. But since most of us need to earn a living, research companies that share your values and get yourself hired by them.
What did he say about Cee Lo?
I just can’t with people like that. I had friends over on Sunday for a BBQ (and yes, ironically, some football-watching) and we were all discussing the Ray Rice situation.
Let’s just say this: I’m so happy that I’m surrounded by men who are feminists that refuse to make excuses for the disgusting behavior of *some* men.
My husband works in HR. I guarantee you these statements by your co-worker are legally considered “creating a hostile work environment”. My husband would be all over these statements with an investigation and disciplinary action. Absolutely no way you should have to listen to that b.s. or wear ear plugs.
You should NOT have to leave a job because a co-worker is defending/promoting misogyny and violence against women. If HR doesn’t respond, if management doesn’t respond, look up nonprofit employment lawyers. This is absolutely outrageous & unacceptable — and illegal. It’s a tough job market out there. If your company doesn’t share your values regarding safety from violence, the company should be held accountable, not you.
As a former HR person myself, this needs to be documented with your HR department. That kind of talk constitutes harassing and sexist remarks against women and condones violence. He should be written up and at the very least given a stern lecture by your senior HR manager.
One of the things that upsets me the most about this situation is that, with the official Ravens tweet saying “Janay regrets the role she played in this incident,” the idea that abuse victims deserve their abuse is being promoted. Your co-worker’s ideas on the subject prove to me that the sentiments “she was asking for it” and “his job is more important than her abuse” are alive and well in our society.
Yes, Janay was wrong to start swinging at Ray, and one should never try to cause physical harm to one’s spouse. Ray could have acted in self-defense very easily, by restraining her from her attacks, without punching her in the head. In no way did she “deserve” to be knocked out cold in retaliation. It doesn’t matter what you do – lie, cheat, shoplift, commit adultery – being beaten by one’s spouse is never a just punishment for your actions. Violence is never acceptable in a romantic relationship, and likewise, responding to violence with violence is never appropriate or acceptable.
I fear you co-worker’s comments about Ray’s unemployment exacerbating the possibility of abuse is probably accurate. But this doesn’t mean that Janay is in any way at fault for the situation, nor that he should have not been punished by being suspended. The solution to his problem would have been to not commit battery of his spouse in the first place, and he is entirely to blame.
I don’t know what I’d do regarding the workplace situation. I can understand people who say, “try to get this asshole at least reprimanded by HR.” At the same time I think a lot of people think similarly to this guy, yet would not be as bold in stating their opinions. Removing the mouthpiece ends the conversation, but also the opportunity for education on the subject. Perhaps hearing counter-arguments on the universal wrongness of domestic violence could be beneficial for those figuring out whether she was really “asking for it” or not. Note: you have no obligation to educate your workplace colleagues, and you do have a right to not be subject to arguments in favour of domestic abuse. Please act in your own self-interest in the way you think will be best for your mental health and your workplace environment, whether it’s an official complaint to HR, avoidance of your colleague as if he is poison, or standing up for your opinions in person to him.
I agree that you need to document this with HR or a supervisor, just so your concerns are on the record, at the very least.
In the meantime, I think the earbuds or an “I would rather not discuss that right now” is good should he try to talk about stuff like this again.
How I see your co-worker is that his mask has slipped. Maybe you thought he was an okay guy before this incident, but he wasn’t. What you saw in him before was an act. Be very careful around him, because he is an insecure coward. These are the type who will try to shift blame to you, step on you, and try to make you look bad any chance they get. I see the makings of a workplace bully in him.
I agree, she shouldn’t have to leave and that the company/HR should step up. There are no guarantees, however, that that will happen. Or that they will prevent him from bullying her. I was at a meeting recently where one brave person said staff should have the opportunity to review managers. HR shut them down immediately and blew them off.
While there are some good people in HR, there are also people in HR who just want to keep their jobs instead of doing their jobs. My advice is still ignore him, go to HR, and look for a better place to be if they don’t get rid of him. It might take a year or two, but make it a priority.
That last comment of mine reads are really depressing, for which I apologize. Unfortunately, we are in a time where jobs are so precious that excuses are made, problems are ignored, and “the innocent” still often leave a job to escape from the negative environment. I HOPE that your HR department will act. If not, make your own plan to get out – if nothing else get out to another department where you won’t have to encounter this guy on a daily basis.
SMH. No words.
Yeah. After the rape allegations for a player that’s STILL PLAYING and the murder-suicide of a year or so ago, its about time. That’s sarcasm, for those wondering. The NFL has had a problem for eons. If not for the 2nd video (which should have been released FIRST), they would have swept this under the rug as well. Right now I’m afraid for her. HE just cost HIMSELF a job, but will probably blame her.
Exactly – who is he going to take out his anger on even more now that “she cost him his job” in his mind? This whole situation is so scary and disgusting, especially in light of what Janay posted on instagram which shows how deep in denial she is. She truly seems to blame everyone, herself, the media, the outside world except the perpetrator of the crime himself. This man should be in jail. I pray that Janay and their daughter will eventually get out of this situation whole and safe.
Also, that apology from her that the Ravens tweeted in May is actually her own words from that horrible press conference they did as a couple. It’s at the very end of the video from the press conference. Another really disturbing thing about that press conference was the way her own parents seems to embrace and support the abuser and not their own daughter in this situation. How alone she must feel in all this.
@Jenny,
You speak of the parents, but sometimes family members can be just as bad as the abuser. I can remember during the Simpson trial that Nicole’s sister testified that she SAW OJ grab her sisters crotch and did NOTHING. He was paying all their bills (Nicole’s family) so they left Nicole in his house to suffer. Every time I saw Denise speak and rail against OJ, I had to turn the channel. She literally said that she SAW it and did nothing, but was ‘shocked, shocked I tells ya!’, when OJ killed her sister. Is the all mighty dollar that powerful? Jeez.
Yesterday I saw a tweet that said “just remember they only let him go when you guys saw the tape, not when they did” which I think speaks volumes of the Ravens and the NFL.
on another note, have you guys heard of all the stories of him cheating on her constantly and this is supposedly why the fight started? The story I’ve heard the most often is that he was cheating on her with Teyana Taylor and after she confronted him about it this happened.
Of course the NFL lied. There is absolutely no way they didn’t see this video. At the very least, they ignored its existence or swept it under the rug.
I hope Janay finds the strength to leave her abuser. That’s all i will say about this matter because i don’t want to waste a single second on that lowlife.
I think it’s pretty clear they saw it and never thought the public would and are now trying to save face, both the NFL and the Ravens. It’s very disappointing, I live right outside baltimore and when my sister was in a battered women’s shelter he and his girlfriend came to visit the women and kids. When I found out about the first video it was pretty awful, but when the second video came out, I couldn’t believe how non-chalant he was about hitting her.
I really hope Janay leaves too, they have a daughter and she needs to grow up knowing that behavior like this is not okay.
Oh yeah This Too Evelyn That wasnt the oopsies hit of a guy that hit his chick first time and is besides himself…that was Fighting her like a man..comfortably
He was very casual about hitting her. She was knocked out and he didn’t even bend down to check on her or otherwise look worried
There’s no way this is the first time he’s done it based on his reaction and willingness to do it in public
Exactly, I call bullsh*t on the whole ‘we never saw this video’ line. I mean, everyone knows that there are cameras inside elevators, and if a pro sports league is investigating one of its players then chances are they asked for all possible video, audio, etc. It makes me sick to think that they’re trying to cover their own butts here.
As for Janay, I just feel sorry for her. Not only is she married to a guy who abused (abuses?) her but now she supposedly “played a part” in her own abuse? Bah! I really hope she does one day find the strength to leave, before it gets worse or it’s too late.
Also their semi-offical journalists that they leak stuff to were talking about ‘this other video’ back in May.
Either they saw it and didn’t care, or they didn’t see it and lied about it to make Janay look like she provoked Rice. Either way the NFL and the Ravens stink.
I think that “played a part” tweet happened after the first video but before this video was released.
and I really think that she was pressured into allowing that tweet to go out. I think she was pressured to make it seem like Rice was defending himself against her and that she instigated it.
now that the video is out, we know she didn’t. which makes the Raven’s/NFL’s actions even MORE disgusting.
Maybe they didn’t watch it intentionally, knowing that it would be bad and providing plausible deniability for themselves.
Oh they saw it alright.
F*ck the NFL. And I say that as a huge football fan.
Also, f*ck the people who were on previous Ray Rice threads on C/B claiming that the full video shows Janay going after Ray and Ray trying to hold her back, before she “accidentally” hits her head on the floor.
I’m so disgusted.
f*ck them all indeed.
We were lied to. They pointed to the fact that she was arrested. I feel f-cking sick being used in their continued abuse without having jackass comments like yours.
This whole thing is disgusting.
F*ck them all
He should be arrested. This is horrible! The most disturbing thing to me is how he reacts AFTER the knock out…like he does this everyday?!?! He had ZERO reaction. He calmily pulled her across the floor and picked up her shoes. She looked dead in the video. What a horrible person!!!!! Honey, if you are reading these comment: You are not alone, and it’s NOT your fault!! You are worth more than this!! He is a grown man who is responsible for his reactions to situations!!!
“we were lied to”?
Pffffft. Please spare me, MCraw.
You mean you didn’t want to believe that your precious football star was capable of violence and were all too happy to blame the victim.
You threw her under the bus because it was convenient for you.
Just own it.
All you needed to see was the video of him DRAGGING her body out of the elevator like a bag of garbage and standing over her, casually chatting with his pal, to understand that this man is no stranger to domestic violence. Doesn’t matter what happened in the elevator before that door opened, the first video should have been enough to convince you that Ray Rice is a violent man.
…and I make NO apologies for my “jackass comment”, but I’m glad you finally feel “sick about it”.
Better late than never, I guess.
What Rice did was appalling and I also believed they knew.
I hope no-one had this loser in their fantasy football league.
I was just about to post that. There were several people claiming that the elevator footage would show that Janay Rice hit first which is clearly not the case. There were even one or two people who were insistent that she must have struck him first for him to act like this. Wonder what they have to say now. Same with Whoopi Goldberg – is she still going to defend him?
I’m disgusted as well, okitt. It made me think back to the original post here about this, and very few people were sympathetic to Janay at all. The majority of the discussion was, well, women shouldn’t hit other men, when there was no proof that she had. The only proof before was him dragging her out of an elevator like a bag of garbage and toeing at her as if she were a dead animal.
I’m with you. *uck him and *uck the NFL.
It goes far deeper
Why wasn’t he prosecuted and given real jail time?
The police let him off easy despite seeing this
Please..lied to? At the time he was handed the two game suspension, we all saw how callous he was in dragging out her unconscious body and heard there was evidence he had punched her in the elevator. The NFL knew, every knew there was a second video out there….but you did not need see it. Seriously the first video should have been enough to warrant disgust but no most said that if she went at him like a man, she deserved to be hit like a man.
You just didn’t believe she had been a victim, that she was, somehow, responsible for this. I remember what was written by people posting on here, how she probably started and if you are going to hit a man, take a punch like a man. I remember who the biggest detractors were and I am not going to call anyone out but like I had posted then…there was no excuse for the violence against her…NONE. I knew when I saw the video that Ray Rice was abusing Janay… and that her statement was the statement of someone who is being abused by him & she said what she needed to say to protect herself. Her statement today is the same, to protect herself.
It’s funny how the people who are now in complete disgust were originally saying well she shouldn’t have provoked him or hit him, etc. This is why domestic violence is not being taken seriously in this country. It’s the backwards mentality that somehow the victim deserves the abuse, the violence inflicted on him. And please spare me the questions of why she married him, why she continues to stay & educates yourselves about domestic violence.
There is currently a large article on TMZ from her. She is blaming the media for the nightmare her family is in, likening it to losing her best friend.
A lot of abused women ‘feel’ like that. If she ever gets out of that situation and realises how she has been abused you will see a definitive change of direction.
What Lady Macbeth said. Janay posted some comments on instagram saying that it is horrific what the NFL has done to her husband, taking away his livelihood. I hope she will find the strength to leave someday soon.
I saw and read an excerpt of her essay just a few minutes ago. It made me feel very sad. I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that Ray Rice is an abusive and violent person. I don’t follow football so i have no idea but i watched that video and it was very clear to me that this was not a first time incident. I just wish Janay will realize that too.
Why would she go on to marry him? And Good the NFL is stepping up, sort of
This is horrible, but I would guess for 35 million?
I HATE when people say this crap. Domestic abuse is not all about money, you twit.
Don’t be so naive Jenns. We ALL know what emotional abuse women will put up with to be a “sportsman’s wife” – the cheating, gambling, drinking/drugs, public humiliation, covering up doping and other reckless behaviours. Is physical assault really so far removed from that?
Let’s not pretend that there aren’t people out there who will put up with almost ANYTHING for their one shot at a millionaire’s lifestyle.
And yes, the NFL is a hateful organisation, but what do you expect from a simmering cesspit of corruption, racism, sexism and homophobia?
Janay was only 16 when they met and was dating Ray for years before he got drafted so no, it’s not about the money.
Also, what Tapioca said about the cycle of abuse.
@Jenns you are right. Domestic abuse is not always about money but sometimes it is. My best friend gets beat the hell out of her millionaire husband and I’ve witnessed it. I tried to help her and you know what she did? She banned me from her life.
@Kiki Abuse victims sometimes cut people out of their lives. It is not about money. The mentality of a abuse victim is much more complicated than that.
Jenns is right. I hate when people blame the victim. Victims of DV are usually beaten down emotionally and mentally first and isolated from friends and family. There is a reason it is called a cycle of violence because it is hard to get out of it. I hope that his wife and her daughter leave for good and have a good support system around them. I truly wish the best for them.
@Kiki
I can believe that. Friends become the enemy because they try to help the victim and the abuser manipulates her reality to the point where the victim has no real friends around, only people who hate the fact she is happy.
Been there, done that unfortunately, I am a DV and rape survivor. You have no idea how terrible it is when you definitively get out and you realise you have a ‘deserted land’ around. The more isolated the victim is the more successful the abusive tactics are.
She knew him well before he became rich and famous. More victim-blaming BS.
They have a child together
That makes it harder to leave.
It also means that she didn’t need to stay with him to get a cut of his money
She married for love unfortunately
Staying with your abuser is sometimes about money but it is much more complex than that. Yes, women can end up economically dependent on their abusers and have no economic resources available to them or feel economically trapped. It can happen whether or not someone is making millions in the NFL. In general, abuse victims have been beaten down to the point of submission, and threatened with horrible consequences, regardless of the money involved, that makes it very difficult for them to ever imagine leaving their abuser.
Sometimes the victim is made to feel so worthless, their abuser has them convinced no one else would want them. It’s a very, very sick dynamic.
I don’t know if I believe that. Somehow I can’t imagine this woman leaving this brute for a janitor.
Chris-as I posted above, they were highschool sweethearts who dated for years before Ray was drafted.
What we shouldn’t do right now is characterize the victim as anything other than a victim, so please, let’s leave the gold-digger comments or questions about her intelligence out of it.
We all know the cycle of domestic violence is far more complicated than that.
Chris- Women are abused every day by regular people. They have been together for a long time this is probably not even the first or the last time he will lay his hands on her. If she left him she would probably have to give her a settlement of some kind. I imagine she is staying with him out of fear and not money.
@ Chris: There’s tons of research out there that’s been done on the cycle of domestic abuse. If you care to really educate yourself.
Abusers isolate their victims with the precision of military drill sergeants. It’s a similar strategy, actually. You isolate your victim from support and then break them down emotionally (no one will ever love you like I love you; what are you going to do if you leave me, you’re so stupid you’ll never make it on your own, etc.). If you also take away your victim’s access money, force them to have children (this really happens, yes) and make sure you are their only support in the world — your victim will have an incredibly difficult time leaving. Imagine yourself in that situation. No money. You’ve got kids. A lot of domestic violence shelters are hard to get into (they are always full, I’m a social worker with community connections and I have hard time getting domestic violence placements for women).
What do you do? It’s not easy at all. And these women don’t deserve to get sh*t on anymore they already have been. They deserve patience and understanding.
The fact that she officially apologized for “the role she played” in her own abuse speaks volumes. Abuser 101: the abuser makes the abused feel as if their abuse is their own fault. Yes, as you’ve said, part of what an abuser does is to make the victim feel as if they can’t leave.
@TOK,
I do think money can sometimes enter into it. Not from a gold digger standard, but from the point of view–How can I support myself and my kids, pay for my housing, food, etc., I have no marketable skills–etc.
How many women have stayed in bad marriages/relationships because they were frightened they could not make it on their own? So its definitely the victim cycle, but I think financial considerations play into the fear that chains victims to the situation in a lot of cases.
@Chris,
That doesn’t change the fact that he IS a brute, now does it?
No. I’m not saying she’s a gold digger. What I meant was that I’m surprised when attractive women, who are in relationships with high profile, wealthy men think that they couldn’t get someone, anyone, with less social capital.
Abuse is not only physical but mental as well. We don’t know how many threats she recieves from him or how much he diminished her self-esteem. I hope she will realize that it is wrong and leave the f-er.
Abused people stay with their abusers for many reasons. Fear, economic dependence, familiarity. I doubt this was a one/first time incident – he has probably abused her before this too.
I can’t find the stats for this right now, but in fact, the most dangerous time for an abused time is when they try to leave. A woman is more likely to be killed by her partner whens he tries to leave an abusive relationship. Most abused women are told by their abuser that if they leave, they will be killed, so are too terrified to leave and will stay in an abusive relationship even though they want to leave. For many other women the psychological and emotional abuse is such that they end up believing that they deserve it and don’t have the self esteem to leave. They may be cut off from friends and family and so have no support network to turn too. They may have no money of their own, and are trapped because they have nowhere to go. They may also have children. There are a multitude of reasons a women will stay with an abusive partner, please don’t assume it’s just because he’s rich.
There were some powerful Twitters #WhyIStayed and #WhyILeft yesterday and today… It’s an awful cycle.
Also, I just can’t with that Ravens Tweet about her deep regrets about her role in the situation.
What @ninks said. One of the most dangerous things that an abused woman can do is even attempt to leave. (never mind finding the mental strength to get to that point) There are countless stories of men killing their partners when they’ve left-sometimes even killing their families. That recent case in Texas is one example. Wife leaves after years of abuse, her comes after her and kills her sister in law, brother in law, and nearly all of their kids.
Yup, i read the very powerful and personal commentaries of various Tweeters on those hashtags. People diminishing Janay by painting her as a gold digger have no clue what they’re talking about. That Texas story is horrific.
They had kid together, so I would guess this could’ve been a long-term relationship and she just didn’t know any better. Hell, she could have seen this happen to women in her own family and thought this was natural. So many reasons. And yes, to be cynical, we could say because she thought she would still have a better life with him than without him.
I imagine she’s probably fearing for her life. If this is what he does to her in an argument, what would he do if she left? Kill her? Leave her child motherless? It’s never that easy in these situations, please don’t judge the victim.
…..nm
Please, she tapped him on the shoulder in a playful way.
And she ‘rushed’ him in the elevator after he spit in her face. Twice.
Oh, good. Glad it makes sense to you. That video sent chills down my spine. Which part made the most sense to you? When a man twice her size beat her unconscious, or when he drags her by her feet off the elevator with her arms and head bumping the floor? Or when he stands there looking like he just ordered a cheeseburger? No concern for her at all. Doesn’t check to see if she’s f$cking ALIVE. I think her “rushing” him in the elevator is actually her bouncing off the wall from his first vicious blow. Before she falls and hits her head so hard it knocks her out. But as long as it makes sense to you, well, that’s that then.
what he did was horrible and no it doesn’t make sense to me. but to her, she prob feels like she started it. that’s why she went ahead and married him. THAT’S WHAT I MEANT! so i guess she does have that mentality, that she feels like it’s her fault and that’s why she apologized. but to me she’s been brainwashed and gotten to the point where she believes its her fault. and i guess i missed the part where he hit her the first time, to me it looked like they were standing at the button panel and she rushed him. but she in no way deserved or asked for what he gave her NO MATTER WHAT SHE DID and i did not mean to imply that. what i meant was that violence is apparently a part of their relationship and not a dealbreaker for her, as she married him shortly thereafter. sorry for any misunderstanding
Thanks for explaining. Sorry for misinterpreting your words, especially since you usually have nice posts. I overreacted, and I’m sorry.
On average it takes about 7 years for a woman to leave an abusive reltionship, it they ever do at all.
Thank god it only took me three, and lord knows how many attempts beforehand. I was blackmailed, abused, and isolated starting at 17. He stalked me for months afterwards and to this day (5 years later!) still occasionally harasses me online.
The people that say she antagonised him are terrible, terrible people that need to have their head examined.
There’s a Washington Post article on the #WhyIStayed hashtag (Twitter discussion on why people stay in abusive relationships); that should answer your question.
I’m quite certain that she has been groomed into believing that this behavior is “normal” and she “deserved” it.
This wasn’t the first time.
I’m genuinely concerned for this woman’s safety.
In all honesty, the “how did she then marry him?” question is one of the first things that came to mind as well.
But then we have to remember, we know nothing of her life or their relationship, or what abuse she has been subjected to. So many victims of abuse have shared their story, and the common thread seems to be that it’s just so much more complicated than what an outsider to the situation sees.
I wasn’t blaming the victim at all just asking more how could anyone in her life let this happen? Or more like, how does this still occur in this day and age? but as most posters pointed out the isolation pattern, emotional abuse, etc. It’s so sad that we are supposedly very advanced in technology, medicine and whatever else but domestic violence still happens. Ugh! and don’t get more mad at me but I kept thinking of a couple of Tyler Perry movies that had DV as the main plot. I hope this lady gets help.
Because most abusers don’t wear their violence where you can see it. For most, they ease into it slowly, breaking down the victim’s self-esteem and sense of worth, then isolating them emotionally and often financially. It’s even easier if the victim grew up in a violent household because it’s already established the normality of abuse in their lives. By the time the physical abuse starts, the long term damage is done. When victims aren’t being abused physically, they’re abusing themselves mentally, beating themselves down and blaming themselves for the violence. That’s part of why most don’t walk away easily, but the other part is fear. When somebody is physically abusing you, you try to avoid “triggers” as much as possible, including doing anything to undermine their control. There’s a reason a very high percentage of abuse victims are killed AFTER they’ve left the relationship.
I wish I was joking about this, but I had to watch a family member go through it several years ago. Abusers are frightening people simply because they know how to manipulate everyone around them.
This is how it happened with my ex. I managed to leave before it escalated into violence against me but he was punching the walls next to my head and I knew it was going to end up in my face one day soon. I’m a smart woman but this man managed to worm his control into me so insidiously I had no idea I was in the situation until it was too late. He love bombed me at first, got me so wrapped up in him that it really did feel like a betrayal to go out without him with my friends. Then he withheld physical affection, making me even more emotionally dependent on him and his approval. Finally he just went into out and out threats and by then I was completely isolated except from my family who loved him and had no idea what he was really like. Thankfully he underestimated them and whose side they would take and I fled there. He then came to my work to try and get me fired and when that didn’t work he went through all my personal papers and phoned my family in my home town spreading such terrible and damaging lies I’m not sure we’ll ever be the same. If things had escalated to him hitting me there’s no doubt in my mind he’d have used that to maximum effect once I tried to leave.
I’ve seen the footage and it is not ok. What is so sad is that she went on to marry him. I too don’t know much about or if anything about American football but from what I can gather they are trying to save their own arses. I really can’t compehend what their relationship must be like.
Today she came out in defense of him. Asked everyone to leave them alone. We don’t understand “real love”. Sad she has obviously been abused for years.
That video is tragic. I can’t imagine what their relationship is.
I’m not victim blaming.. and that being said I think we need to provide women and men with resources to get help and counseling to help them leave these kinds of relationships. That when someone hits you and knocks you out cold.. you don’t marry him nor do you have a child with him. And counseling for men and women that are abusive.
this is not an isolated incident in the NFL; it is prevalent in ever area and profession in society. Not sure where or what the answers are.
That is a valid point. We, as women, are generally taught to bend over backwards to validate men’s action. IMO almost every women at least once in their life defended a man for something they would not defend a woman for. It may be as innocent as saying something stupid or as malicious as this. I feel for Janay. She is probably validating Rice’s actions to herself and everyone around him. I can only wish she will realize how unhealthy this is.
It has been scientifically proven that abuse victims have chemical alterations of the brain that actually prevent them from moving on. Much like an addict can’t stop drugs without support.
Counseling, and even medication, is necessary for women and men who are abused. They can’t just quit the relationship “cold turkey” like many people think
That’s scary. I always thought it was because some people are terrified of being alone.
My first husband abused me emotionally for years, then, as his alcoholism grew worse, began to abuse me physically. It’s so hard to explain to someone how this happens, and why you stay. When we first met, I never felt so “loved.” He showered me with attention, affection, compliments and thoughtful little gestures. He was handsome, charming, smart, successful and happy, everybody just adored him. When we married, I thought I was the luckiest woman in the world. He drank a lot, but so did I – we were in our 20s and that’s what we did when we went out with friends. That’s what everybody did.
As we got into our late twenties, other people, myself included, started to slow down on the 4:00 am drunken parties. I simply couldn’t do it anymore and go to work the next day. But he just drank more. He started to criticize me for little things – I was “lazy” because I didn’t want to stay out late, I wasn’t fun anymore, I was boring, I made him feel old, I was a drag to be around. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the confidence to see that it wasn’t me – it was him. I believed him, and I tried to change. He started flirting with “younger” women – I was all of 28, and I tried to be “young” too, so he would love me again. I’m 5’6″ and I weighed 108, but he started to criticize my body. I couldn’t do anything right. Nothing pleased him. I was stupid, lazy, boring, and if I would cry I was a drama queen, so draining, such a drag. He hated all my friends and cut off ties with our old crowd. Our “friends” started getting younger and younger because as we got into our thirties, nobody our age ( including me) wanted to be doing tequila shots at 2:00 a.m. on a Tuesday.
Anyway, to make a longer story short, it just happened so gradually. He’d be mean, then so sorry, he didn’t mean it, he adored me, then he’d get a little meaner and the apology was later in coming and not as ardent, then he was just mean. But by that time, I was so beaten down, so convinced that it was all my fault, and if I could only find the right way to please him, he would love me again. That’s all that mattered to me. If I could just fix this, everything would be ok. It took something very dramatic and very public for me to realize that he was the crazy one. That and the beginnings of physical abuse – shoving, arm twisting, etc. finally made me see a way out. But it had nothing to do with money, or fear of being alone or any of that, though it may for some people. It was because I loved and trusted him more than I did myself, and I believed him when he told me it was my fault.
@GNAT – a loving hug to you – I grew up in an physically and mentally abusive alcoholic family. I don’t think, unless you’ve lived it, that someone on the outside can really understand the sense of how constantly being told “it’s all your fault” erodes at your sense of self worth. It took me years of panic attacks and a great therapist to escape the mindset that it was my fault. As if I was the one in control, I was the abuser, when in reality, I was a defenseless young girl.
GNAT, I’m so sorry you had to go through that, and thank you for sharing. I’m so glad you got yourself out of that situation.
ETA: I’m so glad this site is the kind of place that we can share stories like yours and not be shamed.
I’m sorry GoodNamesAllTaken. I know it was a long time ago, but I want to say how much I appreciate talking to you and even though I’ve never met you, who I know online is a delightfully intelligent, fair-minded and beautiful person. Okay, enough schmaltz.
The entire point of the process of being an abuser/controller is to beat someone down psychologically, separate them from any other support, so that the victim is dependent upon the praise of the abuser, which is elusive.
GNAT I am glad you got through it. It is a horrible pattern I only observed from afar. It is sick how people are trying to rationalise this “incident”. It makes me sick in the stomach and knowing that there are many other sportmen who get away with it because a video has never surfaced is even worse.
@GNAT – hugs, sorry you have to go through that. glad you got out. it’s awful that people fail to empathize and blame women (mostly women) who end up in domestic violence situations. like there is any justification or rationalization for the abuser’s behavior and violence.
@GNAT that’s so terrible and I’m so glad you got out and are in a happier place now!
@GNAT I’m sorry that happened to you, I was lucky enough to get out before the physical abuse started. There are times though where I still battle the effects of the emotional/verbal abuse. At my weakest moments I still hear the words, even though I know what a piece of sh-t he was, it stays with you long after. Like you said, it starts gradual and before you know it, you’re cut off from anyone who tells you you’re not being treated right, that you are worthy. The last straw for me was when he tried to cut off ties to my mother, I refused. And then I watched a movie, I don’t even remember what it was but I bawled, because I finally realized I was one fracture away from being broken. I packed as much stuff in my car as I could manage, grabbed my dog and ran to my moms. It’s not luck, because I feel for the other girl, but he was seeing both of us at the end and I had become negligible. I tried to warn her, but he had already convinced his friends and her that I was crazy. Even after all that there was a part of me, and this disgusts me now about myself, I wondered why he didn’t come for me.
Even before I saw the video of Rice I knew they were too lenient on him, 2 games? Really? Goodell knew, but tried to cover it. The only reason Rice is suspended now is because he became an image problem. Had this video never surfaced, Rice would be reporting for duty on Friday. Even now, 6 games for domestic abuse is too lenient..
my grandparents were the same; my grandfather had been an alcoholic since the age of 15, but when they were young, they went dancing to all the small towns in their area. The socializing hid the addiction.
She became a teacher, and worked her whole life and was the consistent breadwinner. She got pregnant, they got married, had 4 more kids. That is when it gets hard to leave them.
They were married 63 years, he just passed away this week. I asked once why she had stayed. Her answer was that she loved him. She was independent, had 4 sons and a daughter who adore her and hate him, a great social circle who knew what was going on. But she loved him. He would sober up for a few months at a time, and they were positively giddy. They held hands, went on local trips, camping, visited friends, played cards. He was vicious when drinking, cruel and abusive. She lived for those happy times. And in her family of 58 kids/grandkids/greatgrandkids there is not a single alcoholic or drug user, and I think that is due to her influence. I cannot fathom her decision, but it made sense to her. I can see how loving someone and knowing the good times can make the bad times seem tolerable, but I wish women weren’t in a place in life where they felt like they should or want to stay in that relationship.
Man, these stories are so upsetting. Thank you ladies for sharing your experiences and maybe shedding some light.
The thing is, I’ve never had an experience with physical abuse, but I can still understand how it can happen.
We’re also not addressing the other issues (beyond the psychological ones) that often prompts victims to stay with their abusers: financial dependence, fear for the children’s safety/fear of losing custody, cultural/religious constraints, having nowhere else to go, and fear of not being believed by authorities/friends/family.
Thank you everybody for your very kind words. OKitten is right – there are many reasons why women stay in abusive relationships. Mine was lack of self-esteem, but all the others she listed are reasons as well for a lot of people.
This brought back a lot of bad memories, although my situation was not violent, or not nearly as violent as this one. But this, along with the CeeLo Green story also gives me a glimmer of hope. Maybe things are changing and people are ready to discuss all kinds of violence against women. Maybe that will lead to some change, and one less woman will tolerate abuse, or one more company will fire known abusers. Maybe this woman will find the strength to leave. That would be a positive outcome.
My abuser was my father, which is a very difficult and complex relationship to just “quit” and impossible to escape as a child. I did leave for a time but I couldn’t live with cutting him out of my life completely. Eventually, I went back. We had both changed. The situation had changed for the better. I love him, even though he treated me horribly, I always will. And I will always be disappointed with him but staying angry was too corrosive for me, I had to work through it and move on. I didn’t want to be like he was, angry all the time.
I just saw the video for the first time. I want to cry.
I can’t begin to put into words how enraged this made me – on so many levels. I do not buy for one second that the NFL just view this tape for the first time. Bullsh-t. And this abusive, violent mindset towards women has been tolerated by the NFL for years. Years ago, there were reports of hotel room service delivering raw steaks to the room Nicole Brown stayed in, so she could use them on her facial bruising. Common knowledge. And she married him anyway. And now Nicole Brown Simpson is dead.
I only hope that Ray Rice doesn’t take out yesterday’s actions on his wife.
Not only that – Ray McDonald from the San Francisco 49ers was arrested for domestic violence against his pregnant fiance a few days before Sunday’s game and he was allowed to play against the Cowboys this past weekend.
What I would like to know is how many times did he hit his girlfriend now wife when the cameras were not on? I doubt that was a one time incident
Good.
And what’s still disgusting is the number of fans that claim this was self defense. If you watch the video, he spits in her face repeatedly and then when she gets upset he knocks her out.
It’s disgusting, and you know that this is not the first or last time this will happen. And then for the nfl team to interview her with her husband present? Both the ravens and the nfl were commenting on this video months ago, and the back pedaling is absurd. What’s really insane is that law enforcement saw this same video and opted to plead him out to go to classes. If he had hit a dog he would have automatically according to the statute gotten at least a year in jail.
Tl:dr crap like this against women p-ss me off
Kind of like apologizing for walking on the sidewalk in the way of a speeding car that jumped the curb? “So sorry my body smashed against your fender.” Okay.
I know, seriously. So utterly disgusting.
His actions after knocking her out were so callous. If this was truly something that had never happened before, he would be frantically trying to help her. Nope, he drags her out of the elevator and even after she comes to, he doesn’t comfort her. You see another woman rubbing her back. So sad.
He’s definitely hit her before. This wasn’t the first time. You can tell by his reaction, there was no urgency to see if she was okay. Someone pointed out on twitter that “The NFL didn’t ban Ray Rice when they saw the tape. They banned him when YOU saw the tape.” I believe this 100%.
He is so relaxed around her after she is out cold, it’s definitely not the first time. The way he kind of tries to shuffle her feet out of the way of the elevator door as if she were a piece of furniture, it’s f*cking scary. He doesn’t care one bit.
And that tweet is spot-on. What I want to know is, did they really think nobody would leak it? Please. They should’ve preemptively axed him because if they saw it, the public would definitely see it. But I guess they’re used to this crap from their players? I don’t even know.
A friend posted on FB “Remember, the NFL let him go when YOU saw the video of the abuse, not when they did.”
He’s garbage and the NFL needs to clean house with him and all the rest. Allowing this bad boys club to go unchecked is ridiculous when they’re getting that kind of payday from it.
That’s so true … and so sick 🙁
Exactly. Also, his fiance could have easily been killed by hitting her head on a railing inside the elevator, or by hitting the floor. Ray would have then had a murder to face up to. This kind of domestic violence is not okay, even if she buys into it and is now trying to blame herself. Lots of women DO buy into this and accept it as part of the relationship. Even when she did strike him, with his strength and weight, he could have very easily restrained her or moved away. From what I saw in the video, she appeared to be drunk, and they had some sort of fight beforehand, for which he was going to make her pay. I think this ruling is a good way to set an example for a no-tolerance domestic violence policy.
Good.
I find it strange how people seem to be outrage how the NFL handle this situation, but not how the legal system didn’t handle this at all. This comes down to the legal system not the NFL, this man still got away with crime that is on camera.
What was the reason for no charges being filed? Was it that she declined to press charges? In light of the video, I would think there is more than enough evidence.
now that they are married, and they got married so f-ing quickly after this that it was sketchy, she cannot be compelled to testify against him. that might be the reason why the local prosecutor’s office didn’t bring any charges.
They pled him out to probation and classes.
Thanks L. Money and fame makes the justice system a different game altogether.
Charges were filed… the prosecutor allowed him to enter into the PTI program.
Yeah, I wondered about that too when my son pointed out last night that he’s already been dealt with in court and won’t/can’t be tried again. Horrifying.
I just read a timeline of it – they were both arrested for simple assault, but the police had video evidence, so then he was charged, she was not. Prosecutors upped the charges to aggravated assault, up to 5 years in jail. He was offered a program that sounds like probation – stay out of trouble and get counseling – because he was a first time offender in terms of being arrested for DV.
So there were arrests, charges, etc, but because of this program he was able to avoid a trial and potential jail time.
Hopefully all of these consequences, and the counseling he had to do, will change their relationship and end his abusive behavior. But I know the odds of that are very, very low.
The legal system did handle it, the usual slap on the wrist for domestic abuse. Not “don’t beat your girlfriend,” more of a “don’t make us watch you beat your girlfriend.”
This is so disgusting and sad. And the TMZ commentary from some football fans makes me sick. Even after this new video release, there is a lot of “she ran her mouth off, she deserved it, stay out of their business” crap. Seriously. Who are these people? There would be unanimous condemnation if he’d hit a dog. But a woman? She must have done something to deserve it.
Um, yeah. Michael Vick vs. this guy. Who was going to get away with more? Really sick.
some of the commentary I saw was “should he really lose his livelihood over one incident?”
first, it’s very likely not just one incident, as people have pointed out. his reaction after she falls to the ground is not that of a first-timer.
second, he is not losing his ability to WORK, just his privilege of working in the NFL and making millions. he can still get a job…heck, with the paycheck he already has, he can buy some restaurant franchise or car dealership and make a living that way. he just doesn’t get to make millions playing a game, that’s all. boo fricking hoo.
Absolutely agree, Doofus.
Also, I can’t believe that people are questioning Janay’s character right now. Just….wow.
I’m glad all these people are making their gross comments, now people can see the problem we’re dealing with. It’s not just the man with the rage problem, it’s this crappy mentality, make the girlfriend the bad guy, and all his buddies backing him up, his fans cheering him on, his coach telling him it’s okay and women lining up to throw themselves at him. There is no excuse for what he did. None. As someone said at the Daily Fail, if I run my shopping cart into your tank, does your tank get to crush my shopping cart? Punching a woman, knocking her unconscious and legions of fools think that’s okay because she maybe slapped him first.
And it is a big problem. To realize how extensively a misogyny pass is given to men like him is discouraging. And it occurs at all socio-economic levels. Always looking for the “mitigating” circumstance that made him do it.
And there’s this from The Atlantic*:
A massive recent investigation by the Charleston Post and Courier in South Carolina found that the state’s domestic violence epidemic partly stems from a legal system in which “a man can earn five years in prison for abusing his dog but a maximum of just 30 days in jail for beating his wife or girlfriend on a first offence.”
*http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/09/why-they-stayed/379843/
The NFL is a horrible rip-off organization. I know some of you like football, but the entire thing should just be disbanded. Violence is what the NFL is about. Traumatic devastating brain injuries. Brutal sport harkening to the blood-thirsty Colosseum days of Rome. Of course they let the beating slide. It is a Neandertal old-boys culture. They would have never taken action without being publicly shamed for it.
I will reiterate that the greedy NFL is a nonprofit that your taxes support, even if you have no interest whatsoever in the game.
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2013/10/how-the-nfl-fleeces-taxpayers/309448/
Judith Grant Long, a Harvard University professor of urban planning, calculates that league-wide, 70 percent of the capital cost of NFL stadiums has been provided by taxpayers, not NFL owners. Many cities, counties, and states also pay the stadiums’ ongoing costs, by providing power, sewer services, other infrastructure, and stadium improvements
i am an occasional football spectator, got into it through my husband who’s a born and raised fan of the washington fan. but yeah, the entire thing is gross. i feel very, very conflicted about sometimes watching games, they no longer bring me the pleasure they used to before i knew what was going on in the NFL with TBIs, domestic violence, the NFL refusing to pay players’ health insurance for life after they get used up and discarded basically (and that’s scratching the surface, i’m pretty sure). it’s all disgusting.
on the topic of violent acts committed by players – these are people often raised to play football, an extremely aggressive game where use physical force is rewarded, often with millions of dollars. we as a society value that aggression when the players are on the field, but somehow expect those people to turn it off of the field, and are surprised when they commit violent acts in their private lives. i am in no way excusing the violent acts these people commit. they, of course, have the agency not to beat the shit of out others. it seems like a systemic problem rooted in our society and what we value. it’s gross.
I agree Ag. I don’t think all players are abusers, obviously. But the system itself encourages brutality, and often offers free passes at the onset, pushing through some of those who were scholastic failures in college. I don’t understand how it is ‘family entertainment’. But look back to the shitfit they had over Janet Jackson’s nipple, aided by Timberlake, and who got the most condemnation from it. The ‘dirty woman’, of course. Which is ironic, since so many of the beer commercials they run feature scantily clad women as sex objects. The NFL has let the people know where it stands over the years and what its culture represents. Hit a woman, get a pass, unless you are publicly embarrassed by it.
I totally agree, and would add that the whole football system preys on the poor and uneducated. It promises them a way out of their circumstances, then chews them up and spits them out. Colleges use them as athletes, but couldn’t care less about their education. The few who make it to pro football have an average career of 3 years before injury prevents any more playing. They are given all this money with no help in how to invest it, so they usually end up broke. Their entire sense of self worth is tied up in this stupid sport and now they have nowhere to go and no way to make a living. Violence is encouraged, they’re “heroes” and “role models” for no reason whatsoever except they’re huge and athletically talented. They are really just boys when they enter the sport, and they aren’t given any guidance about how to become decent men. Just all that crap about “bravery” on the field. And they bring in so much money, when they do begin to show cracks in their character, it’s overlooked and swept under the rug, so all they develop is a sense of power and entitlement. I have often thought that if we, as a country, could take the money, resources, energy and passion that we throw away on this brutal, violent “sport,” and put it into solving our problems, we could do almost anything.
totally agree with you both.
Yep. Our city’s tax dollars built their new stadiums, and the team is now exploiting a loophole in tax laws that allows them to skip out on paying taxes altogether. Meanwhile, schools, hospitals, and government employees are seeing cuts left and right.
Yes, but how much money does the NFL bring IN to these areas?
I find it hard to believe that the NFL didn’t see this video. An what really disappoints me is when they finally stepped up, they gave him an “indefinite” ban, not a “lifetime” ban.
They are waiting to see how they can spin this.
co-executive producer Charles Latibeaudiere told “FOX Sports Live” on Monday night that despite NFL assertions that “no one in our office has seen it until [Monday],” sources working at Revel Casino at the time Rice struck his future wife in an elevator told TMZ that “people from the NFL” went to the casino shortly after the incident and saw the video TMZ released on Monday.
Latibeaudiere acknowledged that NFL commissioner Roger Goodell was not among those who saw the video at the casino, but that “employees of the NFL were at the casino to see the video.”
Had it not been for TMZ this video would probably have never come to the public’s attention, as the Revel Casino recently went out of business.
Nobody at CBS, NBC, FOX or ESPN had any interest in unveiling this video because they’re in business with the NFL.
I live in baltimore and I watch football occasionally. The fans that I know are happy that he’s off the team now. My sister even threw her ray rice jersey away. I never knew about the tweet the ravens made about ray’s wife being a part of it. I’ve lost respect for them.
For one of the very few times in recent memory, TMZ is the most moral media outlet in the country. Think over that for a minute.
The Ravens are allowing fans to trade their unwanted Rice jerseys in for a different player.
…
Don’t even. Please. He would’ve hit her anyway, I think that’s pretty clear.
yes, you’re right
I just looked at the video clip against my better judgement and am horrified.
People who ask why she married him–well …
Abusers don’t hit you on the first date, or criticize you and tell you that you will no longer be allowed to have friends, that you cannot ever not answer a call, that you will not be able to look other men in the eye much less speak to them without his looming presence at your elbow. Things start slow. Time goes by. Before you know it, a shove or a grabbed arm turns into a slap. Those open-handed slaps turn into closed-fist blows. Or maybe you just no longer have any friends, are afraid to go anywhere without him, and don’t dare speak to other men without permission and his oversight. You just get used to it.
I’ve dated a couple psychological abusers and I know, first-hand, the grooming process that goes into that dynamic. I’ve never allowed a man to hit me but that’s not the way I was raised. I was raised to go along with psychological abuse, though thanks to therapy I no longer participate. But maybe his wife grew up with abuse in the home. Just because it’s horrible is not a deterrent. If it’s what you know, it’s what you know.
I hope she gets out and gets lots of therapy. No abused person should feel shame. Therapy is what abused people need, and support.
Thank you for this post. well said.
very, very well put. people don’t generally understand the cycle of violence and the fact that domestic abusers don’t abuse all the time – that they methodically tell a person what they want to hear, simultaneously build them up and tear them down, and isolate them socially, often cutting off support (or making that person feel like they have no support left).
Now if only everyone would read this….
It’s the isolation and dependency that fuels the dynamic. It’s basically an every day instance of Stockholm Syndrome, to over-simplify it.
+1 million
This is a little bit off topic, but I seriously wonder how all the dope these guys take affects their brains and whether or not it makes one prone to violence and blind rages. I mean, when you have a constant stream of Olympians and pro athletes, including women, who engage in this kind of behavior, I think there’s got to be something to it. There seems to be a much higher than average rate of occurrences with athletes.
I posted this personal story before in the post on Cee Lo Green’s rape comments, but I will post it again as it is relevant to this particular story. This time I will go into more detail. When I was in college, a girl in my class was beaten so badly by her boyfriend who played for the university’s football team that she had to go to the hospital. Her footballer boyfriend beat her at an on campus party one night and threatened to have other members of the football team join in on raping and beating her. I believe at one point in their relationship he had raped her too. The university covered everything up. It made sure that the girl was okay and would be treated for her injuries, but from what I remember, the university was nervous about this girl making a big deal out of her assault and going to the media. I’m not sure to what extent the university did (or paid) to make sure she didn’t go to the press, but she remained silent and it was swept under the rug. I don’t know what happened to her boyfriend, but would not be surprised if he is also another rapist and abuser making millions in the NFL. The point is that this will never end because our society places more importance on sports than women’s rights. These football players (as well as other athletes) are treated like Gods around the same time they enter puberty. Their high schools and colleges give them special treatment from skipping the majority of classes and still passing to raping and beating their peers. As long as they continue to win games everything else that they do is irrelevant. The NFL along with every big ten university has turned a blind eye to rape and domestic violence much more than what we will ever know about. They will continue to do so only unless a particular crime is caught on camera and picked up by the national media. At the end of the day their bottom dollar is more important than stopping domestic violence and other crimes prevalent among professional male athletes. At least I don’t watch sports so I don’t have to feel guilty about funding these bastards.
i posted something similar up-thread. these players are raised to be violent and aggressive on the field, yet somehow expected to turn that off the field, and if they don’t, everything is usually a-ok. the profit they make is more important than the people they injure, they injuries they suffer themselves, etc.
You fund them through taxes.
Well, that is something beyond my control. I fund a lot of things I don’t want through taxes. At least I don’t worship these people and pay thousands of dollars for season passes, souvenirs, food at the games, etc.
You put the “sports” theme in, and it applies to your story, but I can give you any number of examples of this type of abuse that did not involve a sport or a university. This is not a “sports” problem. I have been the victim of abuse and sexual assault, no where near a stadium or campus. This problem is a social problem and it is NOT limited to jocks. Organized sports are good for kids, it’s a mistake to categorize it as a machine that turns out savage and aggressive behavior, that is not what’s happening.
The NFL is lying through its collective teeth. They have known about that video from the get-go. The truth is, they have no problem with their players beating the hell out of women unless it goes public and embarrasses the league. Then it becomes a firing matter.
So the Casino had no problem offering up the first video of her outside the elevator back in feb? Rices version was his GF was passed out drunk. The casino knew otherwise. I’m thinking she married him after the fact so if criminal charges were pressed she wouldn’t have to testify against him. I think the casino security was hanging on to the video inside the elevator waiting for a big payday. That’s appalling they wouldn’t release the whole video at the time.
This is the part I don’t get- I thought the first video was horrible enough! I have no intention of looking at the newest one, but wouldn’t law enforcement have had access to the entire taped assault? And that being the case, no prosecution?? Where was the victim’s advocate in this whole mess??
And this woman-you know this man blames HER for all this going down- pls let her have the name of the closest shelter close by.
“I’m thinking she married him after the fact so if criminal charges were pressed she wouldn’t have to testify against him.” That’s probably not the case. In most states, if not all states,if there is an incident of domestic violence the prosecutors can proceed with a case even if the spouse tries to drop the charges or refuses to testify. I think she married because she’s an abused woman that believes this man loves her.
True. I was just thinking that’s what might have went through their minds. I read older articles that said he was charged & investigated and the charges were dropped. How? With the video evidence. That’s baffles me.
From what I just read about the criminal case, the police had all of the video footage from day 1, but did not release anything publicly. So I don’t believe the casino held onto anything, it sounds like they gave it to the police/prosecutor right away.
I’m sure they did. if they withheld anything from the cops, then gave/sold it to TMZ, they’d get slapped with a “withholding evidence” or “hindering prosecution” charge.
they gave it up right away, I’m sure, and I’m also sure the NFL knew about and saw the elevator interior video. They were hoping it never got out to the public. I think some Revel security personnel was probably PO’d at how the NFL handled things, and saw a payday to boot. especially since the casino closed and they were (likely) out of a job.
My understanding is he did a plea deal with the DA as this was his first offense and was required to do DV counseling or something, basically a slap on the wrist. As far I know, that is exactly what would have happened to any other guy charged with the same crime with no criminal history. This stuff happens everyday, whether the guy is in the NFL or not.
What amazed me was the press conference I saw posted where she’s apologizing and he’s not and how they passed around a tweet or something where she apologized for her part in it. He’s disgusting, what a weak man, beats up a woman, and then has the arrogance to sit there while she apologizes to him on national TV. What a man.
Of course, they knew and slid it under the rug until TMZ released the footage.
That’s the part that both fills me with rage and makes me want to cry. Never has it been more apparent how far we still have to go before women are treated like equals; like human beings.
I’m glad the asshat got suspended indefinitely. But, I’ve seen here that she’s married to him and I’m concerned for her safety at this point. God knows how he’s going to take it out on her now. I hope someone’s watching out for her….
At least she, unlike so many victims has mass witnesses. Hopefully, all those eyes on them will keep her safe. For now anyway.
The whole video sickens me. Even after he drags her body out of the elevator, why is the elevator guy not rushing to help her? He stands there with his hand keeping the elevator open!
Thank goodness for social media, and people protesting and bringing light to this situation. Ray Rice is a piece of shit, and shame on the NFL!!!!
“Janay Rice says she deeply regrets the role that she played the night of the incident.” WTF. WTF. her role was… being there?
“I’m sorry my face got in your fist’s way.”
The video is horrific but I’m worried now he’s going to blame his wife for his being fired and kill her.
She is protected by the notoriety, if she turns up bruised, he’ll have a lot of explaining to do.
The part where he hits her is awful, but the part where he just dumps her on the ground is horrible. He didn’t care at all, no remorse whatsoever. I half expected him to kick her feet out of the way of the elevator doors, then spit on her.
This just breaks my heart:
https://twitter.com/Fox5Kyle/status/509317628700401664/photo/1
And the cycle continues …
omg, she thinks that’s real love?!
😫😫😫this is all terrible everything!
They read this on Mike and Mike this morning. I feel so bad for her. She’s probably very embarrassed because she’s tried to forget what happened and now that’s not possible. In DV situations, there’s a lot of making it understandable in your mind and making it your fault just to go on another day. I hope she gets some help to safely leave him.
I’m probably projecting big time here, but maybe she’s scared of all the attention. When I was with my abusive ex, any time someone would question his behavior it always meant that I was going to get it when we got home. It was always my fault that I wasn’t defending him enough and that’s why people were asking about my bruises or wanting to know why he was talking to me like that. I defended him as vocally as possible to anyone that listened because it was safer than not doing it.
Oh gosh that is so sad! I feel terrible for her if this is the case! And glad for you that you got out!!
Edit: ok that came out wrong. I feel terrible for her anyway … But this fear just somehow makes me understand her comment …. Ok not understand, but …ahhhhh! Please tell me you know what I’m trying to say here!
This exactly was my first thought when I read her instagram post–what did he do to her, for her to post that, OR what WAS he going to do to her, if she didn’t post that. I feel so badly for this woman. Because you know that he took it out on her (or is going to) when he found out that he was fired. I just hope she gets out before he kill her.
🙁 that poor woman. She’s so under his thumb and she either doesn’t realize it or is just trying to stem the eventual abuse she knows she’ll get because of this. I’m worried for her safety, especially now that he’s out of a job indefinitely.
Hey guys, I comment from time to time, but because of the nature of my job it is hard for me to come back and have a conversation because I only get on the internet maybe twice a day. I live in Baltimore, so I am in the center of this story. I was born in Baltimore and lived most of my life here and yes, I am a Ravens (and Orioles) fan. We celebrate purple Friday, we have a purple flamingo outside our house and a purple and black wreath on our door. Our community has rallies when the Ravens make the playoffs and my salon does purple extensions and purple highlights. Part of my pride in the Ravens and being a fan is because our city is continually counted out. People don’t take Baltimore seriously in sports and most other things. My pride does not however shadow my morals. I have always been uncomfortable about Ray Lewis after that incident in Atlanta. I know that he was not found guilty (the trail was televised on our local news), but the details didn’t get past me. I’m glad he found Jesus, but I always saw it as bad behavior being rewarded.
The sad thing about Ray Rice was that he was a role model for this city. No, not just because he could catch a ball, but because he did a lot for the youth of Baltimore. There are a lot of young boys in this city who are looking for a hero, and Ray looked like that guy. He spoke out against bullying and traveled to elementary schools around the Baltimore and Harford County areas talking about the dangers of bullying. He went to my niece’s school and there was a sweet video of him kissing a little girl with Down syndrome on the cheek. He was involved in the NFL Play 60 and played a touch football game with children whose parents were deployed. He was very close with a family whose son Ashton suffers from arteriovenous malformation and did a lot of fundraising for them and becoming close with Ashton. He spoke out about adults pushing past children at training camp for autographs and helped institute a children only autograph policy. I worked with Ray Rice during a charity campaign and he was nice as pie, taking a picture with my daughter giving her an autograph. I saw him dining out at Jimmy’s Seafood several times, including Labor day weekend with Janay and Rayven. He was the LAST Raven player I would have expected this from. That is part of the reason this is so frustrating and disappointing. This was a man who went around telling our children not to be bullies, and he does this to the mother of his child??
Don’t worry, lots of die hard fans of the Ravens support this decision. The video does not lie. There is a pizza place in Federal Hill that will take your Ray Rice jersey, give you a pizza and donate money to the House of Ruth. I don’t know if the Ravens organization and the NFL knew ahead of time. Nothing would surprise me from such a greedy, corrupt organization as the NFL. Of course this looks bad for PR. Rice had to be released. A lot of people, however thing that this should have happened months ago. Janay didn’t knock herself unconscious, so did we need a disgusting, graphic video to tell us that? Nope. The NFL has to make examples out of this behavior because it is unacceptable. Lots of people are using the he is drunk excuse. So if I am drunk and crash my car into another person and hurt them, I am exempt because I am drunk? No, and it is not an excuse. If you are getting so drunk that you hit people like that, there is a much bigger problem.
I have more to say, but I will make another comment so this isn’t a huge wall of text.
i’m in silver spring, and i liked rice because he seemed like a decent guy, and is a fellow rutgers alum. but, yeah, this incident has cured me of all of that.
That was an interesting post with local perspective. I somehow recall before the Rhianna beat down that Chris Brown spoke often against domestic violence, because his mother was a victim. Does anyone else remember that, or do I have it wrong?
I need to get to work, myself, lol. Ended up having to do stuff at night, which is what happens frequently to me when I talk myself silly on this forum during the day.
God, I hope that woman has someone watching her back, ready to get her out of the situation if needed. My experience is that the violence escalates when the abuser faces consequences for their actions because they immediately blame the victim. (Society doesn’t help by not discouraging that line of thought.)
And as always, the NFL reminds me why I stopped watching them years ago.
Ok this is my second part. Hopefully my first makes it past moderation because it was a novel.
In case your faith in humanity is restored, don’t worry lots of people here in Baltimore are defending Ray and trashing Janay. Most people are saying why did she marry him if he did this to her? She must be a gold digger. People have been calling her names like hood rat, and gold digger since she and Ray got together. From what I understand (through my inside sources lol) Janay is the one who wanted that statement/tweet out there about her claiming responsibility. It was implied heavily be their lawyer that it was an “even” fair fight between the two and she was just as responsible as him. That is the story that they wanted out there. There are numerous reasons for Janay to have married Ray and to have wanted that scenario out there. She is still a victim. I follow her on Instagram and she posted this, this morning…
I woke up this morning feeling like I had a horrible nightmare, feeling like I’m mourning the death of my closest friend. But to have to accept the fact that it’s reality is a nightmare itself. No one knows the pain that the media & unwanted opinions from the public has caused my family. To make us relive a moment in our lives that we regret everyday is a horrible thing. To take something away from the man I love that he has worked his ass off for all his life just to gain ratings is horrific. THIS IS OUR LIFE! What don’t you all get. If your intentions were to hurt us, embarrass us, make us feel alone, take all happiness away, you’ve succeeded on so many levels. Just know we will continue to grow & show the world what real love is! Ravensnation we love you!
i couldn’t believe this was her actual response and went to check on her instagram but a ton of news websites have picked up on this and are reporting it. so sad and honestly, i’ve never particularly understood stockholm syndrome but this is it in plain sight.
It’s not Stockholm Syndrome so much as her truth. We don’t know if he has changed since he hit her. It’s one act, and a brutal one, but I can certainly understand how she feels violated by the media and as if she’s living in a nightmare. Imagine if your dirty laundry was aired by TMZ. And everybody in the country was talking about it, tweeting about it, re-broadcasting it. Nobody thought about the consequences to her when they aired this video.
He is disgusting. And the way he drug her out of the elevator is chilling. I believe he deserves punishment and that he is a sick man. She should leave him posthaste.
However, if a person beats his or her partner, I just don’t see the connection to employment or the justification of a person being fired from a job.
Really? So committing a crime is not cause for termination? Even if he wasn’t charged, there is evidence of a crime in the video. Would it make a difference to you if it was a random person he assaulted? Is it because she is known to him that makes it less of a crime?
The NFL touts itself as wholesome family entertainment, which I disagree with, but most jobs you can be fired for no reason. This is a pretty good reason to fire someone.
Let’s be real. Most people that commit crimes aren’t fired from their jobs,unless there’s some kind of morals clause.
Exactly what Kiddo said.
I see this time and time again in cases of DV. When it’s an issue of violence against a partner or spouse, people cast it aside as a “private matter”, but if it was a child or even a stranger, no one would be questioning his punishment.
@fingerbinger-It depends on the severity of the crime. If I was convicted of a felony, not only would I be fired, but as a felon, I would have a lot of trouble finding employment somewhere else. At my job, getting arrested and thrown in jail isn’t conducive to being a productive employee.
@FingerBinger Really? I don’t buy that for a minute, except in the case of white collar crime, where all they do is a pay a fee to the government. Most companies can fire ‘at will’. Some will fire you simply for crap you say on facebook. They just can’t fire you for reasons that are anti-discrimination protected.
Are you for real? Yeah- public figures and multi-million dollar athletes DO GET FIRED FOR KNOCKING OUT THEIR WIVES. And so should every other middle-management f-ing ass*ole who gets caught red handed beating their spouse or ANYONE else.
You can’t be serious.
This isn’t true of all NFL contracts (although the NFL does have a general morality clause believe it or not)-but the Baltimore Ravens have a morals clause in all of their employee contracts including football players.
Many states also have specific laws about firing someone after a crime is committed. In PA, if you work for the state and don’t report a felony or misdemeanor incident in the first 72 hours-the state can fire you.
Companies only fire someone for cause. So if they were to fire someone for this issue, unless there’s a signed contract for employment involving a morals clause, that person would have to be convicted of an actual crime for them to be fired.
Ray Rice belongs in jail but the public mentality is similar to the NFL’s: they turn the other way or blame the victim. They think the victim should “know better” than to let the abuse continue. It’s no wonder the victims often blame themselves.
It took me 8 years to leave my abusive ex husband. They will be abusive, then apologetic, followed by a “honeymoon period” until the abuse starts up again. It’s a vicious circle.
My concern is for Janay. I’m sure Ray is very VERY angry right now and I’m really worried what he will do to her now. In his mind, I’m sure he sees it as being all her fault. 🙁 I hope it doesn’t take her as long as it took me to get out.
She married that loser a month after he knocked her out. Did you see the video of him dragging her body out of the elevator? It’s so disturbing. How desperate is she? Why would you marry him ???? You think he’s not going to hit you again ????
See my above comment. Victims of abuse usually have very low self esteem, and the abuser knows just how to manipulate, stroke the ego, bring it back down again and totally have the victim under his/her thumb. They will alienate all the friends that might turn the victim against them, or help the victim.
During the “honeymoon periods” the victims truly think their abuser will “change” and things will turn out right.
I married mine even after the abuse had begun. And I am generally thought of as an intelligent woman.
I definitely don’t blame the victim. This is ALL her husband’s fault. I know abusers are very manipulative, cunning, and can put on a “good boy” act when they need to. They can easily brainwash as well. It’s just crazy to me to think she married him just 30 days after he dragged her body out of an elevator. The bruises probably hadn’t even healed, so mentally there is no way she was “healed”. Even her father supports HIM. It’s insane.
I think as outsiders it’s much easier for us to see it the way it really is. It’s much more distorted from within, especially for the victim.
And my parents supported my ex, they thought I should honour my wedding vows.
Craziness, huh?
Hmmm did your husband honour HIS wedding vows? I’m pretty sure NOT hitting your wife is implied. Jeez yes very crazy !
When my dad was abusive my grandmother told me it was my duty to take the abuse and not complain about it. Once the abuser has control, everyone falls in line.
The Ravens terminated is contract, so he will never play for them again.
I thought I read that the NFL has banned him from playing for anyone indefinitely.
the message his wife posted on instagram made me mad, as if its the public or whoever posted the videos fault…not his.
They say her dad supports him and forgives him and was at the press conference. I guess he is taking care of her family or something, cause I cannot understand her dads/family’s logic
So much for turning to family for help.
Maybe he has similar inclinations, who knows?
And maybe where her abuse cycle started?
Without intervention, the cycle of domestic abuse does perpetuate itself from generation to generation. My experience. JS.
@Punky : Agreed. I married what I had grown up with. It’s taken many years of therapy to get some self esteem and figure this out.
@Deb – yes – I was engaged to a man, plans to wed in place when he took a swing at me. It shocked me into action. I realized I was headed down the same hellhole of spousal abuse. I ended it and he stalked me for two years. Thank God I’d met PunkyDaddy by then – once the abuser knew I had a defender, he left me alone. But it still took me years to gain a sense of self-worth. A big hug to you. ❤️
That video was disgusting all around. I had not payed attention to this thing but yesterday saw the first vid and that one was enough for me to feel horrified by how this awful human being treated his then fiancè. He just carried her out of the elevator like a bag of garbage, dropped her two times to the floor and pushed her WITH HIS FEET to remove her from the elevators doors like she is nothing more trash. Then I watched the video from inside that elevator and it made me sick to my stomach. Like I felt it churn inside. He is truly revolting and she should run.
Keith Olbermann has another great piece about this “Everyone Must Go”:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fh1x1-Z91sU&list=UUdJtV6wXT6lnrvldU_urowQ
I love Olberman’s response to both videos.
Contrast that with the Fox News talking heads:
http://thinkprogress.org/sports/2014/09/08/3564605/fox-mocks-ray-rice-victim/
I believe that he has been abusing her for years either physically or emotionally or both. I believe that the NFL knew about the punch in the elevator from the get go and was hoping it would stay under wraps and I believe that there is a cultural thing in the NFL that makes it okay to beat women as long as you don’t get convicted. And I want to hear now from those who stood up for Ray by saying things like she pushed him into punching her…Steve Smith and Whoopi are two who come to mind. Do they still think she pushed him into hitting her like that? If so they are a part of the problem that needs to change.
Good, but the NFL still has some explaining to do. All too often, for the sake of profit, the NFL (and college teams, as well) coddle and paper over their players criminal activity – whether it’s domestic abuse, drugs, guns, assault & battery, non-payment of child support, etc… I realize they under contract, but surely there is a conduct clause in these contracts. In exchange for the MILLIONS of dollars they receive paychecks and product endorsements, the least we should be able to expect in return is 1) playing ability and 2) respect for the law.
When sports stars or celebrities (think Justin Bieber, Lindsey Lohan, et al) are given little more than proverbial slaps on the wrists for their repeated criminal misconduct, what kind of message does that send to people? Particularly young people? The message is clear: if you reach a certain level of fame and fortune, you are above the law.
The message is clear and unfortunately true, as long as our legal system continues to reward and favor the wealthy, we will continue to have a legal system that fails to do it’s job.
I find this whole thing really sad on many levels. First I met Ray and Janay Rice, previous to this incident, and he seemed very nice and intelligent, and she was too. I have met a lot of professional sports players in my time and he really was good to the fans and easy to work with not like a lot of them. It surprised me when this came out, because this was not what I would have expected from him. Some of the others, but not him. A real eye opener in my mind as I don’t think I have met a domestic abuser, that I know of at least.
Those who say he should be in jail are right. However, I think his fame or money had little to do with it. The reality is if the abused won’t testify, which happens often, it’s really hard to prosecute. Playing devils advocate even though there is a video, she does go toward him in the elevator in the grainy picture before he cold cocked her, and she said she played a part in the argument and won’t testify. This is what happens a lot to every day people, and they don’t get any punishment and the cycle continues. Also, even if convicted, I don’t think our criminal system puts them in jail very long or gives them adequate counseling to change. I wish this event would make people try to change the system to make it easier for victims to prosecute, get help, and counseling for the abusers to break the cycle.
For those who are abusing Janay, give me a break. She was cold cocked in the face, and no matter what she does now she has been labeled the abused victim, or the gold digger, or the stupid wife just staying with him. I think it is far more complicated than that, and she has to live with whatever she decides to do, not anyone else. So I wish her luck in her decisions. I hope if she stays, that Ray does get help. It bothers me that no one seems to think that such a young guy could change, and I hope everyone is wrong on this.
In this case even though, the NFL and the Ravens probably only did it for PR purposes and were late, he is getting punished. Which most people with normal jobs never have happen to them. Most employers wouldn’t know about this if someone did this to their wife and didn’t get prosecuted. Which happens everyday. I think the anger at the organizations now would be better served to change the system and dialogue on domestic abuse.
“It bothers me that no one seems to think that such a young guy could change, and I hope everyone is wrong on this.”
I feel you on this but as a society, we continue to validate his behavior by suggesting that she provoked him.
Also, the NFL and the Ravens, the Ravens fan base, the law, friends and family of the victim all send the message that his behavior is acceptable by waiting so long to issue punitive measures or by standing by him in a supportive manner. I just don’t see someone like Ray Rice changing for the better when he’s surrounded by people who appear to enable and condone his violent actions.
I think both parties are to blame both him and her. They are both adults and should both be to blame to for their actions, just like he has no right to punch her she has no right to spit on him and so-forth. To continue to blame this all on him is not right either. The fact they went on to marry each other is probably the worst decision they made seeing as they had these type of violent issues before marriage! Let’s face it the only reason that he received a suspension or punishment by the NFL was because the video actually leaked otherwise he would have served his punishment through the law and no one would be discussing this.
She spit on him, he could have spit back…instead he knocked her the f*ck out. I wouldn’t be surprised if she gets pregnant very soon. Because a child will “fix” the marriage of course.
Ray Rice is to blame not his wife!!!!!!!!! He treated her like a a rag doll not the person he was about to marry. Do not even put this shit on her and act like she is partly to blame. Nobody deserves to be treated the way he did to her and worse thing is behind closed doors nobody even know.
I am not saying he treated her correctly what I am saying is she is obviously still with him they both argue with EACH other and they BOTH need to back away from this relationship because NEITHER of them know how to act. She needs serious counseling if she thinks he loves her and he needs anger management if he thinks he can go around hitting everyone who p-sses him off. Neither one of them displayed adult behavior when in a conflicting situation.
I see no part in the video where she spits on him. Even if she did, a blow from a man that large could KILL her, so not it’s not the same thing, sorry.
Instead of using the “she provoked it” excuse for his behavior, why don’t you put the onus on him to just WALK AWAY.
Actually, if you look closely at the video, you can see him spit on her – right in her face.
There’s so many different scenarios going around about who did what first…but really she didn’t knock him out…HE knocked her out. The blame is on HIM. He is twice her size…he could have killed her. She was no threat to him. Just the way he dragged her body out, face to the ground, using his feet to move her body…he is a disgusting human being !
He didn’t even bother to drag her out of the path of the elevator doors. He dumped her on the ground like a piece of trash. He then proceeds to kick at her to see if she’s conscious. He’s not even acting like a human being. I can’t believe people are still defending him and saying the blame isn’t solely on him!
twice. He spit on her before they got on the elevator, and once again once they got on. She pushed his arm away and that’s when he punched her. She did NOTHING to provoke him (which is a ridiculous idea to start with)
Not that this matters because even if he was tiny he shouldn’t have cold cocked her, but he really isn’t a big guy. 5′ 8″ and muscular but not huge. She is almost as tall as him, and he is certainly not twice her size. I have met both him and her. Just to show you it is not always the big burley mean guy who can beat you up. For violence on women to change we need to stop looking at them as the scary big monster. Most the times they look like the guy next door.
He knocked her so hard that her head the the railing and she fell to the ground like a rag doll out cold. He didn’t act horrified by what he had done. He never once knelt down to see if she was okay, beside himself for her. He just dragged her and when she got too heavy left her halfway in the door opening of the elevator. Do you know how many elevators malfunction? He could have cared less about the violence he had just inflicted on her.
Yeah you’d think he would have at least turned her body around so she was facing up to make sure she was breathing ! He didn’t seem rattled at all. I wonder if he’s knocked her out before? This couldn’t have been the first time he put his hands on her. He seemed way too calm. I could be wrong though.
I can hear it now, “This was your fault! If you hadn’t mouthed off I wouldn’t have had to hit you and I wouldn’t be in this situation.” She will stick by him for now, but his resentment towards her will only grow.
No he spit on her in the hallway before getting on the elevator. That’s why she threw her hand at him. Once in the elevator she was pushing the buttons when he grabbed her then she lunged. I see no violence on her part other then her reacting to his abuse. He’s scary and could have killed her as hard as he hit her.
He’s lucky he didn’t kill her, people die all the time from blows to the head like that, I would not be surprised at all if she was concussed. Getting punched is not like in the movies, and punching someone unconscious is very dangerous.
I actually could not sleep last night after viewing the video. It’s so much worse and more disturbing than I thought it would be. I truly hope Janay finds the strength to get herself away from this guy. The callous way he spit on her before the attack, and then dragged her limp body so she was only halfway out of the elevator and kicked her unconscious body with his foot absolutely chilled me to the bone. Those are not the actions of a loving, caring husband. For all he knew, she was dead. And he didn’t seem to care in the slightest. Good god. Leave him, Janay! Get out, or next time, you won’t be so lucky!
I really do NOT like football. It is much too violent for me, and little game play actually happens during a game. It is just one of those things I will never understand why people enjoy watching it. Anyway, the point of me saying that is, is it just me or doesn’t it seem like the NFL (even the CFL here in Canada) has many men in it that are prone to violent tendencies in their private lives? More so than other sports (because I realize there are abusers in other sports as well)? What I’m trying to say not so articulately is, what is it about football that has so many abusers playing in it? Is it the sport itself that promotes it? Or is it a type of person (someone who is more prone to violence) who is drawn to playing such a physical sport?
My husband was telling me last night that there was an NFL player who was suspended for a year for getting caught smoking pot. And then Ray Rice gets a two game suspension? So smoking pot (a drug that does NOT enhance your performance) is much worse than spousal abuse in the commissioner’s eyes? The NFL is one F’ed up organization imo.
Football teams have many more players than other professional sports and as such are more likely to have offenders among them.
The overwhelming majority of NFL players abuse some type of steroids or hgh which probably contributes to the violence.
Eh…I don’t know if it’s just the fact that it’s a larger organization. The sheer aggression and physicality of the sport cannot be overlooked. It’d be easy to make a connection between football players blurring the line between the on-field violence in their professional lives and their at-home demeanor in their personal lives.
You also don’t just become a star at 25. Boys are groomed for this from very young ages and treated differently by coaches, parents, teachers, whomever, so even if wealth doesn’t come until much later, that sense if specialness is instilled in them young, just like with child stars, so add physical strength, steroids, and little knowledge of the world beyond themselves and you have the recipe for rage induced by any emotionally confusing incident.
The wife has come out swinging about how it’s a nightmare what is happening to them, everything he has worked for is being ruined.
The problem is she talks about the night as something “they” deeply regret. It’s never “he” regrets it, is getting therapy.
I don’t understand the abused woman mentality, but I wish her luck “soothing” him over his indefinite suspension. He’s laughing all the way to the bank anyway. And she can laugh along with him. The NFL however – wow, what a class organization they are. Bunch of billionaire men …
So disturbing. My question, why is this even an NFL issue? How can you play when you’re in jail? And if he’s not in jail, then why is he not in jail? Also, is this really the kind of situation that should be handled with up-to-the-minute tweets? Ravens handled this poorly, to say the least.
It’s still amazing to me that the organisation hasn’t apologised to the victim for that stupid tweet they wrote on her behalf where she apologised for provoking her own abuse!!!
That tweet is so completely awful.
She said it, they quoted her in that tweet. Maybe they should apologize for repeating what she said but she said it.
Not gonna watch the video, but I’ve always found football culture suspect. You take young men with few other options, deny them a real education, treat them like gods, and make skill at brut force their most defining trait. The entire culture needs to be examined here, not that it excuses the perpetrator here.
I concur with your sentiment on football culture. I don’t really pay much attention to football, so this was really the first time I heard about what was going on. I did watch both videos and they are deeply disturbing. What disturbs me just as much is that this woman is still with him.
The situation makes me think of my sister, who has been treated this way for 17 years by her husband. They have four children ranging in age from 13 to 4 and she just continues to make excuses for him, even when she appears with black swollen eyes and split lips.
Deny them a real education? DENY them? I didn’t realize they were without agency in their education.
What a bizarrely classist statement. I’m not going to explain the socio economic complexities of athletic scholarships. Just google it.
Sounds like it’s time for an indefinite suspension of the NFL, as in boycott.
Boycott the NFL and boycott any corporation that buys advertising on their shows.
I just don’t see what difference this new video makes, other than giving the NFL a scapegoat for changing their decision.
We already knew he knocked her out. We already knew his actions made her unconscious. We already knew he admitted to such horrific violence. Seeing it happen in video does not change the facts of this situation at all.
The only difference it makes is that it finally shuts up the people who claimed that she came after him first and that it was self-defense.
Yeah, I agree the people that thought she was somehow at fault are now proven wrong, but IMO, that wasn’t a logical conclusion to jump to in the first place. I just don’t see how the video should change things for the NFL’s response, being that they knew the facts around it to begin with. I wish they would just be honest and say “we should have let him go immediately, it shouldn’t have taken this video for us to act in a responsible manner as an organization.”
Never gonna happen, but a feminist can dream, right?
Except alas TOK, they are still saying that. It’s on this page, and even worse on some of the sports threads.
Janay Rice deeply regrets that her face stood in the way when Ray Rice punched it. She also deeply regrets that Ray’s poor knuckles were slightly scrapped from hitting her face. She also feels bad that she gave Ray-Ray so much trouble when he had to drag her unconscious body out of the elevator. Janay sincerely apologizes and will try to keep all future incidents out of the spotlight, so as to always protect Ray-Ray because nothing in life is more important than Ray-Ray.
F*** the RAVENS!
John Harbaugh should be fired too. He saw this video long ago. He only cares now bc it is public. There is NO way that he did not see it. Unless he is an incompetent, stupid or a rube.
This clown makes me sick! Didn’t his mother teach him not to put his hands on a woman?
Given the irrefutable evidence that’s now been exposed, why isn’t this person facing assault charges?
I think they already settled the matter legally, which I think prevents them from bringing up new charges based on this video. I could be wrong, though.
No, you’re right.
The police had the video when they settled and they said so. From a legal standpoint the video is grainy and you see her go toward him, and then he cold cocks her, and she refuses to testify against him. It would be a hard case to prosecute, without her cooperation. Since it was a first offense, they probably thought this was the best they could get.
That is the reality of how domestic violence is prosecuted. I understand people being upset with the NFL and the Ravens, but really the bigger issue is the system is messed up. Sorry don’t think most of us are going to be in a relationship with an NFL player, but I am sure more of us might find one of the other million men and women who abuse their partner.
The NFL makes BILLIONS of dollars in profit every year, and pays ZERO taxes. They are considered a non-profit, just like St. Jude and your local animal rescue.
I bet YOU have to pay taxes, don’t you?
Email/Write?Call your Senators and Congresscritter and ask them to rescind the NFL’s NF status.
tarheel:
You are so right! If you set up a petition asking our senators and congressmen to rescind the nonprofit status of football and baseball and basketball leagues, I will most definitely sign it.
I think you should do that!
It’s a great idea.
So he is going to probably never play ball again and Janay is blaming everyone but Ray. How about the NFL getting some professional help for BOTH OF THEM? That is what needs to happen
Good that the game is finally taking a hard line on domestic violence. Enough of this already. No matter how talented, these abusers are NOT role models, and should not be rewarded for it with incredible wealth and should be punished. Now if only every profession could follow suit, but that’s wishful thinking. Yes, his wife is defending their private life (yes, the abused often do this), but no matter what she thinks, what he did was still a crime and young people need to know that!!
So even when there is a VIDEO with proof, many people will still blame the woman for instigating or deserving it somehow. Now imagine how the many women without this type of proof or the ability to find support feel…like no one will believe them and most will blame them somehow (for deserving it OR being “stupid” for being with him). No wonder very few women get help.