A couple of weeks ago, I saw Laverne Cox speak as part of her college tour. She was impressive on so many levels. Laverne spoke fast and had so much to say about gender identity, about trans rights, and about the depressing statistics about violence and murder against trans people. She called then-Bruce sincere and human with a “desire to change the world“. Laverne also urged us, and the media, to focus on the “hearts, souls, emotions and… experiences” of trans people, and not the specifics around surgery and body parts.
Now that we’ve met Caitlyn on the cover of Vanity Fair, Laverne has penned a thoughtful essay about what this means to the trans community, and to those people who are still struggling. She urges us not to focus on beauty and instead to move toward acceptance. Her essay is long and I’ll break it down a little here. I recommend that you read the original which reminded me so much of her talk. I could listen to her for hours. Here’s some of what she wrote and the headers are in my words.
We should go beyond the superficial with trans people
Yes, Caitlyn looks amazing and is beautiful but what I think is most beautiful about her is her heart and soul, the ways she has allowed the world into her vulnerabilities. The love and devotion she has for her family and that they have for her. Her courage to move past denial into her truth so publicly. These things are beyond beautiful to me.Trans people shouldn’t have to be attractive to be respected
A year ago when my Time magazine cover came out I saw posts from many trans folks saying that I am “drop dead gorgeous” and that that doesn’t represent most trans people. (It was news to me that I am drop dead gorgeous but I’ll certainly take it). But what I think they meant is that in certain lighting, at certain angles I am able to embody certain cisnormative beauty standards. Now, there are many trans folks because of genetics and/or lack of material access who will never be able to embody these standards. More importantly many trans folks don’t want to embody them and we shouldn’t have to to be seen as ourselves and respected as ourselves.We need more media representation of trans folks
I have always been aware that I can never represent all trans people. No one or two or three trans people can. This is why we need diverse media representations of trans folks to multiply trans narratives in the media and depict our beautiful diversities. I started #TransIsBeautiful as a way to celebrate all those things that make trans folks uniquely trans, those things that don’t necessarily align with cisnormative beauty standards.We have to lift up all trans people
Most trans folks don’t have the privileges Caitlyn and I have now have. It is those trans folks we must continue to lift up, get them access to healthcare, jobs, housing, safe streets, safe schools and homes for our young people. We must lift up the stories of those most at risk, statistically trans people of color who are poor and working class. I have hoped over the past few years that the incredible love I have received from the public can translate to the lives of all trans folks. Trans folks of all races, gender expressions, ability, sexual orientations, classes, immigration status, employment status, transition status, genital status etc.. I hope, as I know Caitlyn does, that the love she is receiving can translate into changing hearts and minds about who all trans people are as well as shifting public policies to fully support the lives and well being of all of us.
That was so powerful, but I didn’t expect anything less from her. Read the first quoted paragraph again. (Or for the first time.) For those of you criticizing Caitlyn and saying that Bruce was a horrible absent father, does that take away from how groundbreaking and meaningful it is for her to earn the cover of Vanity Fair? I don’t think it does. It took Caitlyn her whole lifetime to be able to be herself, and there’s nothing wrong with celebrating that while acknowledging that she’s flawed. As Laverne Cox said in her speech, “we are not what we do” and we are not the worst thing we’ve ever done. (The context is that during Q&A a future public defender asked her for words of wisdom. Laverne quoted civil rights attorney William Kunstler, who believed that everyone deserved a defense.)
In terms of cisnormative beauty, many transgender people have brought this up when it comes to the media narrative around Caitlyn. Vocactiv has an eye-opening editorial about this issue, with a conclusion from the director of Transgender Media at GLAAD, Nick Adams “We have to get to a place where how a transgender person looks — whether they’re visibly transgender or whether or not they meet some conventional standard of masculinity and femininity as defined by our culture — is not the criteria upon which they receive acceptance and support.”
As for how we can support trans people with public policy, Laverne gave an example of a Catholic high school in New York city in which the students successfully lobbied to have some gender neutral bathrooms. (Here’s more on how gender neutral bathrooms can help with access and acceptance for trans people. Many schools are switching “family” bathrooms to the more inclusive “gender neutral”.)
Laverne also reminded us that when we don’t value trans lives “the price can be deadly.” The self-reported attempted suicide rate among trans people is over 40%. So yes, I do celebrate Caitlyn on the cover of Vanity Fair, and I hope to see more trans celebrities, media personalities and neighbors.
Here’s a new video that Vanity Fair released from behind the scenes in which Caitlyn gives a shout out to Laverne Cox, among other pioneers.
I'm so happy after such a long struggle to be living my true self. Welcome to the world Caitlyn. Can't wait for you to get to know her/me.
— Caitlyn Jenner (@Caitlyn_Jenner) June 1, 2015
She is amazing, so intelligent, thoughtful and articulate. A big contrast to the bits of conversations I’ve read from Caitlyn, who struck me as shallower than I would have imagined. I know I should cut her some slack, I don’t want to be a hater and I know not everyone is cut out to be an advocate, but I was surprised and how uninformed she seemed on numerous things.
I agree with everything you’re saying, though I do think Caitlyn is very new to this and will likely become more informed once she’s been part of the community a while. At least I hope so. But she did willingly marry Kris Kardashian, so who knows.
That’s what I was thinking, too, but like you said who knows.
Eh-yup!
Could she have come on the VF cover in something OTHER than lingerie? IS that really all Caitlyn thinks being a woman is – pretty clothes and lingerie? A very tired cover.
Intelligence doesn’t exactly run in this family.
Great essay by Laverne, really important. Ok now I can be petty and superficial – I don’t like gender neutral bathrooms, I think there should be bathrooms where you pee standing up, and bathrooms where you pee sitting down. Otherwise for people who sit it is just not on…
I don’t get your logic. My husband likes to pee sitting down, should he go in the sitting down room? More importantly, all men (I assume) poop sitting down, should they poop in the sitting down room?
I’m just saying that all gender unspecified bathrooms I have encountered have stunk of pee from it being sprayed around, presumably by people who pee when standing. I’m talking about peeing as it’s the culprit, poo stinks no matter how you do it.
“Pee standing up or sitting down” makes sense in a traditional sense. But even men’s restrooms have stalls for those with the poops (tact?). Changing the name from “family” to “gender neutral” doesn’t change what will be behind the door (toilet, sink, etc…).
My only issue with this change is the amount of bullying that kids deciding to come out and identify as trans will endure. It sounds easy to simply bring awareness and along with it comes acceptance; but this is honestly not realistic. Kids are cruel, parents are less tolerant, and administrators can be obtuse.
I just came here to say I love your posts, Celebitchy. They are always so thoughtful and informative.
Very..always from a sincere place.
Right? And that essay by Laverne Cox is just the palate cleanser I need after that rage inducing preview from Fox on the Duggar thread.
I don’t think we can take away how much of a step forward it is that Caitlyn has been widely accepted by the public and is changing a lot of people’s minds. That being said, she is also taking this time to come clean about her life as Bruce. And that involves some ugly truths, including the recently learned fact that initially she (Bruce at the time) wanted to abort her daughter Casey. While this was also due to the fact that his first wife found at she was pregnant in the midst of the divorce, combined with the absent parenting, it does leave a sour taste in one’s mouth. It seems to me that the lack of parenting is being heavily blamed on her identity struggle. However she went on to have more kids and successfully parent 4 step-children. This does rub me the wrong way, especially because now that her children are also speaking more, the pain from this absence is very apparent.
I read that story about how he(Bruce) wanted Casey aborted yesterday and my heart breaks for her. Not mainly about the part that he wanted her aborted but the fact that they(her parents) told her. They should have NEVER let Casey find out about it and they should have kept this very very VERY private family matter out of the press. Casey said her mother told her after she(Casey) had been arguing with Bruce about money, and Bruce kept saying “you don’t know the whole story” meaning you don’t get to ask me money since I didn’t want you to start with. That is some vile behaviour from a “parent”.
All criticism of Caitlyn’s parenting aside, I do not think being trans means that she is above any and all criticism. And my biggest issue is that Caitlyn’s transition and subsequent reveal was ALL about Caitlyn. While she deserves a platform to speak about her struggles, as anyone does, she did not once acknowledge the fact that she is extremely privileged. She has resources that most trans individuals lack, and she was given a platform that most trans individuals will never have. Instead of making even one measly statement acknowledging her privilege and acknowledging those who’s struggle has lead to pain and death rather than a cover of Vanity Fair, she chose to lament about how her oldest children didn’t want to be a part of her reality show.
+1. Just posted a similar point below. Caitlyn may surprise us all by growing as a human being, but I’m not holding my breath. Narcissism tends not to go away.
+1!
+1. I get what Celebitchy is saying- that we shouldn’t tear down Caitlyns accomplishments in terms of being trans because she was a bad father for no reason. HOWEVER in the VF interview, she blamed and deflected a lot, and we do have the right to call her out on that.
And let’s be realistic, this cover wasnt chosen to be ground breaking, it was chosen to sell…. and it has broken records for vf. Kims naked champagne shoot wasnt chosen because it was ground breaking, it was chosen because it would sell. If they wanted to be groundbreaking, they should choose someone who is a true pioneer, who doesn’t destroy the lives of those closest to them to get what they wanted, but rather someone who positively affects those around them. The dollar dictates covers. Not the desire to help a cause in magazines like these
She actually did address it during that Diane Sawyer interview. She said she knew how fortunate she is to financially be able to afford to the surgeries/medicine (I’m paraphrasing) but it was brought up in that interview.
Caitlyn does come off selfish though. In the Vanity Fair article she supposedly gets upset that her older children don’t want to take part in her new reality show or something. Like really? They supported you during your interview, they have accepted your change. They don’t owe him/her anything especially given how he practically abandoned them for a whole other family .
I didn’t care for Bruce then and the more I hear of Caitlin, I’m starting not to care much for her either. At this point they both seem self-centered.
Huh! I came to write the same thing, you beat me to it.
I mean, the mere fact that Caitlyn is financially independent enough must be a HUGE relief when compared to a “normal” (i.e. working) transgender person who has to go to work as a woman after going there for years as a man, and face the possibility of having colleagues or supervisors who do not approve and even discriminate…
+1. If proceeds from Caitlin’s E! series were to be donated to a trans counselling or help organisation I would feel better about her, but she (like Bruce before her) seems to be rather self-centred and all about me, me, me. Perhaps it is a hangover from Bruce’s life as an athlete – Olympians/sportspeople are always being lauded as “heroes”, despite their motivations being entirely self-motivated. That doesn’t take away from their achievements – but don’t call them heroes!
The constant blaming of other people while refusing to accept responsibility for the shitty things Bruce did – or simply writing them off to her ‘previous life’ – is particularly jarring.
Laverne and people like Janet Mock are much more powerful role models for the trans community in my opinion.
Laverne Cox’s essay is beautiful and on-point. The ONLY thing I take exception to is the flowery praise for Caitlyn’s parenting. Before her transition she was a lousy parent due to narcissism, and from what I’ve seen and heard so far, transitioning has not changed that. Her soul may be free, but that doesn’t mean she’s less selfish now. While Caitlyn’s decision to transition and to do it so publicly is brave, I wish so many people would stop acting like she’s now a saint. Bravery and narcissism are not necessarily mutually exclusive, and the cognitive dissonance of that particular issue is jarring in this public discourse, even in Ms. Cox’s beautifully-penned essay.
I saw a video of one of Laverne’s talks a while ago, and she was so informative and engaging, and really stressed the difficulties that trans people, especially those without her good fortune, face every day. I hope all this publicity leads to broader acceptance, and a safer future for those struggling.
I don’t know if I agree that we aren’t what we do though – people can say a lot of things, but what you actually do, how you treat others, the impact you have on the world, that is who you are.
I love Janet Mock’s work (she has a show on YouTube, a blog and wrote a memoir) and Nevada by Imogen Binnes. Just a recommendation if you’d like to look at more product made by trans women.
What a Strong and Brave woman! I have so much respect for the transgender community. Thanks for these posts!
Her struggle should not be negated by her parenting, etc.
However, it is also not a license to act any which way. The reality is Catelyn has in many ways been myopic and self centered about her transition. Maybe it is a coping mechanism. But you can’t be so public about something and yet so unapologetically quiet about the privileges you enjoy.
Laverne on the other hand is amazing and aware. I will be reading more of her essay and interviews to get better educated on trans issues.
In recent days with all the praise heaped on Caitlyn and the term hero being bandied about a lot, I could not stop thinking that actually, the real heroes, IMO, for the trans community, are Ms. Beck and Ms. Cox. One actually was and is a true war hero, and I think her story is truly empowering, eye opening and is a fabulous role model. Ms. Cox also inspires me with her extremely articulate and intelligent commentary, the only part I disagree with is her praise of Caitlyn’s parenting.
I know CB has a positive view of Caitlyn and her very public transformation. Very glad Caitlyn is now able to live her life the way she wanted it, and if any awareness and acceptance comes out of her story, that is all good. But I am very tired on the effort to make her a saint on a pedestal, for all the reasons many of us commenters on this site have already pointed out:
Narcissistic, “me, me, me, look at me” behaviour? Check.
Bad, indifferent parent, not once, not twice, but three times over? Check.
Mess up not one, not two, but three women while being completely aware that he, Bruce, really wanted to be a woman? Check. (Yes, Kris knew, anyway more than she know acknowledges, but Bruce proposed, Bruce fathered two more children after divorcing his second wife so he could start the hormone therapy and surgeries, so that is on Bruce, mainly.)
Using the very personal story for more money and exposure? Check.
Still being a self absorbed individual who actually yelled at his older kids for not being willing to be included in his new reality Koven style show, because again, “me, me, me” and more money? Check…
At no point in this process have I heard that Caitlyn has actually donated anything to the trans community, whether it be time, money, advocacy efforts… Nothing. It is all about keeping the cameras rolling.
So please, more Laverne and Kristin, less Caitlyn.
This. All of this. As a child who was abandoned by both parents (one for drugs and alcohol and the other so they could start a new life with new kids and a wealthy “picture perfect” spouse but kept on the periphery to keep up appearances and allow people to feel good about the charity they were giving the poor, wretched child of an unfortunate marriage and divorce), I am particularly sensitive to this. Bruce didn’t do it once, he has now done it three times. Just because he has transitioned to a she doesn’t mean that all transgressions are forgiven and forgotten. Hormones, plastic surgery, new clothes, a new name and a glam team for the cover of a national magazine don’t negate the nearly four decades of pain and destruction Bruce Jenner created with his self absorbed behaviors.
Even her coming out was extremely Kardashian like. It wasn’t Kaitlyn in normal clothes hanging out with her 6 kids. No. It was an extremely glamorous and sexualized version of what a woman is (a la her three step daughters and two bio daughters). She chose a name that sounds like all of her step daughters and bio daughters…but changed one letter. How different is Kristine from Christine?
Ugh. Now I’m all worked up. I can think of so many that have been such a force for good in the TG community and Caitlyn Jenner probably won’t ever come to mind. Why? Because an asshole is an asshole no matter how you wrap the package and tell yourself that you are a new person. At 65 years old I don’t see her making profound personality changes for the positive.
Oh BooBoo… I hope you now have a family of your own and good friends to (at least a bit) make up some for the sorry excuses for parents you had growing up. Whenever I hear stories like these, about innocent children not being given the love and care that is everyone’s birthright, it makes me incredibly mad. And stories like Caitlyn’s only serve to reinforce my opinion that no amount of cars, mansions, jewelry and fancy clothes or makeup can make you into a beautiful person if you are ugly inside. A parent who fails at the job is in my book forever a loser.
Hugs to you Booboo and I agree with everything you said. Bruce is an asshole – Caitlyn is likely no different. I posted above that I was horrified that the best she could do was be photographed in lingerie. Seriously??? More to being a woman than playing barbie – but I don’t think Caitlyn knows that.
Yes to everything Booboo and Vauvert said. Many people have problems, issues they have not been able to sort out, but the problem with Caitlyn and many others (regardless or age, sex, religion or nationality) is that they indeed are all “me me me” people, and couldn’t care less about anything that happens around them or as a result of their selfishness.
I get what your saying and agree but its a little to soon to judge with out reading Caitlyn full interview which is 33 pages long.
*Standing ovation clapping*. ^^^^THIS^^^^^. @vauvert, you’ve said exactly what I’ve thought about this whole media circus event.
100%
I will say this: I think Laverne is pure of heart in her determination to lift others up. I hope that Caitlyn DOES help others, in spite of my cynical perspective on the entire story. Maybe the show will veer away from the Kardashian template. I will admit my heavy bias and prejudice as far as that group is concerned.
We do need more representation of the transgendered population as we need more representation of gays, lesbians, women, races and ethnicity, etc. One person carrying the ball shouldn’t represent entire groups. Highlighting my own prejudice and opinion here, I wouldn’t want Kris Jenner to be the spokesperson for all women, for example
I will beg to differ on one opinion with Laverne, in that sometimes YOU ARE the worst thing that you’ve ever done; see Charles Manson or Dick Cheney, for example. Largely, people aren’t summed up by the worst thing that they have ever done, but by all the things that they have done. What you do or end up not doing is WHO YOU ARE. At this point, Caitlyn is a work in progress, no doubt, we shall see.
ALL people are treated better when they are considered attractive by society’s norms. I agree that attractiveness shouldn’t be the first requirement for respect, but this ideal is especially off the charts in Hollywood, Madison Avenue ad campaigns, and of course, the modeling and fashion industry. I understand that the consequences are especially harsh for the outliers of society’s ‘accepted’ and chosen.
Lastly: Laverne also urged us, and the media, to focus on the “hearts, souls, emotions and… experiences” of trans people, and not the specifics around surgery and body parts. I understand where she is going with this and why, but there is so much confusion in the general population. I don’t think individuals necessarily need to answer to the degree of personal transitioning, but a general comprehensive overview from a specialist is not a bad idea. People who aren’t familiar with the transgender community have difficulty in comprehending that there is a difference, and a great deal of variety, in gender identification, sexual orientation and extent of surgical remedy. Education isn’t a terrible thing when society nears acceptance. They need to understand what it is they are accepting, first. When a show is driven specifically ABOUT transitioning, perhaps those questions should be answered. Laverne’s professional life, although tied to her being transgendered, isn’t about the journey as much as it is about being a working actress, who by virtue of this fact, has worked toward normalizing the experience. I hope that last part made sense, I couldn’t come up with better wording.
OMG, that was so long, sorry.
Jeffrey Tambor stars as a transgender transitioning male to female in a show called Transparency. I have only seen the first episode and I love Jeffrey Tambor so I am biased but he plays the heck out of the role. His character is divorced with three adult children. His character is around Caitlyn’s age.
Whoops.
Had to stop at the first paragraph. I wonder if Caitlyn’s kids agree with Laverne’s assessment of her (then Bruce’s) devotion to his family.
It’s very easy to praise Laverne and put down Caitlyn because you know about Caitlyn’s personal life and her relationships with her kids and ex wives.Fortunately for Laverne her ex boyfriend and former friends don’t publicly discuss her.Caitlyn is not a saint nor is she the devil.Laverne has no halo over her head either.Laverne has been a trans activist and advocate for years maybe one day Caitlyn will be one.
RIP to the eight trans women who have been murdered this year
Adding to the parenting discussion, Caitlyn still has an underage child traveling around the world with a 26 year old man, presumably sleeping with him, and she needs to step up and start parenting that child.
I’m also concerned with the whole vehicular manslaughter thing…
I think it’s important to let Caitlyn have her moment, but man, so much about this is objectionable, from the privilege to the beauty standards. Yes, it is true that we are not necessarily our worst moments, but when there are so few other redeeming qualities, then what? Like others have written, to struggle with gender identity for so long, yet to completely bowl over everyone else (marrying multiple women without full disclosure, fathering multiple children even after admitting that the internal struggles and desire to hide translated to a largely absent parenthood for the first 4 kids) and have every move be so self-serving really makes me lament the choice of role model for the trans community. I’m sure the very fact that Bruce has been associated with “Kardashian” for so long automatically meant people weren’t willing to listen to what Caitlyn had to say, in and of itself. Laverne may have her own skeletons too and like someone else wrote above, probably doesn’t wear a halo and has the advantage of her sins not being on full public display, but everything about “Jenner/Kardashian” is already so offputting. This is a family whose sole purpose in life is fame and self-promotion. An interview with Diane, then the announcement of the reality TV show (yet another!), the VF cover, and all the me, me, me…it’s just never-ending and there’s absolutely no chance this wasn’t timed perfectly to maximize $$$.
I can sympathize with Caitlyn’s struggle but it’s really hard to overlook all the negativity and the overall presumption that every single move is just for selfish gain, and that is going to do more harm than good for LGBT issues. Yes, we’ve all temporarily forgotten about the whole underage daughter dating (and whatever else) a grown man (and Kanye, Caitlyn’s own son-in-law, bragging that Tyga “got in there early” in reference to a 17-year-old child) and the accident that left a woman dead, but when the glitz and glamor start winding down, will the typical outrage and disgust at this family carry over into similar emotions for Caitlyn’s supposed role as a spokesperson/role model for the entire community?
What Nick Adams said about trans people on”whether or not they meet some conventional standard of masculinity and femininity as defined by our culture” is what most seem to overlook.
Caitlyn is a stereotype: Make-up, high heels, pretty clothes and half-naked pics.
Laverne is intelligent and wants to be appreciated as a whole, not just as what society thinks a female should be like.
I read something from a trans woman yesterday about how her GP was advising her to dress more feminine (LOL), because she usually rocks pants and a hoodie. I thought this was totally refreshing and she looked totally female to me BECAUSE she dressed like a lot of women dress and not some over-the-top caricature of femininity.
For myself I’ve found it helpful to remember Caitlyn is going through a major physical and hormonal transformation. WHO she is the same as when Bruce existed. I firmly believe not being free to fully live as Caitlyn has definitely exacerbated her issues as a distant ineffective parent.
Caitlyn is who she always was. That is what I fear may be lost. There is much joy and positivity in what she is undergoing and enormous possibilities in her future.
That being said she is NOT Laverne Cox. I find Laverne to be a unique and special human being completely separate from any discussion of gender identity or sexuality. I find her expression of humanity quite compelling. She truly makes me think about the effect of my actions on other people. Her transition to female did not make her someone she never was. The physical changes allowed her and us the opportunity to SEE that individual. I believe Laverne was amazing when her body was male. That is who she is for me.
Caitlyn is not nor will she be Laverne Cox. We should not expect that of her.
I believe that her four oldest children have the advantage of time, being older, having their own relationships and raising children of their own and these elements are crucial to their acceptance of Caitlyn. The same elements may have tempered their anger and hurt towards Bruce when they were younger but Caitlyn and Bruce are not two different people and they are wise indeed if they understand that which I believe they do.
I hear your point about not being able to live freely as Caitlyn affecting her ability to parent; I think what most people are having trouble with is the fact that that didn’t stop her from going on to have even more children. And if we were already so willing to object to Bruce’s behavior (the endless famewhoring, the complacency in the safety of the underage daughters, etc.) then should we necessarily be open to Caitlyn’s, if, as you write, Caitlyn and Bruce are not two different people? It’s fine if Caitlyn is now free and happy and positive; I just think that making her story appear to be the norm is what’s hard to swallow. Yes, she had the internal struggles, but how about someone who truly overcame something like not being able to hold down a job or get a promotion, living in poverty, violence, etc. to show this is really what life is like for a trans person who doesn’t have the protection of millions of dollars and a built-in TV audience to make this look like nothing but a fun and glamorous ride? The very fact that people are so sick of this family and all they stand for may end up doing more harm than good. I’d sure hate for Kim to be put on a pedestal as an advocate or spokesperson for all womanhood, motherhood, an American, etc.
Thanks for your words. I was not attempting to excuse Caitlyn for her lack as a parent. Not at all. She cannot use her transgender struggles to mask those transgressions. Caitlyn and Bruce are the same person. My concern is those transgressions are being overlooked. She has still done a disservice to Kylie and Kendall in that she has not been present as a parent. Bruce did not succeed in becoming a world class athlete Olympic medal winner because he was present as a result of parent he did so by being present as a world class athlete and focussing on himself.
Thank you, Laverne. You have said everything that needed to be said. I love you.
She’s right when she says that non celebrity trans genders are the ones who need support and lifting up. For everyone ONE Caitlyn Jenner or Laverne Cox…there are probably a hundred men walking around in a wig and a dress, desperate to be their real female selves but don’t have the resources to get facial feminization surgery, tracheal shaving or laser hair removal. They are the really brave ones, in my opinion. It’s so much easier to live in society as a Caitlyn when you can pass as one.