SPOILERS for the Season 7 finale, “The Dragon and the Wolf”

You know what’s been weird for me as I watched Game of Thrones this season? Every single time Theon Greyjoy is on screen, I literally say out loud, “Are we really going to waste precious time in the final seasons on this dude?” I get that there’s probably still a reason why he’s alive, but really, his plotlines could have been dealt with a lot faster, like in one-minute interludes every episode, “this is what Theon is doing,” and then go back to the real characters. My one-minute recap of Theon? He beat the crap out of someone and he’s going back to the Iron Islands to rescue Yara. Boom, that’s it. Anyway, there’s a lot to discuss and very little of it involves Theon. Let’s get to it, our final GoT recap of the year.

The Dragonpit. Jon Snow, Davos, The Hound and more arrive first to the Dragonpit in Kings Landing. The mood is very spooky, and I’m sure everyone is thinking, “Sh-t, did Cersei hide a bunch of Wildfire underneath the Dragonpit or what?” Finally, Cersei arrives. Then Dany literally rides up on a dragon. There are some good emotional beats throughout these scenes, especially between Tyrion, Pod, Bronn, The Hound and Brienne. The Hound also has a moment with his brother, The Mountain/Frankenclegane. The Hound is like, “You look like hell, I’m still gonna kill you one day.”

Westerosi UN Security Council. People act petty, everyone is sniping at each other, finally the Hound goes and gets what they brought for this special meeting: the trunk with the wight. The Hound opens the trunk and nothing happens. He kicks the trunk over and the wight freaks out, running straight for Cersei. They’ve put the wight on a chain, so the Hound pulls it back. Everyone is horrified, Cersei especially, and Jon Snow gives a demonstration about fire and dragonglass. Maester Qyburn is especially fascinated. They kill the wight in front of Cersei and she says, okay, I’m on board, all I need is Jon Snow to pledge that he will never come after my crown, etc. Jon Snow is like, “I’d love to, sweetie, but I’ve already bent the knee to Dany.” Cersei is SO MAD, she’s like “deal with undead yourself, a–holes” and she leaves in a snit.

The Giant Plot Hole In Season 7. Dany, Tyrion and Davos are all like “you literally know nothing, Jon Snow” and they debate their next move, with Dany even telling Jon that now her dragon died for nothing. They decide that someone should go talk to Cersei. Finally, Tyrion goes. There’s an incredible scene between Cersei and Tyrion in the small council chamber where they both argue about their shared history and Cersei can’t make herself order Tyrion killed. Tyrion comes back to the Dragonpit, with Cersei trailing behind him. She tells the group that she’s changed her mind, not only will Lannister forces stand down, but she’ll tell the forces to go North to join in the fighting. No one can believe it. They shouldn’t.

Littlefinger Plots Against Arya. Throughout the last seven scenes, we’ve come to know the extent of Lord Baelish’s plotting for and against the Starks, and how there would basically be NO SHOW at all without Baelish’s machinations. It’s the murder of Jon Arryn that set everything in motion, and Baelish did that with Lysa’s help. What is unclear, throughout the show, is Baelish’s overarching plot, or mindset. He’s made some noise about how he wanted to be on the Iron Throne, but I think he always knew that he was little more than an agent of chaos. So, Littlefinger and Sansa met alone, and Littlefinger slowly convinces Sansa that Arya has been out to get her this entire time, because Arya wants to be Lady of Winterfell. What would be the endgame of this, long-term, for Baelish? I still don’t know.

The Stark Scheme. Finally, we get a f–king payoff for the struggling storyline of “Sansa and Arya hate each other now.” Sansa orders her guards to bring Arya into the main chamber. Arya arrives, petulant and moody – I thought Sansa was just going to expel her from Winterfell. Then Sansa – who is sitting next to a perky looking Bran, btw – reads off the charges. Murder, treason, and no, Arya is not going to just walk away. Sansa lists the charges and turns to Baelish. This trial is for him, not Arya. The Stark kids have worked their plot successfully, and they are standing shoulder-to-shoulder to bring down Littlefinger. It seems Bra has spilled ALL THE TEA about what Baelish has been up for seven seasons and they’re like, “here are the receipts.” Arya is the one to finish him off, slicing his throat in one slash, using the dagger he gave to Bran.

The Survivors. There’s a gorgeous scene on one of the towers of Winterfell, with Arya and Sansa looking out, together. Arya finally acknowledges what Sansa has survived, and Sansa does the same for Arya. They are happy that they’ve dealt with Littlefinger together and it feels like the girls have bonded properly now, as adults. They will weather the coming storm together.

Winter Comes To Kings Landing. Jaime is making plans to move the Lannister forces north to aid the Northern forces and Dany’s forces. Cersei is like “why bother” and he’s like “lol wut” and she’s like “I’m not sending anyone to help those a–holes.” This was always the plot hole. Of course the bitch was lying. Of course she was never sending help. Of course Dany’s dragon died for nothing. This was always the stupidest plot ever – Cersei was always going to be an a–hole. Jaime is like, “screw you” and she’s like “I’LL KILL YOU” and he’s like “I’m leaving.” He does leave, but I’m unclear about whether he just went for a walk or whether he’s, like, going North to help Tyrion. It begins to snow in Kinds Landing. Winter is Here.

Samwell & Bran. Samwell took this long to get to Winterfell, and he immediately goes to Bran. Who knew that this was the character-combo which has needed to happen this whole time? Bran and Sam sit by the fire and put all of the pieces together about Jon Snow and his parents, Prince Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark. Sam even remembers the old maester’s journal – that Rhaegar and Lyanna married, so Jon is the legit heir to the Iron Throne. Bran figures out that Robert’s Rebellion was always a lie.

Jon Snow & Dany’s sexual healing. Interspersed with flashbacks of Rhaegar and Lyanna, there were scenes of Jon going to Dany’s bedroom (on the boat they’re using to go North), and then Jon and Dany making sweet aunt-and-nephew love to each other. I know we should find it creepy, but I’m like, eh, let them have their fun. Oh, and I loved Jon’s aside to Dany about getting pregnant – he was like, “The witch might have been lying, you know?” So we might have witnessed Dany getting knocked up in that scene.

The Wall Comes Down. It’s been said that the Wall is a magical place, that the Children of the Forest cast spells around it so that the undead would never breach it. Ice Dragons trump magic spells. As Tormund and Beric Dondarrion watch from some kind of eagle’s nest, the Night King rides Ice Viserion and ice-burns the Wall. Is Beric dead? Is Tormund? I have no idea. But I do know that Eastwatch doesn’t exist anymore and the army of the dead are walking into Westeros.

Photos courtesy of HBO.