You know I want to ignore Britney Spears, I really do, and in fact we lasted a whole two weeks here without a Britney story, but the woman makes it impossible. I think there’s a master plan behind her bad behavior and that it’s all orchestrated for maximum publicity. Normal pop singers who aren’t headcases, like Hilary Duff and Mandy Moore, don’t get coverage until they break up with a boyfriend or go public with personal details about their eating disorders or insecurities. Britney just acts like a spoiled primary school student every day and people can’t resist talking about her.

So whether Britney really is that obnoxious and self-centered or if she’s playing it up for the paps and gossip rags is up debate. She’ll always be known as a trainwreck, even if by some miracle she cleans up her act and can convincingly return to her gyrating and lipsynching act. If Britney can get back to some semblance of her pre-baby self, without any daily drama (and there was hope for her when she first dumped K-Fed) she’ll still always be known as that woman who made a spectacle of herself for months. It seemed to start with her series of four crotch reveals last November, a byproduct of her brief friendship with Paris Hilton. It culminated in her public head shaving and is still going on nearly nine months later. Maybe she should look to Paris for advice again, because at least the bland heiress realized that it’s time she acted like she cares about someone other than herself, even if that’s not the case.

Here are the Britney stories which certainly seem to be coming at a fast pace today.

Britney paid for her own video shoot
You know that video where Britney was pole dancing, but burst out in tears and left after acting weird and taking too many bathroom breaks? Well, word is that she paid $30,000 for it herself because her record label, Jive, wasn’t ready to foot the bill. It seems like they realized that it was a bad idea for Britney to start making a video for that pac man song at this point, and they were obviously right.

Britney is now continuing to shoot the video, and was at a club in Venice, California working on it yesterday.

Assistant Alli, Britney’s “cousin” is back, and Britney has new manager
Britney fired the assistant who was said to have caused trouble at her OK! photoshoot, Shannon Funk. While Funk has publicly defended Britney, saying “she loves those babies to death,” it is rumored that she might help K-Fed in his battle to get full custody of the boys. There was a story a short while ago that Funk was planning a tell-all interview about Britney, but Funk’s mother has denied this.

Alli Sims, who is launching a pop career of her own, has been hired back by Britney.

Britney has also hired a new manager, Jeff Kwatinez, who formerly worked for Kelly Clarkson.

Britney bails on Allure Magazine too
Britney is on the cover of this month’s Allure magazine, but bailed on the interview, missing four separate appointments. As usual, she acted weird during the photo sitting. She “stripped down to the waist, for no apparent reason, before sitting for hair and makeup.” She was said to be cooperative at the photo shoot.

Britney similarly walked out of a perfume shoot too
Britney only stayed for a short while for a shoot for her new “Believe” perfume with Elizabeth Arden, and they only had good photos of her head. They had an assistant on set dress in her clothes and will be putting Britney’s head on that woman’s body for the ads. It’s a better body anyway.

Guy gives details of topless romp with Britney
US Weekly has a cover story this week about the maybe titillating story of a dancer on Britney’s latest video making out with the drunken mother of two while she was topless in a hotel pool. They give some teaser details and tell us to buy the magazine for more.

The Sun covers the night in question, and it’s unclear whether Britney and 21 year-old Mike Encinias actually did the nasty. He had to leave when a friend of his nearly drowned in the pool, but it sounds like the relationship may have been consummated.

He said: “She straddled me and put her legs around me.

“When I started kissing her I did everything in my power – from my previous experience of kissing girls – not to mess it up.

“Britney had more drinks – she was having Jack and more Mojitos in between me feeling her up, her boobs, and kissing her on her neck.

“Her body was very nice. It was sexual and sensual kissing. It took some effort to perfect.

“She is a great kisser – I’d actually say a phenomenal kisser.”

Mike was invited back to Britney’s suite once the party was over at 4am.

He was planning to spend the rest of the night in her bed — until one of his friends collapsed and nearly drowned from all the booze he had downed.

Britney’s bodyguards stepped in and ordered Mike to take his mate home.

Mike added: “In the end we had to say our goodbyes.”

Britney might be performing in London
This might not be true, because it originated in the Daily Star, but Britney is said to be planning a “secret” performance for about 60 people in London.

Britney smacks her car into another vehicle in a drug store parking lot, is typically only concerned about her car. (Thanks to Flynet Online for the video, which doesn’t have sound so you can watch it at work.)

The owner of the car was interviewed by Access Hollywood, and he said “I guess this is my fifteen minutes of fame and I don’t like it!”

Unlike normal people, Britney likes any kind of attention that you can give her.

Header image is of Britney yesterday. She’s looking uncharacteristically good as she was just working on a music video before these were taken. Thanks to Splash News.