Appropriate photo is appropriate. As we all know, Michelle and Jim-Bob Duggar are part of an extreme sect/cult of evangelical Christianity that is all about having babies constantly and covering up your son’s child-molestin’ ways. Everything that the Duggars do is pretty awful, so it’s often difficult to pinpoint one particular issue which is definitively the creepiest or the most inappropriate. Well, Michelle Duggar decided to write a little blog post about “Marriage Advice for Newlyweds.” Some background… I guess: three of the Duggar kids are married. Josh just abandoned his wife so he could spend six months in perverted-hypocrite rehab. Jessa is knocked up with her first child and Jill and her husband Derick are probably preparing to get pregnant for the second time soon. So Michelle’s advice is mostly for her daughters and daughters-in-law. That advice? Submit to your husband at all times in the bedroom. That’s her #1: “Be available.”
First, I’m going to pass on the advice that was given to me by a dear friend Gala. Whenever I speak with groups of other moms and married women, I always share this advice. It’s been the best advice that was ever given to me in regard to my relationship to my husband Jim Bob.
Gala had only been married for three years, but she had very wise advice. I was about six months out from getting married, and was just all bleary eyed and in love. I couldn’t wait to be married and be called “Mrs. Jim Bob Duggar.” That was the dream of my life.
She told me: “Michelle, I know you’re so excited. You’re a bride-to-be, but some day you’ll be at this point. I’ve been married three years and I’m still happily married. I have one child, we’re expecting our second and I’m big pregnant. You’ve got to remember this. Anyone can iron Jim Bob’s shirt, anybody can make lunch for him. He can get his lunch somewhere else. But you are the only one who can meet that special need that he has in his life for intimacy. You’re it. You’re the only one. So don’t forget that, that he needs you. So when you are exhausted at the end of the day, maybe from dealing with little ones, and you fall into bed so exhausted at night, don’t forget about him because you and he are the only ones who can have that time together. No one else in the world can meet that need.”
“And so be available, and not just available, but be joyfully available for him. Smile and be willing to say, ‘Yes, sweetie I am here for you,’ no matter what, even though you may be exhausted and big pregnant and you may not feel like he feels. ‘I’m still here for you and I’m going to meet that need because I know it’s a need for you.’ ”
I’ve realized the sweetness of that through the years. While I am always joyfully available for him, in turn, he’ll lay down his life in any way. He will sit there and listen to everything I need to tell him because he knows that I’m there for him, too. I’m meeting his needs, he’s meeting my needs. We’re willing to be there for each other. And each one of us has different needs in a marriage relationship and that’s what’s so precious. I’ll share this advice with Jill so she knows that she’s got to be a wife first and then later, Lord willing, she’ll be a mother. Her responsibility before God and Derick needs to come first. It’s not just me and the Lord; it’s me and the Lord and my husband.
This isn’t shocking in that we already knew that the Duggars live by these strict rules for how men, women, boys and girls interact. And of course they’re part of the “women must submit to their husbands sexually at all times” thing too. Jim Bob must have all the power in their marriage or else his tiny little man-ego might get bruised, especially if Michelle said, “I just don’t feel like it tonight, why don’t you just go to the bathroom and help yourself to the lotion?”
I also feel like this is slightly pointed criticism at poor Anna Duggar, Josh’s wife. Like, she was very pregnant when Josh was meeting p0rn stars all over America. It feels like this is Michelle’s way of blaming Anna for Josh’s perversions and philandering – like, if Anna had just submitted to him sexually all the time, he wouldn’t have needed to screw around so much. Which is disgusting.
Photos courtesy of the Duggars’ Facebook.
This seems like something she wrote awhile ago – at the end she says she’ll share it with Jill because one day she’ll be a mother – as in, that hadn’t happened at the time she wrote this.
No comment about how men apparently “need” to have sex, but women don’t. What BS.
Men need sex. Women need to talk endlessly. Apparently. So she trades off sex in exchange for being listened to. I feel extra sad for this woman because in addition to everything else, I dont think shes ever experienced an orgasm or she wouldnt be framing sex as a chore at the end of the day, she would be talking about women needing that regular release too.
Yes, that’s exactly what it sounded like to me; men enjoy sex, and women put up with it so men will tolerate women talking incessantly. I guess that’s why Michelle’s older children are forced to look after the younger ones, she too busy being sexually available 24/7. I hope no one out there thinks the warped, perverse lifestyle of these people in any way typifies true Christianity.
This kind of absurd thinking severely limits women AND men- teaching women that men’s pleasure is central and to disregard their own well-being (and pleasure), while teaching men that they NEED sex because they’re manly men and are entitled to it all day every day whenever the urge strikes, as if they can’t control themselves. It’s all so stomach-turning.
^^ Great point!
Maybe she enjoyed it once (or twice…) but I’m skeptical she even feels anything after 20 kids. She’s probably like, “sure, honey, I’m here for you”. Put it in and do your thing, I’ll just go to sleep…
@Epiphany – thank you for saying that. These people are not a true representation of true Christianity. So much of what they put out there is taking the bible way out of context. There is a verse about “Wives, submit to your husband..” but I have heard sermons on that topic, and it does not even mean that at all! It just means to respect your husband and hear him out on things related to home life…no where in the bible does it suggest that a woman should always make herself available (sexually or otherwise) to her husband whenever he so wishes..give me a break! Also would like to throw out that the wacky, horrific “church”, Jonesboro church in Ark (or something like that) is not a true Christian church. All those people do is spread hate and vileness and tarnish the Christian church, just like the Duggars.
@naya, I’ve had countless big O, but after kids, hormones make this crazy chemistry where you just don’t want it. At all. The feeling of being touched makes your skin crawl because you are pawed at all day by babies and kids and just want a bubble where nobody can touch you. It does feel like a chore sometimes getting started, though I almost always enjoy it once I start. But do it because I live our relationship when we are intimate, I want closeness, and he enjoys it too.
As gung-ho as she is for getting knocked up and “being there” for her man all the time, I’m certain that she loves the hell out of some sex. But this is the way she can frame it to not feel guilty and ‘slutty’. It’s God’s will, not her own wanton desires, of course.
It’s actually sad… how many women still pass on these “teachings” to their daughters and sons, and the sons grow up to be selfish and entitled, with the understanding that when the urge comes up, they will have to have sex, no matter what. And the daughters grow up and live life understanding that they need to be the most submissive women to their man, as sex is not linked to pleasure, but to procreation and to keeping the family together.
This is directly linked to the belief that if a marriage doesn’t work out, it’s the woman’s fault.
I never watched their show, but I’ve been reading their stories and they make me very sad for these girls and boys that were raised by them.
Glad you stated this @ncboudicca, because this was before anything was exposed about Josh. It wouldn’t have been directed towards Anna. This is just her opinion and how she lives and she hopes it will help other young wives. If others choose to follow, then so be it.
I notice the one MAJOR thing she is leaving out here and that is PLEASURE. To me it sound like she is telling women to “just be a whole for your man when he needs it.” She doesn’t once mention getting or trying to get any pleasure from sex. If a woman it just lying there and taking it from her man then he might as well be masurbating or fucking a blow up doll. How is this not considered a form of support for the rape culture?
I’m sorry, but fuck her, and her crazy cult and family. And #FreeAnna.
If you ever watched this show, which sadly I did, Anna was a very willing victim. She may be getting whispers in her ears from her family, but it wouldn’t surprise me one iota if she took the blame for everything. Isn’t that what a good Christian wife is supposed to do.
I don’t think there’s any such thing as “willing victim”.
No. No it is not what a good Christian wife is supposed to do. It is what centuries of church politics and poor interpretation of the bible have told christian wives are supposed to do.
Their religion isn’t Christianity. It’s a perversion of Christianity. There is not an excuse for Josh’s or his parents behavior.
Nancy
By Willing Victim did you mean Brainwashing and Duress.
Willing Victim seems like an oxymoron
For all those offended by my willing victim comment, sorry. Listen to Pink’s song Just Give Me A Reason…..she is the willing victim to the thief who stole her heart. That’s all folks.
Nancy
Not offended. Just don’t agree.
And that song reads more like she’s looking for a justification she can use to assist her acceptance of being used.
Not even sorry.
Yup. I wish the earth would open up and swallow up all the Duggars.
THIS!
Oh, it 100% sounds like it’s a pointed blaming at Anna. Why else would she bring up sex now, just months after her first born is caught having sex with other women? Gross. Poor Anna.
Michelle IS BLAMING Anna!! Submit always no matter how you feel. It is your ticket to being able to talk all the time and he will listen.
Was it the sister’s fault he molested them and now it is Anna’s fault for not submitting always? #GrossSickWeirdos
The sad thing is, I’m sure Anna did submit like a good little wifey. Now she is being blamed for him being a pervert. No win situation for her and her chidren.
This way she can avoid taking the blame herself!
Definitely blaming Anna. “See, if you had been there for him, he wouldn’t have stepped out on you. I don’t care if you’re mid-labor, pay attention to his needs!!!”
These people need to go away already. I hate them so much. They are frauds. They are bad people.
But I thought it was an old post. So couldn’t possibly been blaming Anna.
Oh God, did I just defend a Duggar?
I definitely feel like this is aimed at Anna. And in what universe does Michelle think anyone wants advice from her at this point???
Exactly!
This was written before the scandal though. Jill wasn’t even pregnant at the time so how could it be directed at Anna when all that came out a few months ago?
And I know because I read it on another site I frequent at least a year ago. It’s very antiquated thinking and does not account for women’s sexual needs. Women need men to listen to them so they spread em to be heard, barf. But it wasn’t pointed at Anna at the time it was written.
The advice is definitely old, but if you follow the link you’ll see it was posted to Michelle’s blog on 10/08/15. Why rehash this now? Why talk about how it’s a woman’s duty to be happily available 24/7 when her eldest son is in “treatment” for stepping out on his wife? Seems like finger pointing to me. Like, if Anna had been more available Josh wouldn’t have had to resort to porn stars for sex.
I thought this all looked familiar.
I remember her espousing this tosh at least a couple of years ago. This whole repressive, sick attitude to sex is the very reason their children have such a warped view of what should be a normal physical urge for both males and females. I suspect that it is also part of the ridiculous notion these people have that you must be a virgin before you get married. Hence the race to the altar, hurried my hormones you might say, just so they can get a bit of nookie. I pour acidic scorn on all of them, and their houses.
At first I thought it was an old post from a year or so ago being re-posted for whatever reason. Nothing new to see here, women-oppressing-cult member espouses women-oppressing viewpoint.
Hmmm… is it possible it was written before the scandal broke but is still directed at Anna? As in, the parents Duggar had an inkling of the trouble their son was getting into at the time?
It’s a re post. She’s rehashing this advice and it could very easily be because of the situation with Josh.
I like how the women’s needs are never considered. I see teaching your sons to be a good husband is not necessary since you are obviously doing a bang up job Michelle. This whole family is so hateable. And without a doubt, Josh’s ‘sins’ are just the tip of the iceberg
In reading women’s stories over at “No Longer Quivering,” in return Jim Bob listens to Michelle when she talks. Talk about turning basic human decency into patronizing and condescending behaviour from the almighty husband. With them, everything is black or white. Men have this one need, women have this one need. Women don’t need or want sex, it’s a duty.
The Duggars are toxic and I’m glad that people are starting to recognize that. The danger is seeing some of their fundamentalist teachings leech into evangelical Christianity.
That’s what I don’t get – why take advice from a mother who produced a monster, a psychopath?
The woman’s need by these lights is unspoken but pretty obvious: ensure that the man never gets his primary need met by anyone else.
Yeah I would like to know what other skeletons these people are trying to keep in the closet. Like, particularly regarding their finances. I am sure there is some shady stuff there..and also, have to wonder if Michelle was all Jim Bob went after. He is such a pervert, nothing would surprise me if stuff came out about his side activities. They are a bunch of cult-following, non-Christian hypocrites.
I reckon that may have something to do with why Josh is the way he is. These things don’t usually come out of a vacuum, and you wonder where Josh learnt the behaviour? So, sorry Squirrel Eyes, it seems you are not the only one to cater for his “special needs”, and should have concentrated on just making him his lunch, and ironing his shirts, instead of relentlessly breeding.
Anybody can make his lunch but only you can spread em for your fella? Michelle, you poor idiot. Do they really believe this nonsense. The women folk are so naïve. Anna learned a painful lesson and Josh wasn’t home when mama was giving the lecture to his sisters or he was around the corner making plans for who would be the lucky one that night. P.a.t.h.e.t.i.c.
Wouldn’t matter if Anna made herself available 24/7 because Josh wanted the kind of woman she wasn’t to cheat with. He wanted porn stars and “bad girls”. He would have cheated no matter what because he’s an entitled jerk and the rules don’t apply to him.
I’m a Christian, albeit a far from perfect one, and reading Michelle’s comments make my head want to explode. I know a woman like her who makes herself available to her husband’s every whim and he cheats on her at every opportunity. He has no respect for her as a person. She and I were friends at one point but he soon put an end to that because unlike her, I was independent, said exactly what I thought to my husband, and still had a happier marriage than they did. My husband would be bored out of his mind if I were some submissive little dishrag who followed after him saying ‘yes,dear’ all the time.
Also this makes zero sense because I’m sure Anna DID make herself available all the time to Josh and yet he still looked elsewhere so this”best piece of advice ever” is a bunch of sh*t. I’ve never seen their show but they make me unnaturally angry!
Exactly. I’m willing to bet Anna “made herself available”, isn’t this a basic teaching of their “church”?? These people make me so pissed. This isn’t Christianity, like others have noted.
Maybe Anna wasn’t “joyful” enough. Bleh.
I. I just can’t. Going back to drool over Lord Dragonfly videos, and immerse myself in a sane view of love between two people.
Hey, Squirrel, you birthed, raised, and protected a child molester at the expense of your other kids. Keep your perverted ideas to yourself and stop shading the daughter-in-law who got stuck married to your excrement.
This is how I feel. She is such a poor excuse for a woman that she needs to shut the f*ck up. I can’t think of one nice thing to say about her. It irritates me that these people still think they are righteous. They are vile.
To put this out publically not long after her daughter-in-law has been humiliated and betrayed by her pervert husband/Michelle’s son is so disgusting and pointed, I feel. It’s like she is still not making her son take full responsibility and blaming the wifey. I just wanted to punch her out after reading this.
She should be putting out what the husband needs to do for the wife that is having his babies every year practically. She should be telling men how they can help out, how to be more considerate, more loving, etc. Nope, not Michelle. She just wants you to know even if eight months pregnant and exhausted from caring for three other little ones all day make sure to perk up and smile when your husband wants a little something-something, no matter how exhausted you are.
I am still reeling from the idea that anyone would be excited to be “Mrs. Jim Bob Anything”. And which of the daughters is that in the B/W picture? She looks positively frightening.
I can’t figure out why anyone would want to be Mrs. Someone else. Be mrs you! I despise being called Mrs. My Husband’s name. He is my partner, not my owner.
Agreed! I think the invention and use of the term “Ms” is one of the best things that happened to language in the last century.
I know! First time I got a letter addressed to “Mrs. John ….” I was like “so I have no name now?” ( I’m not American, so this was VERY odd to me)
I’m not American, too, so I was surprised to find out that addressing married women as “Mrs-their-name” instead of “Mrs-their-husband’s-name” was wrong. I also felt gauche for not knowing that grammar rule, AND indignant because what-the-h*ll?! It’s worse than that whole, “I now pronounce you MAN and wife” bit during weddings.
That’s Jinger, and what’s more frightening than the picture is the spelling of her name.
I have a hard time seeing anna say no to josh regarding anything, but I do see josh not being attracted to a heavily pregnant woman, especially if porn- that’s usually very sexist and treats women poorly- is his thing. He’d rather treat women the way men do in porn as opposed to make love to his pregnant wife.
Exactly! Anna chugged the Kool-Aid – I have no doubt she was always ‘available’ for him (eeeew). That wasn’t what he wanted though – he wanted ‘hot’, porn-star sex, not sex with his pregnant for the fourth time, human door mat of a wife.
I don’t take advice from women who let their sons sexually abuse their daughters.
I think that is a formidable maxim to have.
+1
She says it right there, she’s a christian and a wife. Motherhood? Actually rasing the humongous ammount of children you so irresponsably brought to this world? Nah, she’ll pass on that one. This woman infurates me! 😡
Nope. No thank you. I did not order any fuckery today or any other day so please return to sender.
All of this.
God, I wish I’d said this. In fact, if it is okay, I am going to borrow this phrase. 🙂
This is one for the books. There is no fuckery required in these here parts today, no siree, none ordered, none needed. Lindy79, you are officially a hoot!
So with you. I am feeling this comment so hard.
Wow. I’ve been waiting all my life for marital advice from a woman who spent 30 years of her life pregnant or just delivered. A woman who had so many children that her children raised her children. A woman whose dream it was in life to call herself “Mrs. Jim Bob Duggar.” Who says to joyfully submit to her husband’s “needs” whether she wants to or not because if she doesn’t, obviously he’s entitled to stalk porn stars and have rough sex with them and it will be her fault. What a sad, pathetic, shell of a life. A woman whose only dream was to be the blowup doll of that fat headed, milk-shake addicted, sexually bizarre egomaniac. Nothing that’s hers alone, nothing about her needs being met except that he will actually listen to her talk after sex. Imagine, a husband who talks to his wife. What a waste so a life. And she has the gall, after everything we know about their hypocrisy and criminal actions, to give advice to young married women? I am trying hard not to, but I truly hate her and her husband.
I’m still curious about the backstory of how Michelle got into this lifestyle. She seemed to be more free spirited before she met Jim Bob. She married him when she was 17! Yes, he was only a year older than she was, but was there grooming involved? Was he always a fundamentalist and brought her into that life, or was it something that they chose together – possibly after their first miscarriage?
I think they joined whatever group they’re a part of after they were married.
Wasn’t she on birth control the first 5 years of her marriage? It must tear her up inside thinking of those 5 wasted years and the children she could have birthed.
I’d be interested, too. I did read that they had sex before marriage and “regretted it.” So they want to spare their children from making the same mistake (by not giving them a choice.) I swear, there is more to JimBob’s sexual story. He is SO obsessed.
They kissed before marriage. I don’t think they ever admitted to sex before marriage.
I agree with cubfan34, I think I remember them saying that they kissed before they got married. But everything is phrased in euphemisms so it is difficult to know what they actually mean. They also talk about not being modest, etc. in the past, but it’s always Michelle’s past that is brought up, never Jim Bob’s. Michelle was a cheerleader who mowed the lawn in a bikini. It comes across as though Jim Bob is the righteous one who showed Michelle the error of her ways.
I agree with you, GNAT, that I think there are a lot of skeletons in Jim Bob’s story. I have a feeling that there is a whole lot more to the Duggar’s history than what we know that could come out in the future.
My mother married my dad when she was seventeen (they’re three years apart in age), though she’d known him since she was thirteen. In fact they married twice because they’re Catholic and the courthouse marriage wasn’t good enough for them to have children within the Church. So they got married again by a priest.
In other words, not batshit pseudo-kinda-like-Baptist fundies. And this way predated Quiverfull.
Seriously though, say what you want about Catholics (and I’d probably agree with you), but Dad was nonpracticing for a lot of years and Mom is really vague about her religion. She believes in God but she seems pretty nondenominational about it.
Anyway, they divorced when I was still a baby (Mom had me not long after she turned 19), but then again there were my mom’s parents who got married when he was 18 and she was 15. And they had been together sixty years by the time Pawpaw died. Sixty years and four kids.
Being a teenager and getting married doesn’t mean you’re brainwashed necessarily. And it strikes me kinda funny that you can be a teenager and drive a car (which kills people) and you can be a teenager and employed and you can be a teenager and join the military (which also kills people) but be a teenager and a spouse? Why, that’s just silly.
The question is do we prepare our kids to not be kids anymore. Teaching them to be caring and loving to whomever they’re involved with and to be responsible about living their lives. Most of us don’t do that. If we think our kids need to learn something we demand that the schools teach it and if the schools won’t teach it then we blame the Republicans, throw our hands up and let it go. That hasn’t worked out real well, either.
Great comment GNAT, drop the mic there’s nothing more to say.
“I couldn’t wait to be married and be called ‘Mrs. Jim Bob Duggar.’ That was the dream of my life.”
Whoa, dream big!
Those are the saddest two sentence in the English language.
Right? And she was 17 years old, I think. Sick.
I still can’t get over the fact that someone with the name James Robert chooses to go by Jim Bob.
To borrow a quote from Inception. “You need to dream a little bigger darling.”
Why? Was she a huge Walton’s fan?
Lol
I think if this sentiment were coming from people who weren’t always invested in women being subservient it would have some validity – not that you have to say yes to sex even when you feel like crap, but that making room for intimacy and physical touch is extremely important for the health of a marriage. It is better to forget the laundry and have 20 minutes cuddling with your husband in the long term. Oftentimes one or both of you will be exhausted, so sometimes you will need to force yourself to be in the mood. However, that only works if you both have equal rights in the relationship, and also when you haven’t already had 10 kids and aren’t allowed to use birth control.
I get what you’re saying, but it’s a far cry from what she says. She talks as though women don’t have any sexual needs of their own, as if you just engage in sex to meet the man’s needs because otherwise he will be justified in cheating on you. Men need sex, women need to talk. He puts up with her talking in exchange for sex. There’s nothing intimate about what she’s advising.
That’s why this Quiverfull group and their ‘training up a child’ practices are so insidious, because on a very superficial, unexamined level it makes sense. Sure, let the laundry wait and have sexy times with your man. Sure. Great. And he will be available to listen to your needs. Yep. Sounds good. Or, regarding the children, have the older ones help out the younger. Sounds normal enough. But, as in most things, the devil is in the details, as the saying goes. They pollute and pervert to the nth degree and we end up with….the Duggars.
Exactly. Whenever they get criticism on their philosophy, they always point out that the man is supposed to “cherish” the woman and see to her needs too, but this rarely happens when you have a philosophy that elevates the man in the house to a minor deity. His needs will always be more important.
Right. And I promise you, she will get back up afterwards and do the laundry, because that’s “her job.”
@ Wren33: The healthy advice you allude to is out there, and has been for ages. Usually it reads like something along the lines of: Don’t forget that you are not only parents, but also a couple. Make room for yourselves as a couple, too, because in order to make a happy family, you need happy parents.
The difference is that it is about both people’s needs being met, because somehow it is assumed that a woman has sexual needs, too and also, that a man actually wants to talk to the woman he loves.
People don’t need sex to have a happy marriage. What would you do if your husband got his pecker shot off? Because toys are not the same thing. Or what if one of you’s sick and just can’t get into the mood? I knew a guy who actually got angry because his girlfriend got thyroid cancer and he couldn’t get laid anymore. Just leave that whole concept alone. It’s called self-control.
I love sex, but really… Self-control.
What you actually need in a marriage is to be attentive to one another, to be kind much more often than you’re cruel. Expecting physical intimacy from someone or else you’re gonna throw a snit and the marriage is gonna fail is not being kind. Too often people use physical intimacy as a stand-in for emotional intimacy, anyway, the latter being a lot more important in the long run.
Some* people don’t need sex for a happy marriage, but many (if not most) definitely do.
I agree Dana. Sex should be an add-on not a foundation for a marriage. Love and kindness are way more important. So many people blab on and on about how sex is so important…yet the divorce rate is so high! I think that it’s a small matter. If my husband had illness would I leave him if he couldn’t perform? Of course not! Marriage is just way above sex to me.
Well, if someone else can iron Mr Rochester’s shirt, I wish they would because I sure as hades am not doing it.
#cosigned
Ha!
My husband irons his shirts and mine. He’s a Navy man and his technique is stellar. You can borrow him for a few hours to tackle your laundry 🙂
Your man sounds like a real keeper. Of course all the nice girls love a sailor!
Kay. Well I was available 24/7 to my ex partner and the man still cheated. One baby and a massive loss to my savings later, I find out from others that he was always a cheater. Honey, you can go to the moon and back for some men and be sexual available 24/7, but if a man is going to cheat, he will cheat, same with DV. It’s something to do with there own stuffed up self worth and lack of compulsions or just because. Her advice is nothing but women hating and she is sick and desulional to be shilling that shit.
Preach!
This! (I’m so sorry that happened to you).
I’m sorry you had to endure that. You are exactly right — someone can cheat, no matter how great they have it at home.
Which brings me back to how I want something scandalous to come out about her dreamy JB. I know that’s bad of me, but I want something brought to light. Woman, man, donkey (sorry to the animal world). Anything.
I’m sorry this happened to you. It’s hard to find a good, supportive ‘normal’ mate, isn’t it?
Thanks all, that warms the soul. And yes it would be nice to share life with someone but it’s not in my plan ( anymore) or needed to for forfiliment. I have my little guy (20mths) and am back studying at Uni ( at the young age of 35). I don’t have time to date, plus I really love myself and my own company!!
This is this type of thinking is what Josh and his siblings were raised with and why Josh got into trouble. Actually, anything Michelle says always makes me want to vomit.
With this sort of upbringing, it’s little wonder how their eldest son turned out. Apparently, the wishes of women take a backseat to the needs of men. Mission accomplished.
Note that Josh, as the oldest, really was raised by her. No older daughters to take over when he was six months old.
Douche canoe!
I hope my son (when he grows up) will be capable of understanding that his wife may be tired or in a bad mood or not feeling good, and not put his own “need” above hers. That is what I will teach my son (and daughter too!). Who wants a partner who fake smiles and doesn’t feel it’s ok to be emotionally honest?
“I couldn’t wait to be married and be called “Mrs. Jim Bob Duggar.” That was the dream of my life.”.. .. this is just sooo sad.
My advice to Michelle Duggar: Shut your cakehole. This isn’t the fifties-women exist as actual human beings, not just mindless, baby making machines and sexual slaves to their husbands,
P.S. Real women don’t offer their children up as sacrifice to depraved husbands and sons. I’m pretty sure that even God would step in and say that they are people, not sex toys to satisfy some ones curiosity or rights as a male.
God, this family, and the fact that people still defend them and believe this stuff infuriate me. It is embarrassing and frightening as a woman to know that so many people look at women and think, look all you should be doing is cooking, opening your legs or having babies. I often wonder how much longer it will be until the religious insanity in the US leads to people to start saying that women should start being burned at the stake for being witches.
Notice she doesn’t tell Mothers to be available to their children 24/7. That would make servicing ones husband on command, much more difficult. Her older daughters were forced to sleep in dorms, with their infant siblings, while their Mother was being ” joyfully available” to their Father. They bore the burden of the housework, cooking and taking care of their “buddies” , while their parents focussed on making even more children for them to care for. Michelle has always seemed to be completely disengaged from her massive brood. When she was pregnant with the last one, that she miscarried, she said she was napping and workng out daily. I’m sure Jana would love a nap, but she’s too busy raising her siblings. The Gothard cult and it’s patriarchal BS make me sick. The fact that these lunatics got and continue to get, such candy coated treatment from TLC and People Magazine, makes me ill.
Well, if she had been available to her children 24/7, one of them wouldn’t have be able to molest the others repeatedly. No way she would admit her own guilt in that.
Excellent post, I love it. Applause!!
If Michelle actually did her motherly duties she would not be singing the same tune, for sure. That damn buddy system … GRR.
I noticed that omission in her list of what matters to her. Children / family don’t make the cut in her world, apparently.
I watched an episode or two of their show long ago, and the level of responsibility placed on the older children disgusted me. She was so bubbly and giddy while those older girls shouldered the actual work and maternal role.
Well said, Deanne. Poor Jana will never have a life of her own because of this twisted perversion of Christianity. Squirrel is a terrible mother. THAT should be her priority.
I can see it now. The baby is crying, and mommy Michelle is yelling out to the older girls down the hall, “Take care of your baby sister, because mommy is taking care of daddy right now.” LOL
Sadly, you are probably right on the money.
My friends were counseled by a minister who later left the Baptist denomination to go to QF. He told the bride if she was “unable to perform her duties ” ie her period, she must satisfy her husband in other ways.
DO WHAT?!?!?!
I ran, not walked, from the Southern Baptist church where I was raised, and boy, howdee, am I glad. Because what you really want, when you’re doubled over with cramps, bleeding, aching, and cranky, is to give a joyful blowjob.
You are the only one who can meet his physical needs?!
Bahahahahaha!
Yes, because no man ever wanted their needs met by more than one woman.
This woman has been running around pontificating about this for a long time now. Same words over and over again. “Be there for him, you’re the only one who can…Even if you’re exhausted make that time.” So f-cking disturbing.
It makes me wonder if her daughters have all been brainwashed to believe that they should be this way also. I hope not for their sakes.
Men need sex in a way that women do not. When my husband is in the mood I gladly make love, because I love him. And when he knows I am not feeling well or am particularly tired, he doesn’t ask because he isn’t selfish. I suppose this isn’t a ‘liberated’ or ‘progressive’ viewpoint but I don’t care. Men and women are always going to be different in regards to sex drive and if you don’t figure out a way to deal with it in your marriage, it will break you.
I think most wives or girlfriends have sex at times they aren’t in the mood and maybe actually get in the mood during. But the operative word is it’s not required no matter what like this cult says. You do it because you love your spouse.
And you are wrong on one point. Many women have a stronger sex drive than their husbands or even close in desired frequency.
But in a long-term marriage both sides can be in the mood when the other isn’t. It isn’t just the husband, the way you paint it.
Women are sexual beings also with a strong sex drive. You comment leaves out that fact.
Thank you! My sex drive is actually much stronger than my husband’s. This idea that women aren’t as into sex as men is so much b.s.
Seriously. Total BS that women have lesser sex drives.
True, I want sex way more than my husband. Wish he would put out more often.
“Men need sex in a way that women do not.”
Speak for yourself.
It’s not that men “need” sex in a way that women don’t. Male sexual desire and female sexual desire have just historically been treated differently. For men it’s been treated like a “given”, something that will or must be satisfied, a symbol of masculinity, and a natural part of growing up and being human. For women it’s been treated like a moral, parental, or societal problem, a symbol of damage, lack of self respect, and symptom of mental illness, or just nonexistent.
Well all right ladies, I stand corrected! Apologies.
She had me at “I couldn’t wait to be called “Mrs. Jim Bob Duggar.”
(Side note: This will be an obscure reference to many of you lot but the only similar dream I could remotely conceive of having enjoyed in my youth would be Mrs. John Boy Walton.)
John Boy respected women. Nothing wrong with wanting to be Mrs. John Boy Walton.
A couple of years ago, friends of mine got married. I got them the first season of “The Waltons” as their wedding gift, with a card that said, basically: I wish you with all my heart that you will grow into an old couple just like the Walton grandparents, with as much mutual love and respect.
I know, right? I almost added, “Except John Boy wouldn’t care whether I were a Mrs. John Boy.”
LOVE The Waltons. Watch it with my young ‘un. And what a great wedding present!
He was thoughtful and was raised in a loving home. That would be a good dream. Now Jim Bob — that’s a nightmare (Michelle’s; not Jim Bob who was John Boy’s younger brother).
@ Who ARE these people?
Feel free to steal/borrow/share my idea for a wedding present any time you like!
What disgusts me beyond anything – belief, words, screaming – is the idea of partnership these people propagandise. I’m not even talking about their apparent belief that women are not sexual beings, but need to talk instead – b**ch, please.
What drives me up the wall is the mindset behind it, and what it says about interactions between men and women. Because basically, it is completely okay for a man to penetrate a woman who does not want to be penetrated. She might rather go to sleep, or have a bladder infection, or simply really not be in the mood – doesn’t matter. The man gets to force himself on her, because it. is. his. right. Teaching your sons this level of disrespect for women – doesn’t matter whether or not she likes it, you gotta get it when you want it – disgusts me beyond reason. Teaching your daughters to disrespect their bodies, that their bodies are not their own, but vessels to fulfill a man’s needs, disgusts me beyond reason.
This is not only slightly creepy. This sort of thinking breeds sexual violence. Oh wait, we have Josh Duggar to show for that already.
The Quiverfull movement and the Duggars as their posterchildren, are a full-blown destructive cult. As somebody else said so eloquently upthread: F**k them.
+100000000000000000000000
It’s so disturbing the values they teach to their sons and daughters. They are essentially giving their sons the go ahead for rape because hey, little lady isn’t going to stand up for herself because that’s not what god wants! Makes me sic
If only the Duggars were the only ones. If only they were just a single family with strange views. But in falling down the rabbit hole of the teaching of fundamentalist Christianity you find out that they are wide spread and can be very influential.
There is an anonymous blogger out there called “Biblical Gender Roles,” who teaches toxic ideas that a woman owes sex to her husband, there is no such thing as marital rape, and that if a wife is not giving her husband sex whenever he wants, he is allowed to “discipline” her. His discipline techniques are depriving her of finances to run the household and make her life miserable as punishment. Of course, he also believes in underage marriage (the only thing stopping him is that it’s illegal), and biblically condoned polygamy.
The views of these people are so toxic and promote the abuse and subjugation of women.
All destructive cults seem to end up with a derogative view of women, no matter what end of the spectrum they’re coming from. Have you ever heard of Children of God and their Happy Hookers for Jesus? (I. kid. you. not.)
That sounds chillingly like the story of poor Susan Powell. One of the ways her monster of a husband controlled and abused her was by depriving her of funds to run the household and she was reduced to sometimes having to ask friends for food to feed her children. There’s enough in that sad story for more than a lifetime of nightmares, but I remember reading this and starting to cry at the thought of how desperate she must have felt to have to ask friends for a pack of hot dogs.
Not only fundamentalist Christianity ends up with this terrible approach to women. Most fundamentalist religions do, within their diversity, they preach how the man is such a representative of god, even at home, and he is to be obeyed, and the women have to be modest, covered up, not ambitious, etc etc etc.
Many are not so extreme, thankfully.
Ugh. You totally nailed this. We womanfolk, just here to be of service to our men. Whenever, whatever, however they want it. Lie back and think of the lord, and maybe your wonderful husband will pretend to listen to your trivial thoughts about cooking and laundry. Yay.
I’m sorry but I will refrain taking advice from a woman who raised a son that turns out to be a child molester, hypocrite, serial adulterer and porn addict. This “advice” is absolutely disgusting and gives further evidence that no one, and I mean no one, should be looking to this family for any semblance of morality or values. Go away and stay there.
What her advice for a mother who’s son feel up his sister and go on to have kinky sex with porns stars,from a dating for married couples who want to cheat, all while being married with kids?
So if a woman becomes incapacitated due to illness or injury,what happens then?
See Andrea Yates. She was suffering from severe postpartum depression and psychosis. She and her husband kept having kids against the strong warnings of her doctor. She wasn’t supposed to be left alone with the children, she was so fragile. So, he left her alone for a while, she snapped and drowned their children. She ended up going to prison and he was off the hook. He divorced her and is now remarried and starting a new quiverfull family.
*Slightly* pointed? Michelle is very savvy, she deliberately made this post now. Who does that to their child?!? Bitch.
Apparently he cheats and it’s your fault because you were thinking about your pain or puking rather than his needs. You know because we’re seflish undeserving turds!
Oops. Meant this for Colette above.
I really despise it whem women try to tell other women how to have a healthy marriage, sexual relationship, etc. As if they are the epitomy of emotional/psychological health. Sometimes marriages last because one of them doesn’t know how to be on their own and just plain doesnt want to be on their own. The ones who feign to think they’ve got something to offer in these areas are almost always not anyone who should be preaching about it.
I’ve never understood the accepted cliche that women hold out on their significant others. I’ve never known one single woman who didn’t enjoy sex with her husband or siginificant other. I’ve never known one man to complain that he couldnt’ ever get any from his wife. So, who is she talking to? And if there are women who hold out, could it be that their SO is selfish in bed and not making it something she wants? Sorry, but I’m pretty sexual in my marriage, but if I wasn’t, it wouldn’t be because I don’t like sex; it would be because I wasn’t being pleased or attended to, so perhaps men need some lecturing in that area.
As far as being available, I dont’ care for the insinuation – be available at all times, or what? He’ll cheat and it’s your fault, or if you don’t like it because he’s a knob in bed, do it anyway because his needs outweigh your’s. WTF!
I learned a long time ago giving anybody generic unsolicited marital advice is dumb, but on par for the Duggars. Her comment has so many different fallacies with it, I just can’t answer without a research paper.
My favorite line ever though is Josh is at perverted-hypocrite rehab. Can we make this rehab really exist and send a lot of these fallen celebrity jerks there?
I really despise these people and wish they would go away, but I feel compelled to comment nonetheless.
Her comments are perpetuating stereotypes. I have always had a high sex drive and some of my boyfriends when I was younger could not handle that fact and made me feel bad about it. I had issues in my most recent relationship with my partner’s significantly lower sex drive. Clearly not all men want it 24/7. Her comments are perpetuating that the man should want it 24/7 and the woman should just submit at their will. I suppose in her world, women don’t want it or enjoy it (ugh on so many levels, are we back to the victorian era with these people?) I hope they go away soon. She is not helping anyone with her comments.
” help yourself to the lotion” hahaha, best part of this story.
Her husband, her eldest son and her are absolutely vile.
These are the best comments on the internet! You all are the collective best!
If you have a man who respects you deeply and is great to you, then once in a while, if you’re not quite feeling it, not to the point where you DESPISE the idea but maybe just aren’t 100% into it… maybe picture your favorite Fifty Shades scene and get there and try to make yourself get into it. That’s just being a good partner.
… but if you’re 9 months prego or on your shark week or for whatever reason do NOT want sexual intimacy for whatever reason, then he knows where PronHub is.
“On your shark week” – OMG, can’t stop giggling…
This is a new one to me, but I love it, almost as good as “on the rag”. There are so many expressions for menses, “shark week” is now my favourite, mind if I pinch it?
What do they do when they are pregnant and medically unable or just after?
This entire idea is stupid women are blow up dolls but I wonder what the do, I mean if Jim Bob is in the mood would she happily be there against medical advice?
According to their rules, they have to abstain for 40 days after the birth of a son, and 80 days after the birth of a daughter. No Idea what the rules are if you have boy/girl twins.
I weep for humanity with s*** like this getting media attention.
Also, “wife first, mother second”, what in the actual F is wrong with you as a person and as a woman?!
I think it is really good that it is getting media attention, simply so that people are aware that this level of toxic teaching exists in our society. They are allowed to survive and perpetuate their abusive culture because of secrecy.
But I do agree that it makes me weep for humanity, and especially for the women and girls who are trapped in this way of life.
Well that explains why she gets pregnant every damn year.
I can’t believe she actually thinks like that and others do too – it’s shocking to me. She is willingly oppressed or brainwashed to the point of no return
Let me tell you something, Michelle Duggar:
I, too, am married to a man who thinks his wife should be “available” whenever the need strikes him. He does not care if I do not feel well, if I am tired, or if I am on my period. I’d better give it up to him, or else. His excuse? “I don’t want to get backed up.” Yeah, I know..disgusting. He was brought up in an extremely uptight, fundie religious home, and I’m sure was told that masturbation was a sin, and he would go to Hell if he did it. So…. he grew up to be a selfish jerk who uses his wife to satisfy his “needs” at any given whim, because he can’t/won’t take care of it himself once in awhile. I have been forced to “please” him more times than I can count, and it is not loving or satisfying. It is a living hell. Yes, I am trying to get myself out of this mess as we speak.
Michelle, this type of attitude is NOT LOVE. This is not the kind of life for you, your daughters, or any woman, to live. You are not just some “thing” to please a man. You are not just some “thing” to breed children to populate your cult. Any man who believes this way is not capable of love or respect. Don’t believe their lies and manipulation. Don’t let them make you feel guilty. You deserve better than this, your daughters deserve better than this, and your son has grown up to be an extremely disturbed man…..because of this attitude you and your cult propagate. You are worth more than being a baby factory and a sex toy, and I wish you would realize that.
I really hope someday you pull your head out of your ass and stop kidding yourself. Life really is too short.
LuLu, I was so sad to read of your desperate situation. It sounds like you have had such a dreadful experience. I really do sympathise with you, I have also had similar experiences in the past. All I can say is, you are obviously putting an end to being treated so poorly, and more power to you. There is light and love in the world, and I am sure that with your strong spirit you will eventually find it, and all the other good things you deserve. No woman should be treated as a convenience to “relieve” a man’s plumbing, that most certainly is not love. The Fundies have a lot to answer for. I wonder what whoever is guarding the gate up above will have to say to these types. I suspect it will be something like,”Sorry you can’t come in, I told you to LOVE one another, not USE one another!”
Wishing you every good thing for the future.
sounds like she’s been brainwashed to believe in her “wifely duty” , if you are in a loving healthy relationship, you wouldn’t even have to bring this up because your husband wouldn’t be a selfish demanding pig
I don’t want to know down anyone’s beliefs but this sounds intense and painful. I mean after a while doesn’t it hurt if you are just constantly having sex. I would think so. Especially after kids? To each his own.
knock down*
Suggesting to a married couple to remember that sex is important and shouldn’t be neglected when life gets busy wouldn’t be problematic if it wasn’t couched in her ridiculously misogynistic lifestyle and terrifying lack of mutual autonomy.
“I also feel like this is slightly pointed criticism at poor Anna Duggar, Josh’s wife. Like, she was very pregnant when Josh was meeting p0rn stars all over America. It feels like this is Michelle’s way of blaming Anna for Josh’s perversions and philandering – ” It’s also, without her realizing it, blaming her daughter for what her son did. The admission wasn’t conscious, though, because she is pea-brained, foul-hearted.
I agree 1,000%. I feel sorry for these young women. What a conflict it must be to try to be faithful to their religion (in a way that is all they have ever known, and all the people in their lives have ever known — no alternatives!) and yet stuck with such dysfunction that directly impacts them. I can’t see how Anna in particular isn’t suffering terribly.
Josh Duggar did not cheat *repeatedly* because his wife failed him sexually. He cheated because he needed to act out his rage against women with a woman who would let him beat, insult, and humiliate her — that’s why he chose prostitutes. Beat her, call her horrible names, throw her around the room, and then pay her and be done until the next time he gets the urge. He would have gone on doing this for his whole life. This guy has a serious problem with women that absolutely stems from his parents and the way he was raised.
There is so much gross contained in her comments. How to begin? I’ll just say that I’m a big believer in the give-and-take of marriage (or any successful partnership), but her beliefs suggest that women don’t want sex, too. That sex is only something the man wants and therefore the woman has to just serve it up whenever he’s ready (like fast food) despite how she might feel. As long as hegives her what she wants — which Michelle suggests is to be listened to. As if sex when you’re burned out and exhausted after a long day of tending to a house and numerous children (and in her case ALWAYS there’s a newborn) can in any way be equal to “listening”.
This is from an old interview she did years ago. She also stated that women shouldn’t work because it made their husbands feel like less of a man if he wasn’t able to earn a living for the family. Yeah….she’s a real whiz bang.
Wow.
Why does this person believe she is in any position to offer advice?
WTF?!?!
If my mother-in-law gave me this advice my mother would hang her by her bloomers.
I have a friend who lives by this “wisdom”. Yet she is convinced that her husband is cheating and doesn’t understand why he would be when she is there 24/7 for him.
Complete Idiot.
WHAT?!
This women is not only pathetic, but quite off her rocker.
The best sexual advice for me was given by my dad. When I was 14 and got my first boyfriend, he told me something like “Look, the day you have sex, it has to be under your conditions. When, where and how you want it. If you dont want to, you dont have to. No one should ever force you to do something you don’t want to”. It was strange at the moment but it has proven to be a damn good advice
Your dad is a wise man and I wish there were more like him.
My advice is if you ingest any type of poisonous substance,call 911 of course, but reading about the Duggars will make you throw up immediately and completely.
Even when he wants anal Michelle.
….because if you’re not sexually available to your husband 24/7,even if you’re pregnant, he’ll become a child molester, take up with porn stars–and who knows what! Great advice Michelle!
My sex advice? Marry an honest, upstanding and faithful man who’s crazy about you now and will be when you get old! A man like that would never be kicked out of the bedroom! How can you satisfy a true man if he’s a real dog?
The part about “anyone can do chores like make his lunch or iron his shirts, but only you can meet his sexual needs.”
So the subtext is, “make sure you breed an army of unpaid servants to do all those non-sexual chores!”
What if he recommends you having vaginal rejuvenation surgery bc you’ve popped out 20 children and your body is no longer tight enough to meet his needs? Does that suffice too?
In the name of all that’s holy, how can any woman seriously preach such ill-informed, ignorant nonsense to another woman? Especially when that other woman is her own daughter, the very woman she should be teaching first and foremost to have respect for herself and her body and that she was NOT, NOT, NOT put on this earth just so she can churn out children, work herself to death and have sex when really she doesn’t feel like it, but just because her “lord and master” needs it! WTF?!?!?
If I had a dime for every “Christian” woman who took that advice and is now divorced because her husband stepped out on her anyway, I’d be a rich woman. I’ve watched people do it and it doesn’t guarantee a good relationship. It’s so much more complicated than that and to ignore that does people a great deal of harm.
Your last paragraph nailed it, Kaiser.
This family disgusts me so much, and Michelle went into the cult – and stays in it – willingly.
She dishonours women & men. Women are apparently subservient possibly unwilling receptacles whilst men are controlled by their urges and are at the mercy of them.
Obviously she practices what she preaches in this instance. 1950 called, left message when she gets unbusy.
Here’s what I don’t understand… If the quiverfuls say you can’t use birth control because the only point of sex is procreation…Why are you allowed to have sex with your wife when she is, and this phrase is so cloyingly folksy it makes Sarah Palin’s ohgoshdarn speech look positively eloquent, “big pregnant”? Didn’t you as husband and wife already do your Christian duty?