CB already covered some of this a couple of hours ago, but there is some new stuff, so I find it worthy of a new post. It seems John Mayer’s epic Playboy interview is the centerpiece for three tabloid covers this week. And yet, all of the covers are about the two ex-girlfriends Mayer discussed at length, Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Aniston. The two women appear on the covers, not Mayer – I guess his dumb doucheface doesn’t sell covers.
Anyway, before I get into the excerpts from Star Magazine and Life & Style’s cover stories, I’d just like to point out one thing. It occurred to me while I was writing the two posts on Mayer’s Playboy interview (here and here) – that while it’s clear that Mayer didn’t really respect Jessica Simpson for her intellect or anything, most of what he said about her could be interpreted as a compliment. He said was “sexual napalm” and claiming that when he was with Jessica, he felt like “I want to quit my life and just f-cking snort you… If you charged me $10,000 to f-ck you, I would start selling all my sh-t just to keep f-cking you.”
Meanwhile, when he talked about Jennifer Aniston, he would say some nice stuff (“We just have a regard for each other’s feelings that is pretty intense”) but he also had some seriously bitchy asides regarding her age and priorities. He said stuff like: “The brunt of her success came before TMZ and Twitter. I think she’s still hoping it goes back to 1998. She saw my involvement in technology as courting distraction. And I always said, ‘These are the new rules.’… Have you ever loved somebody, loved her completely, but had to end the relationship for life reasons? In some ways I wish I could be with her. But I can’t change the fact that I need to be 32. I want to dance. I want to get on an airplane and be like a ninja. I want to be an explorer. I want to be like The Bourne Identity. I don’t want to pet dogs in the kitchen.” All in all, I would think that Aniston has a bigger claim to Mayer rage, but mostly the tabloids are focusing on Jessica. Here’s Life & Style’s take:
For a guy considered one of Hollywood’s biggest ladies’ men, John Mayer was certainly in gloomy spirits on Valentine’s Day, while on tour in Toronto to promote his album, Battle Studies. Though not surprising, as just four days earlier the singer was forced to issue a series of apologies expressing deep regret over an interview in the March issue of Playboy. But as bad as John may feel about the interview – where he discusses intimate details about his romances with exes Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Aniston – his apologies are too little, too late.
When talking about Jess, John showed the ultimate disrespect by bragging about their bedroom antics. A friend of Jessica’s confirms that the sex was, indeed, pretty wild. “Jessica told me she and John had amazing sex,” the friend tells Life & Style. “She said they did things she had never even thought of.” In fact, during a 2007 getaway to Italy, a hotel insider tells Life & Style, “Jon and Jessica’s suite was a mess.”
While neither Jess nor Jen has publicly responded to the interview, behind closed doors, an insider says, Jessica is furious.
“She feels like this came out of nowhere,” the insider tells Life & Style. “She had no idea he was going to be talking about her like this. It’s shocking. She thinks he’s lost his mind.”
And while she’s staying quiet for the time being, she’ll soon have plenty of opportunities to strike back.
“She’s going to be doing a lot of press for her new VH1 series, The Price of Beauty,” the insider says. “She knows she’ll be questioned about John again. If someone asks her about it, she will respond. That’s her revenge plan.”
[From Life & Style Magazine]
Oh, God. Can you just imagine Jessica on some revenge war path? That will be so, so ugly. Because she’s not the brightest bulb, and she’s only going to end up hurting herself. And it will probably be a head injury. And then she’ll fart. And it will be epic.
Anyway, CB already preview this, but here’s Star Magazine’s take on the Jessica/Jennifer revenge plan for Mayer:
It’s one thing to kiss and tell and it’s another to kiss and tell the world! In the March 1 issue of Star, on sale today, we report that Jennifer Aniston and Jessica Simpson are in complete shock over their ex John Mayer’s betrayal — spilling intimate revelations about their relationships — including sex secrets! — to Playboy. For both women, it was a devastatingly low blow — even coming from him!
Of Jessica, whom he dated from 2006 to 2007, John said she “is like crack cocaine to me. Sexually, it was crazy… It was like napalm, sexual napalm.” And he suggested that was all Jess ever was to him. “I really said, ‘I now make the choice to sleep with Jessica Simpson,” he bragged, while insisting that although she isn’t his type — or intellectual equal — he couldn’t resist seducing her.
“She’s angry and embarrassed,” a source close to her tells Star.
While Jess wasn’t his perfect match, his called his bond with Jen “pretty intense” — even now. “I’m very protective of Jen,” he said. “I love Jen so much that I’m now thinking about how bad I would feel if she read this and was like…‘I don’t want to be in your lineage of kiss-and-tells.’”
But that didn’t stop him from blabbing! He cheapened their connection by detailing for the public how he often fantasizes about his sexual exploits with past girlfriends and how he’s slept with “four or five” women since he split with Jen last year.
“Jen is taking this really personally,” a source tells Star. “She always stuck up for John when her friends cautioned her against him, but now she regrets it.”
Neither woman is taking John’s betrayal lightly! Pick up Star’s new issue today to read all the bedroom secrets John revealed and Jen and Jess’ feelings of humiliation. Plus: Their plan for revenge!
[From Star Magazine]
What I find particularly hilarious is that Jessica and Jennifer are only really mad (allegedly) because of what John said about them. If I had ever been dumb enough to date Mayer (and trust me, douches like that are a dime a dozen in my experience, and I’ve successfully avoided all of them), I would be the most ashamed that I had dated such a raging closet-case, racist, misogynistic psychopath. I mean, that’s what’s really embarrassing.
Life & Style Magazine and Star Magazine covers courtesy of CoverAwards.
Forget revenge and payback. The guy isn’t worth the effort. Just kick him to the curb and move on.
I’m waiting to hear how horribly he treats Taylor Swift…
i’d be embarrassed to be associated with j.m.
You lie down with dogs, you get fleas, as my gran used to say. Both these women made grave errors in judgement getting involved with him. He’s pathologically self-obsessed and seems to think every word out of his mouth is the height of intellectual brilliance, when it’s nothing more than a spew of douche-isms. There’s no call to speak of former lovers that way – very low classy Mayer.
Nah, Jessica has more to be upset about. He was downright respectful to Jennifer, and their near-decade of age difference is fair to comment on when talking about what you want out of life. Don’t get me wrong — he’s still a complete ass-hat. I’m just saying Jennifer should breathe a sigh of relief that it was all he said.
I found an old CD of his that I’d squirreled away and pulverized it. Felt good.
John Mayer just thinks with his little head.
If I was Jessica, and an ex said that about my sex, I’d be flattered. lol. Well maybe not flattered but I wouldn’t be pissed.
Can this a-hole have his right to comment publicly revoked indefinitely? Matter of fact, add Tila to that list too.
Nah…Jen has more to be upset about. In the same article that he praises Jess’s bedroom skills he waxes poetically about how NICE Jen is…It’s not even a fair fight. No woman wants to be called nice by her ex while he simultaneously raves about another woman’s sexuality. He made Jen sound nice, boring, and old. In no way will that make her look or feel good. She’s not my favorite person but he delivered a series of low blows that were unnecessary.
JA probably feels better about her break up with him.
If she had any doubts about it before she can rest assured now.
JM probably thinks he’s complimenting both of them. Like he thought his racist remarks were so witty and funny.
I think they should both be pissed, but at the same time only have themselves to blame for getting involved with him to begin with.
If I were a celeb being discussed in a magazine like that, I’d much rather be called nice or even boring, than have very personal intimate details discussed.
Jessica looked so trashy when she was with him! I think her self-esteem must have been at an all-time low.
Oh, let the girls’ revenge be good!
Eh, everyone has dated an douche at somepoint. They shouldn’t even diginify it or him and just move on without looking back.
I don’t think either woman came out sounding good. Jen sounded boring, old-fashioned and not so memorable in the sack, while Jess sounded like sexual dynamite (but you really want guys to keep that to themselves, lest you get called a slut). In both cases, lose-lose. But, then what do you expect from dating a douche like this? If you have no brains, you get burned.
Both Jessica and Jennifer are dumb as posts. Jennifer should have learned from Jessica’s very public break-up with Mayer, while Jessica is well, Jessica Simpson.
Who cares – Indeed! Why does everyone believe he’s speaking the truth anyway? Next . . .
Speak for yourself Who Cares. I don’t date douches; mama taught me better than that. lol
Boy, the Jessica and Jen tabloid covers look great. They should call them: “Two dumb blondes and the douche.” Sounds like the title of a bad Aniston movie.
I think Jen came out more tainted than Jessica because :
1) She is MUCH older and her choices of men can’t be faulted on her youth/innoncence anymore
2) cause she was more vocal about her infatuation with this douche, expressing her love for his way of thinking thoughts, thoughts he just expressed.
3) Because she is the only one who took him a second time around after he made sure that everyone knows he dumped her and that he didn’t care for her. She took him back after claiming that ‘we will never hear that man do that again’.
Again, Jennifer case is more embarrassing to me cause she was too vocal, too public, too after him (chasing this douche till Europe like a young starlet). She didn’t act like a mature woman with a much younger companion. She didn’t act like she is an independant mature woman in control and that she was the experienced one who command in that relationship. It appeared like she was the desperate one chasing him and claiming her love to him while he didn’t reciprocate.
As a woman i finnd it more insulting towards her, her poor judgement and patheticness than the younger bimbo, who was less vocal and who was described crudely as a very sexual partner. It’s crude but it tainted Mayer more than Jessica who just happens to be an ex lover who left a very impressive reminsescence as the explove sexual object.
In the Aniston case, Mayer and her are both badly tainted because of the way jennifer Aniston advertised and promoted this douche. She made him important, blow his worth to the public and validate it. It taints her badly in terms of bad judgement.
And since she is a decade older all this past behaviour/bad choice repeated twice also reeks of desperation and patheticness.
Mayer sounds a lot like Brad Pitt, doesn’t he? (“I want to be an explorer. I don’t want to pet dogs in the kitchen.”) Sounds like Jennifer’s lifestyle is too tame for the men she’s picking. My theory is that Brad was attracted to Angelina because she’s a risk-taker, explorer — everything Jennifer is not.
Jennifer would be better off finding a man who likes the same things she does, and stop wasting her time on guys who are looking for excitement. There are plenty of men out there who would love to stay home and play with the dog!
I agree NNN, I had no problem with this part of John’s interview whatsoever. I don’t like Jen, so John talking about her like he did gave me the tingles, lol. If I was Jessica I would be flattered…I guess most women wouldn’t find that flattering…I don’t recall him calling her dumb or not his equal…that I wouldn’t have liked.
The problems is not the men she went with. The problem is she CHASED them first.
So i think she either doesn’t know what her needs are or that the type of men she is attracted to don’t complement her at all. Brad and her didn’t have much affinities and same taste together, so was the case with Tate too.
Mayer is a notorious douche whose reputation was known before she went with him.
So why oh why is she attracted to men with whom she doesn’t have affinities to begin with ? Men who have not the same rythm or/and the same project of life ?
There are plenty of decent men who could compliment her, but she somewhat are not interested in them and is attracted to those WHO are totally different from her and don’t share the same project as a couple.
It’s like she does the same mistake women often do, building a relationship on raw attraction alone and dissmissing the lack of affinities, common project, thinking that maybe with time they would be able to change the man according their needs, their affinties, their rythm, their project of life,….
PJ: “My theory is that Brad was attracted to Angelina because she’s a risk-taker, explorer — everything Jennifer is not.” I totally agree. I remember when Brad was filming Troy in Malta, and in an interview, she said she’d never (or rarely) been overseas because she hates flying so much. She literally had to force herself to visit Brad over there. Besides, if there was anything that proved Jennifer isn’t adventurous, it’s the fact that she spends EVERY vacation in the same spot.
By the way, I don’t think it’s a bad thing that Jen’s “boring.” To each her own.
Re: John’s comment that Jen wishes it were 1998: As horrendous as that whole interview is, I don’t think he meant that as an insult to Jen. He didn’t mean that she wants her life to be like it was in 1998 — I think he meant she wished TECHNOLOGY was as “simple” as it was in 1998. Just my opinion.
@20: If so many women make that mistake, then why are you demonizing this one woman for it?
They both come off as women who dated a total prat and it’s something that plenty of women do. We don’t see their faults because we are so into them and we forgive their absolute wankdoodleness because we don’t want anyone saying negative things about them.
It happens to quite a few women, maybe not all of us, but quite a few end up with a complete losers but learn our lesson.
Apparently Jennifer Aniston needed to learn that lesson late in life.
I love how he talks about “being a regular 32 year old” like he’s talking about being 12. I only know one 32 year old that fackin immature (hence why, at 22, I know him) and he’s the loser of the group. And it’s funny because he too has an obsession with ninjas. Oh John, 32 is not ninja age anymore.
Chana: it’s not that she dated a total prat. It’s that, after being publicly dumped and humilated by said prat, she went crawling back to the prat, setting herself up to be dumped and humiliated all over again. A woman her age should be able to handle her business better.
LOL @ mollination. True in the real world, but not for celebs.
Matt Damon had this great quote that celebs stop maturing at the exact age they become famous.
In other words, once fame hits, the trappings of it stop celebs from ever growing up. The reasons why–everyone caters to them like children, and they surround themselves with yes people. And, even if they behave badly (like Charlie Sheen), they are still rewarded with multi-million dollar tv shows, movie, record sales, or attention.
So, there’s no incentive to grow up. This could explain why all their relationships crash and burn, too.
I like these new tabloids covers. They should call them the three J’s: John, Jennifer and Jessica. As cheyenne said, a new triangle is born! yeah!
#22
I don’t believe in the prat thing.
I think Mayer is a douche and immature, no doubt about it. But even him can find ressources to become better with the right person for him. I also think that he tend to date not so bright women for a reason because he is not so bright himself.
Just because a man disappoints his woman doesn’t make him a prat. He also can feel disappointed in her before or after this. That doesn’t make her bad either JUST NOT THE RIGHT FOR Him/her.
I just think that we, women, are sentimental and less practical and that we tend to overlook a basic criterion in long term relationship : COMPATIBILITY.
More than men, women think that because there is love, that their love will succeed in SHAPING the man according what they need much more than the other way around.
I am sorry but if you say something like : your husband is not the love of your life, if he describes his own marriage like a merger, if he has to work his personal issues with this new situation as a married man in a two year therapy, if you have different views about a classic deal breaker in relationship (children, how much, timing, ect) it’s clear that BOTH of you were wrong to marry to each other and you can’t talk about PRAT and point fingers to who is wrong in that regard.
Love is essential to be with someone, compatibility, timing, affinities, common lifeling project based on the type of family you both want(children or no children) are ALL prerequisite if you decide to marry or live together.
Something that women, much more emotional than men who are more practical overlook too much, too often thinking that love can sustain it all and transform the man inperfect human being they marry into the love of their dream perfectly matched to their ideal.
@24: I have to say though that I’ve dated complete arses twice in a row, thinking that they’d changed.
It’s possible that she hadn’t learned that an idiot doesn’t change his stripes. I remember her saying years ago that she hates dating (as do I) which would lead me to believe that it’s easier for her to just go back to someone she’s comfortable with rather than start fresh with a new person.
I’m in that situation at the mo. I’m a bit reluctant to start something new when I’ve got a guy already who I’m “buddies” with and it works just fine.
@nnn
I agree with some of your comment. Jessica was really very young when she got with Mayer. She had just come off her divorce with Nick. Her first EVERYTHING. I don’t think Johns comments about her were meant to be offensive. In his way he was saying that Jessica kind of blew his mind. Jennifer was not an inexperience woman. And the fact that she was telling the world how wonderful he was.. how protective she was of him is on a different level. NO I am not a fan, and John said pretty much what I and others have thought. She is not what one would term a ball of fire. To use some of Johns words, patting a dog in the kitchen.. He had to be 32. So really. I will cut Jessica some slack. I actually think she is a sweet young woman. I really think John got with Jennifer to see 1. If he could, and 2. what Brad left. Sorry. But they were not a match at all. He is a fool, but very talented. An Artist (crazy Jen is not. And yes she is predictable. She likes doing the same things over and over. And I do remember her going on his tour dates with him. Taking pictures.
Plus she went BACK with him after he dumped her or told the world he dumped her on National TV. My opinion.. Jessica came out on top of this little semi drama.
I think John is what a lot of young/old men are. Too full of himself. He needs to grow up a bit. But I do love his music.
@26: You just said exactly what I said, you just expounded upon it.
A prat, by the way, is a person who is a douche and immature and says stupid things but thinks they are really smart and mature.
And John Mayer is a prat extraordinaire.
I can not believe either woman slept with this man, both were stupid. Jennifer was older and should have known better. This just shows how smart she is, desperate is more like it.
There is nothing classy, about screwing this moron and Jennifer is suppose to be so classy, I hear.
@nnn: Good lord, you cannot possibly compare Brad Pitt and John Mayer. Brad dumped his wife, but he didn’t dump her by text message and then blab the news in a street corner press conference. And he didn’t refer to any of his former flames as sexual napalm.
Obviously, he and Aniston had so many issues that they were all wrong for each other. (It cracks me up hearing her fans saying “But they looked so cute together!” as if that was the sole reason for them being married — and it just may have been.) But Mayer is a while different story. That guy is a certified sleazeball. He has no respect for women, period.
@June: I can see Aniston falling for him and dating him the first time, even though he had a reputation of being a douche. Sometimes, as nnn said, it takes the right woman. Maybe she figured she was the right woman. But being dumped like yesterday’s garbage should have told her she wasn’t, and crawling back to him after the way he treated her was the height of stupidity. She might as well tied a sign on her saying “DESPERATE — WILL PUT UP WITH ANYTHING FROM ANYBODY”.
You know the old saying: fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.
You want to hear something really funny? Here’s what Jen said about John. Aniston blushes: “He’s a rare one. He is extraordinary and it is wonderful to watch him… the way his brain works and the way he thinks thoughts… it’s beautiful … It’s something I’ve never ever seen before.” (Feel free to vomit now!)
The under handed jab about Jenn being old/famous before days of Twitter was the meanest thing he said.
I think what he said about Jess was WAY worse, and not complimentary at all (or at best, it was a totally backhanded compliment). He called her “sexual napalm.” I don’t know about you, but I cannot think of a single scenario where I would want to be compared to napalm, ESPECIALLY in the sack. (Sticks to you and burns? Sounds like Paris Hilton.) Napalm destroys everything it touches – how is that a good thing?
He also called her a drug – “drugs aren’t good for you if you do lots of them.” So Mayer is saying that Jess and their relationship was terrible – nay, debilitating – for him, but he stayed in it for the sex. (The worst he said about Jen was that she acted too old -read: mature – for him. Given how Mayer acts, I’d wear that insult as a badge of honor.)
I used to play “Guess What Their Body Language is Saying” with pictures of Jess when she was with Mayer. He always seemed embarassed to be seen in public with her, and she seemed needy and insecure (“Please love me!”). Desperate, needy girls often do ANYTHING to make a man love them – even participate in the type of humiliating “bedroom sport” for which Mayer is so notorious.
Given the things that has come out of his mouth, both of the women should be embarrassed to have slept with him.
Jennifer Aniston thinks he is witty and intelligent, show how intelligent she is.
Yes, I’m sure that many of you had deeply respectful relationships which all resulted in happy marriages…ya sure *eye roll* We have all fallen for the goofy guy who was witty and cute. The one who seemed to be on the razor’s edge..yeah that one..we all have, well except me..but anyway..it doesn’t matter they dated a goofball and yes he is a moron and so what..you all sit in judgment, why aren’t you sitting with that perfect partner instead of writing about what losers Jennifer and Jessica are for dating one?
@Cheyenne:
I am not comparing Brad to Mayer, I am just exposing Jennifer’s wrong choice with men.
Not that Brad is an a$$ by a long shot, just that here are two men that Jennifer ran after BEFORE they even chose her and who were never compatible and in par with her outlook of life or the shape she wanted to give to her relationship.
Two men who for different reasons were not AT ALL compatible to her. But she chose to go after them nonetheless without never considering how so different their perspective in life were.
I don’t agree with people who blame brad or Jolie. That marriage for me was a sham from the very begining, hence the examples i gave about both ex spouses own perception of their marriage and life together. They both acted and say things like they didn’t even beleived in the perrennity of their union. They are both equally responsible about its failure because they were not meant to be to begin with based on their differences and on the way they perceived their future together, like it was always compromised from the very beginning, like they didn’t have faith in it and were for it for a trial more than the real thing.
@ mollination
Agreed. After the age of 25, unless you’re Chuck Norris, it’s time to hang up the numchucks.
And John Mayer…you’re still a douche. And probably a bad ninja.
Read the interview again. Read between the lines. The whole interview is a passive aggressive dig at Jennifer Aniston. That’s why he said Jessica is so good in bed. You buying it? She’s not sexy at all. If she was so great that Tony guy and Mayer would never have left her. Jennifer should be flattered he cares so much to try to hurt her. Mayer is jealous of Jen’s tabloid/gossip blog status. Also jealous that Jen got to sleep with Pitt.
Aniston should also feel bad that this shows that even with the advantage of age, she’s no smarter than Jessica Simpson in showing judgement when choosing boyfriends — and not just someone to hang around with, someone to be publicly photographed with.
Who is john mayer? Pls remind me, do u mean to say brainless hen?
Doesn’t anyone know? Apparently Taylor’s mom told Jon to take a hike… so we’ll see what happens there.
In answer to the title/question: Who cares?
He has displayed what a dumb douche he is, so their intellects can’t be anything better. They deserve what they get for the choices they make.
To actually sit there and take time to ‘analyze’ Mayer’s interview, whether he is passive/aggressive is a joke. The guy is a pure and utter moron.
As for Aniston. She is as dumb as Mayer is a (dumb) narcissist. Brad Pitt already left one ditsy moron – Gwyneth ‘goop’ Paltrow. This interview answered, once and for all,the reason behind the Aniston/Pitt breakup. Jennifer is an airhead. There is no other reason why any women (her age) could remain with an idiot like Mayer for so long.
@ cherry. That’s the funniest quote EVER. Aniston LOVES the way Mayer “think thoughts”? What a riot. And, she also loves the way he smells smells, poops poops, etc. Haha–I could go on. I can’t believe this woman is in her 40s. She makes Miley Cyrus sound bright.
Sexual Napalm would be a great name for a band, though.
I just think…this whole entire thing is funny! From the “F” to the very “Y,” this is hilarious. It’s like Britney Spears tonguing MaDonna all over again…a BIG SPEW of PUBLICITY. If I was either of the women, I would a little upset but as far as spending time to revenge or shed a tear about it…is highly unworthy. JM is not worth the time and effort. He is trash and an unrecycleable trash at that.