Quite honestly, I’ve been waiting for the “Jeremy Renner is totally gay” rumors to start as soon as I saw him singing and playing the Piano on The View. That sentence might be one of the gayest sentences ever written, right? Anyhoodle, I had a moment where I was like “Is he?” but then I realized that the gay rumors could be the best thing that ever happened to Renner. Because once the gay rumors start, you’ve arrived. You’re a Hollywood star. The gay rumors might be more important to Renner’s career than his Oscar nomination.

So, this week’s Enquirer has a story that’s basically like, “Let’s gather up every cryptic thing Jeremy and his known associates have ever said, and see what it all means?” Oh, I just found one the Enquirer missed! When he denied getting Jessica Simpson’s digits, Jeremy told Us Weekly, “I’m not a ladies man! I’m a working man! That’s all.” So he’s not “ladies’ man” huh? To the Enquirer!

Jeremy Renner is Hollywood’s hottest new leading man – but the Oscar-nominated actor is embroiled in a gay mystery!

“I have never had the pleasure of meeting Jeremy’s boyfriend, but the fact that Jeremy is gay has never been a primary concern,” Melanee Wyatt, an early acting coach of Jeremy’s, recently told a reporter.

But is he or isn’t he? Jeremy isn’t saying. In fact, when it comes to his sexuality, he appears to be taking a cue from the military – don’t ask, don’t tell!

And while he remains mum on the subject, he seems to enjoy giving mixed signals.

His close pals say that in real life, Renner is a sensitive mama’s boy who prefers makeup to guns and is dying to star in a musical! As a song-and-dance man, with an affinity for show tunes, Jeremy has said that if things don’t work out him as an actor, he’ll become a makeup artist because he has a passion for that field.

One of the main criteria for casting him as serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer (in 2002’s Dahmer) was that he was an actor comfortable filming homoerotic scenes. A pal says: “Jeremy told the producers specifically that he had no problem acting gay.”

Add to that Colin Farrell’s ribbing during the Oscar ceremony about “that trip to Mexico”.

On the other hand, he’s been seen out lately with one of the most beautiful women in Hollywood, Charlize Theron.

“Jeremy is a contradiction,” a longtime confidant told the Enquirer. “Most aspiring actors want tough-guy roles, but Jeremy has always looked for the more emotionally complex parts. It’s ironic that he’s shooting to fame playing a macho John Wayne type.”

Just because he took his mom to the Oscars, doesn’t mean he couldn’t get a date – he flirted with Jessica Simpson, and pals say his chemistry with gorgeous Charlize is “electric”. Yet speculation about his sexuality persists – and Jeremy remains tight-lipped.

“He doesn’t worry about people whispering and wondering about his private life,” says a friend.

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, March 22, 2010]

Honestly, I don’t really buy that someone’s gay unless they beep on my radar. But I’ll admit that there are dudes who beep for a moment or a year or so, and then they stop or I change my mind, or all of a sudden I’m just like “No, he’s just a straight dude who likes musical theatre.” Hugh Jackman. So, does Jeremy beep for me? He’s beeped twice for me – when he was singing at the piano on The View, and when he was being interviewed by Ben Affleck for Oprah’s pre-Oscar special. When I first watched it, it seemed so awkward, like they were flirting with each other. Ben beeped for me too in this clip, quite honestly:

I mean, they’re flirting with each other, right?