There are few things that I consider to be less sexy than Victoria Beckham. She looks like a fencepost that someone’s tied two unsightly balloons onto in an effort to alert people to a birthday party inside the house. Looking at her makes me want cake and pin the tail on the donkey. She does not make me want to rip my clothes off and do dirty things. But for whatever disgusting reason, David Beckham apparently disagrees with me. He’s just gotten a “seductive” tattoo of a naked Victoria on his left arm. I hope he plans to have sex with his shirt on.

Football star David Beckham has a new tattoo, and this one is unlike all the others – it’s a naked picture of his wife Victoria. The soccer star’s seven-inch artwork on his left arm features the Spice Girl lying on her back surrounded by stars and baring her breasts with her knees raised up seductively. The etching was based on David’s favourite photograph of Victoria from a Bridget Bardot-inspired shoot she did for Pop magazine four years ago.

A source said: “David is thrilled with the results. He thinks of Victoria as his angel, which is why he decided on the stars. Victoria is very flattered with this beautiful tribute.” David, 32, showed off his latest tattoo – which is designed around a previous inking of Victoria’s name in Hindi – when he stripped off to kick a ball around on a Brazilian beach to launch his latest soccer academy earlier this week.

[From Stuff]

In other – and I’m sure unrelated – news, David Beckham has announced that he will be abstaining from sex until his vision completely fades away. Which will happen much quicker now that he has a naked Posh inked onto his arm. Despite my strenuous objections, David clearly knows what he’s doing – this is his 11th tattoo. He’s also got the names of all three of his kids on various locales. I can’t help but wonder how he’s going to explain the naked image of their mother to them. The most important part of learning about the birds and the bees when growing up is the ability to reassure yourself that your parents don’t know about it, and certainly have never done it. That’s going to be a lot more challenging – and oddly confusing – when the boys see their mom’s boobs on their dad’s arm.