You could cut the tension with a knife at the People’s Choice awards. Taylor Swift… and Taylor Lautner. In the same room! But… they broke up! How will they even function if they meant so much together? Except nothing happened. Taylor Lautner collected his award without mentioning Swifty (although there was one cut-away to Swifty), and Swifty won her award with little drama. She seemed quite keen on L.L. Cool J, quite honestly. Anyway, hopefully everyone remembers how Taylor Lautner (17) and Taylor Swift (20) broke up last week? No? Well, they did, and it was sad, because they were very cute together. Sure, they were a little bland, but that’s fine. Bland is interesting at that age, because it’s so new! Anyway, in the immediate aftermath of the Taylor Squared split, the gossip seemed to be that Lautner was taking everything a bit too seriously, and Swifty was all “slow down, buddy.” Well, you know the tabloids couldn’t pass up an opportunity to tap into some added drama. Let’s see, what works? Oh, I know! Let’s turn it into an uncool Bermuda Triangle. Enter: John Mayer.

You see, John Mayer and Taylor Swift are friendly. I don’t know how friendly, but they’ve collaborated on some music, they’ve performed together a few times, and they both claim to be each others’ fans. So, it’s established: they know each other. And now OK! Magazine is reporting that Mayer was crushing on Taylor pretty hard. Here’s the scoop, via Jezebel: “Did John Mayer break up Taylor Squared? Probably not, but John Mayer asked Taylor Swift to sing on his single “Half of My Heart” and a ‘pal’ says he has a crush on her. In a daring move, Swift rejected Mayer’s advances, but Taylor Lautner is still ‘devastated.’” Scandal? Not so much. You people have to give Swifty some credit: the girl does seem to have a good head on her shoulders, and I can’t see her being taken in with Mayer’s nonsense.

Meanwhile, Star Magazine is rocking a different theory: Lautner left Swifty to rekindle things with his ex, Selena Gomez. Once again, via Jezebel: “Taylor Lautner rekindled his relationship with Selena Gomez after he sent her a “Happy Thanksgiving” text. As for Taylor Swift, “He liked all the attention they got, but apart from their name they don’t have much in common,” says a source.” I don’t know… there might be something to this one, maybe.

And finally, we have Ted “I’m Wrong” Casablanca’s take on the Taylor Squared situation. Sources told Ted that saying the two Taylors had “no chemistry” was an understatement. One source said: “It was just convenient… It was more because [being together] made sense, not because they both really wanted it. Plus, it’s not like they ever actually saw each other that much.” Ted also heard that Lautner’s people wanted to give him some added tabloid relevance, thus the “relationship” – while Swifty’s people were less inclined to keep up appearances of a relationship just for appearance’s sake. I bring up Casablanca’s column because at the end, he mentions John Mayer as a possibility for Swifty: “What do you think the chances are Swift will have a naughty hookup eventually with someone like John Mayer? We think that’s the kinda guy she really wants but would never be allowed go after.” See? This is why I hate him. Swifty knows she’s too good for John Mayer.