While this is far from the most offensive thing about Harvey Weinstein, I’m getting pretty disgusted by just how cliche his perversions really were and are. He’s like a parody of a Hollywood predator, a dinosaur who lacked self-awareness of just how pathetic he really was and is. Cara Delevingne shared a story about Weinstein on her Instagram this week, and this sh-t is like textbook “You Hold Really Outdated and Idiotic Views About Bisexuals.” As I said, the fact that Weinstein was not woke (whatsoever) about bisexuality is not his biggest crime. But his fascination with Cara’s out-and-proud bisexuality just seems so… ‘90s. If you couldn’t tell, I’m trying to focus on something superficial before getting to the really horrifying stuff. Here’s Cara’s story (with only minor edits, like paragraph breaks):
When I first started to work as an actress, i was working on a film and I received a call from Harvey Weinstein asking if I had slept with any of the women I was seen out with in the media. It was a very odd and uncomfortable call….i answered none of his questions and hurried off the phone but before I hung up, he said to me that If I was gay or decided to be with a woman especially in public that I’d never get the role of a straight woman or make it as an actress in Hollywood.
A year or two later, I went to a meeting with him in the lobby of a hotel with a director about an upcoming film. The director left the meeting and Harvey asked me to stay and chat with him. As soon as we were alone he began to brag about all the actresses he had slept with and how he had made their careers and spoke about other inappropriate things of a sexual nature. He then invited me to his room. I quickly declined and asked his assistant if my car was outside. She said it wasn’t and wouldn’t be for a bit and I should go to his room. At that moment I felt very powerless and scared but didn’t want to act that way hoping that I was wrong about the situation. When I arrived I was relieved to find another woman in his room and thought immediately I was safe. He asked us to kiss and she began some sort of advances upon his direction.
I swiftly got up and asked him if he knew that I could sing. And I began to sing….i thought it would make the situation better….more professional….like an audition….i was so nervous. After singing I said again that I had to leave. He walked me to the door and stood in front of it and tried to kiss me on the lips. I stopped him and managed to get out of the room. I still got the part for the film and always thought that he gave it to me because of what happened. Since then I felt awful that I did the movie. I felt like I didn’t deserve the part. I was so hesitant about speaking out….I didn’t want to hurt his family. I felt guilty as if I did something wrong. I was also terrified that this sort of thing had happened to so many women I know but no one had said anything because of fear.
Does it feel like Weinstein specifically targeted Cara because of her bisexuality? To me, it seems like he was turned on (barf) by the idea of getting her to “perform” her sexuality for him. Again, that’s not the most offensive part of this story. The rest of it is just his demented pathology, and the complicity of those people around him. The assistant who manipulated Cara about her car, and then encouraged Cara to go to the hotel room. The assistant who acted as a honeypot inside the hotel room. How many people were involved in Harvey’s rape/harassment/abuse emporium?
Cara also posted this. She’s right. The women who have come forward and continue to come forward are very brave, and have nothing to feel guilty about.
Photos courtesy of WENN.
I found it so touching that as a reaction to abuse she started singing as a protection. I don’t know why, it’s such a strong, brave move and yet very innocent in a way.
Yeah in her story you can really feel how scared she was.
That really struck me too, when I first read this on CNN this morning. Very endearing, and extremely smart at the same time. I want to hug her.
I agree. The whole thing was awful, but the singing part was extra heartbreaking.
i actually teared up when she got to the singing part. what a powerful image. it evokes both taking control and being reduced to a frightened child. being scared and feeling threatened is also a violation.
I’m usually the first person to criticise Cara but this from her really touched me too. It’s so obviously truthful and there’s a degree of youthful vulnerability in there that just really hurt my heart as an older woman.
You really feel for her.
Yes. I think it awoke motherly panic in me. This is the world I have to send my kids out into – one in which their youthful souls can be bruised like this.
Sixer
My exact thoughts 🙁
Also is it wrong that I’m now really worried about Cressida Am I projecting?
I cried when I read that she started singing and was very touched by her story.
Her post: How many times have we all heard the devil say to us “you’re not strong enough to withstand the storm”, but somehow we all manage to persevere and stand up and fight in our own way…..
I salute all the women who have spoken out.
Rings with truthfulness. Heartbreaking.
I’m impressed by her quick thinking to diffuse the situation and send the message she was keeping the meeting professional.
Reminds me of Bikram Choudry’s systematic rape of yoga devotees, and how both men and women “took” victims directly to him. Choudry is out of the country, BTW, avoiding a class action rape lawsuit.
It was so brave and crazy in a good way. Distraction.
Just a reminder that she also comes from rich family but he did not care.
He is hiding behind sex addiction but he is just a power driven beast.
I am now a big Cara D fan. I sorta liked her before, but now? Totally in her fan club.
Makes me curious how many celebrities images are curated simply so that they are able to work in Hollywood. The rumours have been ongoing about Leo. Maybe the posse of younger blonde models is there to keep him safe/feed into the image that is required of him. I sometimes question if it is really the fault of actresses/actors how we perceive them and the public/media image or whether it is simply a way to survive in a clearly brutal industry.
So now we also know he’s pressured actors and actresses to stay closeted as well.
Can a legal CB tell me why he’s not being charged? Isn’t the state involved with the Polanski case? Why aren’t they involved with Wankstain?
Unfortunately it is complicated. There are statute of limitations issues depending on where and when the assaults and abuse occurred. Plus unless these women make an official complaint to police criminal charges cannot be attempted. You can’t charge someone only on a story told on the internet (half the world would be in jail).
I do think if any of them would like to press charges now is the time. The NYPD and New York DAs office have been embarrassed by their questionable handling of the few who did come forward. They’re on public notice now.
Thank you for responding, but I think it just gives me more questions =(
I’m still not sure if i understand the difference between the state prosecuting Polanski without the victims support, but not in this case? Is it because she did come forward at one point? Would this not be federal because it is over more than one state?
And why is Cyrus Vance still not disbarred or whatever can be done?
He dismissed an abuse case for money. How is he still around?
You probably don’t have answers to everything, but dear lord. WHY?
This is what I would like to see from this: a robust response from the criminal justice system. If the statute of limitations has passed for some of these highly publicised incidents, it shouldn’t make them shy away – it should make them launch a thorough investigation to see what is there that they CAN charge.
Wankstain needs to see the inside of a prison cell.
(On a light note: I deeply appreciate your wholehearted embracing of wankstain.)
Unfortunately, Sixer, credible rumors over the years of his dossier/compromising photos on everyone will protect him from criminal charges. It’s the only leverage he still has, and no one wants to open that door.
SIGH.
I firmly believe narcissists like this should be punished with damnatio memoriae, or petty name calling. Poke em where it hurts, right in the oversized ego.
Honeybee, does that truly protect him? This world sometimes…
Well, detritus, consider this: even if he didn’t have any photos etc. on actress A, if she presses charges, all of her colleagues go down with him. I don’t think anyone wants to destroy others’ careers for this asshat.
Her message moved me deeply because it comes from someone who seems to have everything going for her, even wealth and a name and yet… the guy ruined her first achievement as an actress. This is very close to home and I am left here reassessing my professional life and my daughter’s abuse.
Thank you Weinstein company to decide to get rid of HW (snark intended). You didn’t do it to protect women but at least now a scandal to measure up against future abuse perpretated on us.
It’s also easy to see why we are accused of not being as good as men -and why we are less assertive sometimes and more self-critical.
It’s very hard to be professional when we’re being morally and sexually harassed. She had her first role and yet… she must have been thinking about that “little incident” all the time.
Then it makes you think about the music industry…Britney, Lindsay, Justin Bieber…have they been victims of similar experiences? Is there a deeper reason why these celebrities ‘go crazy?’
Some of the saner ones seem well away from the LA game aka Rachel McAdams.
Think about Lou Perlman, “creator” of Nsync and the Backstreet Boys, accused of assault by a number of men:
http://defamer.gawker.com/lance-bass-says-pedophile-inappropriately-touched-n-s-1735233946
you know – amber tamblyn had a tweet the other day saying there is much worse in hollywood that needs to come out. i thought of all the child actors and teen groups that have gone off the rails and it is really scary and sad to think that harvey weinstein was targeting young actresses but there are worse people out there doing this to even younger teens and children.
Yes, it’s chilling to imagine what still has not been revealed. I feel like we’ve been conditioned to think that child stars often struggle later simply because they “can’t handle fame” well. I’m starting to think it’s something much more sinister that leads to their issues. So heartbreaking.
I wonder if this will encourage Corey Feldman et al to finally name names of the abusers of kids in the entertainment business? He’s been talking about it for years but avoiding names, just like Rose McG felt she had to.
Your post reminded me of Jonathan Brandis. I had a huge crush on him growing up and he was a big star during his teenage years. I know it’s unfair to speculate, but it does make me wonder if any of these things occurred to him before his suicide.
Britney I definitely suspect. Her father’s behavior and comments in her documentaries has always unsettled me.
The late, great Candye Kane (Blues artist), was a good friend of mine. She had her first child when she was 17. A year later, she began performing in adult films (she was a 36 GG; men love big boobs) for a few years (early 80s) to keep her child fed. Many years later, in a quote in Rolling Stone, she said, “All my years in the porn industry did nothing to prepare me for the sleaze of the music business.” So, Suki, wonder no more. Candye summed it up perfectly.
I don’t want to put the victim label on anyone who hasn’t spoken up, but I think it’s safe to assume a good number of them experienced some sort of abuse, harassment, or assault. It happens in every industry, but when you add the fame, money, and power aspect of the entertainment business, it seems even more prevalent.
Thank you for pointing out the importance of not putting a victim-label on people who haven’t ever even said they’ve been abused. We all need to be cautious about both intentional and unintentional messages we’re sending right now. The public figures being hinted at in this thread *could have* been assaulted at some point in their lives either by someone famous or non-famous. If so, it’s their story to tell or not tell. Or, they may not have, and this is just who they turned out to be because of other factors they have in common. We don’t know, so we really shouldn’t speculate. Being a public figure, especially at an early age, is a source of stress, pressure, and risk and can mentally and emotionally effect people in all kinds of different ways even without that being a factor. Add in the fact that the people mentioned here all either had bad parents, mental health issues, easy access to (and probably encouragement to use) substances, or people promoting entitlement around them, and you have a nice little formula for all kinds of problems.
The main issue is that we should support those who come forward about their suffering at the hands of Harvey Weinstein (or anyone else) , show our support as feminists for those who were not touched by Harvey but come forward about being victimized through a misogynistic smear campaign by NOT implying that they’re lying, and avoid participating in the same kind of “gossip” that contributes to people being in these situations.
Most likely yes. We know how traumatic sexual harrassment and abuse is for the adults, and how incredibly difficult it is to speak out. Now imagine all of that happening to you as a kid.
Here’s a very good documentary on child abuse in Hollywood. It’s just heartbreaking.
An Open Secret:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lwi9Yt_D844
If you believe these women, you should believe the child victims as well. With any luck, this subject will eventually reach the spotlight.
I watched An Open Secret when Corey Feldman’s book came out. I admit, loved him in The Goonies and The Lost Boys movies, but as he aged and got stranger and stranger, I thought he was a weirdo. But when you put it into context of what happened to him (and Corey Haim) I wonder how he’s still sane and alive. I have a new found respect for him and like Rose McGowan said about Lindsay…I’m not judging.
Yup. It’s time we start giving people like Dan Schneider the same kind of attention Harvey Weinstein is getting.
Suki, you raise an excellent point! Hadn’t even thought of the music industry and its issues. Thanks.
So we can add “Harvey Weinstein is a homophobe” to the list of reasons why he should rot in hell. Thank you for perpetuating every harmful stereotype about bisexuality that exists, you piece of garbage. This one hits really close to home.
This ongoing story has truly unearthed a treasure trove of misogyny, both the rampant sh!t in Hollywood and the internalized misogyny of a lot of women here. What a long week it’s been.
Hugs to you, Shamby. It’s been a hell of a raw week, hasn’t it.
Yes, it feels like a month instead of just a few days. Yesterday I was reading a Guardian article about this story with Cara, and the article quoted HW’ s original statement saying that things were different in the 60’s and 70’s, and his lawyer saying he was a dinosaur learning new ways and he was reading books to help him grow and change etc etc.
That statement was ridiculous then, but given what we know now it is just crazy-talk. To think that a rapist needs to read book to grow and change!! What on earth was he thinking releasing that nonsense. I really hope someone can press charges, because this guy deserves jail-time.
It was like this when the Jimmy Savile scandal broke in the UK. Time seemed to slow because there was so much horror unfolding that it couldn’t fit in with a normal time frame.
Difference here being that Savile was already dead. Weinstein’s story is of a kind of intellectual interest for me (I know that sounds cold but I hope you know I’m far from cold about it) to see what might have happened here in the UK had Savile still been alive and powerful in entertainment.
I remember watching the Saville case unfold with incredulity.
I didn’t believe it could be the same here, it was decades later, and this had to be stamped out, right?
Its fun how we blind ourselves sometimes, isn’t it?
And i know what you mean about the detachment. At a certain point it becomes too much and I’ve gotta academic this, or I’m going to spontaneously combust with rage.
We individualise it, I think. So the perp in question becomes some particularly evil villain with a highly unusual psychopathy in our minds. It suits a click-friendly media looking for a shock narrative, and it enables the men to say #notallmen and the women to say #notmynigel.
Perversely and more to the point, wrongly, it makes us feel safer.
What we don’t do, is perform a class analysis. Because if we did, we’d have to accept that systems of power enable individuals. And if you don’t regulate the systems of power with safeguarding procedures, you don’t change anything.
Yes. Also agree 100% with this part: “This ongoing story has truly unearthed a treasure trove of misogyny, both the rampant sh!t in Hollywood and the internalized misogyny of a lot of women here.”
Here and everywhere. And at this point it’s really not just internalized misogyny anymore. It’s complicity, because these women and men are putting their misogynistic commentary out there for public consumption, where it can do- and has done- serious harm. I think it’s really time for us to start having more honest conversations about abuse, misogyny, feminism, ethics, and holding people accountable within celebrity gossip communities.
The female assistant helping him do this to Cara saddens me so much. I just had a boss fired for harassment and it was his secretary who stood up. Complicit women depress me.
That stood out to me, too (and also the singing). All of his assistants, past and present, need to be rounded up and questioned. Their complicity should not be ignored.
Yes, that was the stand-out part for me too. At first I felt angry, but then I realised all those enablers were also trying to make it in Hollywood, and if they didn’t go along with what Harvey wanted they’d never work again. Sigh. He just had SO much power.
I agree. I keep thinking, how did these assistants stay with him all these years? Because they were really complicit and knew the dirty secrets going on. They are the ones that knew the extent of it and went along with it. It disturbs me to no end about them.
It was either the NYT piece or Farrow’s, but they detailed how assistants would be used as a “honeypot” – their presence was intended to make the women feel like it could legitimately be a business meeting and put them at ease. Some of the assistants refused to be a part of it, but some of them went along. That assistant knew exactly what was going to happen. The assistants who facilitated the meetings in hotel rooms knew what happened. When they were told to leave the hotel room they knew. And they still did.
Puke.
It reminded me of that awful Terry Richarson assistant.
I’d love to see him exposed, without powerful friends and clients and gone from the business, too.
Yep those assistants aiding him in trapping and assaulting women and his board of directors ignoring all the complaints of sexual misconduct or those Hollywood men burying news reports on Harvey are the only other people I hold responsible as co-conspirators.
People on these threads have been pointing the finger at actresses 100 steps removed from Harvey and no direct evidence of his crime but ignoring theses who aided him. As an assistant, you are directly leading the lamb to slaughter. That is something I would not be able to live with myself for. Because I would be helping to victimize others. It’s like being the driver of a bank robber’s getaway car as he kills innocent bystanders or parents who lead their child’s hands and gifts them up to a molestor. This is when you walk away. You are an accomplice to a crime full stop. You can also face a civil lawsuit from the victim. Call an attorney and he/she can help you find a way to leave the company with a letter of recommendation. Because yes these are crimes. According to The NY Times some of his long term assistants were able to do so. Like would you help your boss commit murder?
Yeah, before I am going to cancel some actor or actress for working on one of his films and not coming up with a nuanced enough statement in 24 hours, I am going to look for explanations from those who we know were actual direct participants in this shit. Basically anyone in his company.
I’m having a hard time getting past that too. SO MANY assistants helped these things happen. I hope their guilt haunts them every single moment of their lives.
It’s disgusting that staff knew and helped. Cara is brave and helpful for coming forward about her experiences, feelings, and the position she was in.
Im actually more shocked how normal it was for all the people around him and her. How they helped Weinstein attack women. This isnt just looking the other way or hearing a rumour and not thinking much of it.
This struck me hard too. It’s like the kid who goes to school, and they know something is wrong, yet do nothing, for years, to help.
The bystander is the worst of the 3, IMO. They have the power to help, and stop, yet stand by.
I don’t know how these assistants, who helped lure these women, sleep at night…
Me either. They can rot right along with Harvey.
It isn’t going to stop for awhile, this steady drip of women telling these stories… until it becomes passe to have been harrassed by harvey. The man has been doing this for DECADES, and needed a constant supply of fresh victims to soothe the ego. He had victims delivered to his door, and scads of people helping him do it.
The real story, I think, is just how pervasive this behavior in hollywood is that EVERYONE turned a blind eye and accepted. The routine-ness of it all for so many…. that is what I am seeing.
Adding… I can’t wrap my head around just how many people he used to continue his abuse. There were the ignorers, the liars, the enablers…. that his reputation was so universally known, and nothing was done to curtail it? Nothing. It boggles. And disgusts. And I have absolutely no stomach for all the whocoudanoed?! coming from Hollywood anymore. Apparently everyone. Everyonecouldanoed.
ITA. We need to use this to make our lives better. Léa Seydoux who wrote an amazing piece that CB will probably tackle today says that everyone knew. Everyone. I don’t buy for a second that actors were unaware of this. But I don’t accuse them either. This is such common behavior in a lesser or bigger scale, but it’s rampant. We all have stories in any milieu but HW seems particularly screwed up.
The worst thing about Lea Seydoux’s piece was not only the confirmation that everyone knew (that already seemed obvious, despite the denials), but at least half of them seem to be at it themselves. Hardly surprising, but still disgusting and heartbreaking to think of the endless streams of harassment and assault women in this industry face. Ugh, HW is just the gross tip of the iceberg.
Yes.
Maybe some media outlet can do some digging into any encounters Harvey may have had with staff employed at hotels/ restaurants where he harassed these actresses? If these actresses were afraid to report Harvey’s behaviour because of what he could do to their careers. I shudder to think what he would have done to some housekeeper or restaurant server making minimum wage. Who would their employer believe if they complained?
So does anyone else want to convince me that this was not known by 99% of Hollywood? And not just Hollywood predators exist all over the industry
@Nicole
Well since you also seemed to have “known for a fact” (beyond heresay or misogynistic blind-items) and had proof I’m sure you reported it to the police or at the very least stopped watching all Weinstein films to prevent your money from going to a predator you had personal knowledge of? Or wrote endless letters to Weinstein’s board of directors, your local congressperson or senator? Started a petition on moveon.gov? Left comments at the blind-item websites for the runners of the site to turn their info to the police or the FBI??? Then I applaud you for your actions in helping to get Weinstein arrested, oh wait…
Yes because a random person calling the police gets an investigation but the accusers can’t…
I boycott things when I know about them. That’s what I can do as a consumer. I call advertisers and such. I call congress on my lunch daily about things.
I’m active. Maybe look in the mirror before telling people they don’t do enough
When I read this last night, my heart broke a little. She was so afraid and she started singing to try and get away. I cried when I read that. This man has been terrorizing women for so long, I hate that he’s been able to. Shame on him, shame on the assistant, shame on everyone who protected him and shame on the NY DA for declining to prosecute when they had a tape of him admitting to groping a woman. It’s all heartbreaking and awful and, what I think is the worst of all, his reign of terror could’ve been stopped earlier had the DA brought about charges.
Ugh, the singing killed me. These stories have been gutting me. All the times I’ve felt harassed just come back. At twelve a guy asked me and my cousin for directions and when we approached his car we saw that he had on no pants and was touching himself. Boys snapping my bra in middle school. In high school the manager at my fast food job loved running his fingers through my hair. I was groped by a college professor. Plus verbal harassment too many times to count. And when I talked about it to a “friend” she said I must ask for it some how because she doesn’t get harassed. These stories are so important. Not just for the women harassed by HW, but for all of us. We aren’t alone and we don’t ask for it.
i’m so sorry you and all of us have to endure these types of little moments of abuse. i don’t know a single woman who doesn’t have a story. i was groped in line for snacks at the lion king musical by a man while he was holding his own daughter’s hand. with his free hand he reached around my waist, cupped my breast and ran his hand down my stomach in between my legs. i was 17. i turned around and yelled “stop touching me. this man just grabbed me. you just grabbed me in front your child” and he said “calm down – i bumped into you” and every. single. person. in. line. heard. and. turned. their. head. the. other. way. i went back to my seat and my mom asked what was wrong and i said nothing and couldn’t tell her. i was scared she was going to start going through the aisles and cause a scene. as a 34 year old – i wish i would have told her. i wish she would have torn him in half. i wish his wife would have seen and left him and taken his children away but it is confusing and scary and immobilizing.
Lizzie that’s awful! We have to teach our girls they can speak up. No one ever told me i could say something.
Your comment just reminded me of all the ways we teach kids to give up the right to their bodily autonomy from a young age. My dad always felt that I shouldn’t be forced to have contact with anyone. No forced kisses or hugs from friends or family. One male family member that I apparently did not like as a child tried to force me to sit with (and on) him and called me rude when I wouldn’t. My dad informed him that if I wasn’t comfortable I’m not going to be forced to be.
And it makes me think of the idea that we HAVE to greet families this way or that kids have to sit on peoples laps when they aren’t comfortable. Forcing them is the beginning of losing their autonomy over their bodies. I didn’t appreciate this as a child but I did when I was older because I knew how to say no and be comfortable to speak up to my parents.
It just chills me because it’s another learned acceptance of inappropriate behavior
Thank you for saying this. I was abused as a child by a family member, and even after it stopped when I became too old to target anymore I was forced to hug and kiss this person at every family funtction and I dreaded it physically every time. I will never force my young child to hug, kiss, touch anyone if he does not want to, even if it’s me or my husband. Having your body autonomy taken away is one of the most powerless feelings and I’m sorry for every person who was had to experience it or harassment/intimidation of any kind.
A man masturbated in front of me at an outer London tube station once. I was in school uniform, on my way home for the weekend. Didn’t tell anyone at the time because I thought that there was a possibility my parents would stop me using the tube by myself and I’d only be able to go where I wanted if they were available for a lift.
Ugh, that’s awful! I don’t know of anyone who hasn’t had these types of experiences. When I was in the 6th grade, a friend and I saw a man masterbating outside the school gate during lunch break. He was watching the two of us because we were away from the rest of the kids. We ran and told a teacher, the school called the police but the guy was long gone by the time they got there. At the time I hoped that the teachers didn’t think we were making it up because we used to be troublemakers back then. You can’t make up stuff like that when you’re 11. She saw him first and I still remember the look on her face.
Looking back now, I’m just angry. Angry that this scumbag put that image into my head, I was only 11 years old! I can still see it clearly all these years later.
This is what men don’t understand – and try very hard often not to understand.
It might not be a large percentage of men doing these things, but it is a bloody enormous percentage of women having these things done to them.
at 8 I was told I couldn’t join my friends in a treehouse, because it was boys only. My parents were upset, but all of their friends laughed and said boys will be boys. I was the only girl and saw how powerless girls were.
At 14 my parents told me I couldn’t be alone with boys, because they knew what boys wanted. i saw this as control, and how my desires mattered less than a boys.
at 15 my swim coach told me he had seen all the girls breasts. and he pushed my pant legs up to massage my legs. all the parents knew he was ‘inappropriate’, but they just ‘kept an eye on him’. i saw how predators are enabled
at 16 my friend and I were propositioned by a married man in his twenties. we saw this incorrectly as power.
at 19 i was told my shirt said ‘I was asking for it’ when i declined a mans advances at a pizza shop in public. I raged at him, with no support from friends, or bystanders. i saw how misogyny is isolating.
at 20 I was told I was going to be knocked out, because I stopped dancing after a drunk man pressed his erect penis against my ass. I saw how speaking out labels you a bitch.
at 20 I argued with a ‘friend’ about how he was disgusting to hit on 16 year old girls he was coaching. he told me that white girls were easy, and they wanted it. no one else told him he was wrong. i saw again how speaking out made me ‘difficult’ and ‘unpleasant’.
at 21, I was date raped. I told my friends it was consensual because I couldn’t deal with the fact the man I was into respected me not one tiny bit. All virgins themselves, they judged me as a slut.
at 22, I travelled internationally and had a police officer isolated and molested me while carrying an automatic rifle. he ended the ordeal by asking for a tip and confirming we were still ‘friends’. my partner at the time told me it was my fault for travelling overseas.
at 24 the kitchen staff told me how they liked my tits, and were relieved when I quit because I was a bitch for not flirting back.
at 25 I helped sneak my friend out of her abusive marriage. He knew I was involved and would show up outside my apartment and leave threatening messages. he taped us without our permission when we moved her things out. her parents had pushed her to marry him because he was going to be a doctor.
at 30 the owners friend at a bar I worked, touched my stomach pointing out a stain, and booped me on the nose ‘made you look’ he smirked as he touched my face.
at 32 a department chair in another department tracked me down and tried to find out personal information about me. lying by saying he worked on a previous project with me, and it was so excellent. the project that never happened, but he remembered me from when he taught and i was a student. I never accepted his offers of coffee then. i saw how this type of behaviour never ends.
The large and the small. It never ends. Not unless we speak out. Not unless we band together. #yesallwomen.
This is what makes me so angry, so many women out there, and even men, have f’ed up memories they don’t want just because some asshole couldn’t keep his hands or comments to himself.
I wish I were shocked by your list, I am not but it did make me sad for you. It is like a log of how innocence is lost and how who we are as girls and women becomes entangled in patriarchy. Hugs lovely lady.
So many inappropriate things happen, and we learn to absorb them and not complain. We learn there is no support for us.
detritus – here is some good in the world. We need it this week:
http://twitter.com/michael_taggart/status/918230972180639746
(No tears in my eyes, Sixer lies.)
Thank you loves, I appreciate the support and the awesome human kindness thread. Its ok. while my friends in early uni were fairly crap, I’ve always had backup and someone who believed me and had my back.
It’s more to say, these things happen at any and every age. They start early, and seem to last forever. It’s little words, and big actions. And like Mag said, it’s not shocking. It truly isn’t, because it’s so very, very common. Most women I know don’t have one incident, they have a litany.
If I can share and help one person feel less alone, I’m here for it. If I can add my voice to the storm, I’m here for it.
this is awful , just awful. This whole thing with HW is bringing up alot of not so pleasant memories that I have from having been in a relationship with a much older, powerful narcissistic sociopath. My heart hurts for all those victims.
Of course she did!
These stories just highlight how terrible things are for women in the workplace. I think every woman has been harassed in some way or the other at work and I feel most of us feel we need to grin and bear it for the sake of our career. It’s just like racism, people of colour are subjected to racist comments and are treated and assaulted daily. We brush it under the rug and don’t really say much as we feel powerless as we are usually minority in corporate spaces.
“I felt very powerless and scared but didn’t want to act that way hoping that I was wrong about the situation.”
Raise your hand if you’ve ever felt the same. Oh, pretty much every woman ever?
Yes. I guarantee we have all felt this way. I’ve been having very serious conversations with my daughter (23) about this forever. When she was little, I began with “No one has the right to touch your body and if they do, you tell me immediately.”
More recently my advice is along the lines of “If your gut feels uncomfortable with a situation and a man׳s behavior, you’re probably right.” I’ve also told her that a man may start by making sexual jokes in front of you. To see your reaction. Then he might casually touch you. To see your reaction. He’s testing you to see how far he can go. Stop him dead in his tracks immediately. Don’t try to “be nice.” Too many women are afraid of being rude. Big mistake. We need to cut off that behavior immediately. If it’s rude, too bad. Safety first.
I’m so amazed to discover we all think that!
For the last 3 days, I’ve been recalling all the times I felt uncomfortable and the guy seemed to enjoy it, I wasn’t wrong, I was really being harassed.
“I’ve been recalling all the times I felt uncomfortable and the guy seemed to enjoy it.”
this is important. there is a certain breed of monster out there who gets off on the ability to instill fear. what they want is the feeling of power it gives them. it’s about power for them, not sex.
deny them that & you’ve taken the fun out of their sick little game. they lose interest in you.
Hand raised! It is like a flood of memories.
His secretary told her to go… what is wrong with people?!? This coupled with Trump is too much for me. I need a mental vacation.
I got choked up reading Cara’s story. I could feel her fear. There were 2 would-be rapists in the room with her. The woman was just as guilty.
As for the music business, look no further than Dr. Luke. Why is he still working and why was Kesha forced to continue working with him or not at all? Why was she put in this position? Because he’s a powerful and successful MAN.
I’m not a big fan of Hollywood, at least not modern-day Hollywood, which caters mostly to man babies with all its action hero movies, prequels to them and sequels to them… its infantile notion of what a man should be and its complete lack of respect for women as embodied in the silly depictions of desperately-waiting-for-man-to-fulfil-them roles in romcoms that Hollywood produces… (I guess to appease us, the female viewers???) Hollywood’s notion and understanding of women is medieval, even troglodyte. So, for me it’s easy to boycott Hollywood. I’m done with this industry, full of pretenders!
Horrible