John Mayer is on the cover of Rolling Stone this month and judging from the excerpts of the article posted online he has verbal diarrhea as usual. The guy just can’t shut up or try and act classy for a half an hour, he has to try and top himself every time. In what I believe was his last in depth interview with Rolling Stone, in 2006, Mayer claimed that he had a “Dominican” penis based on how dark it was and how often he scored (a baseball reference) and got high in front of the reporter.

The last time I saw Mayer interviewed, on Ellen in December, he came out and a minute later started rolling on the floor and whining, claiming that he was doing an impression of himself at six wearing an itchy holiday sweater. In this interview it’s more of the same from “poor me, I’m so smart yet troubled, I just need to meet the right woman” Mayer. Rolling Stone only has some excerpts online so far, but I’m sure the full interview is worse. Mayer talks about masturbation, about his pain at breaking up with Jennifer Aniston, and about how he’s looking for “the Joshua Tree of vaginas.” The guy is just trying way too hard as usual.

John Mayer may be the king of the confessional Twitter, but all his 140-character missives about spectacular bowel movements don’t measure up to the explosion of deeply personal details he reveals to Erik Hedegaard in the new issue of Rolling Stone, on stands tomorrow.

The 32-year-old singer-guitarist admits he prefers Continuum to his 2009 disc Battle Studies (”I know that I’m supposed to say that my newest is the best one. Bullshit,” he says), that he hasn’t stopped thinking about his split with ex-girlfriend Jennifer Aniston (”I’ve never really gotten over it. It was one of the worst times of my life”) and that his sex life has become an endless loop of new girls rejecting him in clubs (”Blowing me off is the new sucking me off!”).

Mayer’s in the midst of a massive 10-year record deal and enjoys the pleasures of late-night weed-and-video-game sessions, as well as his $20 million vintage watch collection, but what he truly wants, he tells Hedegaard, is to finally find a a female companion. But not just any girlfriend — Mayer is after “the Joshua Tree of vaginas.” “I’ll be happy when I close out this life-partner thing,” he says. “Think of how much mental capacity I’m using to meet the right person so I can stop giving a f&@* about it.”

Grab the new issue for Mayer’s full advice for Tiger Woods (”I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life”) and more on his journey from bedroom guitar player to the most angst-ridden playboy in rock.

[From Rolling Stone]

John Mayer really is an annoying douche, (there you go, Kaiser, I used “douche” in this article, it’s only fitting) but he makes beautiful music. When Mayer sings you can almost forget what an ass he is. If only he would get out of his own way and stop trying to be a rock star instead of a musician. Not all talented artists can be like Jason Mraz or John Legend, though. There are always going to be douches rolling on the floor and whining, thinking they’re entertaining you.

Photos are from Rolling Stone, where you can see more of Mayer lounging around.