Jemima Kirke (of Girls) wishes to open a discussion on abortion. This is a surprisingly common medical procedure, but many women never tell. According to Planned Parenthood, 3 out of 10 U.S. women will have an abortion before they turn 45. Yet no one talks about it because the associated stigma is huge. There’s one clinic in my state, and the building is constantly surrounded by protestors. And that’s only the public side of things. The private shame of women who have abortions leads to them keeping it almost a complete secret.
Jemima opened up in a PSA for the Center for Reproductive Rights. Jemima (now 29) discusses how she had an abortion at age 22. She was a college student at the time and couldn’t support a child. She doesn’t regret her decision, but she does lament the stigma surrounding reproductive rights. Jemima hopes for a less politicized treatment of these rights when her daughters grow older. It’s not looking good in that regard. Oklahoma and Kansas just passed more restrictions on abortion, and who knows what other states will join them. Here’s the transcript of Jemima’s PSA:
“In 2007, I became pregnant with my boyfriend at the time. I wasn’t sure that I wanted to be attached to this person for the rest of my life. My life was just not conducive to raising a healthy, happy child. I just didn’t feel it was fair. So I decided to get an abortion, and I went to Planned Parenthood in Providence, Rhode Island where I was at school. Because I couldn’t tell my mother that I was pregnant, I had to pay for it out of pocket. I did have to empty my checking account, what I had in there, and get some from my boyfriend. I realized that if I didn’t take the anesthesia, I would be able to afford to do this. And the anesthesia wasn’t that much more, but when you’re scrounging for however many hundreds of dollars, it is a lot. I just didn’t have it. It’s these obstacles, and it’s the stigma that makes these things not completely unavailable, and that’s the tricky part. We think that we do have free choice, and we are able to do whatever we want, but there’s these little hoops we have to jump through to get there.
I’ve always felt that reproductive issues should be something that women especially should be able to talk about freely, especially amongst each other. And I still see that today. I still see shame and embarrassment around terminating pregnancies, getting pregnant, I still see it. So I have always been open about my stories. Always shared them, especially with other women. I have two daughters, actually. I have a step daughter who’s 8 and I have my younger one who is 4. I’m already anticipating their issues with self esteem, their issues with their body, the whole luggage that comes with being a woman. So I would love that, when they’re older, when they’re in their teens and 20s, that the political issues surrounding their bodies are not there anymore … I would hate to see them fight for rights.”
[From Center for Reproductive Rights on YouTube]
Jemima isn’t complaining about the price of an abortion. She simply had trouble affording one as a college student; and she wishes the stigma of abortion wasn’t so great that she couldn’t tell her own mom. (Not incidentally, E! did some research on the clinic Jemima used. The prices range from $500-800 with sedation costing more. Nowadays, RU-486 is usually cheaper than a surgical abortion but not by much.)
Aside from the cost, more and more restrictions are being passed on abortion, which will only increase the difficulty of getting one. Jemima’s correct — if women are supposedly free to choose, then why are there so many restrictions?
Here’s Jemima’s PSA video.
Photos courtesy of WENN
GO JEMIMA.
I find it disturbing that the only “acceptable” abortion stories are ones in which women can demonstrate extreme circumstances – rape, destitute poverty, abusive partner, threat to mother’s life, whatever – for something that is actually an entirely legal choice. It doesn’t mean you’re saying abortion is no different to contraception or abstinence: it just means something went wrong and you made a legal choice on how to deal with it. So I appreciate Jemima for sharing a practical choice. Precious few people are confident enough to do that.
I’ve said it before on here, but in the Jemima spirit of sharing, I’ll say it again. I had an abortion. As it happens, there were so-called extreme circumstances (health) but in no way was my abortion more moral/less immoral than any other legal abortion that has ever taken place. The law gives me and every other woman the agency to make a choice. And all our choices are equal.
Me too. 20 years ago last month. I’ve never regretted my CHOICE, I’m just glad I had a CHOICE.
I am sorry you had to go through this, but really glad you had a CHOICE. It’s sad that in such extenuous, painful situations, women still have to go through all the judgement, as if the choice had been an easy one until that point.
I am Brazilian. Unfortunatelly we were not given even the right to choose.
I am absolutelly pro-choice and will always be. No woman chooses this way because that’s the easy, painless, one, but because that’s the only way out they see. No woman goes partying after doing it, yhe emotional scars are going to be there… isn’t that enough to go through already without having strangers judging you and meddling in your business?
I trully hope women in Brazil will see the day we have, at least, the right to choose.
Never once have I regretted my abortion. I had it very early and it felt like a pap. A little pinch. Then they gave me a cookie. I was lucky. My sister paid for it and all my friends came over afterwards and we watched movies and got stoned. I feel like I should do more to help others get access. I was lucky. This inspired me. Good for her!!
Me too. Stunned to realise mine was 30 years ago. Good old UK National Health…..until it turned out my GP was a blasted Cætholic who made it clear to me that I’d get a termination only at the expense of her having to inform the parish priest, and thereby mortify and distress my oddbod relatives. (This was in Birmingham, not some tiny rural hillock like Nevers-sur-Dimanche.)
So I went private, BPAS. It cost 200 quid all that time ago, that’s mad. Anyway…..never a bother to me, no shame nor regret, and I get infuriated by the insistance that all women undergo terrible emotional trauma. Not me, in this I’m definitely free from guilt and jusy glad I had options. Protect the NHS with your dying breath……but beware of holy infiltrators and their “Me!Me!”consciences.
As an Irish person, please don’t get me started on how backwards we are on this issue. Our doctors are afraid to, even in cases where the mothers life is in danger or not viable because the law is so screwed up and unclear, so the chances of us even getting to it being a choice for every woman, well I can’t even see it happening in my lifetime (I’m 35).
Thousands of women a year are forced to go to the North or across the water, it’s shameful and one of the things I truly hate about living here.
I’m in the North of Ireland and we are archaic on the subject of abortion. The problem is the flat-earthers who hold majority power.
I hope for a better, freer and more equal Northern Ireland for my daughter. And welcome anyone talking about their choice.
Same here in Argentina. The law states that a woman with diminished mental capabilities has no power of consent, regardless her age, and could have access to an abortion. But the way it was written is so vage, that judges need to deliberate and consent and IF they do, the woman is usually past her 3 months and cannot have the procedure done. And doctors will stay away in case their licences are taken away. They could be committing a crime for all they know.
The Savita case in Ireland was a shocker, a seriously ill young woman, the foetus not at a viable stage – c. 17 weeks- she was asking for a termination but they deliberately didn’t act until it was too late because the Irish constitution was amended to give equal status to the foetus and the mother’s life. RIP Savita. Abortion should be avoided wherever possible but sometimes it’s necessary. I was very anti abortion when I was younger but now recognise the realities of some situations. But responsible contraception is important too.
I think she’s very brave, and it makes me sad that you have to be brave to say you did something legal, and made a choice that was yours alone to make. I understand that some people believe abortion is murder, but I feel that is a religious belief, and we are supposed to have separation of church and state. Yet women are bullied and shamed and threatened for not sharing this belief.
To me, the attitude that abortion is acceptable only in certain circumstances (sexual assault, etc.) makes the least sense of all. I don’t believe it’s murder. But if you do, murder is murder, no matter how the child was conceived. It wasn’t the child’s fault. So I don’t get that stance at all.
I admire her, and both of you for having the courage to tell your stories without being shouted down. You made a difficult choice, and it was yours to make.
well, technically, it is a murder. The question is – whether it’s a murder of human being, or a murder of something which is not considered human yet? It’s not really a religious question, rather a question of “at what stage (month) the embrio is considered human and is legally given the right to live”. Also, if a pregnant woman is murdered, isnt it considered a double murder?
I agree this is a brave move. I worry about the backlash. The haters are gonna hate. Some pro-life people will murder other people to make their point!
Recently there was a story in the news about a woman having a miscarriage whose doctor prescribed a drug that I guess helps to empty the uterus. The pharmacist WOUKD NOT FILL HER PRESCRIPTION because he didn’t feel like it. He decided she was aborting a baby.
One woman had an abortion at a clinic and went back to protesting there afterwards! So many women think THEIR abortion is justifies but nobody else should have one. The hypocrisy is blinding.
Incorrect.
Murder is the killing of another person without justification or valid excuse, and it is especially the unlawful killing of another human being with malice aforethought.
@Kiddo, im not sure if your reply was to me. Anyway, English is not my 1st language. By “murder”, i meant the deliberate deprivation of life. Maybe the word “killing” is more accurate. Which can refer to any living being. So the question is, when the living embrio becomes “human person” by law, with rights and all. And it’s not an easy question.
But lana, the law *has* already decided that. In each country where abortion is legal, legislators have come together and decided where the legal distinction between a medical procedure and an act of foeticide is. That is why abortion is legal and is not murder in any societal or legal sense. The body politic has come together and decided on a legal framework for the termination of pregnancy – in the US, in the UK and in many other countries.
Of course, an individual person is perfectly at liberty to disagree with a law, just not free to break it. Any individual can choose not to terminate a pregnancy because it is against their personal morality and they view it as unacceptably ending a life.
But those who don’t feel like that cannot be accused of murder. They have not committed a crime: they have done something which some people consider morally acceptable and some do not, but which is a perfectly legal act.
@lana86
I disagree that early term abortion is killing or murdering a human life. It is ending the potential for life, but I don’t share the belief that life begins at conception, therefore an embryo is a person. You have a point that this is not necessarily a religious belief, though. I suppose a non-religious person could hold that belief as well.
I think it’s appropriate for a person who kills a pregnant woman to be charged with two murders, even though I don’t think a non-viable fetus is a person. If the parents of that fetus intended to have the baby, then the murderer has ended what would have become a life had he not interfered, and he should be held accountable. It’s their choice. I don’t see those ideas as incompatible.
My approach to life in terms of the “where does life begin” has abortion not being murder.
Life of an organism is often ended by us and others without it being anything major. And “life” that we all know and hold dear is not capable of a fetus. Yes, they breath and have a heart beat, but cannot have the experience of “life” and all those qualities of it that makes it different from just existence.
So, as a professional in the medical field abortion is not murder in the sense of killing something that is alive and experiences “life” in the same way we all do.
I only stand against abortion when it’s used as a type of birth control.
GNAT – I think the only time that argument holds water is when the mother’s life is in danger, so the choice is which of two lives – as people who believe abortion is murder see it – to save. Otherwise, yes, it doesn’t stack up.
Actually, you know, I didn’t find the choice difficult. I found it easy. I never had a moment’s doubt or regret. But it is taboo to say that. To have made an “acceptable” choice, I must have suffered. But I didn’t and if I say that I didn’t, all sorts of judgments get made about me (not by you, of course). I’m an obnoxious old boot who doesn’t care in the least about that, but many women do care and are intimidated by it. So I suppose I feel that if Jemima makes it even that tiny bit easier for them, the least I can do is pipe up too.
Yes, to everything you said.
Ditto. I didn’t agonize over my choice–for many reasons, it was the only one I could make–and I’ve never been sorry. But good grief, I would never have been able to come up with $800! That’s awful. When I read that, my immediate thought was that surely some women go ahead and have the babies simply bc they can’t come up with $800 all at once. I mean, that’s got to be pricing people out of the market. Obviously a birth and child costs far, far more than $800, but that’s over time–and in the future. A right-now, all-at-once cost of $800 for (in many cases) a young woman…wow. I think I’m going to make a donation to Planned Parenthood today.
enya
I also had an abortion at sixteen. I never regretted my decision because it was the correct one for me at the time. I’m lucky because I live in a state that is very progressive. It’s disturbing to me that at this time a legal right that we should be allowed to make regarding our bodies and life, that it’s still up for debate.
What we do with our lives, bodies is not up for a political debate. Our bodies are off limits and nobody should ever feel shame or even harassed for making a decision about their legal rights.
No regrets whatsoever either. I flirted briefly with religion afew years later and made the mistake of telling my cell group. I only mentioned it to them because they were talking about some former Church member who was now an alcoholic and the prevailing theory (based on unfounded gossip fyi) was that she had an abortion that messed her up. Now let me tell you, nothing sets a Christian off more than a woman saying she is not and has never been a wreak over her abortion. Over the next few weeks, I was told that my lack of guilt was itself sinful. It became a mission to try and make me feel shitty so that I can come to God for forgiveness so I don’t feel shitty anymore. We had many pseudo philosophical debates about life and souls and spirits. I was anonymously sent the phone number some lawyer who advocates against the right to choose, going by his YouTube video the man is a closeted mess. (Actually a good size of the guys that are super vocal about this ping to high heaven. I wonder why)
My brief encounter with that bunch would have been hilarious if it wasn’t so sad. Sad because there are definitely women who have been coerced into a state of depression just so that the “Lord can have an opportunity to rescue them”.
Wow, Pinky. Just wow.
@ Enya – although abortion is freely available on the NHS here in the UK, the stigma and shame we are all talking about here still exists. It’s much less prevalent than it is in the US, but it’s still there. This means many women would prefer to use one of the charities and not involve their family doctor, who is needed to provide the referral for an NHS procedure. The cost, even through a charity, is £400 to £800, way above what many women can afford.
Also, about 40% of teen pregnancies end in abortion here. But about half the remainder would have ended in abortion were it not for the pregnant teen being too scared/ashamed to get help in time. By the time it’s out in the open, it’s too late.
These are two reasons why conversations like this are VITAL, even in more liberal/open countries with universal healthcare including reproductive rights, like the UK.
I cannot tell you how much I appreciate and respect you ladies for your honestly.
Yep, may not be what people want to hear but frankly I don’t care. I didn’t agonize over the decision and I have never felt a moment of regret over it. It was absolutely the right choice for me at the time. I haven’t been put in the position to do it again so I can’t speak to if I would do it again, but in that instance I knew it was what I had to do.
Thank You to the truth-tellers.
Man… I swear this is not in an effort to sway anyone in any direction because I am completely pro choice. But I can’t help it – all I keep thinking when I read these comments is that I’m glad that my Mom didn’t do this when I know it would have been the decision a lot of people would have made in her shoes.
She was 17, her husband of one year was a kleptomaniac/pot-head and her parents were domestically violent alcohol abusers. She had slim to no resources. She dropped out of high school to have me and worked two jobs to support us. She was emotionally unavailable for the early part of my childhood while she worked so hard.
She was tired. She cried. And she was angry a lot when I was really little. But I saw her humanity and I saw her strength and I watched her pull herself up by the boot straps over and over, go back and get her GED, remarry and learn and grow… Even though she was inexperienced and the situation was not perfect, I still saw what she was doing and became a very resilient person from it.
My childhood wasn’t ideal but it was a childhood. I love my mother for the hard sacrifices she made to have me and I’m glad she did.
@enya In and around the DC area (NY Mass) I know there are payment plans. There are extremely high interest, but there are ways. Also there are small informal “grants” for lack of a better word where non-profit organizations will help you fund your procedure. I have lived outside of the United States (California) for the past 8 eight years, but I do not remember my girlfriends (there were three) who received abortions from Planned-parenthood had to pay. I believe it depends on your income. I donate to them as often as humanly possible.
My mother has had 2 abortions, one by choice, no contraception of any kind by that time ( we were three children already and not in good economical conditions). The last one was spontaneous and terrible and i remember her bleeding all over the house. My father had to keep it together and take her to the hospital BY FOOT. There were no cars or phones to call an ambulance. Next morning i went to the hospital and there were some women discussing in front of the OBYGN door and saying that the women inside were horny animals who couldn’t contain themselves. There were maybe 20 pregnant women there waiting to get the check up and yet still some old ones said those words as being pregnant was a shameful act even if they had done that before in their youths. Imagine what they could have said about abortions. So yeah let’s talk about this things even if some people may not like it. I am almost 35 and i still get judged by people when i say i just need sex and not long lasting relationships right now. Imagine if i say: yes i am pregnant but i can’t afford a child so i am going to abort for his/her sake and mine. IMAGINE
I didn’t find the choice difficult either. I don’t want kids – never have. I knew before taking the pregnancy test what I would do if it was positive. I made an appointment immediately, went the RU 486 route and haven’t regretted it even a tiny bit.
There were protesters outside, and I just waved at them. I’m an atheist so fundamentalist Christians looking down on me is not something I can bring myself to care about. But there was a notebook inside where women could write down their stories if they wanted, and I did want to cry when I read that. So many were ashamed, thought they might go to hell, were afraid to tell anyone, etc. It was heartbreaking. More power to Jemima.
Add me to the list. I’ve never regretted my choice and it was always was by at a rather young age. I’m cut out to be a gossiper, not a mother. Here in Canada, mine was free in the hospital – of course with anaesthetic. I don’t remember the hospital staff being anything other than kind.
Mytbean, your mom made the right choice- for her. And clearly it was a good one. It’s great that you can look at her behaviors and your childhood and understand where all of that was coming from. What great fortitude she had. I think you are both lucky.
I wish abortion was legal in my country. Clandestine abortions would be erradicated and women wouldn’t have to submit themselves to dangerous procedures. Even if it’s a minor or a woman with special needs and the pregnancy is a result of rape, they can’t get one unless they’re wealthy enough to go abroad.
I sometimes loathe living in such a Catholic country.
Well–there you go. Even worse than $800, and women ARE priced out of the market. That’s so sad. And so bad.
Women need more support all around. I’m serious. Women don’t love getting abortions. It’s not fun. If they feel that they need to make that choice, the additional shame and I’ll will is crushing. They may be fine and they may not be and they need to be able to share that. In addition, many women have abortions when deep down they don’t want to- they feel afraid to have a baby or what their families think or feel pressured by their partner. They need to know/feel support to not abort if that’s how they feel- resources, financial support if they need it, whatever.
No one should be forced either direction on abortion, and both sides need and deserve support. That’s the basis of being humane to someone and I personally feel that at least where I live, we do a horrible job at it.
Thank you ladies for sharing your thoughts and your stories. As a college student in a similar position in life to the one Jemima was in when she chose to have her abortion (and as one who hasn’t 100% decided that motherhood is the right path for me yet) I hold my RIGHT to chose very dearly. And firmly believe that women will never stand on equal ground until we get rid of the absolutely ludicrous notion that anyone else has the right to tell us what we can and cannot do with our bodies, a belief that extends from the outdated notion that a women’s body can be owned by anyone other than herself. Sexist af. *breathes* *Clark Griswold voice* Holy sh*t, where’s the Tylenol?
@SHAMBLES I never said anything about slut shaming, women are free to sleep with whoever and how many ever people they want. My point was with sex comes responsibility.. pregnancy, stds, relationships emotions etc. If you are not ready to have a child then protect yourself against it, and by all means be free to screw whoever you want. If you protect your self from something you don’t want then you wouldn’t have to deal with being in charge of ending a life that never asked to be born out of irresponsibility. Again discluding sexual assaults etc.
@ Darling
There’s another justifiable scenario which I’m surprised no one has raised here.
I was recently pregnant after years of trying to conceive and tragically found out at 14 weeks that our baby had a severe neural tube defect (acrania) and wouldn’t survive the pregnancy. There was no gray area for us to decide to have a surgical termination. We wanted to spare the baby any further discomfort / deterioration of their physical status. Though I understand when other women chose to carry to the natural term of their pregnancy in these circumstances – it just wasn’t for us.
And you know what the hardest part was? Trying to research the procedure and aftercare, and instead coming across multiple (we’re talking the vast majority) abortion-shaming websites. It was really really awful and upsetting (I didn’t needed anything else to make me feel worse).
It just goes to show that no one knows what the woman is going through and therefore we shouldn’t judge. Period.
I got pregnant within a monogamous marriage (10 years!), after two kids, and while using all kinds of protection. We didn’t want to and couldn’t handle an additional child, so we made the decision to abort the baby/fetus. It was a very difficult and very easy decision because we knew for sure that if we had had another baby, our marriage and my sanity would suffer, perhaps irrevocably, and I felt that my duty to my living children far surpassed any responsibility to a potential child. My pregnancy was not viable, but even if it had been, and for any future pregnancies, my husband and I agreed that our decision would still stand. I’ve never met any woman or have known anyone who has met a woman who has ABUSED this choice. Do you know how hard this is on a woman’s body?! And the potential for things to go wrong?! And how expensive it is?! And that condoms are much less expensive? To say that “a lot of people” (source?!) use and abuse this choice and get abortions back to back is just… wow…. completely not in accordance with any facts or statistics as I’ve ever seen them. And “don’t open your legs” – should I have also refrained from that? Just an academical question. Maybe men shouldn’t put their penises in women without adequate protection, or even, I don’t know, keep it in their pants? I just cannot.
I thought this was an interesting article:
http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2014/09/14/sunday-review/unplanned-pregnancies.html?_r=0
How many of us use birth control perfectly, as hard as we may try?
I think the problem is a lot of people use and abuse this choice. There are women who struggle every day to have a child, and there’s women who get abortions back to back because of failed relationships. My personal opinion.. If you can’t afford to raise a child get on birth control, give the child up for adoption or don’t open your legs, there are other choices an people gravitate to the easiest one which is terminating the pregnancy because they don’t want to deal with the consequences of their own actions which results in ending a life..minus sexual assault etc.
I don’t know of any person who gets abortions “back to back” as a substitute for birth control as you’ve said. They aren’t a joy to have. Abortions are invasive, uncomfortable, and for many women, pricey. You are, of course, entitled to your own views, but I can’t help but think that people who think like you are a big part of the problem women are facing in regards to abortion.
And I believe that this notion of women using abortions “back to back” as contraception is a pernicious myth that has been perpetuated to stigmatize abortions and shame women. I don’t believe that this occurs nearly as often as so many people would have us believe.
“Give the child up for adoption or don’t open your legs.” Yes, let’s slut shame, in the comments section for an article about the ridiculous amount of shame already surrounding this personal choice. As far as putting the child up for adoption, again, it’s between a woman and herself whether she wants to carry a pregnancy to term. No woman should have to feel shamed into going through with an unwanted pregnancy. The whole point is that it’s no ones place to comment on what a woman decides to do with her own uterus.
the woman getting the abortion doesn’t owe anything to someone who can’t get pregnant
” My personal opinion.. If you can’t afford to raise a child get on birth control, give the child up for adoption or don’t open your legs, there are other choices an people gravitate to the easiest one which is terminating the pregnancy”
And your opinion should only involve you. The second you or others try to use your opinions on another woman’s choices, you have crossed the line. And the slut shaming is unnecessary. Women don’t become pregnant by themselves.
Invoking the myth of back to back abortions is shameful.
It also should be pointed out that laws targeting abortion, target poor women in particular. To paraphrase Ruth Bader Ginsburg, women with money will always be able to travel to get an abortion.
If the woman can’t afford to be pregnant or doesn’t want to be pregnant, then adoption is not a solution. I’ll never understand why people don’t get that.
I’m definitely pro-choice so I don’t agree with a lot of what has been said here. But I will say that I knew someone personally (an ex-stepsister) who used abortion as birth control and had several a year. It was sad and awful and I DO NOT think she represented the majority of women who have abortions but it also isn’t a complete fabrication that there are people who do. She had substance problems and terrible relationships, both romantic and familial, and was just a real mess. She should have gotten birth control – she should have gotten a LOT of help – but that wasn’t the way her life went.
I feel like an ass for saying it but even worse is the one time she couldn’t get through a crowd of protestors to the clinic and ended up having a child. She became a stripper and, many of us suspected, a prostitute to support her son and her unhealthy lifestyle. Her life was no place for a child and she should have given him up for adoption but she was obviously not in her right mind about any of it. I dont have contact with her or any of that family anymore but I worry constantly about the kid and the things he is being exposed to and dealing with at such a young age. His life is going to be full of challenges and, sadly, it will be very hard for him to ever break out of the cycle that she has brought him into. The least I can possibly say is thank goodness she only ever had one. She could have ended up with several more.
And what about people like me, who were on birth control, and using condoms in a marriage because we didn’t want and couldn’t take care of a baby, AND still got pregnant? i should have just ‘not opened my legs’? That is none of your business at all.
But it’s none of your business on how a person lives their life. This is about the one thing you have control over, your body. It’s not about judgement on what circumstance got you to that point. Do you know how many women died before abortion was legal because they were so desperate to have an abortion? Do you know how many women died leaving behind families? It’s horrifying. I’m so grateful that if ever I’m in a situation I can go have a safe and legal procedure.
I will protect a woman’s right of choice till I can no longer speak. It is not a religious organization or government to decide what is right for our lives.
Adoption can be a great choice in some situations, but it’s NOT a viable option for many women experiencing an unplanned pregnancy. Nine months of pregnancy is expensive if the adoptive parents aren’t covering medical costs and it could prevent a low income woman from working – either through employer discrimination (technically illegal, but we all know it happens) or because of impacts on the woman’s health. In the same way, it could cause a high school or college student to miss valuable class time. And what about when the pregnant woman doesn’t want the world at large to know she’s pregnant (abusive partner, parents who would kick her out, social stigma from peers, just straight up not wanting to answer questions from strangers about when she’s due/whether it’s a boy or a girl/if it’s her first baby/is she excited/etc – strangers are nosy about pregnant women)? Adoption is just not for everyone.
Please don’t use infertility as an excuse to take away a woman’s choice to have a baby or not have a baby. The two are completely unrelated. I could not have children. That’s my problem. It has nothing to do with another woman’s right to control her own body.
Actually, Goats on the Roof, I know of quite a few women who’ve had multiple abortions (up to 4 or 5) because they refuse to get contraception or use condoms and aren’t with the guys anymore so they abort the fetus. It isn’t the norm or something that’s a trend, but to say it’s a myth is also incorrect.
@ Dahling.
“If you can’t afford to raise a child get on birth control, give the child up for adoption or don’t open your legs”
How about if YOU you can’t afford to raise a child get on birth control, give the child up for adoption or don’t open YOUR legs and mind your own business about what other women do with their uteri. It really is as simple as that. Every woman should have the right to choose what to do with her uterus and when.
Wooley says:
April 16, 2015 at 9:05 am
the woman getting the abortion doesn’t owe anything to someone who can’t get pregnant
I agree!
If you believe that abortion is morally wrong, why do you believe it is acceptable in cases of rape? The fetus didn’t do anything wrong there either. Either you think a fetus is an independent human life whose rights trump the mother’s, or you don’t. If you don’t, and you think that women should only be allowed to have abortions only in circumstances that live up to your personal standards (i.e., the woman didn’t make a choice to have sex), then, yeah, you *are* slut-shaming. And, as others have pointed out, contraception fails — that is a real thing, that happens to real people.
I have struggled with infertility for years. The ONLY way I can get pregnant is through expensive, invasive, grueling IVF treatments, and I miscarried one such pregnancy earlier this year. It was hell. I will also say that my experiences have only confirmed my pro-choice views. No woman should ever, ever find herself in the circumstance of being forced to carry an unwanted pregnancy to term. It is an incredible violation of a human being’s bodily integrity.
“don’t open your legs” is the most misogynistic phrase ever written. smh
I knew a young lady who i went to school with, who by the age of twenty three had eight abortions. Eight abortions… Sometime I think about her and I pray she is an anomaly. Eight freaking abortion by twenty three. I can not deal with anyone who thinks abortion is a form of birth control.
An unprotected one night stand led to the abortion I had in 1991. I was twenty-four years old at the time. I still remember walking past the protesters to access the building. I was surely relieved their mission from God was over by the time I was ready to leave. I wish there wasn’t such a stigma attached to it. Every woman deserves reproductive freedom.
I was raped as a teen, by a stranger during a family vacation overseas. My parents had very high expectations of me – I was supposed to have perfect grades, manners, and so on – and I could not bring myself to ruin the family vacation by telling them what had happened to me. I’d gone out on my own at night – sneaked out – to hear some local music playing on the street and was assaulted. Lost my virginity that night.
I was terrified that I might be pregnant, or that I could have contracted AIDS (this was in England, 1990). In the end, I wasn’t pregnant or HIV-positive, but knowing that I had the option of an abortion if it came to that was everything. Though I never needed it, I was so, so glad to have that choice available.
Wow @lunareclipse. I’m so sorry you went through that! While, as others have said, dire circumstances shouldn’t be needed to “justify” an abortion, with everything else you must have been feeling and dealing with, I’m so glad you had the comfort of knowing you had that choice.
Sending love to you & thanks for sharing your story. Having choice is having freedom and control over our own lives. It’s simply non-negotiable.
@luna thank you for sharing. Reading this blog has been humbling, so many women with real life experiences on this & they have wisdom to offer, wisdom from your experience. Stories like yours makes me think & know it does the same for others.
Honey, I am so sorry this happened to you. I hope you have been able to heal. Thank you for sharing your story.
bravo. I too feel like if more women came out and talked about having them we could reduce the stupid stigma attached to it-like the only women who get them are damaged in some way or damaged for life afterwards. my mom had 3 abortions before she had three children. plenty of women go on to have children later, or already have children and choose not to add to their families if they accidentally get pregnant.
Disclaimer: This post was written, then when I hit save, the entire line of comments updated, and I see that some people have showed up to turn this into a debate.
I’m so pleased to see the upfront attitudes on this thread. I terminated a pregnancy at 21. It was the result of a casual hookup and I didn’t want to be tied to him for the rest of my life. I won’t lie, I’ve had some regrets and some bad moments since that day, but I’ve been working on peace for my decisions in life. I’ve never been able to tell anyone except my best friend at the time and my husband now. My cousin had an abortion, and her dad told my dad, who told my mom, who told me, and I couldn’t bring myself to reach out and comfort her, to tell her it’s going to be ok, to offer my perspective, simply because I couldn’t bear the idea of my mother and father finding out I terminated a pregnancy-and I’m 34 years old, married, with a 4 year old. There is such a negative stigma around this perfectly legal procedure that it changes who you are in people’s eyes.
Well, an embryo is a dependent life, not an autonomous one. It is dependent on and changes the life of the mother, who – in my opinion – should have the legal right to determine whether or not that change is in accordance with her will for herself.
I don’t doubt Jemima’s story will resonate with many people.
Newborns are also dependent lives.
@illyra: No, they’re not, and I think you well know this. Is a newborn dependent on others for its care? Absolutely! Those of us who are parents or other caregivers know this well. But the difference between my sons when they were embryos/fetuses and my sons when they were newborns? You can hand a baby to someone else. You can’t hand the contents of your uterus over to someone else to go to work without a backache. You can’t pass off a fetus when it and its placenta are still making you vomit daily at seven months (thank you, son…). You sure as fun don’t get to hand it off for its last few hours inside. And that’s not to mention that some women have lifelong changes from pregnancy. So although a newborn needs very hands on care, no, it is not dependent on getting everything it needs from your body.
I couldn’t even focus on the article, I was so distracted by the track marks inside her arms in the first photo. :O
Yeah, there appear to be marks on her hands and wrist too. It’s not a rash?
RIGHT?! This to me is way more shocking than the article. WTF is up with that?
I had one too, in New York City in 2002. Never regretted it for a second; all I felt was tremendous relief. And I STILL have not told my mother, 13 years later. She had one herself and has always talked about how wrong it was, what a terrible decision, blah blah. Thanks, mom, for ensuring your daughters can never come to you in the event they find themselves in the same situation. Blech.
I think it’s great that she’s speaking out about her experience, especially because she’s now happily a mother to 2 kids (I think a lot of times celeb abortion stories seem to come from women who remain childfree). I also think, entirely unrelated to this story, that Jemima is absolutely gorgeous, especially in that last pic. How can I get skin like that? Stunning.
So a woman who had an abortion but remains childfree is somehow different? I had an abortion fourteen years ago this weekend and I have no biological children. Why? Because my husband has two boys and a pain in the a$$ ex wife … after marrying into THAT, I didn’t know if I even wanted to stay married. My husband was worried IF we had a baby that I would just leave.
All the reasons why I chose not to have kids were for the BENEFIT of those kids. Yes, I might be alone in old age, but I didn’t bring unwanted children into the world for my own selfish reasons. There are enough neglected kids in the world. Enough judging childfree people already!
I don’t think someone who uses the phrase “childfree” means any judgment. And actually a large chunk of women who have abortions already do have children, not to mention the many women who will have children later in life.
I think you misunderstood my comment. I wasn’t saying anything negative about women who choose not to have biological children. I just think that when someone like, say, Gloria Steinem is in the news with her abortion story, anti-choicers might look at her and say something about career women who don’t want kids being the type of evil people who have abortions. I think it helps the pro-choice cause to also have women publicly sharing their stories of choosing to have an abortion despite either already having kids they love and/or wanting to have kids in the future. Hope that makes sense. I fully respect the choices of women who opt not to have children at all.
No because too often the anti-choice crowd lies about women who abort being “baby haters”. Which is stupid because the majority of women who have an abortion already have at least 1 child.
For a country that claims to have separated church and state, I feel like this is a super brave move by Jemima.
Every time I hear about women having to travel hundreds of miles simply to be able to make the best decision for their bodies and their lives, a little bit of my heart breaks.
Coincidentally, I was reading in The Guardian about Wendy Davis’ memoir this morning and her own experiences with terminating pregnancies.
I’ve never been in a situation where I’ve needed to consider an abortion, but when I read about how strict laws are becoming in the U.S, I feel so, so lucky to live in a country (the UK) where we have free healthcare at the point of access.
You might find this an interesting article: http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/a23771/abortion-ministry-of-dr-willie-parker-0914/
I was deathly afraid of getting pregnant in college so I took very thorough precautions. It’s interesting, I went on to progress into a vicious case of endometreosis in my early 30s. I just kept miscarrying. I am now childless. I have a friend who had abortions at 15. She was really manipulated by a guy in his 20’s. So I understand. Poor thing was haunted that she had to deal with it without her moms knowledge. I see both sides of it, but now feel differently that I can’t have kids. I keep thinking a 22 is old enough to have sex and old enough to have a baby, not easy. I get it but that baby could be raised by someone who could care for it. Not a black and white issue. People can argue with me; just understand I have another perspective through my situation. I have changed with age. But God knows what I would have done as a young woman?
Barrett I’m so sorry for the situation you are in. I think it highlights the point even more that this is such a personal issue and no two people are the same and so no one should ever be shamed for the choices they make as we never really know all the details.
I understand why some people choose adoption but for me, having to go through 9 months of pregnancy and all the complications that can bring and then explain it to everyone I met (ohh… im giving it away…) and feel bonded with the kid just to give it away to someone who may not even end up being a good parent is too much. I’d prefer to “sort it out” early on, if I didn’t want the kid myself. I’m not in the “every single life is the most precious gift in the universe” camp; I believe there are things far worse than death (or non-existence).
Completely agree, Sarah. Adoption is not the simplistic cure-all that people like to position it as.
” I keep thinking a 22 is old enough to have sex and old enough to have a baby, not easy. I get it but that baby could be raised by someone who could care for it. ”
I’m glad you at least acknowledge that it’s not a black and white issue. The woman getting pregnant isn’t obligated to keep it and give birth just because she’s past the age of legal adulthood (no matter what the age is).
I had an abortion at 23, there was no way I wanted a baby in my life at that age. And the father is still a friend of mine who just had a baby last year with his partner. They are so happy and stable and I know that was the baby he was meant to have, not ours. People forget amongst the shaming that it’s not just women who are affected by unwanted children, his life would have been irreparably worse if we’d had that kid as well.
I’m a bit confused at the timeline though. Did she already have the now eight-year-old?
The eight year old is her step-daughter.
Oh crikey, my sleep deprivation is showing…
She says that the 8-year-old is her step-daughter.
Edit: Caity’s reply wasn’t posted yet when I sent mine – sorry for parroting! 🙂
I had an abortion when I was 22 as well. I had just graduated and gotten my first real job and my boyfriend (now husband) was still in school, and we just didn’t have the means or desire to take care of children at that point. Although I kept it very quiet, someone who knew my manager from work saw me going in to see “that doctor” and made sure to tell my manager, who in turn made sure my coworkers knew I’d had an abortion, too. This was in a smallish town in the southern US, and you can probably guess the reactions. I ended up having to leave my job. I’ve never regretted having an abortion. It was the absolute right decision for me at that point in my life, but to this day, it makes my blood boil to know that there are people who feel the need to pass judgment and shame on others for perfectly legal choices. I’m so proud of Jemima for speaking out about this.
F*ck them, Seriously.
I hope you went on to much better things x
Hugs! I experienced a similar situation. I had to tell my boss. I thought she was cool, but no. I didn’t quit my job, (it wasn’t as bad as your situation) but for me, I became more defiant. I honestly don’t care who knows because it was my right. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that. But F@ck those Bitches.
God, I’m sorry to hear that. Big hugs to you. I scheduled my procedure for the end of a work week, and when I came back the following Monday, everyone knew about it. There were whispers that would stop as soon as I walked up, which was bad enough, but even worse was that people would start to “casually” mention abortion when I was present. Having a coworker who knew I’d had an abortion look me dead in the eye and say anyone who had an abortion was scum and better off dead was just unbearable. To top things off, I worked in a medical office–medical privacy is supposed to be respected!
How awful for someone to tell your manager – and for them to then tell all your co-workers! The manager should be the one who was made to feel ashamed for discussing a colleague’s private and medical circumstances! I feel outraged for you. Sounds like you have moved on to bigger and better things and are far better off working away from people who act like that 🙂
These stories make my blood boil and kudos for speaking out, ladies.
Outrageous. I’m so sorry you were punished for something you had every right to do. I loathe people sometimes.
Thanks for sharing & sorry it happened to you. I say this as a born generational Southerner with very deep roots in the South. A lot of them are frothy mouthed religious hypocrites but few are actual Christ followers. Its shameful, blind, & plain dumb.
Always amazes me that the same people who are so anti abortion even in cases of rape, and who even hate stem cell research because of the sacredness of Life are Often massively pro the death penalty. I suppose their argument is innocence and supposed guilt but it still seems contradictory and Illogical.
Kate Mulgrew had baby girl at 22 and gave it up for adoption. She was appearing on Ryan’s Hope at the time and they wrote the pregnancy into the show. Her character also gave birth to a daughter. She missed two shows came back to work and carried around a baby for months.
That sounds like it could have been horrid for Kate. I hope she was involved in planning the story arc around the baby.
“Although I kept it very quiet, someone who knew my manager from work saw me going in to see “that doctor” and made sure to tell my manager, who in turn made sure my coworkers knew I’d had an abortion, too. ”
WTF? SMH outrageous.
I can’t believe they talked about it at work. So very, very wrong and illegal too, I am guessing.
This happened to a co-worker of mine. I was working in an assisted living facility at the time and one of my coworkers, about 25, got pregnant and decided to terminate. Somehow, and to this day I don’t know how, another coworker, mid 60s, churchy, took it upon herself to tell all of the resident and gossip about it with other coworkers. When she attempted to discuss it with me she implied it was ‘in her nature’, and when I pressed for more explanation just what she meant by that she stated, ‘orientals are cold people’. I emigrated from South Korea as a teen so you can imagine how well that went over with me. I went OFF and told her that A) the girls reproductive choices were none of her business and certainly not privy to discussion and gossip with residents and coworkers at her place of employment and B) that she was also a racist and to never address me again aside from work issues. Needless to say the pregnant girl and I didn’t work there much longer after that.
The 8 year old is her stepdaughter. Guys, you all should really google and donate to the research group Parsemus working on Vasalgel, male birth control, no hormones. Also, abortion has been correlated (correct statistical calculations!) with decreased crime rates. As abortion was legalized, state-to-state, crime rates were down 20 years later.
Why would people think that giving birth to abd raising a kid you don’t want is going to be a good idea for society in the long run? You may resent the child who’ll then grow up with all kinds of issues. Or a child being born into poverty simply because the mother didn’t have proper access to an abortion… it doesn’t bode well!
It’s not just crime rates. Economic studies consistently show that ready access to abortion (and comprehensive birth control, these things go hand in hand), over time, lowers the number of people on social assistance programs, too. Fewer unwanted children, fewer people on welfare.
Yes to all of this! Its what is so mind-boggling about the whole “every life is precious” argument…sure that’s the argument up until the child is born and then the judgement and backlash continues in a new form.
Has anyone followed what has happened in Colorado?
In 2008 an anonymous donor gave $23M to the state to provide contraception to teenagers who needed them at little to no cost. In less than 5 years, the teen pregnancy rate has dropped 40%. Abortion rates also dropped.
Sadly, the groups that oppose abortion are also opposing the continuation of the contraception program, even though it reduces the number of abortions. You’d think that the pro-life and pro-choice groups could come together to prevent unwanted pregnancies, thereby reducing abortions.
This. I believe in the right to choose. I am very fortunate (and frankly just stupidly lucky) not to have had to make that choice in my younger days. But 3/10 abortion rate? It does make me sad, and pushing for better, safer and more available contraception seems really important right now. I’m not implying people who’ve had abortions didn’t use their contraception properly because I know better (including one who had her tubes tied!). But it would be great to live in a culture where there’s NO question about access to contraception – IT SHOULD BE FREE! – and where fewer women would have to make this painful decision in the first place.
I can’t believe I actually have to say this but correlation does not equal causation. Obviously the more likely answer is that those potential kids were not psychologically scarred from being raised by someone who didn’t want them/wasn’t ready for them. That can be achieved by better use/education/access to birth control.
Accidents do happen. Abortion should remain legal BUT by and large, abortion is awful and contraceptive measures should be taken.
My mother shares your opinion, and in love her, but I just don’t get it. She doesn’t see it as murder, but she has a very judgmental attitude about it. “I just don’t think it should be used as birth control the way so many people do” and “it should be legal, but it’s disgusting for people to take advantage of it.” You’re entitled to your opinion, and I’m not trying to force you to change it, but it just doesn’t make sense to me.
That’s the argument and fear tactics that pro lifers (seriously hate that they call themselves that) use. It’ll become a form of birth control for many when the stats clearly don’t back that up. Also that it’s all promiscuous single women being irresponsible, and ignoring the many women who are in committed relationships but just make that choice.
A few years ago my mother asked me if I had ever had an abortion and I was honest with her. She felt horrible that I didn’t tell her at the time. My father died 3 months after I would have given birth. That is what haunted her. But because we opened up to each other, we have become closer and her stance on abortion has changed. As others have said, it isn’t a black or white situation. Nobody ever wants to have an abortion. It does force you to face the Big Picture. I was lucky to have friends who were there for me. We need to support each other instead of judging each other.
Actually, abortion has indeed been used as birth control in countries without good access to effective contraceptive measures. I knew people from Eastern Europe (when abortion was legal but contraceptives were hard to get) who had multiple abortions for just that reason. Illegal abortions in other countries tend to occur at a high rate when contraceptives are not readily available also.
And of course, contraceptives can fail. A friend and his wife were using three different forms of birth control and all three failed at once. They didn’t feel they were ready for a child (he was in school, she had a low paying job) and felt they couldn’t afford the needed health insurance to cover pregnancy and birth (very expensive here in the US unless you have the right insurance, and of course you can be bankrupted or thrown into huge debt if anything goes wrong without sufficient coverage). He said that although they felt the decision was right, they still had regrets about it. So abortion is a lousy form of birth control and people often feel backed into a corner — it doesn’t seem like much choice is actually involved a lot of the time….
Anyway, support for development and accessibility of effective and safe methods of contraception would seem to be a good investment if someone is concerned about abortion rates.
And of course financial support of pregnant women and their families before and after the birth is a major factor in the abortion decision for many and always has been. Many women getting illegal abortions long ago before contraceptives were available were married with children, but felt they could not feed another child. Young unmarried women needed family or community support or else the situation often was overwhelming.
@Lindy79 Pro lifers promote abstinence not contraception. Jessica has a valid point. Saying women and men should use preventative measures to avoid unwanted pregnancies is not wrong.
I didn’t say it was? My point was about their arguments against abortion being legal, that it will be abused by harlot women. I was replying to Goodnames experience with her mothers comments.
This. If you’re not being careful 100% of the time you have sex, what do you expect? Obviously crazy accidents happen and I wouldn’t judge someone for what they do in that case, it’s your life, but if you simply weren’t being careful with all the options we have available, a little shame might actually help you learn a lesson and prevent you from doing stupid things in the future. Bottom line, I think ending a potential life because of irresponsibility shouldn’t just be taken lightly. And my opinion on that will never change, I don’t have sympathy for careless people. Assuming we have all the details of course. If not, there’s no way you can judge.
And another point – I think it sucks that women have to deal with all the backlash in cases where both parties were careless. It takes 2.
It is not always a matter of carelessness, or accidents happening with, contraception. Life is so much more complicated than that.
Judging by the posts thus far, and I’m sure similar sentiments will follow, I get the sense that the pro choice side holds sway these days. So I don’t know where all this angst about stigma and shame is coming from. Wouldn’t you just put the pro life stance down to being one of many opinions that you don’t share with right-wingers?
Yes, until you have to walk through lines of them on your way to the doctor with them screaming “murderer” in your face. Or they bomb a clinic. Or kill a doctor. Or get you fired, or force you out of your job, like GoatsOnTheRoof. There are exceptions, of course, but by and large, these are not harmless people who respect a difference of opinion.
Because the people that DO hold a pro-life stance are so vocal and venemous about it. I have personally witnessed a family member say that women who have abortions ‘deserve to have their brains blown out on the table’. What she doesnt know, and will never know, is that I had one when I was 19. THAT is what a lot of people are up against in their own families.
Not all of them do, what are you, insane? You had one experience with a nut job and you think everyone with the same opinion is just as crazy? Get over yourself.
Um Hannah no, Miran is totally correct. Many times I have been around people saying things like women who have abortions should go to jail or be executed or they deserve to die, etc, and all I can think is, wow if only these people knew they are talking about me 🙁
Hannah its a pity those who are anti-choice didn’t get over themselves and mind their own business.
@hannah
That was just the one I wanted to use as an example, there have been many, many more instances. Also, if you read my comments further down I make the statement that not all pro-life people are like that obviously, but the majority of the ones I have encountered are. The ones I have had contact with are, by and large, extremely hateful and I have heard the ‘eye for an eye’ sentiment many times. I meant to type ‘some’ in this comment too and didn’t notice the error until it was too late to edit. I don’t feel I need to ‘get over’ anything.
What? I’d hardly say the pro-choice side holds sway these days. We’re really fortunate to generally have reasonable and rational discussions here but bring up the topic just about anywhere else and I’m pretty sure the right wingers you mention will be spewing their vitriol.
There’s a difference between discussing the principle and telling someone you actually did have an abortion. I don’t think that many people (I could be wrong) are afraid to say they’re pro choice if they indeed are but there are a hundred different notions attached to an abortion that are extremely pervasive and no woman wants to deal with them. She’s a slut, she’s selfish, she’s too dumb to use birth control, she’s cold, she hates children, she’s XYZ … you get my drift.
And very very often people will say “It should be legal but it’s an awful thing. You shouldn’t even need an abortion unless you were raped/have health issues.” So what they’re really saying is you shouldn’t go to jail but damn, I totally judge you. I have girlfriends who are like that and mind you, these women are not conservative. They’re feminists. But this idea of an abortion being a horrible thing apparently can’t be eradicated even among those who are pro choice. I have never had one but looking back, I definitely would’ve done it if I’d gotten pregnant before I had my degree. I wouldn’t have told anybody except maybe my sister (who doesn’t think there is any stigma whatsoever) and bff (who finds them awful but she loves me and will always be on my side).
Because the stigma is slowly chipping away at access to abortion services. Poor women in particular are affected by unnecessary laws that require waiting periods and close clinics. Studies have shown that ultrasounds don’t change minds of women who are seeking abortion, neither do waiting periods. And the reality is that neither is intended to change a woman’s mind. Those laws are designed to waste time. To make it harder for her to find services. That way she almost has to give birth because she cannot find services or cannot afford them.
^^^^^What Merritt said!
There are many women who are pro-life, or anti-abortion – whatever you want to call it. It’s very challenging to speak up with this opinion on this site, as it is not the popular line of thought. I believe life begins at conception, therefore an abortion is murder to me. I am not judging anyone on here who has revealed that they had one.
The legality of abortion is a tough one. I think abortion is murder – but I am not so naive as to think that women will stop getting them if they’re illegal. And the last thing I – or anyone else!! – would want is a woman undergoing a back alley dangerous procedure. So it’s a rock and a hard place.
The world needs to be more supportive of women who are undergoing an unwanted pregnancy. Erase the stigma of the unwed pregnant lady, and the # of abortions would hopefully lower.
Here’s the thing. I believe life begins at conception. But my opinion doesn’t matter. Women should have autonomy over thwir own bodies, and that includes deciding when and how they’re going to reproduce. And more than worries about dangerous illegal procedures, I can’t get the socio-economic implications out of my head -the women mostaffected by abortion restrictions aren’t exactly wealthy, white women.
Ultimately the world is a better place when women have autonomy over their own reproduction.
I don’t have a problem with people who are anti-abortion unless they try to impose their beliefs on an entire society and/or when their pro-life views end at abortion, e.g. when they think the death penalty is perfectly fine. I do have a problem when they say “I don’t judge. But you’re a murderer.” Because that’s just ridiculous. Of course you judge. We all do on certain topics but then you should own it. I would never go around saying “Oh I have no problem with people who hate gays. They’re bigots though.” No. I have a big problem with them and yes, I judge.
My question to pro-life people is always: What is the consequence then for you? If you don’t think it should be illegal, what will your judgment accomplish other than making women feel bad? Nothing. It’s like saying same-sex marriage should be legal but let me make sure they all know I think they’ll rot in hell.
Also, I doubt the unwed scenario is what makes a woman get an abortion.
The problem with the radical (and therefore, more vocal) pro-lifers is that they scream about the rights of the unborn zygote (a collection of cells) but are usually huge supporters of the death penalty. Smacks of hypocrisy, doesn’t it? The same ultra-conservatives will bash and put down anyone how seeks government aid for their children, the ones they didn’t want aborted in the first place. As the saying goes, (some) pro-lifers don’t give a damn for children after they are born. Especially minority children and ones with disabilities, for whom there is no huge rush for adoption, either.
I think that is why to a lot of women, the pro-life stance is so very unpopular. Those fanatic, ignorant apples spoil the bunch.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Meg!
One thing that is hard for me to reconcile is that the pro-life organizations (who obviously don’t speak for everyone who is pro-life), are against things like enabling access to contraception.
In Colorado, a program that provides contraception at little to no cost has reduced teen pregnancies by 40% in 5 years (HOLY COW!), but it is being opposed by pro-life groups in the state.
It seems that the organizations are not only against abortion, but they are against contraception as well. This has never made sense to me because access to contraception reduces abortion rates.
@Tiffany: I will never understand that. You can’t be against both abortion AND contraception. It’s one or the other… and one of those not only protects against pregnancies but also STI’s! Why would we not want to teach teenagers to be safe and responsible?
It boggles the mind, doesn’t it Bridget? Defies logic.
https://www.guttmacher.org/media/inthenews/2015/04/02/index.html
Read how many anti-abortion restrictions have been introduced in the first quarter of just this year and tell me it’s just a difference of opinion.
Women will always, always, always get abortions when they are desperate enough. The woman, however, is far less likely to survive unharmed these desperate-measures abortions. Which makes the anti-choice position basically as anti-woman as it can possibly be.
At the end of the day these are just comments from posters on a celebrity gossip website – we’re not the (predominantly white, male, Republican) state legislators who actually make the laws. The legislative wind is blowing in a very dangerous direction for women’s reproductive rights. And pro-life protestors standing outside Planned Parenthood shouting at and shaming anyone who dares to walk through the doors for any reason is more than just expressing a different opinion – it’s harassment.
They’re implementing religious law into our laws. ITS very dangerous & its theocratical laws being forced on everyone. Seriously, in our own country we have citizens wanting a religious state where everyone is under the law of the Old testament versus the constituion & they’re passing laws daily. We have them running for the Presidency. It should scare all women/men that don’t want to live in a modern day theocratic rule. We shouldn’t ignore it, believe it will go away & vote against these dominionists
The posts HERE are pro-choice, but there are A LOT of pro-lifers in the USA.
Judging by the legal restrictions that are being enacted in MANY states, I don’t think the pro-choice side holds the power.
exactly.
I had 2 abortions in colleges, using the pill at 7 weeks. I actually feel like I did the right thing despite now that I have 3 children and would never at this point in my life consider abortion. My only regret is that I wish I was MORE RESPONSIBLE in getting pregnant in the first place. Not having the value and understanding of what it means to create a child because access to abortion is easy and inexpensive.
My regret is how easy it was for me to make that decision, I had no regards for my irresponsible behavior and now I look at my own kids and think, this is what I potentially ended. I feel ashamed for my lack of understanding and the heaviness that comes with becoming pregnant, not because people judge me. I never experience public stigma and feel the conversation should go both ways. It is legal and there a choice but before you hop on that abortion wagon, educate educate, the heaviness of life should be talked about too so one takes more precaution than oh if I get pregnant, I’m having an abortion.
I understand your perspective but I honestly don’t think most abortions happen because women are careless and think “Oh well, there’s always that.” I think there are countless reasons for unwanted pregnancies and for most, it’s not a serious issue until it actually happens. THEN, in hindsight, everyone knows they should’ve been more careful. That’s when they make the decision.
I agree that people (and why are men not included when it comes to irresponsible behavior?) need to be educated and have easy access to contraception. But many don’t. That’s another thing. Contraception – depending on where you live – is not exactly cheap.
Agree, didn’t mean to imply that most or even a majority of abortions happen because of carelessness but for some, it was a factor and I would love to see that factor reduced through better education especially to younger men and women.
Belle, I totally get what you’re saying. With rights come responsibilities. Accidents will happen, but where judgment is called for it should be applied…..
I disagree. I shudder to think what you’re implying by judgment being called for and applied. What baffles me is that so many anti-choicers think that a woman should be judged for unplanned pregnancies, that they’re too stupid to figure out what abortion means, yet they think that these women should be forced to have a baby? (And, lord, please don’t suggest adoption like it’s an easy band aid).
I am pro-choice, but I think abortions are still tragic. I use multiple forms of birth control for that reason.
It’s never a happy occasion. It would be great if they were needed. But they are and they will happen whether illegal or legal. The benefits of legalising them is that less women will die as a result of poorly performed illegal ones. You think anti-choice people who claim to love life so much would be on board with that right?! (hahaah. No.)
The comments I have seen about this story on other sites make me wish abortion were more prevalent. How do people grow up to be SO filled with hatred? The thought that people actually go out of their day to protest at abortion clinics… holy moly hypocrisy. Love life so much? Volunteer at an orphanage!!!
You wish abortions were more prevalent?! Really? That is mind-boggling and disgusting.
I can’t imagine anything more mind-boggling and disgusting than people who spend their free time harassing women on their way in to clinics. Seriously one of the biggest Supreme Court missteps of all time.
Those anti-choice people should be out there beating the drum for living wages, universal healthcare, and birth control for every one who wants it, as well as helping fund male birth control research. These would be truly the actions of a group that could call itself “pro-life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.”
I agree, that is disgusting. I don’t think anyone should judge what others do with their lives but to think they should be more prevalent just shows a complete bias. There’s nothing good about them and to wish anything other than wishing more women didn’t need them in the first place is mind boggling to me too.
Are you saying that you wish some of the pro-life people had been aborted? That seems a bit aggressive. Or did you use the wrong phrase perhaps? I’m 100% pro-choice but I don’t sit around wishing for more abortions in the world.
So saying mean things on the Internet is worse than killing a healthy human being? Ok.
Courtney: so is it ok to “kill” an unhealthy human being?
I was referring to assisted suicide.
Maybe they need to think of that before they have sex! Excuse me but are you not full of HATRED when you can’t except the opinions of others and think that people who don’t agree with should have been aborted?
I would say her boyfriend should have been equally as responsible in paying for it. That’s dusgusting she borrowed money from him for it. He should have paid for the whole thing. Her physical pain is greater than his financial pain.
I agree that she shouldn’t have had to borrow the money from her boyfriend but why should he pay for the whole thing? It took the two of them for her to get pregnant, they should have had equal responsibility in paying for the abortion
I had one using Mifeprestone when I was 19. At the time I was in a very bad marriage that came out of my lack of having a spine to say no at that age. I was on birth control and we used condoms but I still got pregnant. I knew that one day I would leave my husband and didn’t want to bring a child into a family that I knew would never be together. So I ended the pregnancy. My husband at the time knew about it and he agreed because we also did not have the financial means to support a child at the time. Adoption was not an option for me. I do not regret it, even as I am surrounded by people in my own family, knowing nothing of my past, who say I deserve to have been shot in the head at the doctors office. Such respect for life, right? Ten years later I’m remarried with two kids and in a much better place than I was when I was barely out of high school. It is not anyone’s place to tell me that I am less of a person for having done what I did. I am able to respect their right to have a different opinion than mine, but that does NOT mean they have the right to verbally abuse me for mine, which all too often is what the pro-life camp does. Not all obviously, but there is a very vocal, very hateful part of them that does and says horrible, violent things in the name of protecting the ‘sanctity of life’ but that obviously doesn’t extend to the women who were put in a place where they truly felt they had no other viable option.
you made a brave decision and I applaud you for it. The thing with anti choice people is they are not really advocating for the unborn child, what they want is to punish women for what they consider irresponsable behaviour. They want to force women to give birth, it doesn’t matter what happens later, they don’t deal with the child’s life, it can rotten in an orphanage for all they care. From my understanding when some of that hateful people say women who have abortions should be shot in the head it shows plainly how their purpose is not to advocte for the child but to punish women who get an unwanted pregnancy.
Exactly. ‘Concern for the child’ is a convenient cover for judging someone else’s behavior that they don’t agree with. Like I said I was married, and using other contraceptive steps and still got pregnant, so i’d like to hear how they’d find a way to say I was being irresponsible. Ugh.
This is exactly what I wanted to say. Perfectly stated Diana B.
to add to what you said about rotting in an orphanage…
most of the people who propose the (further) restriction on women’s sexual health choices, and those that are “pro-life” and want to end abortion all together are also the ones who want to cut social programs that would help support these women during their pregnancy (for prenatal health) or after they have the kid (SNAP program, etc.). As you said, they only care to “punish” the shameful slutty women who DARED to have sex without a husband…after the kid pops out, they don’t give a rat’s AZZ what happens to him/her.
These are also the people who don’t want to teach kids anything but abstinence in sex ed, or end sex ed completely. SMDH
Whenever I hear a pro-lifer blather on about the rights of poor zygotes, I wonder exactly how many unwanted children they’ve adopted or fostered in there lives? Most likely, none. Especially those not of the right color or with disabilities.
Exactly. That is why they also oppose access to contraception. It isn’t about preventing abortions, it is about discouraging women from having sex.
It’s all about “original sin” for some folks.
*bows down*
OMFG, YES! This is exactly what makes me so upset about the whole debate. They DON’T care that there are children that are born into homes that don’t want them, can’t feed them, abuse them, or are so disabled that they need a full time caregiver to take care of them…..they care that the woman sinned. This local pastor I know is like that. Has 11 children. And he’s always, always, ALWAYS talking about how the men and women who sin should have to face the consequences of their sin (by having the baby, getting married, and raising it)…….and has no idea that not everyone’s lives are the same.
Not everyone comes from the same background. Not everyone got to grow up in a home that had two parents that could afford to feed, house, clothe them in reasonable style. Or that not everyone has the ability or even desire to devote the rest of their life (because that’s what you’re REALLY doing) to a child (let alone multiple children)……..everyone is just like him. In his narrow minded view. And no, not one of those 11 kids is adopted. He has never even spoken about children in foster care (and there are a ton where I live)……
And that’s what I hate. There is no empathy or attempt to understand the problem. Or just realize that because people have a different view of the world than you, then that’s THEIR business….your business to carry on. And live up to your ideals, instead of pearl clutching, crying out “Oh the children!”…..while ignoring said children. Until they become a product of their environment, and start causing YOU trouble, because no one took the time to tell them that they were worth something.
When I was in college, a friend of mine took up a collection for a pregnant friend of hers. It was shocking how expensive the procedure was. Everyone kept it quiet, but the girl, who I really didnt know too well, was very embarrassed that she had to involve so many people because of the cost. Furthermore, she lived in town with her parents and had to come up with an excuse to stay with a friend because she didnt want to recover at her parents’ home.
This is why I am happy to be living in a country with a free medical system. Crazy that money should play such a big role in matters like this.
Your medical care isn’t free. Nothing is free. Someone is paying for women to have abortions. That’s a huge issue in the US, where for a good number of the taxpayers, abortion is akin to murder.
I am pro-choice. I am no fan of abortion, and wouldn’t make that decision personally, but I understand that pregnancy is not an option for all women, and if done early and safely, it’s not really my business what you do with your body. I feel that most women I’ve met in my life are decent kind hearted people and would never make a decision like that lightly, and if they did, there was a good reason.
I think with religion, the idea that a human body is a vessel for a soul, and that the soul is there at conception, is where abortion gets sticky. Most Christians I know believe this very deeply. They believe in heaven and hell and believe that there’s a purpose on Earth… I don’t ever see them getting on board with abortion. I’m afraid that stigma is never going away.
Tessa, I’m a Christian and I deeply believe that the soul comes into the fetal body gradually, and at any rate that the real, live, breathing, living woman is worth more. Not all Christians feel the same thing.
I live in Canada and no, in technical terms, our medical care isn’t free. But it isn’t pay per use and cost is never a barrier to care here. It is also cheaper per person than in places where there is no universal health care because we are able to negotiate prices for the population – that’s a lot of leverage when you’re up against a medical company that really wants the contract. We all pay for it as citizens and most of us agree with the idea that we are willing to help pay for others since they also help pay for us.
There are plenty of things we all pay for that we disagree with, but for the most part we understand that we don’t get to pick and choose. I think it’s a culture difference in the USA and even though I grew up part time in the US (my mother moved there when I was a child although we stayed behind in Canada during the school year), I will never truly understand it for myself. I wouldn’t particularly like funding executions if I lived in Texas, but I wouldn’t have a choice in the matter outside of lobbying my representatives or moving to another state. End of story as far as I’m concerned. I just don’t get it.
I wish I could show your comments to my judgemental Catholic mother in law. My daughter was unplanned and she found out before we decided what to do (I’ve had to live with my in laws for financial reasons). I felt really pushed into keeping her. She threatened to kick us out. I was also already depressed from being unemployed. I resent my meddling mother in law a lot.
Sounds horrible. After I split with my ex I had to live with my parents for six months while I sorted out the settlement and bought a new home. My mum is quite moody and prone to angry outbursts. While I was there my kids would stay over three nights a week and I had to be the buffer between them and het. It was bloody stressful.
Good.For.Her.
What also irks me is how women who have done always feel like we have to explain why, and I know I myself always feel so much anxiety that my reasoning won’t be ‘good enough’ and to that I say f*** you to the segment of the pro-life community who are so hateful and cruel that they make us feel this way. I shouldn’t have to explain to you why I made a perfectly legal choice regarding MY body.
Where i live in Colorado some clinics offer financial assistance as well as information for low income funding through the national abortion federation and offer free IUD implantation for low income women following the procedure. Just an FYI of some of the services offered to help women in this difficult position emotionally and financially.
Jo – this is such a good point. Making restrictions on abortion are also tied to make restrictions to women’s reproductive health as a whole. For instance – planned parenthood is not just an abortion clinic – in fact it is only 3% of PP’s business. It is a place to have affordable well woman exams, mammograms, birth control, pre and post-natal care, STD testing and treatment and sexual education for men and women. They help inform choices and help carry through with them, be it safe abortion or safe pregnancy.
I’m so glad you mentioned this. Planned Parenthood does a lot more than people think and they provide services that many wouldn’t receive otherwise.
As a woman with a high risk family history with breast cancer, PP was there for me when I couldn’t afford to go to a doctor to get breast exams during my early 20s. I will be forever grateful to them.
GREAT for her.
what I don’t understand is and I will never understand is why anyone thinks that their beliefs are so – SO damn important that everyone else must adopt them and follow. And yes this is pointed at certain religions , at people against gay rights, womems rights etc . They are always the ones crying that people are infringing upon on their religion/beliefs and they need rights, but don’t want to extend them to anyone else! Infuriating. It’s like live your life how you choose but mind your business about everyone else’s. Let people live their life by how they deem fit. Stop trying to regulate everyone off of a belief system they may not believe in. I’m pro choice but I don’t run up to pregnant women with literature saying they should get an abortion just because I believe they can if they choose to. I mean come on. But Yet it’s ok for a pro-lifer ( loathe that name because no one is anti life ) to essentially do that to a women wanting to exercise her legal right to her own body and get an abortion. It’s her body, get your beliefs out of there. Pro choice doesn’t mean pro abortion it means being able to choose what is best for you and your situation. Pro-lifers can’t seem to grasp that. If a prolifer doesn’t want an abortion then news flash don’t get an abortion! But don’t tell me what to do. This is yet another situation where women are once again being held down and controlled by a society that looks at them as less than. If this was a procedure a man would need we wouldn’t even be discussing it – it would be a given and considered inside the norm. Sorry but it’s so maddening.
Im still always just flat out confounded why this is such an issue, considering that there are no options for MEN to exert more responsibility over birth control. no one has a right to bitch when it is always women who are carrying all the burden of family planning- Id like to imagine that if there were more options for men to use, — and naively believeing that they would even bother to USE them— then abortions wouldnt have to be resorted to as often. Im not saying they should be avoided but it sure would gdaamned help if the MEN of this world did a tiny bit MORE to take responsibility for something that is ENTIRELY their doing as well….. sort of a side topic, but….. ahem!?
And to the point that men should pay for it: HELL YES. I mean seriously, they think that they can just go around and not have a damn care in the world, dont they!! If they dont bother to do anything else, why should it be so much to ask that they prevent a child from coming into this world that they themselves dont even want or wouldnt rais.e…. jesus. The culture for reproductive rights has GOT to CHANGE.
I agree with you in theory but I think the risk of involving men is that you end up with situations where rapists then feel justified in taking their victims to court and demanding that they carry out the unwanted pregnancy and share custody of the child once it is born. Can you imagine having to deal with that? After the indignity of being raped, then having to co-parent with the person who did that to you? The thought makes me sick. It sounds unfair either way but I guess I’m on the side of keeping it a woman’s responsibility in most cases to ensure that it remains HER right as well.
They already do, though. Rapists have parental rights in >50% of the States. There have been cases where they badgered victims into lowering sentence demands by threatening to exploit them.
I don’t talk about it because it’s very personal and I really don’t want to hear about other women’s abortions. It was a difficult decision at a horrible time in my life. I was never able to have children layer on because of health issues so obviously it is sensitive for me, just like fertility is tough for some women.
I just think it’s a topic that could use discretion, make sure you know you audience first.
My closest friend, who is actually a guy, “had” an abortion. Him and his girlfriend in college went together. I was the only person he ever told, many years after it happened, and the pain and stigma has stayed with him his whole life. I APPLAUD Jemima Kirk for bringing this out into the open. It’s beyond time for women to feel pride and hope in these circumstances, rather than shame and guilt. It takes a lot of courage to assume these decisions, and like all difficult things in life, so much better when you can be open and reach out for support. Remember when breast cancer was a stigma? I hope abortion will adopt the same path in our society. I despise the protesters that stand outside those clinics, and I have known many friends who’ve had to face them for routine procedures like Pap smears, which just demonstrates how uneducated some people are about women’s health issues. As if every women heading to a Planned Parenthood is getting an abortion. Um, no, she might just be getting a cancer screening. Nonetheless, it shouldn’t matter.
As a woman, I respect and support a woman’s right to choose. However I still think abortions are inherently sad. The procedure is horrific, especially the ones done at advanced stages of gestation. And I don’t understand why killing a pregnant woman and her unborn child counts as double murder, yet for abortion the same fetus is not considered a viable life. It’s just sad all around. I’m sad for anyone who has had to do it.
It is sad. For everyone and it should be. Though I am of the belief that abortions after three months is tantamount to murder. I cannot fathom aborting a 6 month old baby. Babies are born and survive at 6 months.
I totally agree.
Because no woman of a healthy body with a healthy fetus is having a late term abortion. They just aren’t. The women who are seeking late term abortions do not have happy tales to tell about ending a pregnancy they very much wanted. Check out Guttmacher.
Interestingly, if you ascribe to the belief that later abortions are inherently worse than early abortions, you would do well to get some of these many ridiculous abortion restrictions off the books. A huge chunk of the “early late” abortions (think 14-20 weeks) are done because the women seeking them couldn’t get an earlier abortion because of cost, distance, “waiting periods”, etc.
Like I said babies are born at 6 months and survive just fine. Once there’s a heartbeat, that’s a life to me. It’s my belief that abortions should only be done in the first trimester. I’m not alone in thinking late term abortion is murder and you should google how exactly they do them. It’s barbaric.
But surely the law can move with the times? Here in the UK, we had a reduction in the maximum gestation that abortion was allowed for. This was passed in response to advances in survival for premature babies. As you can see from my comments above, I’m a vocal supporter of the right of every woman to access affordable abortion. But I didn’t object to that reduction. I doubt you’d find more than a tiny number of pro-choicers who think possibly viable foetuses should be aborted, even if the chances of survival are tiny.
My personal line in the sand for what constitutes personhood (and it’s not one that I’d force on anyone else) is the arrival of higher brain function at about 22 weeks. And I am probably at the most extreme end of opinion of what should/shouldn’t be allowed.
Thank you Betsy. Women don’t just decide to terminate at 6 months because they changed their minds. @Meme – try googling Anencephaly. These diagnosis are not usually made in the first trimester. I think forcing a woman carry to term with almost no chance of survival is barbaric. I hope you never have to make that kind of choice.
@Vanessa
Anencephaly can be reliably diagnosed at 11-14 weeks of gestation by ultrasound scan (Johnson SP et al. 1997). With the advances in ultrasound-technology, diagnosis tend be possible even earlier.
******
In terms of a baby having birth defects that completely destroy quality of life, yes, I would agree to abortion BUT there has to be a better way than the way they do it now. As you see above, I did google it and anencephaly can be diagnosed early.
It can be diagnosed early, but in many cases it isn’t and there are plenty of other birth defects that are incompatible with life that aren’t diagnosed until the second trimester. Perhaps you should be more clear when you are accusing women of murder when most of them are making an unbearable decision.
Meme – having watched two friends discover late in their pregnancies that their fetuses had very small chances of living, and no chance of living without significant and ongoing medical intervention, I hope that you never have to discover what a horrifying, harrowing experience that is and how a cheap and ugly is your sentiment that every major issue in pregnancy is discovered early. They don’t even have the anatomical scan until 20 weeks.
And why do you assume ignorance on my part? If we’re outlawing procedures based on gruesomeness, what else is out?
“Because no woman of a healthy body with a healthy fetus is having a late term abortion. They just aren’t. ”
Eh, that’s not necessarily true. My co-worker years ago had multiple abortions. Yes, she was one of those who used it as birth control. The one she had when I was working with her was late-term. She was at the point where she was showing and had to go pretty far to get it because it wasn’t legal where we lived. Her reason for waiting so long? She just couldn’t get around to it.
Delta, keep in mind that might be what she told you because you were a co-worker.
Many of these procedures are done after the fetus develops and it is discovered to be missing lungs and other vital organs. Is it really the most humane thing to make a woman carry such a baby to term, only to make the newly born child suffocate to death minutes after birth because it has no lungs to breathe with? Or to risk death to the mother because a dead fetus has become toxic inside of her body?
Reading up on the work of the deceased Dr. Tiller really opened my eyes.
Because I’m in Britain where there is universal healthcare and therefore both good access and good national reporting, it’s easy to look up the figures about timings of abortion.
Here, 87% of abortions are first trimester. Less than 2% are performed at 20 weeks or more.
82% of abortions are performed by the NHS. Of the other 18%, almost all are performed by a charity.
95% are voluntary abortions. 4% physical risk to mother. 1% physical risk to child (disability, etc).
So, in a country where abortion is widely accessible and mostly free, almost all abortions are performed early. And almost all abortions are performed because of a woman’s LEGAL CHOICE.
Sorry, done it again!
@Delta Juliet – I specifically addresed the fact that many “early late” abortions occurred because there are significant obstacles to obtaining abortions. Over a thousand more laws restricting abortion were introduced the first quarter of this year alone.
Furthermore, true “late term abortions” – 21 weeks and later – account for just over 1% of all abortions. And I repeat – women aren’t having them done to end a healthy pregnancy or because they just forgot about being pregnant, no matter what your coworker told you. There are all kinds of heartbreaking stories of women who had late terms abortions, as well as more information about the conditions their fetuses had, here: http://www.aheartbreakingchoice.com
When a woman has to undergo an abortion, there is no malice, there is likely a justifiable reason for termination of a pregnancy, and this is done as a matter of being the master of her own physical body. She is the one who knows more than anyone else her capacity to handle a pregnancy; psychologically, physically and financially, more than any overseer.
Someone who commits homicide of another human has made a determination based on entirely different parameters which may include malice, rage, etc. Someone who remains pregnant and doesn’t terminate a pregnancy has already made a determination that they have the capacity to deal with it, and someone who takes their life and the fetus is acting as an overseer of that person’s body by killing them.
I have questions. What is NHS? What is the availability of the “morning after” pill and is there a fee?
I’ve read through this entire thread and it’s been very informative from seeing the options and plights of people here in my own country to seeing what it’s like for women weighing their choices in other countries. There is a common denominator of shame regardless of legal rights and alot of curiosity why there should be shame connected to any legal choice. All I can say to that is, right or wrong, people still judge. People still judge a person’s proclivities, orientation, sexual activity, promiscuous dress, and so many more choices that are completely legal and nobody else’s business. It has nothing to do with rights or legality and everything to do with beleifs. Making something legal does not automatically make it right in other people’s minds. It only means a person doing something someone else deems wrong can’t even get in trouble for it anymore. Most intelligent people understand that making something legal does not necessarily equate to making it right, but allows whatever it is to be regulated and safer. In my mind, that decreases crime (black market, back alley, folding tables & rusty knives, etc.) so that alone brings it into the open and takes away from those who take advantage of something in demand but illegal. There is never going to a time when people with the mentaility that their beleifs are the only correct ones, will see anything they deem as wrong to be okay once it is legalized. In fact, for many, it angers them because they would like to see those that do whatever they deem wrong, be convicted, villified, ostracized, and even do time. The best way to handle those types of people is to ignore them because in my experience, the ones who are the most judgemental and vocal about things that do not concern them, are simply deflecting attention from their own problems, shame and misery that they hide. People have different morals and beliefs. The bottom line is legal does not equal moral to a persons who view it as wrong no matter what, so it shouldn’t be assumed that just because a procedure is lawful and a legal right that that is going to appease those who still think it’s wrong. We have to learn to not care what the others think and rely on our own decision making skills and let it end there. I don’t see this ever changing because everyone is not going to agree on certain touchy subjects ever.
People want to legislate dogma. That’s why it can’t be ignored.
Jennifer – NHS = National Health Service = universal healthcare in the UK. It is free to all at the point of use.
Hi Jennifer
The NHS is the National Health Service in the UK. It is free for all to use, whether that be a G.P. appointment or a trip to the Accident and Emergency Department in Hosptial (the ER in the USA) and includes all operations and procedures (in England we pay for prescriptions).
Abortions are free on the NHS too, you go to see your G.P. and ask to be referred to an abortion clinic (I checked this was correct on the NHS website, as I personally have not had one). The morning after pill is also free on the NHS, again just visit your G.P. and you are given a prescription (this one you do not have to pay for – as with the contraceptive pill and other forms of birth control – no prescription charges apply). You can also visit a pharmacy and pay for the morning after pill and skip seeing your G.P. Just did some Googling and the morning after pill can also be ordered online – didn’t know that!
Hopefully this is helpful?
Also, Jennifer – you can get the morning after pill for free (via the NHS) in the UK either by going to your family doctor, to any hospital emergency department, any NHS walk-in clinic or any NHS family planning clinic. You can also get it without a prescription at any pharmacy but without a prescription it will cost about £25.
there is no such thing as “promiscuous dress”
If men could get pregnant, this would be a non-issue.
Amen to that.
my mother used to say “if men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament.”
They’d give out 50% off coupons every time you went to the Dr.
If men could get pregnant by women, abortion would not be an issue, it’d be common and accepted, supported by legislation.
If we’re talking about men getting pregnant by men, believe me, it’d still be a big issue.
I’m a capital F Feminist and support a woman’s right to exert control over her own body because, largely, men already have that right. But not all men – certainly not gay men- are allowed to do what they want with their bodies. Homosexual sex is punishable by imprisonment or death in a lot of places.
It’s largely about heterosexual men wanting to exert control over everyone else’s sexuality- women, gay men, lesbians- but not having to take responsibility for the consequences of their own sexuality.
(Excellent) point taken, Jonathon.
Because I’m in Britain where there is universal healthcare and therefore both good access and good national reporting, it’s easy to look up the figures about timings of abortion.
Here, 87% of abortions are first trimester. Less than 2% are performed at 20 weeks or more.
82% of abortions are performed by the NHS. Of the other 18%, almost all are performed by a charity.
So, in a country where abortion is widely accessible and mostly free, almost all abortions are performed early.
Sorry, I think I had a brain fart when posting this morning. Comment meant for above thread,
I was always pro-choice growing up, feeling that a woman should have control over her own body. I was a wise ass kid, assuming you had to be stupid getting pregnant because how hard was it to take a pill regularly and use a condom? Fast forward almost a decade, after a knee injury, surgery, blood clot in my leg, blood thinners, no more birth control pills for me … and Shazam knocked up faster than you can blink.
My boyfriend went with me to the clinic, I remember crying through the entire miserable procedure and the nurse holding my hand. I will always remember the terrible decision I feel like I had to make because I felt SO alone. All it would have taken to change my mind was some support, someone telling me not to do it, telling me it wasn’t an easy ‘fix’, you will be traumatized by the experience.
I don’t know how pro-choice I am anymore. Obviously I think abortions should be available because if they aren’t, society will go back to the rusty coat hanger method – BUT there should be more support, counselling, etc. available. Some peoples black and white stance on the subject really hurts. A former FB ‘friend’ suggested people who have had abortions should go to jail for murder. Thanks … like my own guilt isn’t enough without the judgements of everyone else? Have a tiny little bit of compassion. Rant, over.
Lis, the choice is for an individual to make based on their own situations; not on one person’s.
I have sympathy that you feel that you made the wrong decision, but that doesn’t discount the opinion of others who feel it was the right decision for them. You say you aren’t sure if you are pro-choice, does that mean you intend to make decisions for everyone else? I’m not getting that based on your comment.
And I’m glad for your own sanity that your FB ‘friend’ is FORMER.
It sounds like you’ve been exposed to an extraordinary dose of guilt.
Well Lis said she isn’t sure “how pro choice” she is anymore, not IF she is pro choice anymore and I think there’s a difference.
There are many (especially young) women who feel pressured into having abortions. I am strongly pro-choice but I think that, especially young women, should be given more support and counseling before abortions. Someone like a social worker there to ask important questions like: “well do you want to have a child? How do you think you will feel if you don’t? Have you formed an attachment to this embryo? Are you ok with saying goodbye?” -and offering some resources for if the woman does actually want to become a mother.
Here in the UK, two doctors must agree that continuing the pregnancy is a risk to a mother’s physical and/or mental and/or social wellbeing before an abortion can be carried out.
In practice, this means you tell your doctor you’re pregnant and want an abortion and your doctor books you in at a hospital. There you will have a conversation with the doctor who will carry out the procedure and another doctor who has a counselling role and will explain to you what the possible physical and emotional consequences of a termination could be and look for signs that any outside agency (husband, parent, whoever) is pushing you into something you don’t want to do.
If after that, you’re still saying, “Yes, I’m sure, this is not a point in my life where I want a baby,” you get your abortion.
The vast majority of doctors here are pro-choice but the few who aren’t are required to refer patients who want an abortion to another doctor in the same practice/hospital who is pro-choice. They’re not allowed to leave a woman who wants an abortion without care.
There’s nothing at all wrong with being anti-choice FOR YOURSELF. And women should get emotional care from a compassionate medical profession. And it’s awful your experience was so traumatic, Lis. It doesn’t have to be like that. As a passionately pro-choice woman, I deplore the idea that vulnerable women are making ANY choices – to abort or to give birth – that isn’t the one they would have made had they had compassionate supportive medical care.
I’m in Australia and our system is almost identical to what Sarah1 has said that Britain has. I have to admit that I am so used to walking in to see a Dr (btw, GP in case you were wondering, stands for General Practitioner ie ordinary general Doctor) or to a hospital and never having to open my wallet or sign forms, except to show my Medicare card (that every Australian citizen is entitled to and has). I have no idea what it would mean to actually have to pay to see a Dr. The thought is really scary to me. Last I checked, Australia was ranked number 2 as far as healthcare. America was at position 42. Universal healthcare is a wonderful invention all round.
Uh, I’m a fellow Aussie and I wish you were right, but in this specific instance our healthcare isn’t up to NHS standard. Public (free) surgical abortions are only available in SA (and maybe Victoria?). In all other states you have to go to a private clinic, and it will cost $300-$500.
There are complicated reasons for that price. Take the RU486 medical abortion pill. Listing it on the PBS dropped the cost of the drug from $300 to $36. It was supposed to be an affordable option for low-income and/or rural women. Sounds great … but good luck getting a GP to write the script for you. The insurance companies classify it the same as surgical abortion and charge doctors who prescribe it $5,000 extra in insurance fees. From your GP’s perspective, it’s cheaper/easier to refuse to prescribe it, and send you to a private clinic. From the woman’s perspective, it’s just another barrier.
Now that we have emergency contraception there should be less abortions. There is no reason for a woman to get pregnant by “accident” in this day and age.
Regardless of what you consider a “valid” reason, it happens. It’s time we stop placing blame on women and offer free or affordable women’s health services everywhere.
I got pregnant after being on birth control for ten years- my GYN changed my pill, as I was having headaches. I didn’t miss any pills and I had no clue I was pregnant-until I missed a second period. I was married and it turned out okay- but accidents “DO” happen. Not every situation is one where you know you’re pregnant in time for Plan B…
I was a nurse & a reproductive health nurse. I would love to explain how very wrong you are but that could take pages….but too say it plainly, you are very wrong.
Not a nurse, but +1!!
AuroraO raises an important factor so please don’t reject her post before considering the facts.
In the U.S. 49% of women who had abortions in 2014 were not using any contraception at all the month they conceived*. Consistent use of contraception with 100% compliance won’t prevent all pregnancies but it is a significant factor in unplanned pregnancies that are aborted.
When media brings up the stigma of abortion I wish they would also discuss the need for better education and access to contraception.
*http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/fb_induced_abortion.html
YES. I hate that people are dismissing carelessness as a huge factor. It just is. If anyone has ever seen teen mom, most of not all the girls say they had unprotected sex one night or weren’t using it at all. Just an example. But education is so important, as is using multiple methods of birth control.
I think the real problem is birth control (as in a lack of use), than people who get abortions. I am one of 3 female cousins (spread out from six siblings/my aunts and uncles) who is over 18 without a kid. While I am not sexually active, my other cousins are. And I know for a fact that they don’t use birth control/get pregnant on purpose. My sister did that twice. She had insurance that paid for an IUD to be put in for five years, gave my mom some bullshit story about how her doctor said it had to be taken out (without really saying why), and promptly got pregnant again. For a guy that dumped her a few months into the pregnancy.
Another problem is that the people who are against abortions are also against birth control, being free/on insurance. And these same people don’t do anything for the children that are in foster care, are being raised by single parents who live on welfare, etc–their explanation (as I’ve heard from the evangelical’s mouth) is that their parents sinned and there are consequences to that sin. But those consequences go all on the CHILDREN.
Personally, I’m not sure about abortion. I’m not sure, if when you abort a child within the first month or so/first trimester, that if it is a “real” baby or not. I don’t think I could ever go through with an abortion, unless it was life threatening for me or the baby…..but I sure as hell am not going to bring women back to the era of a) staying with men that are abusive, or someone that they just don’t want to be with anymore because said man got them pregnant so many times, and b) going to a back alley to have their reproductive organs hacked/using coat hangers on themselves.
And I don’t judge any woman who has had an abortion. I think that if abortions are “selfish”, then PLEASE, let’s see a lot more selfish people, than hungry, abused, abandoned, and ignored children. Because it is the CHILDREN that lose out in all of this. Which is what a lot of evangelicals fail to take into account/ignore. Yea, it’s all right for them to have their 10 kids, when they’ve got someone to send money to them, they have food stamps, and they’re praying to God…..but not okay for anyone else who doesn’t pray to the same God, dress the same way, isn’t married, and so on. Just drives me effing nuts.
And I also think that there should be gov’t money spent on sex education, contraception, and abortions….especially the first two. Not everyone has the $$ to pay for it out of pocket.
I had an abortion years ago. I don’t regret it, but it did mess me up for a while. I felt a deep, dark shame that followed me everywhere I went. That guilt, the constant questioning; “Do they know?”
I thought of “my unborn child” and cried. Mind you, my abortion was later on in term. In the States, it wouldve been classified as statutory rape; the man I slept with had given me shelter as a teenage runaway but he was much, much older than I. He later died on a park bench of esophageal cancer exacberated by years of alcoholism and heavy smoking.
I’m university educated now with a young child and I have no doubt in my mind none of this would’ve happened if I had that child and stayed with that man, who was also abusive. I’d be on welfare and hard drugs, or dead from suicide. #sorrynotsorry
I got pregnant at 15 by a 20 year old after a wild weekend of drug use at a random house. Never saw the guy again until my daughter was 6 months old. He said we should be a family so I took my baby and left the safety of my mom’s house to live with him and promptly got pregnant again. I was terrified about the second pregnancy with a guy who turned out to be abusive and am ashamed to admit I tried to give myself an abortion with a hanger. Yes I was a fucked up girl but it’s an example of the reality of the scary and seemingly hopeless situation many girls and women face. Which is why I support the right to choose and to obtain safe abortions. Luckily my attempt was unsuccessful and my son was born, 6 weeks early however, probably a result of what I tried to do. I ended up leaving that mess of a ‘man’ and tried to be a single teen mom. I realized I was in no position to be a mom and give those kids the life they deserved so when they were two and one I gave them up for adoption to a childless couple I found through an agency. This was 17 years ago. In 2012 my daughter found me on Facebook and moved in with me a year later and we are bonding and making up for lost time. My son just turned 19 and although we are Facebook friends and he thanks me for money I send him, we don’t talk yet. He’s not ready and I accept that.
What is my point for sharing this sordid tale? Probably in part as a way to unburden myself but also to illustrate that I was probably a perfect candidate for abortion, both times. But my children today are amazing and perfect and they have just as much right to be alive an anyone else. While I support the right to choose and obtain safe abortions I do think it’s crazy any one person can be the God who decides who has a right to live. But our world is a crazy mess. I feel like I’m just rambling and I’m expecting some harsh feedback but I’m submitting comment anyway!
You should get nothing but praise for going through hell at a young age and managing to make very wise decisions for your children. No woman should be pressured to have a child she cannot care for- be it emotionally or financially. So many kids live in horrific conditions- sometimes keeping a child and raising him/her really isn’t the merciful choice, as so many pro-life advocates want us to believe.
Thank you for sharing this x
I doubt you will get harsh responses, but just ignore them if you do. You did a wonderful thing for your kids and their parents. I just wish adoptions were more open and transparent, so you wouldn’t have to be making up for lost time now.
Thanks for your kindness. It’s been a long hard road of self-loathing and eventually self-acceptance for me. My daughter has had her own struggles growing up with feelings of abandonment and missing a part of herself and my son suffered the effects of abuse by the bio-dad (he stuttered badly for years which I believe is a result of their father snacking his mouth anytime he made attempts to baby-talk). I’m glad we escaped him and I’m glad I saved them from a replay of my own unstable and unhealthy childhood with an incapable mother. It feels good to release the part about the hanger because I’ve never in all These years told another soul. It’s like releasing a poison from my heart. I thank you all for listening.
I’m having a hard time eating my lunch with the lump in my throat brought on by your story. I feel for you. There was no easy answer to your situation. You made the choice you felt was best at the time, but when you’re choosing (in your mind) the lesser of two evils – there is no perfect outcome. I’m glad you’re getting on with your daughter and I hope it happens with your son some day too.
Isn’t it cool how talking to complete strangers behind the veil of anonymity can allow us to release things we’ve kept bottled up forever. For all the debating and aruging on here, this site has been a welcome therapy. Most bloggers here are compassionate and supportive. Some we’ve agreed to disagree, but for the most part, it’s been amazing to gain different perspectives on subjects from mostly women all over planet.
This was the first place I really talked about being molested by a stepfather when I was a teen. My family knows, but I’d never talked about the emotional affect it had on me and my issues ever since. It was here that I was able to say everything I felt and needed to get off my chest. I received such an outpouring of support, I cried off and on for several days after.
I say this periodically, so bear with me if you’ve heard it before, but I love being a woman and having other women to bare my soul to. I love that we can share and support and cyber hug. Women rock!!!!
Thank you for sharing your story. I am pro-choice but also believe abortion is wrong. I think it is very brave to say that one person doesn’t have the right to decide life….even the mother. It is a really tough issue. I think many women are with men that they don’t want kids with or to spend the rest of there lives with, makes it even tougher. I am glad you got out of the situation. You bring up a valid point that many will never know how there kids would have been or what impact they would have had on their lives…..
I have no problem with the choice people have made for themselves. Whether the best choice is putting kids up for adoption or abortion. One does not cancel out the other. They may both be good choices in different circumstances for different people.
I really love her for doing this.
That is all.
I am pro-choice and I’ll always vote that way. I also think that abortion is immoral and is a true shame.
I agree. I am strongly pro-choice but see every abortion, including the one I had 20+ years ago as a tragedy. No matter how you parse it an abortion is the taking of a life. But a woman’s right to control her own body trumps the rights of the fetus unable to live independently of its host. I’m not sure I’d use the word immoral though beacause choosing to not rear a child now in order to have more to invest in future children might be the moral choice. And abortion is certainly better than infanticide which was the way unwanted pregnancy was delt with for most of human history, across all cultures.
I disagree about not labeling it immoral. I do see what you’re saying about an abortion now makes life better for future children but that doesn’t negate the immorality of having an abortion, imo. It might be the better choice for some. I’ve never had one but I am not sure I wouldn’t have in the perfect storm of circumstances.
I feel the same. I’m not going to tell you that you shouldn’t have one but for me it would not be a moral choice. I think that people are missing the point here…no one is going to take away your right to have an abortion. It’s never going to be made illegal. Regulations need to exist for the safety of all (yes, including the fetus). It makes me sad that many of these women who do have abortions do so in a cavalier manner.
KRT. Over here I get the impression you are all up to your ankles in repeated attempts to roll back abortion rights.
Anyway…just about these women and their cavilier behaviour: if they/we are indeed so insouçiant, consider this: it’s because we believe we are NOT doing harm by our actions. If we really believed we were participating in infanticide, yet still exhibited inadequate remorse or garment-shredding, then you’d have just cause for concern. Perhaps. As it is, you aren’t actually surrounded by stone cold murderers at all, just women who hold opinions different from your own.
I wouldn’t exist if my mother hadn’t aborted her first pregnancy. Mother was into her second trimester with a baby due in April. It was the first grandchild for both grandparents, and everyone in the family was brimming with excitement for the little boy. Then, at a routine sonogram appointment, there was something wrong. Specialists confirmed it. The baby boy had severe spina bifida. His developing spine was growing outside his body from the neck down. At best, he would be rushed into surgery after birth and would live a short life plagued with health issues and paralyzed from the neck down, at worst he would be stillborn. My parents decided to terminate and had to be rushed in for the procedure for legal reasons (the “deadline” was approaching). My mom said returning all the maternity clothes was the saddest day of her life. But, a few months after the procedure, she became pregnant with me. I was born that autumn. She wouldn’t have been able to become pregnant with me if she had not terminated because the gestation dates would have overlapped.
I thank my lucky stars that my parents made that choice. I am here today because of abortion.
That right there, is probably the best true preservation of life argument I’ve heard. Your parents were put into an awful situation, but in the end sacrificing one child that would not have lived long if at all, resulted in one living that would have never been *hugs*
Those circumstances are totally different than a lot of reasons that people have abortions. Sorry your parents had to go through such a horrible experience.
Thinker, that was the right solution for your mom. But I just want people to know that many kids with spina bifida (usually lower in the spine than your brother had) can survive and do OK. They used to give up on these kids at birth and let them die. Now for milder versions there are surgeries to cover the spinal cord and shunts to help if there’s fluid on the brain. Not necessarily a really easy life but a livable one.
Literally five seconds after first reading this I saw her interview or whatever linked on a conservative blog, liked by the wife of one of my husbands friends on Facebook, and they were talking all about how they should ‘ask her again if she regrets it in 30 years if she’s not dead of a drug overdose or suicide by then’ and it was all I could to not go in guns blazing and tell her (the friends wife) to F off and unfriend me.
Choice! This is at the root of it all. Women having the power, the options to choose what they want done or not done to their bodies. Done. There is nothing left to nitpick. Everyone is emotionally different and will handle the idea of an abortion, the procedure, and the results of deciding to stay pregnant or to chart a different course, differently. It is unfathomable to me that people, women especially, would try to shame, hurt, intimate, embarrass, another woman regarding decisions surrounding her own body. Choice is ownership. I want full ownership of my own skin and the actions and consequences that come with that.
I wouldn’t have a mother if she hadn’t had an abortion when I was five years old – she had serious health problems and an unplanned pregnancy,.
She’s since told me that the termination was one of the easiest decisions she’s ever had to make and she’d have done it even if she hadn’t had life-threatening health issues. And I would rather have my mother alive and well than a hypothetical sibling whose gestation and birth would have messed up her health forever. I thank Jemima for sharing her story, we don’t hear from that side too often.
As I said many times before, I have a very safe/ privildged/ charmed life. I sometimes feel so stupid and naif posting here. Because I read the comments and it hits me: I know Nothing.
I always had this belief that abortion is taking a life. And maybe it is – but that doesn’t make it wrong or immoral. Reading the news, watching life, this world is so f***ed up. So many montrosities happening to children, adults, animals, this earth. Sometimes, it seems that abortion is the kindest choice for mother and fetus.
But what do I know – very little.
It was an intelligent comment. What you can’t see under this thread are testimonials of people whose mothers didn’t make that choice to abort. Some being born to drug addiction, or mothers who had no prenatal care. Some brought up in horrifically abusive situations, in abject poverty, in a life of pain. Sometimes a life of crime follows, rippling the effect of more pain into society. You are not going to hear those people wishing that hadn’t been born, they might not have even developed the capacity to articulate such a thing. I’m not making a broad statement about all of the people subjected to these circumstances but they do, in fact, exist. And this doesn’t even cover all of the children that no one wants to adopt. Nor the laborious and expensive process of adoption. Then you have children who end up in foster care where some can be subjected to more abuse.
@kiddo
My mom got pregnant with me in 1959. If abortion had been available to her I am pretty sure Iwouldn’t have been born.
While I don’t want to be dead I am one of those people who you are referencing. A ripple affect baby, child and adult. Lots of dysfunction, abuse, negect and suffering. Life is ok now but I am in my fifties and it was a long road. It would have saved money and pain if I had gone back to ride another revolution of the wheel before being born.
Velvet, I was worried that someone here might misinterpret what I was trying to say on the ripple effect, but first and foremost, I want to say that I’m sorry for your suffering.
What I intended to articulate with ‘the ripple effect’ comment was that sometimes abuse or neglect gets passed on further, and not just within families, but beyond. I was thinking about people like Charles Manson, or people who become violent criminals, and their actions are an expression of their past terrible treatment and perhaps some of their genetic code, but they impact society outside of these borders like skimming stones over a lake. No one can foresee all of this, but my point being that if someone feels they aren’t capable of parenting or incubating a fetus for 9 months, and since we know that not all children are adopted, nor are they all placed in loving foster care, or with other loving family members, the result can be a tragedy to bring them into the world. What I meant by saying there would be no testaments to ‘it would be better for society (and maybe myself) if I hadn’t been born’ is that the type of people I mentioned above, are those who aren’t going to come here and admit that things would be better if they hadn’t existed, and I doubt the mothers will come and say something similar. We will only read testimonials from those for whom things have turned relatively okay, without creating a lot of damage to others.
We won’t hear from children who were tortured and murdered by their mothers, or beaten to death by boyfriends. We won’t hear from children starved to death. They can’t speak. And I wonder if the extreme pain of these cases makes it worth it in giving ‘life’ to the existence that they had to endure.
Bringing the potential of life to fruition doesn’t necessarily mean that the most ethical consideration has been given, that was my underlying point. Morality speaks to religious belief in specific structure per act, where I think ethical consideration sometimes looks beyond only one action categorized as sin.
I’m not sure if that made more or less sense than my first comment.
@kiddo
I think you are being remarkable cogent. I get what your saying. You are talking about people doing montrous actions perhaps even being monsters because of torturous family life.
While I appreciate your sympathy, I not only suffered but caused suffering. That is where my statement about taking another turn on the wheel comes from.
velvet, that was incredible honest. But you still have my sympathy.
@kiddo
Thank you. I always appreciate your commentary and humor on this site.
Velvet, Kiddo……just wanted to interject here that the selectively read Bible, so often used as a blunt instrument for moral assault, has the fascinating snippet from The Man who, assessing the life and actions of flawed, exploited Judas Iscariot, says that ‘it were better for this man he had never been born’. I always found that useful in heated arguments with my religious parents when discussing abortion as a teenager.
Seriously, it seems to me to be a cold confirmation that human life is not absolutely precious to Gød, inevitable and inviolable, under certain human/Earthly circumstances (or prophecy-fulfilment imperatives), which Gød above wots not. (I keep hoping CoolPope might notice this bit).
‘Scuse me, not sidetracking into religion here, just reason.
And why are mostly men that decide on these things? She’s freaking right, it’s a woman’s right and none should be able to take it away.
I had an abortion at 20. I was in college and I also couldn’t afford the anesthesia. The process was incredibly painful. I remember tears were streaming down my face, not because I regretted my decision but rather from how badly it physically hurt. When I read these conservatives that want to limit access, block methods that are less invasive and painful it makes me stabby. I’m applaud her for speaking out. I now donate to Planned Parenthood so women who may not have the resources have access to birth control and abortion.
I cannot shame someone else for a belief that may be different from mine. I have been in a position where I had to choose between an abortion or having a child. It was a very hard decision it seemed to me at the time, and both decisions carried shame and stigma (at least for the woman). One was easier to hide (the abortion) and one I would never be able to hide (the child). I made the decision that was right for me. In cases of rape, incest and the life of the Mother, I understand why abortion would be a medical avenue. I do not understand late term abortions, not only is it dangerous for the pregnant woman I find it to be less than humane. I attended university with a woman who was missing an arm. She lost the arm due to a abortion that her birth mother underwent. It was essentially a late term D&C. The nurse heard the fetus making noise in the bucket the fetus remains were in and the clinic had to take the fetus to the hospital. She was later adopted.
I totally agree with you. Late term abortions should NOT be legal, especially where the fetus could survive outside of the womb as the one you described. I also feel that there should be some soul searching involved where abortion is concerned and it not be something taken lightly. I had a miscarriage 20 years ago and I still feel sick when I remember reading the medical report which said I needed a D and C “with suction”. Just knowing that they used that term to remove what I had hoped and dreamed would be my baby was like a knife to my heart. Think twice girls and use protection so that decision doesn’t have to be made.
Less than 1% of abortions take place in late term, and they’re usually done in cases where the fetus is non-viable or the mother’s life is seriously threatened. It is ugly, and some of the cases can be incredibly tragic. What happened to your friend is awful, but that sounds more like horrific malpractice on the part of the doctors.
Great post.
brave, brave woman.
I had three abortions as a young woman, 30 years ago (obviously not all in the same year). Don’t have any regret and am not emotionally scarred.
I have wondered at times if the fear of death, which I feel we don’t deal with well in the U.S., somewhat fuels the polarity around termination. As GNAT said in an earlier post abortion is death of a potential. I don’t think fear of death is the main reason for the abortion debates but that it might influence the voices speaking against it.
Regarding the statistics of the number of abortions done in the U.S., included are D&Cs done after the pregnancy is no longer viable. If a positive pregnancy test or ultrasounds were done previous to the loss of the fetus, the woman undergoing the procedure must sign legal documents at the hospital before having surgery. Clearly stateing in black and white it is her choice to have an elected abortion, while be wheeled into the operating room.
People want to live in the bubble of delusion that abortion is some new found medical option brought on the evils of modern technology. It has always been around. There will always be women who don’t want, can’t have, or couldn’t afford to bring life into the world. The methods are just somewhat safer and hygienic these days. Before, there were horrific manual abortions, herbal poisons, and infanticide. Or you both died in childbirth. Whatever got the job done.
Once you accept that reality, legal abortion is a no-brainer. Personally? My feelings are very mixed. I’m not sure I’d ever have one. But realistically? It’s going to happen regardless of how I feel, and I’d rather it occur in a safe, compassionate, and humane manner for everyone involved.
The only winners here are the zygotes that didn’t have to grow up to be unwanted children. I am pro-choice but absolutely do not agree with making abortion a normative decision. It’s a big deal. Sex can kill you and it can create life. Take it seriously.
Best decision I ever made. Knowing what I know now about being a parent, life would have been terrible for both me and my child. I’ve watched other single moms that had an oops, a broken condom (before morning after pill), failed depo shot, etc. They chose to keep the child, despite being a teen and have lived their lives on some form of government assistance whether it be Medicaid or foodstamps or some other forms. Most of the fathers are not in the picture at all and, I they are, have very unhealthy relationships with battles over child support. What a terrific environment for a child; in poverty, no father, little resources. So, yeah, I just can’t understand where the GOP establishment stands. They don’t want to support these people with government funds, yet they don’t want to give individuals the choice to abort an unplanned pregnancy with implications for many years on many parties.
3/10. Wow. Reading through these comments though it sounds like 7/10. Yes. I will defend your right to have an abortion but you better believe I’m judging you and then some.
And I will lose exactly zero sleep over it.
@ Ange – Haha exactly!
Keeping the child isn’t easy either. I’ve had to live with my interfering in laws. I had to defer my studying, lost my job before I found out I was pregnant and because women are having children later than me, it’s been EXTREMELY lonely.
She looks so much like Fiona Apple, wow!
I am pregnant with a guy who I am “friends with benefits”. We used contraception ( both of us) and yet I am pregnant. I am 27 and have never had an abortion. I feel like I cannot tell my closest friends because of what they may think or say. I know that it is unfair to bring this pregnancy to term and so I do not doubt my decision. Having said that, I am still so emotional about what I am doing and I feel so nervous and am, in need of support. I live in South Africa so is legal and yet it is still frowned upon and a taboo topic.
I’ll be sending lots of love through the ether, Ceecee. You aren’t alone.
Hi Ceecee, I feel you.
Have been in the exact same position as you this time last year. I live in Australia.
Had been feeling a bit tired, went to the doctor who did a blood test for Iron levels.
Found out I was 9 weeks pregnant.
There were a lot of sleepless nights and tears – this is a huge decision!
Are you sure there is no one that you could tell? Family member? Mother or sister? 🙁
It took a few months to heal (emotionally) but a year down the track I now feel a sense of relief that I had the right to choose. I just want to provide the best for my future child (when the time is right to have one) and at that point of time in my life I just could’t have done that.
Thinking of you x
Sending you a virtual hug. Hope all goes well and life blooms beautifully for you as you go forward.
Dear Ceecee, I hope everything works out for you and that you’re able to do what you need to do for your own wellbeing. Like Sixer says, you are not alone.
Hugs to you CeeCee……bear in mind there are wild hormonal reasons for emotional turmoil at this time for you, so let your inner strength come from your considered choice, knowing you are doing your very best, and you’ll not waver.
I’m glad to say I came through unscathed in every way, as do the majority, I’m sure. (The only lingering woe is my mysterious 12-week-long infatuation with Dior’s Poison……before and ever after my termination I’ve loathed it )
Keep your chin up, eyes on the horizon, sister. x
all of this is just beautiful. beautiful stories, thoughtful opinions, wonderful mature discussion. internet group hug for all of you that need it and especially for the ones that think you don’t 🙂
I actually just had an abortion last week :-/ My husband and I already have one child, he lost his job in feb and I haven’t been able to find work. On top of that, I’m a type 1 diabetic and my first pregnancy was very rough and I spent the majority of it in the hospital.
That said, it was not an easy decision but the best for our family. We literally cannot afford another child. At times it’s been hard, but I don’t regret it and have a sense of relief now.
Luckily my state (WV of all places) will pay for your abortion through Medicaid. If it wasn’t for that we’d NEVER be able to afford it since we are struggling to pay bills and keep our car running at the moment!
Thinking of you over the Internet. It will get better and good luck with the job hunt.
Thank you! Hugs
@kiddo
Thank you. I always appreciate your commentary and humor on this site.
so she decides that the baby daddy has no room in her life and she gets rid of the baby. I’m a little afraid for her kids when she gets sick of her current partner.
I had an abortion after having my two children. We didn’t want more and were moving to a different country. I haven’t regretted the choice, but I do regret having told my best friend about it because she proceeded to make me feel like crap over the decision.
I am so thankful for the stories shared here. I think more conversation needs to happen about this. For me, the choice wasn’t easy, but I wanted to be the best mother I could be to my two children and I knew adding another during such a high stress time was going to negatively impact my family. There are so many reasons to terminate a pregnancy and unless you are in the situation you can’t understand them all.
She’s braver than I am. I’ve had two abortions after I got pregnant while on the pill each time. I have a Mirena now.
If my catholic, baby rabid inlaws found out that I have aborted not once, but twice, they would beat me to death with their bibles. They don’t care about me or the disease I have–I’m just a vessel to provide children that we don’t want in the first place.
She seems to be complaining mostly that she had to pay for the procedure.
There’s a difference between being free to make the choice and having it be free cost-wise. We’re free to buy a car, for example, but still have to pay for it. That may sound ridiculous but my point is that having the choice doesn’t mean you should have NO responsibility for that choice.
@LD50
That is a pretty famous biblical quote, used to justify persecution most notably of Jews by Christians. Also used in free will vs predestination debates. I doubt very much that Frances aka “the cool pope” will have much to say towards that.
Thank you for the support. I know it is for the best. I have decided to reach out to the father of the baby because although this may end what we have, I know he will do what he can and it is important that there is someone who knows what I am doing.