I hate that Us Weekly put Ivanka Trump on their cover this week. On the other hand, Us Weekly is seen as second-tier to People Magazine, and People Mag’s cover this week is a true-crime story, and they literally didn’t even put anything Trump-related on the cover, not even in a sidebar. So it feels like the La Familia de Baby Fists had to go to second-tier media outlets to “soften” Ivanka’s image. Will this stick? Who knows. It struck me after the election that, in a lot of ways, Ivanka is the only one standing between us and the apocalypse. Which is sort of the point of Us Weekly’s cover story too – that Ivanka is The Baby Fists’ Whisperer. That only Ivanka can soothe the short-tempered, baby-fingered, tantrum-prone moron that is our president.

Ivanka Trump is going to be a huge deal in Washington. While a federal anti-nepotism law could prevent the 35-year-old from holding an official White House position after her father, Donald, assumes his role as the 45th president of the United States on January 20, “unofficially,” an Ivanka source reveals in the new issue of Us Weekly, “she will be Donald’s closest adviser.”

Over the course of her father’s successful campaign, the husky-voiced Seventeen cover model turned Trump Organization executive evolved into his most trusted consultant. “He looks to Ivanka for advice and consultation on almost everything,” notes a close Ivanka insider.

That relationship will continue, as the real estate tycoon, 70, assumes his role as commander in chief. While brother Donald Jr., 39, and Eric, 33, remain in New York City to run the Trump business empire, Ivanka is moving to the nation’s capital, where her husband, Jared Kushner, 36, will act as one of Donald’s senior advisers. The mom of Arabella, 5, Joseph, 3, and Theodore, 9 months, could take a similar role. She announced January 11 that she’s taking a leave of absence from both the Trump Organization and her eponymous apparel and accessories firm.

“Donald made the best deal for his daughter,” family friend and Avenue magazine columnist R. Couri Hay tells Us. “The boys get the multibillion-dollar company, and Ivanka gets Washington.”

Along with providing advice, the University of Pennyslvania grad could act as her dad’s buffer. Insiders say the polished businesswoman has a knack for calming her father, infamous for his hot temper and middle-of-the-night Twitter rants. “She balances him out,” explains an Ivanka source. “She learned to keep her mouth shut and just let him get it off his chest. She then rationally explains other points of view.”

With stepmother Melania choosing to reside at the family’s NYC triplex penthouse until half brother Barron, 10, finishes the school year, Ivanka will also assume some first-lady responsibilities. “She will be at State functions,” Hay tells Us. “I think Melania is very happy to share those responsibilities with Ivanka.”

[From Us Weekly]

Yeah, I don’t think Melania gives a sh-t. None of this was on Melania’s agenda. Nor was it on Ivanka’s agenda, mind you, but Ivanka has done a better job of at least trying to roll with the punches. Ivanka wanted to stay in New York and develop her own brand and attend parties with celebrities. And now Ivanka is our de facto president, basically. What’s more terrifying: the idea that Emperor Baby Fists only listens to Ivanka or the idea that not even Ivanka can control Emperor Baby Fists?

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet, cover courtesy of Us Weekly.