I’ll defend Mindy Kaling on just about anything. Anything except for her boundary-defying mess with BJ Novak, her ex-boyfriend and “best friend” who is also godfather to her three children. From the way Mindy talks about him and their relationship, he’s always around her and the kids and he’s likely the only man who has ever been around the kids for any length of time. I’ll always defend Mindy’s choice to be a single mom on her terms and to quietly give birth to Kit, Spencer and Anne (Anne is only 9 months old!). Mindy has alluded to the idea that she wanted to do motherhood this way and she has the means to do so, so that’s great. But lord, I do hope that when the kids are all grown up, we finally get some kind of clarity on what BJ Novak’s role in all of this really was. Speaking of, apparently Novak dresses up like Santa every year for the kids.
Mindy Kaling is striving to keep the Christmas magic alive for her kids, even if one of them might be getting a little suspicious about B.J. Novak’s annual jolly disguise. While promoting season 3 of her show The Sex Lives of College Girls on Good Morning America Wednesday, Dec. 4, Kaling reflected on how her longtime friend and former The Office costar “dresses up as Santa” every year for her three children: daughter Katherine “Kit” Swati, who turns 7 this month, son Spencer Avu, 4, and daughter Anne, 9 months.
“We create this whole thing where we’re making hot chocolate in the house, the doorbell rings and it’s him dressed as Santa,” Kaling, 45, said of Novak, 45. “And he’s like, ‘Oh, the sleigh broke down, I need to come in and take a rest while we refuel!’ Then the kids get to meet Santa and he asks them if they’ve been good or bad,” she continued. “Then he leaves, and they’re so excited. But the 7-year-old, it’s going to be interesting this year because I feel like she might not buy it. The 4-year-old, we’re not sure.”
“They know him very well, especially. And he’s a good actor, but … ” Kaling added. And “so far,” the Mindy Project alum said, she and Novak have “pulled it off” for the siblings — but now, “This is going to be the year where we hope the oldest one will be chill for the younger two.”
Of Novak’s technique, Kaling said, “He wears the pillow under the suit and [says] ‘Ho, ho, ho, hello little children.’ It’s a very funny character.”
Kaling’s tradition of having Novak play Santa for her kids goes back to 2020, when she was unable to take Kit and Spencer to see Santa Claus at their local outdoor mall during the COVID-19 pandemic. The Never Have I Ever co-creator said at the time that she and Novak planned for him to be “asleep on the sofa” with a bag of toys as if he “needed to take a rest.”
“It’s so complicated why Santa was there, why he’s taking a nap,” Kaling continued. “But we’re gonna do that. We’re like, ‘Will she know it’s [B.J.] on some level?’ We don’t know. Just so you know, it’s like, we’re Hindu and B.J. is Jewish, so this is really … like, cultural appropriation on our part.”
“It’s so complicated why Santa was there, why he’s taking a nap…” Now imagine how confused the kids are that their godfather sticks around their mom long enough to scare off any potential suitors but not long enough to actually be a partner to mom. I’ve been complaining about this for years, because that’s how long Mindy and BJ have been doing this dysfunctional sh-t!! And now three kids are involved too. I mean, AT BEST, this is yet another “cute story” about how Mindy’s heterosexual male best friend/toxic ex goes out of his way to hang out with her kids and play Santa for them. But red flags abound.
Some photos of Mindy in New York this week:
Photos courtesy of Cover Images.
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- North America Rights – Los Angeles, USA – 20200209 – The 2020 Vanity Fair Oscar party held at Wallis Annenberg Center for the Performing Arts. -PICTURED: B. J. Novak, Mindy Kaling -PHOTO by: Niviere David/ABACA USA/INSTARimages.com -719577_136.jpg This is an editorial, rights-managed image. Please contact Instar Images LLC for licensing fee and rights information at sales@instarimages.com or call +1 212 414 0207 This image may not be published in any way that is, or might be deemed to be, defamatory, libelous, pornographic, or obscene. Please consult our sales department for any clarification needed prior to publication and use. Instar Images LLC reserves the right to pursue unauthorized users of this material. If you are in violation of our intellectual property rights or copyright you may be liable for damages, loss of income, any profits you derive from the unauthorized use of this material and, where appropriate, the cost of collection and/or any statutory damages awarded Featuring: B. J. Novak, Mindy Kaling Where: Los Angeles, California, United States When: 09 Feb 2020 Credit: Niviere David/ABACA USA/INSTARimages.com **North America Rights**
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- Mindy Kaling on ‘Good Morning America’ talk about ‘The Sex Lives of College Girls’ in New York Featuring: Mindy Kaling Where: New York, United States When: 04 Dec 2024 Credit: Roger Wong/INSTARimages
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- Mindy Kaling on ‘Good Morning America’ talk about ‘The Sex Lives of College Girls’ in New York Featuring: Mindy Kaling Where: New York, United States When: 04 Dec 2024 Credit: Roger Wong/INSTARimages
I don’t trust BJ either but I think that she has red flags in this relationship too. She doesn’t want boundaries so she doesn’t put any up with regards to Novak. Maybe it won’t be until Novak falls in love with someone else, marries and starts his own family with someone else that she sees what she needs to…maybe not.
@ThatGirlThere–what you are bringing up is the key to what makes this neither functional nor sustainable: in this situationship, there’s no room either on of them to have a partner.
Might that last for decades? Maybe. But this feels like a whole lot of wish fulfillment and willful blindness.
Liz Hurley and Hugh Grant are a good example of a guy being a godparent to a single mother with no weirdness. Of course, Hugh isn’t Damian’s biological dad.
Hmm, it seemed to me, when Mindy couldn’t find a partner she wanted to have a family with, instead of lowering her standards, she just chose a friend she trusted as a donor. If you want to be a mom, but don’t have a partner when you are ready, why not? Maybe I’m wrong and they are exactly like their characters from the Office. I don’t think we can tell.
I know it’s none of our business, but Lord, I would like to understand their dynamic. I can’t figure out if she is hung up on him and accepts less than a romantic relationship just to keep him around or if she is really OK with him just being her best friend who hangs out with her and the kids.
I try not to be a puritanical American because there are lots of arrangements in this world, but I read her first book and she just exuded vulnerability and lack of self-confidence in her appearance and love life so I really get off vibes whenever BJ comes up.
I hope I’m wrong but he gives vibes like at some point he’s going to marry some young blonde Influencer and Mindy is going to be heartbroken.
Also, none of my business, but I’m dying to know if he is the sperm donor for those children and that’s why he shows up for them.
From their closeness, I assumed he is the donor. I don’t necessarily see that as her hanging up on him, but she wanted to be a mom, but there wasn’t someone she wanted to marry with, so she went with someone she trusted. Nowadays, there are a lot of women doing the same thing, not settling for a man just to have children. She may have self-confidence issues, but she is rich, pretty, funny. I am sure she dated around.
I see BJ is gonna be like Leo, perpetually chasing after young women. I don’t think Mindy is fooling herself about him.
It would be ok from Mindy’s perspective. How about the kids? Will they be ok if BJ finds someone and has his own family? Will he still show up for them? Will he see them occasionally as just an uncle? I know Mindy wanted to have a family on her terms, but are those also kid’s terms? I know many families fall apart, one parent not keeping up with their responsibilities but this set up is potentially hurtful from the start.
Why would the kids be hurt if he was considered a family friend? We don’t know their arrangement. There are many families with single parent by choice or circumstances. If Mindy just settled with a man to have children, imo that would be worse for the children and how they view relationships.
I like to think that while it’s messy and confusing when she talks about it to the press, it’s all very clear and healthy behind the scenes. (Because kids are involved, and it’s too sad otherwise.)
I don’t know that either one of them have any major projects coming out, so dropping another story about their “relationship” sure does keep BOTH their names out there…
So dysfunctional. I know a woman who has been dating the same dude “off and on” for 15 years. They are both in their 50s and they have a weird, seemingly transactional relationship where he comes by to borrow her car or trim her trees. They don’t live together and clearly don’t have a real relationship–they’re just lonely AF and unable to cut the cord.
I’m all for non-traditional relationships but at some point this dynamic just feels sad and rather desperate–but maybe I’m just being mean and judgy.
I’ve been in a similar relationship myself for the last 15 years, it’s not dysfunctional however. I do NOT want a traditional relationship. I have a 30 yr old autistic son, I take care of all his needs. I need someone that understands that. My “partner” has similar issues himself. The fact that we can meet each others needs physically and have the occasional night out is perfect for us, we are each others touchstone, with no labels.
Good for you for finding something that works for you & your specific needs!
I don’t understand why people have a problem with Mindy Kaling’s life.
Same. I’ve been in a long term long distance and it works. Marriage isn’t important to either of us, we like our things, where we live, controlling our remotes, but also care for each other, are the others support system, great travel partners, have regular visits etc. And it’s so much easier than when we started out all those years ago, thanks to texts, FaceTime, etc.
I have a friend who has been with her significant other for 30+ years. They’ve outlasted multiple marriages of friends. He’d be amenable to living together but he is also a hoarder (including his car) and the one time they tried it (his house was getting renovations) his hoard started to creep into her home and since he wouldn’t get help, she wouldn’t tolerate the hoard, they agreed separate homes was it to maintain the relationship.
But this doesn’t sound the same to me? Like, I understand a relationship where you have the physical component with an understanding that maybe you both need your own space or don’t want marriage or you just want strong boundaries.
I think that’s different than two people who who stuck in limbo, clinging to each other out of familiarity and comfort rather than genuine love and respect. I’m not saying that’s what BJ and Mindy have–I’m still on my earlier anecdote. And you’re right that at the end of the day it’s not my business and if it works for them, good. But I just wonder how much this is preventing both of them from finding a true, lasting, healthy relationship if the bond is based on comfort, familiarity and practicality.
But thanks for sharing your situations…made me realize I was def being judgmental.
I’m in my 50s, you’ve just described my seven year relationship. My priorities have changed as I’ve gotten older
It’s weird how this seems to be a recurring theme in her art too. Mindy with Danny (and Josh and Tim Dalys’ character and Casey and literarily BJ Novak) and Devi with Ben are the most obvious examples. She’s obsessed with white jerks who treat South Asian women horribly but through a romantic comedy lens.
This!! Her obsession with this abusive white man who belittles women of color but they work to get him to love them broke me of being a fan.
When Devi ended up with Ben, who called her ugly until the end of the show, mocked her GRIEF, belittled her friends, then slept with her and ghosted her I was like Mindy needs help and I can’t support her. I mean she had the more developed, healthy and popular option in Paxton. Heck even Des was better received then Ben but nope mindy is going to stay obsessed with the abusive white guy.
So while I think B.J. is not great, I think they might just be two sides of the same coin and she’s as much to blame as him.
I had to stop watching the Mindy Project when her “character” justified why she only wanted to date white guys, without unpacking all the historical stuff that made her (and Mindy) feel like the only way to “make it” in life is to have a white partner.
Yeah I truly don’t care what she does in her personal life, or even if her preference is to date white men but when it bleeds into the art in such dangerous ways it becomes too much.
I really hate that it is the most consistent theme in her work, the ambitious, bright, talented WOC who is always seeking the approval of a white man who often diminishes her. Like girl, you clearly have stuff to work out.
But her personal life is her personal life so she is free to do what works for her.
Maybe being in Hollywood affects her ability to meet other men. Thats my explanation for this. I find the dynamic strange, but given where she works maybe it seems understandable, more so than if she were an accountant. I don’t see an accountant having a relationship like this.
Whatever works for them, I guess.
ITA. This is 100% a relationship that neither one of them needs to explain.
That’s how I feel too. I don’t really understand their relationship, but…I don’t have to? If they’re both happy and the kids are happy, all good.
Eh…if Mindy had wanted things to change, they would’ve changed already. I think she’ll be fine.
Yeah, I think it might not be that deep. I think we hear about B.J a lot because there is a lot of Office love for Ryan and Kelly out there but there is a decent chance that beyond the publicity circuit, they aren’t as close as they claim. I don’t know.
It is possible she doesn’t WANT to meet a man and get married. She may want to be single, which is valid and fair and something a lot of women want to do and that is awesome. Go Mindy.
I have also always thought the very public nature of their relationship, ie events and talking about each other gives them a bit of cover for a private life.
Their relationship is their business, I only care she forces it and the toxicity into her work especially the shows geared at younger women. That bothers me because the boy that pulls your pig doesn’t do it because he likes you he does it because he’s a jerk and he wants to make you feel small.
As someone who did this mess…it’s not worth it. They give you signals if only you did one thing they would totally be with you. And then not so much. I have said for years he’s the donor because I can’t imagine he would allow her to go off and have kids with someone else. He would lose power over her.
THIS and feel like he’s still holding out for someone else to come along
Right. The vibe has always been “I want to be in your life so you won’t want to be with anyone else but I don’t *actually* want to be with you”.
That sounds about right @Kitten
Mindy does date but keeps it quiet because she doesn’t date actors anymore.
Same as all the other high-profile and successful women in Hollywood who’ve found stability in dating non-hollywood men. Remember Mindy once dated one of Obama’s aids and no one knew!
So, I disagree and think Mindy is well and truly over BJ Novak and it’s funny to suggest she’s holding a flame, lol, when he is the one who missed his shot. Meanwhile she got everything she ever wanted.
I remember an interview between Mindy and an actress who was single and said she liked the nerdy comedy writer type. Mindy immediately raised an eyebrow and asked rhetorically, “how’s that working out for you?”. Which shows she’s aware dating men like BJ isn’t healthy or fulfilling.
Mindy has high standards, is incredibly successful, hilarious, in-demand, stunning, and has her own family on her own terms. She’s living the dream life.
I don’t for a second think she’s lonely or pining for BJ Novak. They’re pals. And frankly, who wouldn’t want to regularly drop by Mindy’s house.
It’s wild that we speculate there must be a juicy scandal when an unmarried woman decides to have a family (like January Jones), when the answer is more likely an anonymous sperm donor.
I honestly think there’s more of a chance the father of Mindy’s kids is that insane sperm donor guy from the netflix documentary rather than BJ 😂
Were they involved though? They had a flirtation, hung out and had sex. That’s the description I got from her book anyway.
The simplest explanation is usually the true one. In this case, it’s that BJ is the biological father and they have a relationship that works for them.
Maybe he’s gay?
Yes, automatically assuming that Mandy could not be getting her worth from whatever relationship she has with BJ is a bit like putting her down. She’s perfectly capable of shaping her own agency, and for all we know BJ is the one wanting more from her, while she might not feel like a spouse person, but does enjoy motherhood and finds their life is better with BJ in it as her kids’ ‘godfather’. Good for her if she can escape the old socially built compulsion to prove the point that she can lock the guy in, or simply can love BJ in a way that allows her to avert being hurt by his flaws.
*their kids. I never knew BJ use to come on Punk*d…no wonder they’re all awful people.
I think what throws a lot of people about Mindy is that who she is and who she portrays herself to be are very different people. Between basically changing her entire face and the Ozempic parties while telling people she just hiked a lot and ate turkey sandwiches, she reeks of deep insecurity. But her social media and bubbly, funny personality on camera portray a sort of confident, nonchalant everygirl.
By the way, I’m not shaming her for the weight loss, I recently started Zepbound and am loving it. However, I wish she was more transparent about it or just didn’t say anything, but don’t lie about it.
“she reeks of deep insecurity.”
I could not agree more! I’ve always gotten this vibe from her, and it has seemed to only grow with time. I agree that if she was honest and transparent she would come off as more authentic.
When is Mindy going to stop mentioning BJ in her interviews like he is her man? That is the red flag. She literally does not need to namedrop him ever again in her interviews since he is not a part of her work and as the named godfather, doesn’t need to be mentioned as part of her personal life, yet she has this impulse to share that HE is the man in her and her children’s lives.
She is all but announcing that he is the father, but since she won’t do that, we’re left wondering why she or he feels the need to hide this information. If they’re both happy and the kids are happy and don’t ask any questions as they get older, I guess it doesn’t really matter…But it is so…weird.
This is the issue! She brings him up constantly. She won’t let him go!
He gets to ride her coattails without too much work! He hasnt had any adversity. Mindy hasn’t either but she has more than him. He gets to be her plus one and she builds him up.
She gets to name-drop a Jewish fellow who has good credentials and can write. He is also attractive to a large set of people.
Are they both using each other. I honestly think she is love bombing him.
The title Mindy publicly uses for Novak, godFATHER, seems to contain a hint at his role. She appears to take the lead in their relationship. Hopefully, their arrangement works well for both of them and the kids.
Every time she brings up just how present BJ is in her kids’ lives, I can only assume he is the biological father of at least one of them, if not all of them. When she got pregnant the first time, she called it an “unexpected surprise” which was the giveaway it wasn’t planned. I don’t think she went the anonymous donor/artificial insemination route because that wouldn’t make sense for her to say that. She would be expecting it. I always suspected she fooled around with BJ as a friends with benefits type thing and without meaning to she got pregnant with his kid. Or maybe it was someone else but he accepted to be the paternal figure in Kit’s life. And maybe they liked co-parenting so much together they decided to have two more kids together, whether the traditional way or artificial insemination who knows but kid 2 and kid 3 were planned. Kit (the oldest) was not, unless Mindy was lying.
It just doesn’t make sense for him to be so present in their lives if he isn’t related to at least one of them, notwithstanding Mindy’s weird relationship with him. Because if he isn’t, it’s just weird AF to me.
Biggest red flag is how utterly skeezy BJ was to an entire pack of our girls when they were teenagers. Did give us an opportunity to define “grooming” for them though.
She’s a huge yawn… boring, limited talent, and always obviously desperate for validation.
I absolutely love everything else about her, but the BJ gushing makes me vomitously sick. She reminds me of a high school girl who always finds a reason to mention the guy she has a crush on and overshares their interactions to let everyone else know they’re soooo close. But it just comes off as so thirsty for him. And she deserves so much more than his BS, but I think she’s so obsessed that she will take crumbs from him whenever he’ll give it.
Yeah, I don’t think I have a real judgement on her relationship. But I do wonder why she shares info about it. She doesn’t need to, in my opinion. People keep saying it’s her business, but she keeps sharing it. I wouldn’t think about it either way if she didn’t mention it.
Speaking from experience, being a single mom with a career is a lot. I have an ex who I like and trust, who functions as a sort of uncle. The romantic feelings are gone, but the bond remains. I don’t think the relationship between Mindy and BJ is that weird. He’s part of her village.
I love Mindy and I think she is so brilliant and gorgeous. Dating in LA is an outrageous nightmare, even for rich, successful, hot AF babes (and I think she is so hot, even before the weight loss) like Mindy. She’s said before that one day she hopes to move back to NY – and that’s my dream for her: moving her kids to NY to live the Tina Fey lifestyle, and finding some fine investment dude who isn’t threatened by her success. I don’t hate on BJ. The movie he directed was really good and he’s obviously in her life because they both are committed on some level. Sometimes commitment with a platonic friend is more meaningful than a romantic one. It would be one thing if he was a major douche, but I live in LA and I’ve seen him out and about even with girls, and he doesn’t seem like a douche.
I’ve often thought BJ was the donor, and that he was gay or bi? Is that not a possibility? (NOT that it is any of my business! It would just help explain why they can be so close and platonic and still have a healthy relationship.)