Is it any secret that I don’t care for Olivia Wilde? I just don’t get it. I don’t get her appeal, I don’t understand why men find her sexy, I can’t comprehend how people have strong feelings about her in any way. I look at someone like, say, Megan Fox, and I don’t understand why some people (fanboys) don’t get a grip and realize she’s a crass, arrogant, snotty, ignorant bigot, but even I understand why some men/boys find her hot. Megan’s got that cheap, trashy look that goes a long way with men with no attention spans. But Olivia? She’s utterly unremarkable. But she’s being pegged as the next big thing, The New Hot Girl. Earlier this year she was named Maxim’s Hottest, Sexist WhatsIt, and now we have the nearly-naked GQ cover shoot to solidify it. Damn, this girl must have a great publicist.

GQ’s extensive (some would say exhaustive) slideshow is totally sketchy. At one point, Olivia is naked on a sea grass rug, and all I can think about is how uncomfortable her lady parts must have been. I’ve called her “anorexic” before, and while I don’t know if that’s true or if she’s just naturally really, really thin, there are several pictures where it seems like all you can see is bony ribcage.

Her interview is pretty boring too. I guess they thought, “Hey, with all of these pictures of Olivia in a bikini (or less), who’ll be reading the damn thing?” The piece is written by one of Olivia’s fan boys who writes lines like (I kid you not): “Wilde, of course, is not the first young actress to feel awkward in the face of babedom.” Suck. It. Here are some other musings, from the complete GQ interview:

On being named Maxim‘s Sexiest Woman: “The day they announced it, I hid in my bathtub with a big glass of wine…Anytime anyone describes you with a superlative, people are going to disagree. And I didn’t want to have to deal with those people.”

On meeting Robert Pattinson, and fame in general: “I did not envy him. I think it’s the frog-in-boiling-water concept…Robert Pattinson jumped in boiling water and has stayed in it, and hopefully will survive. Whereas I entered the water when it was cold, and it’s been slowly heating up—a slooooow boil. Maybe I won’t realize when it’s getting dangerous.”

On being told to downplay her 6-year marriage to an Italian aristocrat: “There were times when people thought it would really hurt me. People said I shouldn’t be married, or lie about being married, or I should be married to a movie star or rock star.”

On growing up in Washington, D.C. with her journalist parents: “I appreciated the constant excitement, the murmur of all these engaged conversations. Christopher Hitchens used to babysit me when I was young.”

On her character Thirteen on House: “I sort of resent people pigeonholing Thirteen as the sexy gay doctor.”

[From GQ]

I did learn one interesting thing after reading that epic bore-fest. Olivia’s real last name isn’t Wilde… she adopted Wilde as a stage name, taking it from the famous Irish writer Oscar Wilde. Olivia’s real last name is… wait for it… Cockburn. What will the fanboys make of that one? I kind of like it. I think she would still be famous if she was Olivia Cockburn. It’s not like it’s Olivia Dickslayer or something.

The one other noteworthy thing, I suppose, is that Olivia wears her liberalism on her sleeve. She actively campaigned for Obama, going door to door and working in phone banks in Iowa, Louisiana and New Hampshire. She even says that Candidate Obama called her once, to personally thank her for her work. Their conversation was brief, but after Olivia hung up she says, “I was just squealing and squawking, trying to replay the whole thing.” Except she didn’t really hang up – Obama was still on the line, laughing: “It was awful—horrifying. But apparently he was flattered.” Aw… okay, that was sort of a cute story. But I still don’t care for this chick.

Header image via CoverAwards. Other photos from Style.com