These days, it’s kind of become a cliché to hate on Julia Roberts. She definitely lost some of her luster over the past five years or so, and when she does appear at some event or red carpet, she seems overwhelming and a little crazy. Like, she’s too loud or too drunk or too rude or too obscene or too much of an a–hole. It’s almost enough to make you forget that she was once the biggest movie star in the world. But some people haven’t forgotten, which is why she still gets cast in big movies, and still gets paid huge amounts of money for the “pleasure”. Valentine’s Day is one of those films – and I have to say this report shocked me. Judging from the trailer for the film, I assumed Julia had a genuine supporting part in a large ensemble cast. Turns out, not so much. She’s in the film for – count them – six minutes. The price tag for six minutes of Julia? $3 million dollars plus 3% of the gross of the film. Are you f-cking kidding me?

By now, it’s too late for our male readers: Your wife or girlfriend has already seen Those Billboards — the ones blaring the tagline, “From the Director of PRETTY WOMAN comes a day in the life of love,” with the Pretty Woman herself, Julia Roberts, nestled in the right atrium of a giant heart — and you have been quietly but firmly informed that “Oh-yes-you-will” be sitting through Valentine’s Day.

Vulture would like to give you an out by providing the news that Roberts is only in this giant ensemble piece for roughly six minutes. Surely that will stop the inexorable race to Moviefone, right? But who are we kidding: We — and Hollywood — know that such reality checks will not be nearly enough to keep rom-com-philes away.

New Line Cinema paid Roberts $3 million up front against 3 percent of the gross for what is little more than an extended cameo. That comes out to an astonishing $8,333 per second of screen time, or roughly $500,000 a minute. Verbally, it’s a minimum of $11,952 per spoken word.

Yet even that may turn out to be a bargain, considering the Pretty Woman imprimatur: That movie is practically a religious icon to any female who’s ever wept love-lorn into a pint of Ben & Jerry’s while wearing sweatpants, cursing men, and pantomiming other stereotypically estrogen-saturated chestnuts gleaned from years of watching movies much like Valentine’s Day. Eleven years ago, when Roberts and Marshall reteamed for Runaway Bride (albeit with Richard Gere, too), it grossed $309 million worldwide.

Insiders tell us that Roberts agreed to appear in the film as a favor to Marshall, who’d made her a star. After Roberts jumped in, casting the rest of the film was much easier, and Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Garner, Ashton Kutcher, Taylors Lautner and Swift, McSteamy and McDreamy et al signed on quickly. However, with the exception of Jamie Foxx (who we hear is a gross participant along with Marshall and Roberts), her co-stars were paid their usual quote, pro-rated to however many days they filmed. Since most, like Roberts, only worked three days or so, it seemed a fair and painless commitment, and New Line was able to make the film with a cavalcade of celebs for only $50 million. Now get going.

[From New York Magazine’s Vulture Column]

You know what bothers me more? That Gary Marshall, the other actors in the film, and the producers, agents and Hollywood types all thought Julia signing on to the film was some kind of “signal” that it was okay to sign on. Seriously? Does Julia have that kind of weight in Hollywood to this day? It’s a Gary Marshall romantic comedy, and it’s a week of work. Why wasn’t every agent in Hollywood trying to get their actors onto this film before and regardless of Dame Julia’s agreement to deign us with her screen presence for six whole minutes? Hollywood is run by idiots.

Julia at the LA premiere for ‘Valentine’s Day’ on February 8, 2010. Credit: Revolutionpix/Fame Pictures