I know popular YouTuber Matthew Santoro because my son watches his educational videos and often quotes facts from them. Santoro’s videos are similar to John Green’s channel MentalFloss in that he gives fast-paced and interesting facts. I know YouTuber Nicole Arbour because she’s somewhat of a professional troll. Her obnoxious video, Dear Fat People, earned her headlines around the world and a spot on The View, when she stirred up sh*t when The View ladies arguably disparaged nursing as a profession. (Here’s the background on that controversy.) One of Arbour’s latest videos, Dear Feminists (NSFW language), characterizes feminists as women who hate men and don’t shave their legs. I wish I was making that up.
In September, Santoro recorded an emotional and revealing video about the abuse he suffered in a previous relationship. He made the video private at first but accidentally set it to public recently. The response was positive and so he decided to leave it up. In the video (above), Santoro cried as he revealed how a former partner controlled him, cut him off from friends and family and once hit him in the face, which he described as more devastating emotionally than physically. He emphasized that abuse knows no gender and encouraged victims to come forward. While he never named the person whom he claimed abused him, Santoro’s former partner, Nicole Arbour, responded by posting a comment on one of her recent videos, writing “Heard the little bitch I dumped months ago is still trying to use me to get attention on his vlog channel. Ew.” [via Raw Story]
Here’s some of what Santoro said in the video, which was heartfelt and powerful and really moved me.
On being isolated from friends and family
I pushed my family away, I pushed my closet friends away. It wasn’t always explicit… this individual I was with was extremely jealous… I had to cut every female out of my life and it was because everything was made to be about her. I lost my closest friends because I was made to believe everybody else was a loser.Claims she hit him on the face
Early in the relationship I had a verbal altercation [after] I had a panic attack… and I broke it off with this individual. This person prevented me from leaving their home and said “you’re not going anywhere” at which point I was hit in the face for the first time in my life. When someone you care about strikes you there are so many emotions… you feel sadness… shame… embarrassment. You think ‘was it my fault?’… luckily I was able to leave that night.He broke it off but took her back
Through manipulation… about a month down the road [she] contacted me and told me that [she’d] changed… and I took her back. That is incredibly embarrassing to say. What people don’t realize is, when I took her back the real damage was psychological… I cut everyone out of my life and my business suffered… everything became about her.He was manipulated and controlled
I allowed myself to be in a relationship where I was controlled, where I was manipulated, where I was made to do things and act in a way that I never would on my own. It wasn’t until just a few weeks ago that I decided to break it off from her… I wanted my life back. I allowed somebody to emotionally and physically abuse me for almost a year of my life. It’s really embarrassing to say that, but it’s the truth.On why he made the video
The reason I’m making this video is not to disparage anyone… it’s to tell you that domestic violence knows no gender [cries]. It happens to men and women. It’s something that men never talk about because we’re made to believe that we’re supposed to be strong.Men get hit too. Tell someone
Men get hit too. Abuse knows no gender, it’s something that people don’t talk about… Whether you’re a man or a female, if somebody hits you, tell somebody. Tell a family member, tell a friend. Don’t bottle it up, because it will do damage to you that lasts for years.
[From My Abuse Story video, by Matthew Santoro]
Holy crap. I truly believe that this guy just helped SO MANY people by sharing his story so honestly. That must have been incredibly hard. After posting that really telling comment, Arbour recorded two videos in response to Santoro’s video. Arbour claims that she broke up with Santoro, not the other way around, and posted a brief video of the two of them together in which they’re goofing around and he play hits her, bites her shoulder and sort-of asks her to marry him. Here’s some of what she said:
Claims it’s not true
That [playful video with Santoro] was one week before I broke up with my ex boyfriend, who has recently put out a video, not saying my name but… insinuating that we were in a domestic abusive relationship, which was not true. It’s just not true.This sucks, because whether you like what I do or not as a performer… I’m a comedian… whether you like my act or my rants or not, I don’t care… but I had asked repeatedly while dating him that my private life not be put on the Internet and he repeatedly overstepped that boundary over and over.
Claims he moved down the street from her after their first breakup
We broke up briefly and he moved down the street from me after we broke up… in hopes that we would get back together and we did. We dated for a bunch of months after that and it was fine…Claims she broke up with him, he violated her privacy
Something in my heart just didn’t feel it anymore… his lifestyle and the way that he wanted to be a youtuber and have everything public all the time wasn’t for me and I broke up with him and it was as amicable as it could possibly be at the time until his hurt over the breakup turned to anger turned to a whole bunch of lies… as my videos were doing well he suddenly [did] interviews about me and our personal life… I don’t want my real private life out there…Claims he’s just trying to damage her career
His video that he put out is just another way to hurt me and my career that’s growing quickly. It is abuse… of his platform, it’s abuse to all the people who suffer from something. He didn’t suffer from domestic abuse. It didn’t happen. Don’t use kids to be a hate army. I think that’s what’s wrong with YouTube… the obsession with manufactured drama.He’s “taking a tiny little thing and spinning it”
Crying wolf on a serious subject… and trying to fabricate a very large story and taking a tiny little thing and spinning it into something that just didn’t happen is sick.
[From Abuse Story – My Side of Things by Nicole Arbour]
Read those last lines “taking a tiny little thing and spinning it.” She never specifically denied hitting him. She did say that “it did not happen… there was no domestic abuse.” However not once did she say “I did not hit him.”
After Arbour recorded that first video refuting Santoro, she recorded another video, claiming that “people are equating subscribers with truth” and saying that the court of opinion is on Santoro’s side because he has more followers on YouTube than she does. She then challenged Santoro to come on her channel and do a live stream polygraph test with the two of them. Again, I would have liked to hear her say “I never hit him.” I’m sure there’s more to the story than he’s claiming, there are always two sides to a story, but if she did hit him that’s pretty damning. Plus if he’s not telling the truth he’s an incredible actor.
Umm, the fact that she jumped to the conclusion that this was about her and she did a video as a rebuttal pretty much confirmed that it’s about her. The lady doth protest too much, methinks. BTW, I’m using the term “lady” in the most broad sense as Ms. Arbour comes across as a truly awful person.
She’s an awful person without these allegations. Trash.
I LOATHE her. She’s a derivative, nasty version of Jenna Pebbles, who can be genuinely funny. Shredding other people does not make you look better than they are.
Props to this guy for admitting he was abused by a woman. I’ve seen it happen. A friend’s wife belittled him, cheated on him, told him he was worthless etc etc until he was emotionally a puddle she would stomp in for fun. Three kids. And he was the nicest guy! Some women are TOXIC.
Considering what we know about her, it’s not a huge stretch to think her bad behavior and vitriol would extend to her romantic partners.
I absolutely believe Matthew. She goes on to say that he’s trying to damage her career, but nowhere in his video did he mention her by name. No one would have known that the video was about her if she didn’t feel the need to make that “rebuttal ” video.
She also said something about court of opinion automatically believing Matthew because he has more followers. Actually, that isn’t true. Court of opinion generally takes the woman’s side, until, proof comes out that she was the aggressor. And sometimes, even then, people tend to think along the lines of, “well, he must have done something to make her react that way.”
He has more subscribers than she does, so instead of her going to his channel to do this polygraph, she wants him and his millions of subscribers to come to her channel. She allegedly wronged him, why should he go on her channel?
She isn’t interested in clearing her name, at all. She wants more subscribers.
In the community it was pretty well known before this December video that she was allegedly abusive. A good friend of Matts (who is also a known YouTuber) came out and really went in on Nicole and had a pretty detailed account of her manipulating And abusing Matt and also that she threatened to kill herself. Nicole of course responded and it was drama all over YouTube and Twitter. But the allegations were flying. So this has been going on for a while, so just some back story.
This Nicole girl is bad news, she uses controversy to try and up her subscriber count and thrives on being a nasty piece of work so I wouldn’t be surprised one bit. Men can be abused but due to the nature of our society men don’t come forward.
Thanks for that info, I didn’t know that!
Rob Dyke is the friend and can be seen on a few of his videos. Also, Rob gave the bulk of radio interviews talking about only his 1st hand knowledge of what went on.
He’s not one of my regularly watched youtubers so I had no idea.
Who knows what the truth is? I cant help but relish the fall of an MRA darling like her, though. The only problem is the MRAs now forget that she was explicitly anti-feminist, and are now using this as evidence of “woman privilege”…whatever that means.
LOL! MRAs are such a fickle catty bunch…
Yeah, that’s my long-term concern (my first, of course, is that Matt Santoro has a good support network and that he can heal in peace).
She explicitly said she was anti-feminist, and yet the comments on his video are already blaming feminism. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again — I sometimes forget how much they hate us. #CognitiveDissonance
They hate us because they hate themselves. Anything to make their misery not their fault, even if it includes blatant contradiction and twister-like manipulation of words and events. I’ve yet to see an MRA supporter who is doesn’t have crippling insecurities and isn’t completely butthurt over perceived injustices. It’s a larger manifestation of the Bob Scenario.
Her latest video on FB is called “Dear Feminists” and the MRA’s are eating it up along with their female supporters.
What is a MRA?
Men’s Rights Activist
Google it and go down the depressing loophole that is the mind of an MRA.
hole*
I have online experience with one of the leaders of the men’s rights movement where I live. I found out later he had been married to my ex’s sister and she endured a very abusive marriage to him. Couldn’t stand the guy, and I couldn’t stand him before I found out about my ex’s sister. It’s because of him that I have side eyed the men’s movement ever since.
Let’s just say I can think of many creative things he can do with his talking stick.
I suspect that that movement is full of past abusers.
Keep digging that hole, girlfriend. If it weren’t true she wouldn’t keep yapping about it.
Ok. Long post coming….
I have watched Santoro’s videos for maybe 3 years at this point. The early ones are the best with the orange walled apartment.
He was funny and realy gracious to his fans/subscribers. It was endearing.
Then NA came around and everyone started posting the comments that something was off. He was less happy-go-lucky. It was obvious. And Nicole would take passive aggressive shots at him in the videos that made him look defensive and submissive. This was all noticed before the drama hit the fan.
Then he stopped posting. Made excuses in videos. Started adding her in his videos that were no longer funny and more her style of comedy rather than his.
Then more drama and then a break up and now he seems to be finding himself again. And his friends that all could show how she enters and his social media becomes lesser of females and lesser of close friends.
To Nicole. I bet she hit him. By so many accounts she had self esteem issues and was OTT controlling. Noted mostly at Youtube conferences where she would throw open fits if he talked to any other female.
Along with the slap (which I believe since his story syncs up with the documented timeline of events via police) that lead to her threatening her safety unless he took her back.
It’s many forms of abusive behavior. And he always came across as a puppy dog that had 1 major relationship previously that just ended because of time.
I feel for this guy and wish him a full recovery.
I one hundred percent believe him and from all I’ve seen and heard from this woman she is a nasty piece of work. Your post just confirms that.
Glad he’s speaking out and I wish him healing as well.
What a mess
I don’t know why people find it hard to believe that men would also suffer from domestic abuse, but they do. I suppose they believe that men are generally stronger than women and could protect themselves. But abuse doesn’t start with the person beating you up. It starts with them isolating you and wearing you down emotionally until you believe you deserve whatever they dish out, or at least you are confused about whether or not you deserve it, and so beaten down physiologically that it’s hard to leave or fight back.
I think people forget that manipulation is a big part of it. Some people – and in my personal experience especially women though you may disagree with that – are master manipulators. You don’t even see it coming and if the guy doesn’t have the strongest personality, it can end badly.
Statistically, women are overwhelmingly more likely to be the victims of domestic abuse (9 out of 10 times). That isn’t to say that men *can’t* be, but also keep in mind that many, many folks don’t really understand the dynamics of an abusive relationship, and there’s also the fact that many abusers will characterize a woman defending herself as “mutual abuse”. The reality is, domestic abuse is characterized by a cycle of power and control, whether it be through physical abuse or emotional manipulation. Yes, men can absolutely be victims of domestic abuse (and from what Matt’s talking about, this is some very serious behavior he’s talking about and I 100% believe him) but we also need to be able to identify when an abuser is using the idea of “mutual abuse” as a way of hiding their actions. I hope this makes sense.
Well-said.
It makes total sense, and an excellent point.
One of the big things to remember is that there’s a very different social context when it comes to men’s roles and women’s roles in relationships, and that has a large influence on why men are more typically abusers. As I mentioned above, abuse is at its core about power and control – namely having power and control over another person. Women can and do exhibit this behavior, but there’s no denying that there’s still a lot of social pressure and expectation on men to be “powerful” and “manly”, that can very well change how they treat their romantic partner.
I’m always shocked when otherwise smart people in my life say things like “yeah, some men get hit, but a woman can’t HURT a man the same way”. First off because it seems to imply that unless there’s a real risk of death, it’s not abuse. Second, while it may be true that it would often be difficult for a woman to murder a man with just her hands, if that woman picks up a knife or a gun, it doesn’t matter how little she is or how big you are.
I don’t think that the implication is that unless there’s a real risk of death, it’s not considered abuse. I think the implication is that there’s been, for a very very very long time in the history of humanity, an inherent power imbalance between men and women. Not just physically, although in the majority of cases men were/are physically stronger than women. But also in other ways: men were the dominant figure, in charge in households and businesses and government and society, while women were submissive, weaker, completely dependent upon the men in their lives. When a man hit a woman, it was a very different scenario than a woman hitting a man because the man held all the power already. It’d be like Rhonda Rousey getting into the ring with a child or something. If that child hit Rhonda Rousey, it simply wouldn’t have the same impact as Rhonda Rousey hitting the child.
That inherent power imbalance that exists between men and women is still present in a lot of situations, in many situations, although times are certainly changing (at least in developed countries). Now there are more and more instances of women and men having equal amounts of power in relationships, or even women having more power in relationships (like this one), and women being the abusers instead of the victims. It’s still far less frequent than the other way around, though.
Also a man can kill a woman with his hands in the heat of the moment. Picking up a gun/knife = premeditation.
Just a thought why date a woman who hates women?
Nicole’s reponse… She’s all double talk.
“Obsession with manufactured drama” Is her bread and butter. It’s all she does and how she makes a living.
And her career was about 2k subscribers when they started dating. He added her to his videos. Announced the relationship. Encouraged people to subscribe. And he is why her career took off. Dear fat People came later for another boost.. Ugh.
And since I followed this so much I’m not sure where she can claim he did interviews on their personal lives? He kept super quiet for a long time when she broke the silence by claiming she ended it. He kept quiet. Then she made a 2nd video giving more details and attacking him directly. Soon after news of how she did threaten self harm after he broke up with her was leaked, but didn’t appear to be from him. More youtube reporting.
That I can gather he’s spoken of this 3 times total. Once post Dear Fat People to deny any affiliation with her. Once to explain he’s going to go back to his posting normally and the relationship has ended with little detail. And this one.
This girl. What a hole she’s digging.
My experience is that people digging
Holes for others usually End up falling
In them themselves. .
I absolutely cannot stand her. After the whole Dear fat people thing and people calling her a wanna be Jenna Marbles, I looked at a couple of her videos and she is so unfunny and just so fake! I didn’t make it more than a minute into the videos. She had/has some video up from when they broke up and she is begging him to take her back and come talk to her and not let other people get in the way of their relationship. She was faking crying through the whole thing and she didn’t seem sad she seemed pissed of and trying really hard to come across sincere. It was just so weird and uncomfortable.
She does admit to be a Jenna Marbles wannabe.
Wonder what Jenna thinks about that.
Her video only demostrated this issue does not make her sad. It makes her rage. Only to reinforce Matt’s points.
Nothing sincere.
She sounds like a narcissist. Not so much from his video, but from hers. Everything he ever did is about her in her mind? That’s sick. He didn’t even name her. She could have kept quiet and nothing would have happened. Now she’s all out to talk and talk and talk about her private life. I do think that there are two sides of the story and that he doesn’t tell everything. Doesn’t mean it is okay for her to hit him and say that it is a little thing.
The fact she’s not taking it seriously is all I need to know. She seems to be a nasty woman and exactly what a feminist is NOT.
And of course domestic abuse knows no gender (just like rape). My mum worked pro bono, as a psychologist, with a lot of victims of domestic abuse and even though men were a minority, they were still victims. And domestic abuse isn’t only physical, it’s also emotional and psychological.
Women can be abusive, too. I hope he gets through this experience and moves on with someone better.
She is textbook, classic abuser material. It’s always’No I did not”!! Or “they are so weak, making things up” it’s always the victim’s fault. Girl, keep showing how ugly you are inside. What an awful person.
Meh! this Chick is a KNOWN *sshole at this point, video unseen (cause Im NEVER here to give a click to Nicole Arbour or Miley Cyrus) I have no problem believing everything he says
Agreed. DON’T CLICK THAT GARBAGE.
I had a friend in college, a male, who was routinely beaten by his wife. And I mean beaten. Black eyes, bloody nose, bruises. It was not until my friend told him she could hear the fights and no, they did not sound like just words, and yes she could hear him crying, did he feel safe to come and ask for help. When he came to her apartment after the last one and had to sleep on the couch, it was like a light went on for him. He did get help and get out. This was so long ago but I wish we had said something sooner. Abuse is abuse. Back then, only 5% of a abused men reported.
That is so sad
I think there should be more light on female-male violence. But the numbers are still overwhelmingly in the reverse. To me it feels like male on female violence rarely makes news because it’s so prolific, and the horror of it gets lost because of a ‘boys will be boys’ mentality where male aggression is normalised. Female violence is rarer and unexpected, societally, so it makes more of an impact. Whilst I aplaud any man for coming forward and changing the narrative that it’s only women that this happens to, the ‘abuse knows no gender’ line grates on me because it dilutes what is actually a heavily gendered issue.
Sasha
It’s not a gender specific issue. That’s the point. 1 gender might be the majority, but Not Gender Specific. That’s why abuse knows no gender. That’s why this is a true statement.
And women tend to get away with this a lot more than you’d think because so many view them as the weak gender that can more easily be abused. So it actually dilutes the violence against men and makes it harder for them to speak up.
Thank you. Who knows what the actual stats are because men typically don’t talk about these things. Lots of women think nothing of slapping their boyfriends, pushing, kicking and punching during a spat because of the belief that it doesn’t do that much damage since men are generally larger and stronger but what about the psychological damage?
Abuse knows no gender (nor sexual orientation for that matter) is a fine and true statement to make.
9 out of 10 victims of abuse are women. Men can absolutely be a victim of domestic violence, but statistically 1 out of every 3 or 4 American women will be a victim of domestic abuse in her lifetime. And as much as men don’t always report, not all women report either.
That doesn’t mean that it’s not important if a man is abused by his romantic partner – what Matt’s talking about is really serious stuff and it breaks my heart. And he’s lucky as hell he’s away from her, because one of the biggest red flags out there is someone threatening to kill themselves if you try to leave. No wonder he’s not saying anything, he’s just happy to be away and safe.
Bridget
Those are stats based upon reports and other factors that rely on some form of documentation. In terms of men they tend to avoid reporting more than women for similar, but also different reasons. Percentage to percentage (since women do outnumber the men on reports) men are more likely to not say anything.
I just don’t want this discussion to go into women vs men on DV. It’s both Genders.
On a side note in my profession I see many couples. In their best, worst, and in between moments. And I do have to be trained in noticing the nuances between them. Is there abuse in the household. How to handle it. Looking back I think it’s easier to spot a woman who has a fear of her spouse by way of manipulation or fear of violence, but men are not a small minority. A minority, yes, but they are not small. It’s more than you’d think and there’s less resources for them to turn to and a large stigma to overcome.
Both genders have their struggles.
Because 1 gender gets affected more than the other doesn’t mean their struggle isn’t as real or hurt any less.
See it isn’t a heavily gendered issue. Abues does happen nearly as often to men as it does to women. It is gendered in the way the abuse happens. Men tend to be the ones who hit, but the number of abusive women is nearly as high from what I heard in psychology classes. Female abuse gets unnoticed because it isn’t as obvious. Women who threaten to hurt themselves to get what they want in relationships, women who blackmail their partners. That’s something that gets unnoticed and makes the number of abused men seem smaller. They only come forward in therapy once they have issues with alcohol or drugs or depression. Then their therapist knows about it, but it isn’t anything they could call out or go to the police with.
Here the same things happened. She isolated him and was jealous, etc. Nothing the police would look into so it doesn’t appear in statistics.
We really don’t know what the balance is because, quite frankly the resources available to victims lean towards women victims. How many battered men’s shelters do you know about? Abuse of every kind runs in my family. I’ve been abused by both males and females in my “family” and I’ve also seen women abuse the men and men abuse the women. It is hard for some females to come forward about abuse, but it is a lot harder for men. First, no one believes them. Second, they are treated badly and considered weak because they let a “little woman” abuse them. And if they defend themselves, THEY are considered the abuser.
The biggest reasons you don’t see “battered men’s” shelters is because while men *can* be abused by women, domestic violence shelters are intended for women who are in imminent physical danger from their partner, and need a confidential shelter to escape. Keep in mind as well that domestic violence is one of the leading causes of homelessness for women and children – many women in abusive relationships don’t have the financial ability to leave (it all goes back to that control dynamic). Aside from that, domestic abuse services go way beyond battered women’s shelters – they can help be court advocates for women seeking an Order of Protection; help make a Safety Plan (because Safety is actually the #1 priority when working with victims of domestic abuse, not getting them to leave because that’s not our choice); and general support. I’ll say this: in 2 years of working for a domestic abuse organization in a major city, I never once fielded a call on our confidential helpline from a man.
Part of why I’m really passionate about this is that a LOT of abusers protect themselves by claiming that their victim’s defense is actually “mutual abuse” or actually evidence that they themselves are abused. As much as we talk about needing to be sensitive to cases like Matt’s (which we absolutely do) we also need to remember that many, many violent men have gotten away by claiming that they’re the ones being abused. It is massively, massively screwed up, but remember this: abusers, either male or female, are master manipulators. They will exploit any loophole possible – just look at this Nicole person. And make no mistake, she exhibits classic signs of an abuser, and I truly hope that he’s safe and able to get the support that he needs.
Actually, we have no clue what the numbers are. We know that reported DV skews heavily, which may be for a number of reasons – women are far more likely to report, women are more likely to sustain injuries requiring medical attention, etc. But in truth, we have no idea which sex abuses more. Then, there’s also the definition. If you include child abuse in DV numbers, women actually pull ahead, numerically. And then you have DV within the LGBT sphere, which is almost not tracked at all, despite many LGBT people conceding that their communities have major issues with it as well. In addition, we don’t track mental/emotional abuse at all. So…no, we have no idea what’s going on.
@Bridget: I grew up watching my dad try to kill my mom. I don’t need lectures about women being abused. My point, and I will continue to maintain it, that men are also victims of abuse and they are less likely to come forward due to the stigma attached to male victims. Rest assured, I am an advocate of ALL victims of abuse.
Women pull ahead when children are counted in DV? I find this incredibly hard to believe. I work in mental health and the stats I’ve heard are that children are far more likely to be abused by males. Do you have a source?
Nicole is a Jenna Marbles copycat. Once she called herself a “comedian”. She made an F- you vlog for those people offended by her Fat People video. Later on when she realized she’s not as wealthy as Ricky Gervais or Donald Trump and began to feel the backlash of that video, she claimed it was a pre-planned marketing ploy. She claimed lots of work and money came her way because of that video but no one is really buying that. I believe a gig was canceled, probably her one and only. Her Imdb page does not support her claims.
She responded like a typical abuser. IIRC a friend of Matthew’s accused Arbour of abusing Matthew months ago. And she does seem like the type who would verbally and physically abuse those who are in her personal life.
I believe him. 100%.
I have a relative who was in an abusive marriage in his early 20s, she was physically and mentally abusive to him and very manipulative. She would make all kinds of threats if he ever tried to leave. A lot of people think that a woman can’t physically hurt a man but they are also forgetting that men can’t stand up for themselves without consequence. All these crazy ladies would have to do is call the police the first time their significant other tries to restrain them and then claim the marks on their boyfriend/husband is self defense and the lady was the one getting abused. I fully believe men get abused every day, but they are too afraid to come forward due to social stigmas and lack of people who will help and believe them.
I wish I had read your post before posting mine, but I agree wholeheartedly. If a male is abused and comes forward he is considered “weak” for allowing the abuse. But if he defends himself he is the “abuser”. I’ve seen men in my family abused just as much as the females. Good for this guy for coming forward.
She is such a distasteful twat.
Jesus, I couldn’t make it through his video. Painful to watch. He has my sympathy. And his Ex is a classic Narcissist.
And her “little B*tch” comment screams volumes about her.
Yep.
Interesting how her response to all of this is that Matthew is using her to gain followers and subscribers (even though he never once mentioned her name, but that’s beside the point) when he has upwards of 5 million subscribers on one of his channels and she has somewhere around 300,000.
It’s also curious that she has called him a “little bitch” since his video came out- not really language you’d want to use when someone has indirectly accused you of being physically and emotionally abusive.
Keep digging your own grave girlfriend.
Says a lot doesn’t it. Everyone knows that he is more popular than her and her using their relationship is what got her to the subscribers she has know. She seems like a very cold and mean person.
What’s funny was I subscribed to him at his 200k range. He was far more popular when she was introduced on his channel and at that time her channel had about 2k. She got a major boost and admitted so by his association. She might have removed those videos where she admits this. As I believe he removed videos including her in happier times.
So, that she can make that claim he’s using her for fame and clicks shows she’s unaware of reality.
Celebitchy removed my link, but there is a video on youtube called “Nicole Arbour EXPOSED As A Liar – With Proof ” by GradeAUnderA and they basically did a great job of digging out her past videos where it’s either her who dumped him and he was running back to her like a puppy or he who dumped her, while she was posing as a victim who fell for his tricks and who misses him dearly. She spins her own narratives according to what she wants people to think of her (that she’s either a bad-ass or a poor victim). She is MADE OF LIES and judging by her other videos, she is a vile, disgusting person. I totally believe that she abused Matthew and regardless of how that video got to be publicized, him coming out with that story was brave.
Yes, she’s made of lies. We know this.
No need for this to be a discussion about how she’s awful when a bigger issue is open for discussion. Domestic Violence happens to men and women.
@FLORC I agree. Domestic Violence is not gender-bound and the fact that one gender makes less DV claims than the other, doesn’t mean that it can’t happen to anyone, men or women. Vulnerability doesn’t always have to do with physical strength. But just as the victim deserves the support and the sympathy (Matthew), the abuser (Nicole) needs to be vilified accordingly. I am so sorry for him and I hope that his testimony will help others get out of such toxic relationships and also open up about their own struggles.
I hope he’s ok and that he recovers from all of this soon.
On another note, though – there are YouTube celebrities now? I feel so old.
Yes and they are making millions off of YouTube videos. It’s insane. The more “views” they get, the more money they make.
You know how when you watch a bad movie there’s a villain that’s horribly cliched and excessively terrible and you think, “Ugh, I get it. This is the bad guy and we’re supposed to hate them. You can stop hitting me over the head with it now.”
This woman? Apparently the only real work she has it to be a villain in real life because wow. She is the definition of terrible. Just bitchy and mean and of course abusive and cruel. Wow.
I’m very sorry Matthew, men can be abused and it’s terrible that society pretends it’s not an issue or a sign of weakness. He sounds like a great guy and I hope he’s able to return to a more positive life and not be hampered by her. As for her…long walk, short pier.
She’s either not very bright or she wants to be caught. You wouldn’t make videos and statements like that otherwise.
I suggest getting a bit of art up on the walls. Pronto.
WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
No im not gonna Google them. Criminy.
‘Celebitchy’ is introducing me to folks I do not wanna know…
But the issue at hand is a genuine one and im glad to see everyone responding with kindness and empathy toward the male in question (whoever the heck he be)
Abusive & domineering people make my blood boil.
Totally agree Stinky! Don’t know these creeps and don’t care to. WTF is a “you tube celebrity” anyway? Not a real one lol. So don’t care.
Most teens and young adults are obsessed with these YouTube stars. These stars are getting endorsement deals and becoming very rich off of the amount of views each video gets. It’s the “new celebrity” and it’s a big deal right now. Many of them just vlog about their daily lives, or do funny videos about stupid stuff and they go viral instantly.
I’m with you guys. The only time I ever use youtube is for help with DIY home improvement projects.
I think it’s relevant…I watch youtube on occasion and so am aware of who the ‘big names are’. The top youtubers are absolutely celebrities…they consistently get recognized in public, they get radio hosting gigs, and they earn millions per year. Celebrity is not exclusive to actors and musicians (see the kardashians).
It’s humor based and I love it. I also love VSauce3 as there’s a science twist with fun or how Jake (the host) breaks down the educational part of it or aps/websites that are incredibly interesting, but you’d never hear of them outside of this.
How do you accidentally put something from “private” to “public”? You sure that wasn’t done on purpose. Either way, I hope his story helps people. There are plenty of men who have abusive partners (female or male). I think a lot of times some women feel they can hit a man because they think the man won’t hit back. I recently saw a video on FB of a compilation of girls punching and slapping men. Some of the men hit back. I was shocked something like this would even make the rounds on social media…but there is a message there. No one has the right to put their hands on anyone, male or female.
Many people have clicked all reply or forgot to remove an address, or alter a setting so what is being sent is sent to only specifics. It’s easily done and happens very often in situations that clearly they did not intend to share.
How many times I ignored the “share with public” setting on that preloaded google+ I can’t count. And not once was that my intent.
I understand that, but we are talking about YouTube. It’s a different process when you want to make a private video go public…it requires a few steps I believe. With email, it’s much easier to accidentally hit “reply all”. Either way, I hope this video helps someone at least.
Yah – and someone who does youtube for a living knows exactly what they are doing. If something was so private and secret and you didn’t want it shared, you’d made doubly sure it was set to private! But whatever, that’s irrelevant.
It’s awful that he was abused and that so many men are abused and say nothing for fear/shame etc. Same goes for women who suffer in silence. There is a huge problem where I’m from with DV of late. Women are being killed every single week by partners or former partners. So while DV is not a gendered issue, the outcome of said DV does seem to be worse for women. MRAs always point out that male suicide is higher due to DV but suicide and murder are hardly the same thing… This is why we all need feminism!
Still Disagree and i’ve done this on youtube. Only maybe 5 people have access to a private channel for educational stuff. Set up for my neighbors kids when they moved away since they loved the experiemnts FMORC and I did with them. We keep it up. Anyways, I posted 2 videos flying in a daze of auto pilot when I never choose to do so, but the settings on YouTube reset. I possibly cleared all preset data when cleaning my comp and it reset my user settings?
Considering the state he appears to have been in I do belive this was an accident. Factoring in he’s incredibly private by many accounts I don’t think it adds up he did this on purpose.
Why record and upload it if you didn’t intend to share it? Both have narcissistic trades. Now I’m not saying she is not a manipulative youknowwhat, but he is about as honest and sincere as a Kim K, but with less pout. It comes with the YouTube territory.
…also – are we SURE these people aren’t both just acting? plain & simple?
Been following this long enough that yes. Yes is the answer. We are sure. The Police are sure. The witnesses at private events are sure.
Wow that would be horrible if this was just some YouTube hoax. There have been many of those on YouTube but this would surely be in poor taste.
It would be! I agree.
However, there’s no history of hoaxing on MS’s part and there’s nothing to gain here. His sponsors would pull and his fanbase would take massive offense to this. MASSIVE! He’s got a gracious way of making his fans know he appreciates them. Segments where he opens fan mail and hangs their art work in his apartment (his last apartment was where he started this tradition).
When fans donated money like $1 bills to a Canadian he saved them and asked which charity it should be donated to.
Or when a fan would write him of an illness or tragedy they suffered he would visit them and promote awareness of their illness or help raise funds for their fundraiser like covering their medical costs.
This isn’t a hoax kind of person imo.
I’ve watched some of his videos just now and I highly doubt that is the case. It seems like people like him because of how genuine and positive he is. Plus, this would be a long build up. He all but stopped posting videos, I guess like last summer, and then he posted the video privately in September of 2015. And now in January it goes public. That is a really long timeline for a hoax.
Part of the problem is that women hitting men is often portrayed in our culture as “cute” or “funny” – when it’s not. I’m generally a supporter of supporting gender-based violence things, but I am starting to come to the belief that women need domestic violence education just as much as men. I know so many women who believe: 1.) “Since I am much smaller than him and can’t really hurt him, it’s okay.” 2.) “If a woman hits a man, she’s just upset/on her period/having a hard day.” 3.) “Hitting is a sign she likes you!”
This hits home for me because not far from where I live, a few months back, a police officer was murdered by his girlfriend. She had been abusing him for some time. She would injure herself and threaten to call his captain and get him booted from the force (even the mere allegation of DV can get a cop suspended and/or fired in some cases). He forced her out of the house several times but took her back when she claimed to be homeless. Eventually, she took his own gun and shot him. And what’s going to happen to her? I don’t know. I know that her pattern was textbook DV abuser and nobody said or did anything (despite some of his friends admitting that he had indicated that she was acting this way). That case weighs on me because, if it had been reversed, would people have cared more?
Excellent post, and the second paragraph is so tragic ):
That story is horrific. Just more proof that it CAN happen to anyone.
Although the whole “hitting because she likes you” thing refers to a light, playful “punch” to the arm or something like that, it’s like saying if your boyfriend playfully slaps your butt it encourages abuse.
Nicole put up a video when they broke up titled Dear Matt. She basically was begging him to come back and she said they made a mistake breaking up. She has since deleted it. But people downloaded it and have since reuploaded it. Also search for GradeAUnderA and his videos about Nicole’s lies. I’m actually not a fan of either..I do like Matt but can’t stand Nicole but I found myself intrigued when all this blew up. GradeAUnderA’s recent vid about Nicole being a liar has clips from the Der Matt video. It’s a good watch, (NSFW language in it though.)
Nicole has since NIT shut up about it on Twitter and has challenged Matt to a lie detector test. Give it up Nicole, sheesh!
I don’t like GradeAunderA’s video. I think Nicole is an abuser, but I hate how he had to constantly use the B-word the whole time. Also, some of the ‘evidence’ he pointed out didn’t make sense. He should have just played the clips and let the evidence speak for itself.
Her behavior reminds me so much of my sister’s abusive ex, it’s terrifying. I absolutely believe he’s telling the truth.
I don’t know anything about these people. But I can say I appreciate him opening up about his experience, men can suffer from emotional, sexual and physical abuse too. I can only say I hope he recovers and heals.
No human has the right to inflict any abuse at another human, period. If you have anger issues or in a situation where you feel to be in control you need to be abusive leave that situation, obviously for victims they need to leave regardless.
I wish I could give him a hug. I know that’s the least thing I could do but just anything I hope would be welcomed.
I’m not clicking that chicks video! Any of them! EVER!
Nicole is a piece of s-t. Bottom line. She is an AWFUL person.
I sincerely hope that any and all attention she gets dies down completely and she goes back to being completely irrelevant. Her comment about him being a “little bitch” coupled with the fact that he never denies hitting him says it all anyway.
You should all check out her Twitter page now – she’s basically implying that Matthew and any other YouTuber who’s posted a video claiming domestic violence to be lying for attention… Pulled straight from her Twitter:
“How many of these “abused” Internet personalities actually went to court? Had charges pressed? Or just made videos crying for view money? Ya”
She’s too dim to understand the type of abuse she was perpetrating was not just one slap! He very clearly states that the harm was psychological.
And NOW Rob Dyke has screen caps of Nicole admitting that she “slapped” Matt but it was because he was drunk and about to leave… This asshole can’t even keep her lies straight.
Hopefully this link works
https://mobile.twitter.com/keemstarx/status/689500040327368706
Good God, she is dumber than I thought. That post is like “how many grammatical errors can I fit into an Instagram reply?”
Her life was effected!
ETA: I just watched her video where she says the problem with YouTube is that people use it to create drama rather than use it for real issues. This coming from the woman who made Dear Fat People! And when she was like “I’m an entertainer. I’m a performer. I’m a comedian. I’m an actress. I’m a recording artist.” I actually busted out laughing.
Couldn’t edit my comment so I’ll just reply to it here.
Nicole admitting in 2014 to lying and passing a polygraph. Taken from her Twitter.
https://mobile.twitter.com/nicolearbour/status/532357912903962624
I think people can be trained to pass polygraph tests. Clearly she had no training, she’s just a sociopath who has no problem lying. They only work if you have a physiological response to lying and fearing getting caught.
Keemstar himself is a total psycho. Lots of allegations of abuse by him, he is basically known for being a huge bully that harasses others. That’s been his schtick for years. He’s actually banned by youtube but he’s using a workaround to keep his stupid show on there. Just last week or so he incited a hate mob against an innocent elderly man and game streamer because he confused him with someone else who is a pedophile and shares same name. This man was in tears from all the abuse. Please don’t give any views to this psychopath.
so he deserved to be slap? Isn’t making excuses for hitting someone a sign of an abuser? There is a great book called “Why does he do that” a book about how abusers abuse….and that is one of the BIG signs of an abuser…and @ claire, if keemster is a psycho it doesn’t make her less of a abuser. There are multiple reports from other people, and she said she did hit him
Oh I believe she is an abuser.
I literally did not say a single word about her as an abuser. You are really reading into things!
I’m pointing out that ironically enough, the guy who is now trying to get in on this drama is himself an abusive person! That’s it.
There is an older video online of where some of his friends claim she faked a suicide event after he broke up with her (Rob Dyke). Threatened she was going to do it of he broke up with her. Its been sometime since I’ve seen it but think she got aggressive as well. That alone is emotional abuse. This chick has major major problems. Found the video here it is:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CH63dTDH-jE
What a wretched, disgusting person she is (whether she hit him or not)
There are NOT always two sides to every story. That is a very problematic, untrue phrase oft repeated at victims of abuse to dismiss their trauma.
Interesting. This old video of Nicole’s certainly seems to back up Matt’s version of events.
http://youtu.be/uStIpGd5KIk
And it completely contradicts her claim that she didn’t want her personal life discussed on the Internet. She’s obviously very comfortable lying.
Very, very comfortable. She is just an awful person all around. The more I see of her the less I can stomach her. I hope she fades into oblivion soon.
You should add an edit to your article. Right after the couple broke up, Nicole posted this video, which she has since taken down from YouTube. She is doing some revisionism here because her statements in the video she posted this week don’t align with this previous video. People have been re/uploading it on YouTube and she keeps getting YT to take it down but this is link is to a different site. See for yourself…
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x3mpme3_nicole-arbour-dear-matt_fun
OMG true story my uncle’s wife is a a borderline ,typical crazy behavior.