The New York Times Magazine has a new profile of Weight Watchers. They discuss how the company regained market share by focusing on healthy eating and wellness instead of dieting and thinness, which have negative connotations in our society. Weight Watchers rebranded their efforts, started Beyond The Scale, and brought on the queen of self actualization, Oprah, to help. They wanted to adapt somewhat to include some aspects of the body positivity and health at every size movements, but Oprah told the NYT there are limits to this and that she personally doesn’t feel positive about her body when she’s over 200 pounds. She may get pushback for this but I think she’s being realistic. You can love yourself and the state you are in while working toward losing weight. The author of this article, Taffy Brodesser-Akner, 41, admits that she’s struggled with her weight all her life. Writing this piece, and speaking to Oprah on the phone, sounds somewhat cathartic to her. Here’s the part where Taffy is talking to Oprah, who has lost over 40 pounds on Weight Watchers.
[Oprah] had never felt stress, even during all those years when she was doing three shows a day. She just ate instead. She had bags of potato chips, and people would say, ‘‘Don’t you get stressed?’’ and she’d think, What’s stress? She had seen the cultural changes for years. She knew that you were no longer supposed to say that you wanted to diet or be thinner. You had to want ‘‘fitness’’ and ‘‘strength’’ and just general health. But this thinking was a prison. So was the one where you just accept yourself and move on. “This whole P.C. about accepting yourself as you are — you should, 100 percent,” she said. But it was that thinking that made her say yes to Weight Watchers. ‘‘It’s a mechanism to keep myself on track that brings a level of consciousness and awareness to my eating. It actually is, for me, mindful eating, because the points are so ingrained now.’’ Meaning, Oprah wasn’t interested in ceding to a movement. She was wondering how to finally make this work.
‘‘In the particular moment in time that I got the call,’’ she told me, ‘‘I was desperate: What’s going to work? I’ve tried all of the green juices and protein shakes, and let’s do a cleanse, and all that stuff. That doesn’t work. It doesn’t last. What is going to be consistent, keep me conscious and mindful?’’
But this thing about acceptance? Why couldn’t accepting herself mean not accepting her weight? Why wasn’t it an act of love to use any available means to avoid her genetic predisposition to diabetes? Sure, she could have abandoned her efforts. She could have gone hard on acceptance. A million people would have bought ‘‘Oprah’s Guide to Body Acceptance.’’ But she couldn’t get there. ‘‘For your heart to pump, pump, pump, pump, it needs the least amount of weight possible to do that,’’ she said. “So all of the people who are saying, ‘Oh, I need to accept myself as I am’ — I can’t accept myself if I’m over 200 pounds, because it’s too much work on my heart. It causes high blood pressure for me. It puts me at risk for diabetes, because I have diabetes in my family.’’
I nodded into the phone because I didn’t want Oprah to hear me crying. I wanted to quit dieting, but had come to realize that dieting was all I had. I was completely perplexed by food — food! Stupid food! That’s what this was about! I dieted because I wanted to maintain hope that I could one day manage my food intake, because my bewilderment around the stuff was untenable. When I didn’t have that hope, I was left with too much worry about pain, about how much my knees hurt now and how much more they would in just a few years. I could be enlightened about my body. I could have acceptance. But nobody would tell that to the people who saw me as a target; nobody would tell that to my knees.
And yet, I told Oprah, in admitting this, I couldn’t stop feeling as if I were betraying everyone I knew who was out there trying to find peace with herself. I couldn’t stop thinking that nothing would change in the world until there was a kind of uprising.
‘‘Oh, my God, Taffy,’’ Oprah said. ‘‘I have to have a talk with you. I used to say this to my producers all the time. We are never going to win with this show looking back to see what other people are doing on their shows. The only way you win is to keep looking forward for yourself. What’s best for you?’’
The ‘‘you’’ threw me. I didn’t know if she meant ‘‘you’’ as in my body or ‘‘you’’ as in me, and it occurred to me that she could mean both, that some people think of those two things as the same thing. I treated my body with such contempt, but my body wasn’t different from me. There were no two of me to put on a magazine cover, just the one of me.
I never particularly disliked my body or myself when I was larger. I felt ok, I wasn’t too hard on myself. I was about 10 pounds shy of being obese but I felt like I fit in and I didn’t think negatively about myself or specific body parts. I wanted to change though and I think that you can both accept where you are while working toward being thinner or fitter or however you want to think of it. As for not talking about dieting or getting slim – if that’s what people need then maybe that’s what will work for them. There’s no one way to lose weight (although can I introduce you the church of calories? We have smaller cookies) and different people need a different approach. Also, I don’t think Oprah meant the quote in the title in a bad way. In the lead up she did say that you have to accept yourself but then added that she personally couldn’t do that.
Photos credit: WENN, Backgrid and Getty
Taffy Akner is an amazing writer. It’s worth your time to read this thoughtful exploration of our society’s approach to weight.
I really enjoyed the piece as well. Weight is a really complicated issue for a lot of women. I love that she admitted there’s pressure to be thin but also pressure to “accept” and “love” your body. Her thoughts on it being considered anti-feminist to want to be thinner had be internally screaming “YES! I feel that, too!”
I’m not sure the piece really made me feel better, or had any new nuggets to take going forward, but it was thoughtful and it’s nice to know I’m not in this boat alone. Other women are struggling with when and if to diet, body acceptance, etc… too
There are more of us on that boat than off it! :-/
I know i am not alone but i really have issues with my weight now. I preted i don’t cos i know im on the skinny side. But…theres that feeling im not good enough and pretty enough if im not skinny. And it does not help that my mum and sis are size zero. There. An awful truth. I feel bad cos there are women who are srsly bigger than me yet i complain. But the pressure is real and scary and no matter what people say or write…well there was never this much pressure to look like you are freaking instagram filter.
Hating yourself because of your weight is entirely different to not accepting that weight for health reasons.
Right message, wrong messenger. I admire she never gives up but I’m tired of her pronouncements that “this is it! a lifestyle change”.
Instead, how about not accepting your weight going above a certain point? I think how she puts it reveals a lot. All these gurus and it seems she still struggles with psychological issues, which I completely understand is the HARDEST.
Instead of the “what if” confederate series- how about a “what if” Hillary won 2016? A world in which weight/looks/age for women became a Non Issue. That’s the projection/fantasy in which I need to immerse.
Yes, it’s too bad that with EVERYTHING that Oprah addresses, the weight thing is a l w a y s there.
@HurryWait your vision of a perfect world for women with Hilary as President is about as accurate as people thinking racism was over because we had a black President.
I used to think the same about her yo-yo dieting, but you know what? I admire her optimism and her persistence, which is what I think she’s demonstrated over the years. She struggles with her weight, but she keeps trying. I think that’s the important part, and a great message in its own right.
Weight Watchers worked for me. I lost 90 pounds in a year and a half or so. I gained about 30 pounds back when I stopped smoking and lost it again with WW. (I’m a bit afraid of yo-yo-ing in the years to come but ultimately, Im a fan!) 🙂
The thing I dont like about Oprah’s quote is that she put a number and even if that’s not the point, its gonna influence the way overweight people see themselves. «Oh Oprah says 200 pounds is bad….I should feel bad.». She should’nt use a number. People are built differently. People who weight 200 can go the gym regularly and be in better shape than some very skinny people.
She speaks about herself and if she feels that way then let her feel that way. She doesn’t say others with more than 200 pounds should feel bad about themselves. That’s part of the shame she speaks about. How can you talk about your own struggles with weight, if someone else will take offense in it?
I wonder which is harder; losing weight or getting rid of acne? 😣
I have shared this here before, but if it is adult female acne you are dealing with, take Saw Palmetto twice a day. It stops the cystic acne in its tracks. I still use it twice a day, and I’m 51. It blocks testosterone/DHT in the skin. Read about it in the forums at acne.org.
Thank you so much for posting this! I’ve always struggled with acne (took Accutane twice in high school) and now it’s developing into cystic acne. I’m 36 now. I’m going to try Saw Palmetto and see if it helps.
Thank You for posting. Is that a vitamin? The saw palmetto I’ve heard about helps testosterone, unless I’ve been misinformed.
Hi, yep I’ve tried SP but it did not help. I gave up dairy although I still eat butter and I ditch my diet during holidays hahah
In my experience adult acne. I have tried everything and its only starting to slow down in my mid thirties. Literally nothing helps. When I was young all it took was getting on BC and then it got to the point that it stopped working. Anyways…to me its easier to eat healthy and work out a couple times a week, but I know some people struggle whether it be bc of body type or genetics. I am lucky I guess (minus the acne lol).
Have any of you guys tried giving up dairy? Woody Harrelson swears by it and I cut milk out of my 12 year-old’s diet and that did help him. I don’t know about adult acne though and am really sorry you’re dealing with that.
Yeah I have been told also giving up a lot of chocolate and to an extent coffee can help it. I still drink coffee, but have tried to cut back. Chocolate was never my thing so I am not sure how accurate that really is. It felt easier as a teen getting it under control. On the plus side this is the first summer I really feel like its under control which is surprising b/c its been so humid in DC and usually that tends to make it worse.
Yes, quitting most dairy helps me. As does cutting out sugar. I have Candidas, aka yeast overgrowth from all of the antibiotics I was given as a child for strep throat, and also as a teenager for acne. I will always break out if I have a PMS bag of candy, so I stopped doing that a couple of months ago. That plus giving up chocolate milk has caused my skin to clear considerably.
I had Accutane almost 30 years ago when it first came out. It stops all of the oil production in your body, which I do not recommend. If you’ve ever had it, please get your vitamin B12 tested regularly because I believe that it can cause pseudo-pernicious anemia, which is a “rare” autoimmune disease that causes the body to not be able to absorb B12. (Chemo can cause it, too.)
Everyone is different. I personally do not get breakouts from eating dairy (thank goodness!) but I have had oily and acne prone skin since my teens. I never had it that bad (rarely had cystic acne on the face) but I deal with small whiteheads, blackheads, and hyperpigmentation from acne scars. I feel like it has worked in my favor now that I am in my 30s. People still think I’m in my 20s. I do notice that my skin breaks out more when I eat chocolate and other types of candy with lots of sugar. I do not drink coffee regularly so I cannot speak to that. I would say that we really are what we eat. Not saying that eating or drinking something will cure the skin you’re born with, but primarily drinking water and cutting out all the sugary high caffeinated stuff will likely make you feel and look better overall. The same with getting enough fruits and vegetables. I love meat and fried food, but I also recognize that too much of it makes me gain weight, feel sluggish, and cause digestive problems. If you find that anything you eat causes that many problems, just cut it down a notch and eat healthier. I wouldn’t be surprised if what we eat is at least somewhat related to how our skin looks.
Long time lurker but there a few acne fighting tips that are rarely mentioned that I genuinely have found helpful.
Bathe and wash your hair at night. Think about all the scalp oils, sweat and hair product that is rubbing into your pillow at night and then rubbing that dirt into your face as you sleep.
Change your pillowcases regularly, every day if possible for the aforementioned reasons. If you have body acne, change the sheets often too.
Stop touching your face. No resting your chin or side of your face on your hand, no touching your forehead to brush your bangs away. Some students who have a line of acne on just one side of their face, the acne is where their hand has been propping up their face.
Wash your face AM & PM with a mild cleaner and lukewarm water. Sulfur soap is helpful and the smell does fade. Be gentle, avoid scrubs and manual exfoliators like brushes as they can break open the pimples and spread the bacteria.
Use a mild chemical exfoliant (e.g. salicylic acid, AHA, BHA, tretinoin, etc.) at night to keep your pores clean and slough off dead skin cells. Use caution if you have very sensitive skin. Chemical exfoliants come in different strengths and work differently, google to learn more. Start with the mildest one every few days and work up to everyday if you like. Depending on your skin’s tolerance, you can increase the strength but go slowly. You must use sunscreen when you use chemical exfoliants as they remove the protective horny layer. They work very well but your acne will get worse for 4-6 weeks as everything comes to the surface and it does cause flaking in the beginning. They have the bonus of helping your skin to look more even and increase the absorption of other products.
Use the lightest weight moisturizer you can tolerate and apply only where your skin is dry.
Don’t be afraid to use oils on your face. Jojoba, marula, avocado, coconut and baobab are all lovely.
Avoid excess sugar, more than 2 sodas a week I will break out.
Cannot speak to dairy or chocolate as I consume very little.
I’ve had acne all of my adult life, starting in my teens, woo! Several years ago, after trying pretty much everything, a dermatologist put me on Spironolactone and it has worked wonders for my skin as my acne is caused by an over production of testosterone. I get fun outbreaks on my jaw and neck, but the Spironolactone helps.
I have what looks like acne, but is actually rosacea. It was horrible at age 30, much better at 40. I did cut red wine, though.
I was recently diagnosed with PCOS and in addition to my birth control pill, my doctor prescribed me Spironolactone for my skin. I got married this past May and was freaking out about my skin (I never had acne until my late 20s) and Spironolactone has made SUCH a difference in my complexion. It took about 2 months to really notice a difference but I’m so happy I found it.
The only thing that eliminated my severe adult-onset cystic acne is taking a low-dose birth control pill and I couldn’t be happier with the results.
Honestly, I find Oprah to be so obnoxious and overbearing. She believes things too quickly and has so little savvy sometimes. I am glad she’s found something that works for her, but once again her words are not helpful.
I have struggled with my weight my entire life too. I have a number in my head that makes me happy, but I am not there. At one point I was heavier, but I lost almost all of it. Still I keep trying to make peace with my body. I will admit it is a struggle and that I often fail. I have even become suicidal due to my weight at certain points in my life. When I was younger I was treated horribly based on my looks, so it was sore issue for me. It continues to be an issue whenever I see the scale go up. Though I am not considered to look “heavy” by lots of standards, to me I do. I hate it. I eat well and work out several days during the week, and this has benefited my health greatly. But that ideal look in my head –which may not be realistic for me — is my secret goal.
To anyone who struggles like me, all I can say is I understand, and I send good energy to you.
My MIL said was spot on: Oprah only looses weight when there’s a paycheck at the end. She then gains the weight back, and Starts again!
Because we all know Oprah is looking for her next paycheck.
Lol exactly she is really hurting for that check.
More attention she needs something in her life that is missing and while I have no idea what it is.. its obvious from all these years that something is.
And just because she already has billions doesn’t mean she doesn’t want more and more —
Considering that her investment in WW just made her over 100 million, it´s a pretty paycheck that even Oprah wants.
… If not, I´ll help, I´ll take it, no problem!
Having watched O yo-yo since the 1987 wagon-of-fat episode, I think MIL is spot-on.
You can accept yourself and still be able to face reality that because you’re so many lbs overweight youre more likely to experience and deal with negative health issues way down the line. I’m Type I Diabetic and constantly reminded how if i don’t keep up the exercise, the healthy eating and constant monitoring it can get really ugly really fast. Yes you can be overweight and still be considered healthy but long-term how good will your quality of life be 30yrs from now? I’m doing EVERYTHING I can to live to see my 70s 80s and see those years being mobile and healthy. You don’t have to hate your body to realize that the healthier it is, the better your life will be…sometimes that involves a number and sometimes it just means healthy choices. It’s not fat shaming to acknowledge a healthy weight NOT SKINNY is what we should all aim for.
I am starting to notice some of the life styles issues popping up with my grandma and mom as they get older and they aren’t obese, merely overweight. I honestly think its more lack of exercise for so long than actual diet or body structure. But then who knows with my mom. I think its a combination of aches and pains b/c of genetics and being slightly overweight and sedentary for most of her life. She never liked exercise so she chose to diet when her weight started to bug her. She has actually lost about 10 lbs in the past 5 years, but still has the back and hip issues pop up. I say this b/c she was never skinny, always a little chubby, but the back issues only started to be a major issue in the past couple years (she just turned 60).
My grandma on the other hand is definitely overweight and now that she is 87 I notice she has a lot more pain and lack of mobility in comparison to those her same age who are less overweight and stayed active most of their life. She was a couch potato and its gotten worse the older she gets. 🙁 I know people’s body change as they get older, but its depressing seeing an otherwise healthy woman struggle to move.
I’m with you JA. I have MS and RA so for me keeping my weight down and eating healthy means less stress on my joints, fewer flare ups of both conditions, and better quality of life and better health long term. I’m going to be one of those little old ladies lifting weights when I’m 100! *lol*
And the “you can be overweight and healthy” idea has been debunked by science, btw. There’s just no way around it, being overweight or obese certainly doesn’t make you a bad person, but it is not and never will be healthy in the long term.
Oh dear that bunion.
I feel for her! I have one very much like it.
….she did say that you have to accept yourself but then added that she personally couldn’t do that….
People say a lot of things on the topic and then go promptly to the plastic surgeon of choice and correct whatever: from droopy eyelids to too big vaginal lips. I see the overweight in the same line. If one’s unhappy one should drop the acceptance and do smth. about it.
But Oprah, why is it hard? You have a nutritionist and a personal chef. You have a personal trainer, a therapist, a life goals coach, and any other help you require.
I know why it’s hard for those of us who must do all these things ourselves. Why is it hard for Oprah?
I get your argument. I feel the same way sometimes. If I had access to trainers and chefs, I would drop my extra pounds no problem.
Big difference is that I am not addicted to food or have an eating disorder.
I wish Oprah would talk more about the unhealthy relationship she has with food, rather than focus on a number or size, or the bs health and wellness. She has done so in the past , and this is where she can inspire and relate to people.
I’ve thought the same thing about the money to have a personal trainer but I recall when Oprah first hired Green (the trainer she still uses) she said she had lots of trainers but they would quit her. I never thought that would be an issue but it was for her. They gave up on her because she wouldn’t show up to exercise. Money is not the issue it’s the attitude.
For such a smart woman, she spends an awful lot of time talking about her weight..she has a rare platform; guess what, taffy and ms O..nobody cares if you can’t find some sort of zennish inner peace because you can’t zip your jeans..don’t bitch about pressure for women to be thin if you are publicly buying into it.
I’ve worked with eating disorders for decades, and my weight fluctuates personally, as well. This concept has been a hot button in that world for a long time. The problem is not what you weigh (too much, too little, too much/not enough boob/hip/ass) but that we attach our self-worth to those concepts. We attach self-hatred to those concepts. Body identity is a piece of self-love, but in our culture we tend to give it more power than we do other pieces of ourselves.
It’s a loving act to treat yourself in ways that enhance your health and life, mentally and physically. And it’s a loving act to know that if you don’t look like (insert perfect mental socially acceptable image here) you are still a worthy, deserving, visible, wonderful human being. These things are not mutually exclusive.
Another issue is that you’re chasing after something that doesn’t exist. A version of yourself that is thin enough, pretty enough and therefore successful and all-around better. Problem is, that version of yourself will most likely never exist and if one day it does, you’ll notice it won’t solve all of your issues. So you keep going. Or you fail and it’s a disaster. As you said, attaching too many things to your weight is poisonous. And it’s exhausting and you waste so much time.
I think Oprah should stop talking about her weight. We all should stop talking about people’s weight. I don’t want to hear that I’ve lost any because that means you’re paying attention. It needs to stop.
Interesting posts. I notice eating less doesn’t equal weight loss. I can go all day without eating and then of course after 6 I pick all night. So I am eating maybe 1200 calories a day but not losing because this is not being burned off. I do agree if you eat healthier small meals thru the day then stop eating after 6 it’s much easier to lose weight. I just cannot do it.
Its what you eat, not how little you eat.
If you are carrying extra fat, especially around your abdominal, you are hurting yourself. I am so sick of this “love your fat body” crap. It just gives people a reason to keep on eating.
Eat healthy (grassfed meats, lots of veggies, some fruit and healthy dairy), get some sun, exercise, and sleep well and you will lose that extra weight in most cases.
Anyone who has seen the numbers of pre-diabetic/diabetic people out there would be a fool to think it is ok to be fat! It is suicidal.
I think the point is that if one engages in self hatred, self harming behavior like overeating, bingeing, or restricting is more likely to follow.
I agree. I have a sister in law who is into the body acceptance movement. I think its totally great to love your body no matter the size. Its really how you feel about yourself. And she would always be a curvier body type no matter what. That being said she is obese (and only 30), already type 2 diabetic and in denial. She hardly moves (even though she should be burning calories chasing after a 1 yr old). She gets picked up and dropped off from work every day. Even though she is diabetic she hasn’t given up carbs or added sugar in her meals. She is supposed to be eating small meals throughout the day and instead she waits until after 3:00pm b/c she refuses to eat at work. By that time she then goes and gets a frappucino from Starbucks b/c she says she hasn’t ate all day and needs the calories and sugar for energy (which is BS). She is a closet eater for sure. And she doesn’t eat vegetables or fruit. The only thing she eats that is healthy is fish but its usually on a plate with mac and cheese. I am really concerned she is teaching my niece terrible habits and all while labeling it “body acceptance” and a slow metabolism.
I don’t want her to hate herself or her body but I don’t like this attitude either.
Agreed – “body positivity” is a great concept, but in moderation (like all good things). We have got to be careful not to further normalize obesity. Morbidly obese women like Tess Holliday have no business taking on the mantle of “body positivity” when she is just slowly killing herself – she’s not a role model.
The whole point of the Body Positive movement isn’t to glorify obesity, it’s saying that no matter your weight, disabilities, health status, you are deserving of respect, love and acceptance. I think it’s a powerful and radical idea, especially in our world today.
I have friends who are obese and I’ve been around when complete strangers have thrown things at them from moving cars, or told them to stop eating in restaurants – complete strangers! It’s awful how high and mighty, cruel and mean people are about other people’s size.
Makes me so sad and angry when i hear stories like this. These ppl can turn their life/health around if they want to! It’s gonna be tough but your life is worth it!! Type 2 diabetes can be avoided and it is reversible! Sadly cant say the same for type 1 but my diabetes has shown me my life is worth fighting for. Love your body enough to make sure it’s in the best shape it can be so you live a long happy life. Its a gift to have great health so earn it… 🙂
I can’t believe what you took away from what i said is to blame my friends, when you don’t know their health history or why they are obese, instead of being shocked that people would actually Throw Things At Them From Moving Cars.
just. wow.
the lack of empathy is amazing.
You should read the article, it touches on the things you said. It also talks about this/your mentality “eat healthy & exercise” and how its really a diet in disguise. Its just that easy folks! Just a little bit of work and you can be perfect, ideal, a woman worthy of being looked at. Meanwhile people often saying this are often overweight shaming people heavier than them. Agree its best to live a health lifestyle, eat proportionally in your calorie range , it greatly effects you health & weight but just throwing it out there doesn’t encourage people to lose it. The diet industry loves this debate because it make them richer.
I feel like you are mistaking the diet industry for just eating healthy….humans ate healthy before the diet industry even was a thing….it’s still the same…eating healthy…it’s hard, but it’s simple. If you think health is just some diet industry invention…..Y.i.k.e.s.
If hating yourself worked there would be many more thin people. It doesn’t. Do what you need to do for your own body and stop using “numbers’ as an excuse to be mean and self righteous. We have enough eating disorders out there thank you.
i would wager that the majority of folks on the body positivity band-wagon appreciate, on some real level, that extra weight likely/eventually comes with health consequences. overweight people know they are overweight, without being told this over and over by strangers claiming to be well meaning.
to me, loving your body means that you accept that there is no moral component to the size or state of your body–that you love the shell your soul inhabits regardless of disease or weight or race or colour or ability. you are not a “better” human being because you are thin, although you might possibly be a healthier one. being overweight does not make you a bad person. loving your body is not necessarily exclusive of wanting to take care of it or making efforts to be healthier, as many here have noted.
what drives me crazy is the societal acceptance of the idea that overweight people are undeserving of many things, including stylish clothing, comfortable seating, representation in culture/media, proper medical care, common respect, etc. every time a bigger model pops up in an advertisement or movie, there are endless comments regarding “the promotion of obesity”. should overweight people not be models or actors or have high profile careers, lest susceptible people think it’s a campaign for weight? How about just accepting the reality that many people are overweight, and it is unfair and disrespectful to exclude them from being represented and having access to things that we all should be able to have and enjoy.
all this to say: overweight people should not have to live in a shame cloud and hate themselves over this alleged fear we have of promoting obesity. end rant.
It’s not like she said she couldn’t accept herself over 125 lbs. Two hundred seems rather high in my opinion but it sounds to me like she has a good concept of the line between loving oneself unconditionally and loving oneself enough to take care of one’s health.
Yeah to me she isn’t coming off as a Tracy Anderson type. 200 is far from anorexic and if thats her comfort zone for her height and body type than it is what it is. I know I fluctuate 5-10 lbs depending on what I eat and how much I work out and there gets to be a point where if I am over 130-135 I don’t like it, but thats not everyone. Everyone has their own goals and range they are comfortable with and feel healthy in.
I liked Oprah so much when her tv show was new. She was incredibly down to earth, upbeat, genuine. I remember her first major weight loss, when she pulled a wagon holding the equivalent of the weight she lost on stage. I was incredibly happy for her.
But then, I think the growing power, fame and wealth changed her. The show became a platform for celebrities, flashy issues, politics, so-called “experts” and what ever caught her attention at the moment. She lost the qualities that most appealed to me. Her life is so atypical, she lost the ability to relate to ordinary people the way she had. Women like Maria Shriver became her close friends and peers—and it showed. Not that I’m pretending that I’d be immune to the temptations of her lifestyle. But she took on a kind of preachy, morally superior tone that I found off putting.
Taffy is such a phenomenally talented writer. I appreciated her instincts with this piece, first tracing the rise and fall and revival of WW as a reporter, and then mid-way through the piece, stepping in with her own weight struggles. She perfectly captures the push-pull of our cultural struggles with weight. On the one hand, why enslave yourself to this unsustainable model of weight loss that, statistically, has proven to be a giant failure, where to succeed you need to literally be a statistical outlier and exception to the rule? On the other hand, what might be the health consequences of refusing to lose weight for conditions which are correlated with being overweight? shouldn’t we pursue our best health for the long term through whatever means possible, and isn’t weight, in one doctor’s comparison, like asthma or diabetes, which must be managed? She does all this while not denying the humanity of fat people or criticizing their right to decide how to live in their own bodies. She captures the outrage and absurdity of being a successful, accomplished 41 year old and being in a class which teaches you how to eat a raisin. As she describes, in 10 years we’ve seen a giant shift in cultural attitudes towards dieting, with many people waking up to how harmful the anti-fat rhetoric can be to health and well-being in the holistic sense. People now care about these other aspects of health as much as weight loss, and that’s great. But now it seems weight loss has become a secret, almost shameful thing, hidden behind these other catch phrases.
No one should be shamed because they are fat. It’s hurtful and not in the least productive. Worth should be determined by character. If someone is happy with who they are physically, good for them, it’s their right to live how they choose, and be happy doing it. I come from a family of obese people, and my family are some of the kindest, funniest people I’ve met. Perhaps because of this, I’ve never been into fat shaming.
But this body positivity rhetoric has at times skated over the edge into strange, confusing territory by burying the dangers. It’s like a branch of anti intellectualism, free from acknowledgement of scientific medical fact. Body positivity should not be a personal or widely disseminated excuse for unhealthy lifestyle.
Beauty is subjective. Health is not.
It’s a nuanced and delicate approach, to not body-shame or discriminate while at the time acknowledging that some things are unhealthy. Part of loving yourself is taking care of yourself. Your whole self. Hurting your body by smoking, taking drugs, starving yourself, drinking to excess, self-injuring, or being obese, etc, shouldn’t be equated with self love or good physical health.
Aenflex… I love your post.
I have always been a size zero (except during pregnancy). I eat fairly healthy but I am also blessed with an incredible metabolism. I have not been exercising and now that I am 40, I am just not toned and I don’t look like I know I could if I took better care of myself.
I think it’s okay to look at yourself and be honest. You have to ask yourself… “Am I taking good care of this body, or am I abusing it”? It has nothing to do with trying to fit into some unattainable ideal. You have to be honest with yourself. Truly loving yourself means taking care of yourself.
I do not have to get on a scale to answer that question.
This. I’m all for people being happy where they are. Your body is not your worth. BUT I remember Lindy over at Jezebel writing a whole rage article about her doctor telling her to lose weight and I just though “wow. That is some strong denial she is in.” Obesity is not healthy, hard stop. It’s fine if you’re happy being obese, but don’t be mad at your doctor for doing his job.
I get it- some people have to work so hard to lose weight. I have PCOS and I practically gain weight just looking at food. Is that fair? No. Life’s not fair though so I just have to work harder.
I think part of the complaint that some fat people have when their doctor tells them to lose weight is that it’s not about the weight. I’ve been extremely thin, and I’ve been very fat, and the way you’re treated by the medical community is very different.
I have a good doctor that works with me and focuses on my health, but I tried a different doctor (long story involving changes in insurance), and she was terrible. I was trying to speak with her about the medications I was on, and she told me, “You wouldn’t be depressed if you weren’t so heavy.” She actually suggested I try exercising instead of taking an antidepressant. Now, exercise can do wonders for your anxiety and depression, but I had literally just finished explaining to her my lengthy family history of depression and my own symptom onset at 4 years old. I’m not depressed because I’m fat. I’m depressed because I happen to have a genetic predisposition toward depression, and it is well controlled with appropriate medication. But, as a fat woman walking into her office, the assumption was that any health issue I have is due to being fat.
I can’t recall the details, but fat people are more likely to be misdiagnosed and avoid doctors because so many people in the medical profession see fat and stop looking for any larger problem, and that’s seriously frustrating. People literally die because their doctor doesn’t bother running tests and just tells them to lose weight. That’s unacceptable.
Telling someone to lose weight isn’t effective. If a doctor talks with all patients about exercise and healthy eating habits, I can get on board with that. We should all move and eat our vegetables. Assuming that I’m not doing those things just because I’m fat is where I have a problem.
“Beauty is subjective. Health is not.”
This, one million times. I don’t want to hear an overweight person (myself included) say Just because I’m heavy doesn’t mean I’m not healthy. YES IT DOES! It does not mean you are not beautiful and lovely and worthy of my admiration. I think, personally as an overweight person who comes from overweight people, that the problem with body positivity is that it should be person positivity. You can love the person you are and be someone that others look up to while not being happy with your weight. Just because I haven’t won the battle with my weight yet doesn’t mean I should stop trying and just live in denial loving the fat that is giving me diabetes and high blood pressure!
Oh and fat shaming just causes people to hate themselves instead of their fat so STOP IT PLEASE!
The article by Taffy in the NYT made me tear up more than once. It’s a must read for anyone who has struggled with their weight.
As for Oprah, l feel she’s an excellent example of many women’s difficult relationship with food. She’s crazy rich and successful but she just wants to weigh less.
I read the NYT piece yesterday and found it very interesting. What struck me most was the author writing that when she went on her first diet she was 5’3″ and 110 lbs. That’s not at all overweight! That’s a BMI of 19.5, so unless she was completely without any kind of muscle tone…she was not “fat”. That seemed so sad.
Speaking from personal experience, I think a lot of people assume that losing weight will make them “happy”, but really it’s the other way around–assuming access to healthy food, being happy will result in weight loss (if it’s needed). Oprah’s comments about how she wasn’t stressed but she was eating tons of junk pretty much describes me personally…when I am stressed out or unhappy, I eat. Not such a big deal occasionally, but if I’m going through a period of chronic stress at work, I gain weight. I’m also one of those people who always loses weight on vacation, no matter what kind of rich and indulgent food is available, because I’m chilled out and just doing stuff I enjoy and so I don’t really care to eat any more than I’m actually hungry for. Since I figured this out I’ve focused more on reducing my stress at work rather than obsessing over calories. Ultimately though, to maintain a healthy weight I think I am going to have to retire! Or find a job I am more passionate about, though TBH I still haven’t figured out what that is. I’m most passionate about putzing in my garden at home or going hiking, neither of which really pay the bills!
Oprah is a huge investor in weight watchers. She should accept her size and get on with it. Some people will never be thin and it shouldn’t matter. As long as you are exercising an eating properly and you fight the good fight on weight, be content.
Easier said than done. Lets say you gain 50lbs in the next few months, would it be as easy as saying for yourself, just accepting it and move on? No big deal right?
Not an O fan, but do agree with her on this. I’m a short person too, so 200 is a number that I would NEVER cross. I haven’t come that close to it truthfully. I accept that I gain and lose the same 20 lbs (it used to be 10 or 15 but the numbers creep up as you get older). I’ve never hit 165 and to me, that would be a cut off. I try to accept myself and some days I manage that. Having said all that, I think people should keep a number they won’t cross as their goal. And I think that’s what O means. 200 is her maximum. She’s okay at 180 or whatever but will not cross 200 again. And I think she’s smart both for the physical benefits of not getting too heavy and the psychological. What kind of headspace are you in at 300 pounds? That has to do a number on you – both mentally and physically. I dunno. I just think it’s harder to say I need to lose 150 pounds than 50 pounds. Harder to do it as well.
The article is a great read, encourage readers to read the whole thing. The writer is very vulnerable in it while exposing the diet industry. Think a lot of women with a lot of power still feel insecure about their bodies. No matter how power we gain, what position we reach in society our bodies and looks are still out biggest insecurities as women, rich or poor.
Such a successful business woman, but she has spent decades talking about her weight. I find it tedious. And not a great role model. I have never heard weedy Zuckerberg taking about how he wants to be more ripped, or nerdy Gates talking about his terrible haircut. Presumably they don’t focus on that. Do what you have to do Oprah.