Jennifer Lopez covers the latest issue of Interview, to promote her supporting role in Unstoppable. Nikki Glaser interviewed her soon after the Toronto Film Festival, so this is basically J.Lo’s first big interview since everything fell apart over the spring and summer. She canceled her tour, her marriage to Ben Affleck crashed and yet, she still rises. Jennifer surprised me a few times in this piece – she says she’s not looking to jump into the next relationship and she’s not even looking. She also talks about learning how to be kind to herself and understanding that she doesn’t have to be “perfect” to be loved. Some highlights:
Her struggle with low self-esteem: “My whole life has been proving my enoughness. Dealing with feeling like you’re enough, from when you’re very young, is something that you don’t figure out for a long time, because you’re not looking at yourself like that. Something is driving you and your decisions and you don’t know why. You start going, “Wait a minute, what the f–k is going on here?”
How everything started: “It was just being ignored, being a middle child, having a very outgoing mom and a dad who worked all day and worked all night and feeling like you weren’t important, like you weren’t a priority. That embeds in you, and I think your parents are doing the best they can. Even now being a parent, I have much more empathy for what they’ve been through. I love my parents, but I do see the effect of who they were and how they were raised, on me. You don’t even really know until those things start manifesting in your actual adult relationships. “Oh, I’m comfortable with this person ignoring me. I’m comfortable with this person treating me this way or that way.” That, for me, has been a journey.
Learning how to accept herself: “Again, it’s not until you go through incredibly hard moments and huge disappointments that you never could have imagined, that these things start becoming crystal clear. But the journey for me started probably when I had my kids, and that was 16 years ago. You start slowly chipping away at different things—“This is not right and this is not right”—and learning how to be on your own, and you start putting the pieces together and then you think, “Oh, I did it! I’ve got it!”
Her world exploded: “With This Is Me … Now and the project that you mentioned earlier, I felt like, whoa, I got here. I’m good. I did all the work and look at where I am, and then it was like my whole f–king world exploded.
You’re never really healed, you never figure out everything: “It’s a lifelong process. I think that’s what I love about life, that there’s no arrival point. There’s only getting better and growing if you want to. It’s either growing or dying, and I don’t want to do the dying part. And yeah, there’s times when I thought I figured it out, and then life goes, “Let’s send you another thing and see if you fall for it. Let’s see if you really have learned that lesson.” And I hadn’t. I understand that now in a much deeper way, which doesn’t mean that I won’t make mistakes in the future, but again, when your whole house blows up, you’re standing there in the rubble going, “How do I not ever let that happen again?” And then you start examining it little by little saying, “Okay, I did this, this was my part in it, this was what I should have seen early on, this is what I didn’t look at.” Those things are what really are the lessons.
Being good on her own: “You have to be good on your own. I thought I learned that, but I didn’t. And then, this summer, I had to be like, “I need to go off and be on my own. I want to prove to myself that I can do that.” Yes, it’s f–king hard! It feels lonely, unfamiliar, scary. It feels sad. It feels desperate. But when you sit in those feelings and go, “These things are not going to kill me,” it’s like actually, I am capable of joy and happiness all by myself. Being in a relationship doesn’t define me. I can’t be looking for happiness in other people. I have to have happiness within myself. I used to say I’m a happy person, but was still looking for something for somebody else to fill, and it’s just like, “No, I’m actually good.”
It’s not about raising the bar for the next person: “There’s no new bar because I’m not looking for anybody. How’s that?… You know what? For people who are romantics and love being in relationships and want to grow old with somebody, we think, “I have to have that to be whole and happy.” And you don’t.
On all of the social media chatter: “What matters for me, as an artist, is doing work that inspires me and that I enjoy doing, whether it’s a huge commercial success or something that only touches one person that nobody ever f–king even sees. It doesn’t matter. This is my life’s passion. I love to sing. I love to dance. I love to act. I love to entertain. I love to create. And anything anybody could say about me—and please don’t get me wrong, if I see something that’s hurtful, I’m not Teflon.
This interview says to me that she’s still standing, she’s still processing, she’s still learning about herself after her relationship with Ben Affleck imploded for a second time. She’s like… oh, I didn’t really learn those lessons, I accidentally made the exact same mistakes twenty years later. I like what she says about giving herself a break while simultaneously doing the work to do better. I also really hope she’s telling the truth about not looking for anybody. Usually she jumps from relationship to relationship because she can’t be alone with herself and her thoughts. It feels like she broke that curse this year.
✨@InterviewMag 55th Anniversary Issue ✨ pic.twitter.com/YBe8c2pwzw
— jlo (@JLo) October 9, 2024
Cover courtesy of Interview.
I will believe it when I see it….for now, I will say “Sure, JLO”.
Must be nice to be perfect huh?
@ vs: 100% agree with you. I’ll believe it when I see it. If she spends one entire year not dating, focusing on her own growth, alone, then I’ll believe it. Not a single romantic date, for 365 days, is what she needs.
I have grown weary of her.
So. So weary.
Tired and weary. Let’s just hope she doesn’t make another film documenting the lessons she’s learned.
I have as well, but I’ll just say I hope she’s serious about all this, because it’s what people have been saying to her for years. Maybe it’ll stick this time.
She was with ARod for a really long time and after Marc, in general, kept her relationships private. She jumped into a relationship head first publicly with Ben which was a mistake. The interview was good. She didn’t sugar coat things. She is hurt but trying her best. I really liked the part where she spoke about social media, she is not going to let all that online crap define her, good for her. Looks like, she plans on doing her tour sometime later when things are calm. Her fans will be glad.
Agreed!!
I read the whole thing. She sounds really insecure, like she’s convincing herself, or that’s my take.
The backlash she got is beyond me, but hating on women is now like, normal, i guess.
A good deal of the interview speaks about her insecurities around love and companionship. It sounded to me like she is working on herself which is a good thing and trying to be okay on her own. There was a point in the summer when people blamed her for breathing. Its amazing that she went through all of that and her marriage falling apart with a brave face. A lot of people crumble under a lot less.
She hasn’t been on her own for very long. Let’s hope she has learned not to jump at the first male who crosses her path. I wish her well.
Can’t believe she doesn’t have a jump-off yet. Has she ever gone this long between relationships??
I don’t think she has.
One doesn’t get over their marriage blowing up and career crashing in a few months. This all just sounds like Hallmark card self-soothing put to Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive”. I hope she’s getting some real therapy.
Oh, IDK anymore.
I do think she needs to be away from BA for good.
Ben 2.0 was a disaster. He is a lotta work, man-child.
Some folks get older but never grow up.
They’re saying the interview was done on September 10th , so she said all that and then was seen kissing Affleck days later. It’s why I can’t take her seriously
She was not kissing Ben. The NY post claimed that but other publications said it was as false and they have since been meeting with their divorce lawyer
Tmz corrected their article and confirmed the kissing, holding hands PDA
She can give all the self-actualizing interviews in the world but they aren’t going to stop her name from coming up again and again in relation to Diddy. A whole lot of people have it out for her particularly because she allegedly helped Diddy send an innocent man to jail.
I guess even People Magazine turned down her pr’s offer of J-Lo’s “story.”
Unfortunately for those who dislike her, she left Diddy and his mess so quickly and then she never looked back at his way even once. So, that helps in that nobody but conspiracy corner of internet will ever think she has links to Diddy’s criminal activities which occurred in much later timeline. I know its disappointing to a lot of people who wanted one more reason to pile on her but it is what it is. They will have to make do with what they have.
She never looked back after the PR relationship w/Diddy spun out of control. Her team really did her dirty setting her up with that piece of shit.
I love J Lo but I really don’t see how she walks away from that whole thing completely unscathed…there’s just way too much there, and with the Feds involved? IDK…I suspect that Diddy is just the tip of the iceberg.
She is unscathed by it. She is doing political voting campaign for democrats level unscathed. JLo is a lot of things but she doesn’t mess with her bag. People that want her downfall by some association with Diddy will forever be wishing for that gotcha moment that will never come. They will have to wish upon a different star.
Somebody’s had some therapy.
I hope it sticks for her sake and the kids.
She’s still dissociating by not speaking in the I so idk. Best wishes for her recovery from codependency.
I LOOOVE love this photoshoot. The clothes are somewhat bizarre but she is really wearing the heck out of them.
I’m sad that it took her this long to learn this lesson, but better late than never. One of my closest friends is a JLo – jumped from one relationship to another and only recently, in her late 40s, realized that she needed to be alone for a while and get to learn and be kind to herself. Not gonna lie, it gets a bit annoying (I’m not very patient), but I’m also proud of her journey. It has made her the happiest I’ve ever seen her.
I don’t know. By all appearances it didn’t look like it. And I’m gonna be real. I am in the rooms of the fellowship. Even though it’s an anonymous program, people talk.
All the gossip aside, it is so weird and sad to me, a woman with almost all (beauty, money, great body, talent) can still feel insecure. I understand, she attributes it to her upbringing, but I wonder if being famous has also a part of it: always someone better and younger behind you and the awful tabloid culture comparing women one another. In times like this, I am grateful not to have much talent, that could make me famous 😂
Many of us, including me, had less than perfect parents and troubled upbringings, but there comes a time when you’ve got to let all that negativity and finger-pointing go. If she’s still blaming the “insecurities” her parents caused for the relationship fiascos she’s had, then she still has a lot of growing up to do. She’s in her mid-fifties, rich, successful and beautiful, and can afford the best therapy possible, so I think this goes a lot deeper than merely being insecure.
@Jaded, I agree 100%. I was gonna write something similar, then I thought everyone is different, something not affecting us much can shape another person’s life. It seems like she is trying to find reasons why she is this way and maybe through some therapy she analyzed her childhood, so that became her reason. However, we have the responsibility to continue carrying it with us through our adulthood. Fame really stunts a lot of people, unfortunately.
My issue is that I stay single too long in-between relationships. I just don’t want to deal with shitty guys (even though that’s who I sometimes attract) and get screwed over.
I think she needs at least a year of being single just to get to know herself AS a SINGLE woman. She needs to hang out with Lupita.
The interview was worth a read, she sounds like she’s working on herself and learning some long overdue lessons even if I don’t believe everything she’s telling herself. I hope she finally learns to be happy single or at least not settle for less. I wish all women learned this in our younger years. She looks incredible in the shoot, she could use a new direction for her public image.
The more classic styles she tried during and after Paris fashion week really suited her. She looked 10x better than usual, even with obvious less glam effort and showing her actual age. There’s no constant need for the sky high heels, the fast-expiring TikTok looks, the sheers, the deep slits and cleavs.
If you’ve seen the movie “this is me now” or read her book skip this interview because it’s the same thing just one more chapter because she didn’t really learn any of the lessons she said she did. And she’s only been alone publicly for six months now (less at the time of this interview) so she should wait to proclaim success maybe until next year. Anyway reading this interview made me think jLo is in a three way obsession -me myself and I. I couldn’t deal with a partner like that.
I don’t know where I read yesterday that this break up nearly killed her, but it didn’t. I’m sorry that happened to her, but she sounded very authentic with that statement. Can’t get better until you get real.
Then stay the hell out of a relationship and be alone for a while.
Nah, this is a PR move to attract feel-good feelings before all of hell breaks loose with this Diddy trial. A distraction. Molly on TT called it.
Her words are saying one thing and her body language is saying “hey baby, I’m hot, I’m available, come get me.” That is what she is selling…I would believe her if the photos were more soft and introspective…not this shoot. She is giving very mixed messages, so no I can’t say I believe her.
Dear Ben and Jen, WHY?! Have you not learned anything from years past through marriages, children, substance abuse, the vagaries of fame, paparazzi, social media? It couldn’t have been a quiet romance? Or am I clueless? My God the expense of it all
Interesting how she speaks of herself in the second person case.
I couldn’t care less whether or not she sticks to that “I am trying to be alone” thing. Her life, her choices. And most of us love the circus as we are reading about it so let’s stop the hypocrisy and the high horse’s riding. Those commenting “I am weary of her” should be weary enough to stop reading and commenting about her. It is that easy. But well people love to complain, that’s their way of saying “Hey I exist!” so Hello you! 😂 Anyway what I wish for her like everybody else is that she finds a place where she can give herself what she truly needs. She deserves happiness. We all do.
I give her two years and she will be engaged again.
Am I the only one that snorted at the headline??? I feel badly for her. I can’t imagine being 50+ years old and not being able to sit with your own company. Good luck. She’ll be in a relationship in no time.
I have a friend like this. Went from her father’s house to boyfriend after boyfriend’s house. Currently living with the latest boyfriend, and if he decides to end the relationship, she’s out on her ass.
I wish JLO well in her journey. That all I can say.
It actually sounds like she is doing the work to heal herself and that’s huge. Because One of the steps is examining patterns from your childhood and how you got here. What stuck out to me is how we often, without meaning to, will repeat the same patterns as our parents. She talks about how her parents were always working, and she felt like they weren’t there. I’m not suggesting she isn’t a good parent – she seems like a cool mom and stepmom – but it’s interesting to me that she hasn’t thought about how she herself being a workaholic has affected her own kids. It’s interesting to me that she hasn’t made that connection yet – that she is repeating this same pattern. Maybe she gets it and just didn’t talk about it.
Anyway good luck to her. The thing about Ben is you have to be completely over him or he comes back. You have to be I’m so disgusted here’s your Jack N the Box I can’t even look at you right now level of over it. Because trust me, when her star is on the rise again, and she seems completely healthy and ok, he will return. He is her saboteur. He’s attracted to her star and light and then he comes to dim it. She needs to recognize what BA is in her life and run when he tries to rekindle in 10 years.
Good points. It seemed to me she had good parents who seemed interested in her but maybe she had to become rich and famous for them to notice her I don’t know. And I agree having parents who are workaholics like both Marc and jlo with so many different partners and homes will affect her twins’ future relationships too no doubt about it. If you read between the lines here it seems maybe Ben didn’t pay enough attention to her after they settled into marriage to heal her inner child.
If you look like her, it would be hard not to want to have someone around just to admire your hard work. She’s fabulous, I really love what she has said here. “I think that’s what I love about life, that there’s no arrival point.” There isn’t, it’s all a big glorious mess.
I think Ben really hurt JL badly. I think he totally blindsided & ghosted her.
JL needs to quit blaming her parents for her insecurities. JL needs therapy to work on herself. Hopefully, she is in therapy.
I think JL craves the attention & she gets even more attention when she is in a relationship. She may not get engaged but she will probably be dating again in the new year….
I’m not a fan but people need to stop trying to tie Puffy around her neck. That was 20+ yrs ago. Until someone has real proof, not gossip , proof. Leave her alone. That being said, she’s beautiful but she has never been capable of being alone. We’ll see.
I have a lot of empathy for her as a chronic relationship hopper for years myself, and I have to say.., it’s mostly coming from a place of fear of sitting with yourself and laziness towards doing a lot of very difficult and intimidating inner work. There’s no way to talk about it without sounding self-obsessed or petty, and there’s no way to not talk about it without people judging you constantly. You wear a certain scarlet letter as a woman who has a lot of public relationships or breakups. It’s just true. There’s a fair amount of sexism in the discussions around her relationships too. She sounds sincere to me here in her nascent self-discovery and while the fact she’s 55 years old is fair criticism, I don’t think it’s completely fair to judge women who are insecure, vulnerable, and mentally ill, for seeking comfort in relationships with equally broken men who knowingly or unknowingly, benefit from, play into, or exploit that…