Oh, Lord. Something happened this weekend, and it was… sketchy. And funny. And raunchy. And probably illegal. Here are the basics: Writer/director/actor Eli Roth was showing off something on Twitter or Oh No They Didn’t to his parents and his Inglourious Basterds costar and friend Christoph Waltz. Christoph asked about Twitter, asking “Does this go out to everyone’s Blueberry?” That’s when stuff started to get freaky. Christoph and Eli’s parents I guess left the conversation, and Eli was left alone with his fans on ONTD, then on Twitter and MySpace. And then the cyber sex happened.

By the end of the night, Eli had sent pictures of himself licking some blueberries seductively (the picture is actually turning me on), and one of a “I heart ONTD” note taped to his furry chest. Fans sent in pictures of themselves naked, or doing some raunchy, dirty things. Eli typed encouragement like “Blueberry pics got me twittering one handed” and “I feel like I just had the most amazing group cybersex with ohnotheydidnt. *wipes Blueberry juice from mouth*”. After the night was over, Eli sent out a Twitpic of a used tissue with the note “Pics or it didn’t happen. Good morning, Blueberries.” Of course, after a big cyber orgy, there are going to be recriminations and hate. Not on Eli‘s side though – he sent out this message after it was over: “Stay Juicy, Blueberries. I’m off for a week. Best. Yom Kippur. Ever.” Then he gave a huge statement about why he did it (I edited it):

I have no message for the haters, only for the lovers. There’s a self-erected barrier between “celebrities” and “regular people” which I have always felt was complete nonsense. If I make a film, it cannot be a hit unless people go to see it. Celebrities need people as much as people need celebrities, because they give someone a fantasy of a life they wish they had, or show that anyone can realize a dream and come from nowhere to be adored all over the world.

There are also accepted forms of behavior with celebrities. If you notice, it’s accepted socially for a rock star to bang groupies, or for a director to f-ck actresses, or a star to f-ck fans. What is not accepted, however, is to put on this facade of politeness and behavior in front of journalists and bloggers so as to present an “image” that is acceptable to the public. Although I have acted, and I love acting, I think of myself first and foremost as a writer. Somehow, in my mind, the rules of celebrity do not apply to me, since I never followed the classic path to being one.

I was broke at 30 and did not get real worldwide recognition until I was 33 with Hostel. And now, for the first time, people who may have heard of me but have not seen my films know who I am, and I get recognized from the film. But what has changed, really? My behavior. I’ve started being a little more polite. I’m conscious about everything I say. In short, I muted my voice. And then this thing started on ONTD.

Just from my mentioning that I was aware of the gay S&M fanfiction, people felt I had shattered a fourth wall. How could I be the first person to talk about this? Had no one else every acknowledged that it was out there? It seemed hard to believe.

The site is called Ohnotheydidnt. It’s not Salon.com. It’s supposed to be rough, raw, edgy, sexual, and funny. If you don’t want it that way, then why are you there? It should be anything goes. And when I saw the responses, people started writing me through myspace, telling me how much they appreciated my honesty. I wanted to smash down whatever 4th wall was left between the “celebrity” and the “regular people,” which truthfully I don’t really think should exist, or at least I feel it should exist in some other incarnation where celebrities are not put on this pedestal, but simply known for the work they do. I don’t believe in any sort of separation, I think it’s insane.

….I know this seems bizarre, like I had some kind of meltdown, or was on ecstasy or something, but really for me the night was about tearing down those boundaries between celebrity and fan and the things we’re not supposed to say to each other. If I had met any of those girls in person and we had had a one night stand, it would be socially acceptable. But what did we do, really? Exchange words, images, and fantasies, and had a laugh over it. It was f-cking hot, but it was all safe fun. We indulged in fantasy, but the reality of what happened was quite powerful. That’s not something that can be repeated. I wouldn’t do that every night, I probably wouldn’t ever do that again, because part of the fun of it was everyone saying “are we really doing this? Is this really happening?” That taboo breaking zone is where I live.

It may seem shocking in the moment but one day, sooner than you think, people will laugh at how this was such a big deal. Because what is it, really? An exchange of words, pictures. But to me it was more than that. It was some strange moment where we all just went into the danger zone and destroyed these walls we all took part in creating. And it felt so f-cking good.

[From Eli Roth’s rant on Oh No They Didn’t]

I actually think it’s kind of cool that Eli hung out with fans, and that girls were sending in pictures for him and stuff. It seems sweet, in a really dirty way. Am I alone in finding Eli attractive? By now, many of you know my type. I like them a little dirty, smug and skeezy. I like a guy with an attitude, a little arrogance or haughty smugness. I mistake it for confidence. That’s why I find Eli attractive – he seems like a smug bastard, and I would wipe that haughty look off of his blueberry-lovin’ face in a second. With my boobs. Sigh. And now I’m going to start using “Best. Yom Kippur. Ever.”

Most photos from Eli Roth’s Twitter, except for the last one, which is a screenshot of the alleged group cyber sex and is NSFW or under-18