Jennifer Love Hewitt’s relationship advice book is a harbinger of doom

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The initial reports began circulating Friday, and then it was confirmed early Saturday: the dashed dreams of everyone, Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jamie Kennedy were no more! My first instinct, as I admitted, was that Love got dumped. Not because I think she’s a bad person, but I’ve just noticed her modus operandi. Anyway, the initial confirmation didn’t indicate who did the dumping, but People Magazine did organize a very special “How Everything Went Wrong” story:

Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jamie Kennedy have split, but the Ghost Whisperer costars are saving the drama for the small screen.

A source close to the couple insists there was no infidelity or other smoking gun behind their breakup, and says it was a mutual decision by two people who remain friends.

“It wasn’t contentious,” the source tells PEOPLE. “It had kind of just run its course … They just sort of looked at each other and said, ‘We like each other and we make each other laugh, but this isn’t for the long-term.’ ”

Hectic schedules may have also contributed to the split. In addition to starring in and producing Ghost Whisperer, Hewitt is preparing for an upcoming Lifetime movie, and getting ready for a tour to promote her first book, The Day I Shot Cupid, due out March 23. In the book, the star – quite fittingly – offers advice on relationships, love and weathering, among other things, breakups.

“She’s working constantly, and Jamie’s working on the show and touring [with his stand-up comedy act],” says the source. “It just isn’t conducive to a relationship.”

Still, the source says the former couple’s on-set relationship remains drama free and professional.

[From People]

Yeah, how are they going to work together? My guess is that Love will either get him fired or force him to get back together with her so he can keep his job. How badly does he need the work? Pretty badly, right? So, well done for sexual harassment/bargaining! If I was Jamie, I’d be hiring the lawyers right about now.

Anyway, I’d just thought I’d remind everyone that Jennifer Love’s relationship/dating advice book will be published in less than two weeks (exciting!). It’s called The Day I Shot Cupid, and it’s full of little gems of advice to women-children who want to get dumped by their very own douchey Pear-Ass-calling d-ckface boyfriend. Do you want to be like Love? Just try these helpful tips, courtesy of Star Magazine’s book excerpts:

* “Remember: Cleavage isn’t cheap, it’s gorgeous! Show it off!”

*“Before a date, vagazzle ‘it’! (Not for him, for you!)”

*“Take a bath every night with a tiara on. It really does make you feel like a queen!”

*“Don’t take a diuretic before a date; you will pee all night long!”

[From Star Magazine, print edition, March 22, 2010]

Oh. My. God. The vagazzling thing isn’t shocking, because we already heard about Love’s nasty habit of gluing rhinestones on her mons pubis before. But do we really need the piece of advice about not taking a diuretic before going out somewhere? Isn’t that one kind of obvious? Like, here’s my dating advice: “Don’t chug Nyquil and drive a tractor.” Or “You may get muddy (or worse) if your first date involves cow-tipping.” Shocking, I know. As far as the tiara stuff… just, no. I mean, sure, every woman can and should wear a tiara at some point, just because it’s fun, especially if you’re a birthday girl or something. But this whole “we are all pretty princesses” movement is part of the larger problem of the infantilizing of grown women. Enough already.

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Jennifer Love Hewitt in LA on March 14, 2010, alone, and on February 21, 2010. Credit: Fame Pictures & RIV/Fame.

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22 Responses to “Jennifer Love Hewitt’s relationship advice book is a harbinger of doom”

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  1. SolitaryAngel says:

    The excerpts are ridiculous…she needs to grow up and maybe then she can keep a man.

  2. canadianchick says:

    Vagazzle it-what a mental picture to start my Monday off.

  3. N.D. says:

    She went out dressed like that?! Tell me it was some photoshoot…

    Her advices are bizarre to say the least.

  4. Marjalane says:

    How old is she? I think it must be sad when you’re a “star”, (?) and you’re reduced to dating Jamie Kennedy in the first place, and then advertising that you hot glue jewels to your lady parts is just wierd and pathetic.

  5. DoMaJoReMc says:

    OK So, I’m pretty sure that if I wanted to get some relationship advice, I’d go to this BIMBETTE!

    Am I the only one who rolls her eyes whenever JLH ‘finds’ herself in a new relationship?

  6. Jazz says:

    She’ll be engaged again before you know it!

  7. meme says:

    yeah, she’ll be engaged again and again and again and again but married? never.

  8. canadianchick says:

    Maybe they should legalize gay marriage and she and Jessica Simpson could marry each other and form the House of Bimbo together.

  9. GatsbyGal says:

    She’s, like, the bottom-lat person I’d ever take romantic advice from. Doctor, heal thyself.

  10. juiceinla says:

    Knock me over with a pear shaped feather but, Kennedy is being pretty classy about all of this…I mean his past persona would not have been so discreet.

    I too think he probably called it off, because she doesn’t seem to be able to get out of her own way, she just seems like a scared, flighty, super ditzy product of hollywood- very fragile and needy.

  11. bellaluna says:

    That’s her at her birthday party. Apparently, she turned 5. I don’t even know what “vagazzle” means, and I have no intention of even attempting to find out. Please, no one tell me. I really really REALLY don’t want to know.

    As far as her advice book, I consider it providence, kind of like Jenny McCarthy’s book about marriage coming out after her divorce announcement, and Kate G’s book about “loving family meals” or whatever after her family imploded. Physicians heal thyselves.

  12. Mihaela says:

    OMG people.. you really hate women…

  13. Karen says:

    The idea of a grown woman wearing a tiara…well ever, is rather ridiculous. I would not be caught dead, not even in the bathtub!

  14. lin234 says:

    I don’t understand why vagazzling even exists. Is it necessary to put toxic chemicals near your privates? Do guys like pubic areas that are hard and bumpy?

    Not to mention just how green is it to superglue crystals on you just to watch them fall out and thrown away? I’d sooner throw away money than “vagazzle” anything. Also, considering the recession we’re in, better advice would be to save that money.

  15. Emily says:

    lin234, I wouldn’t say it’d be a turn on in and of itself. But if I was with a chick who’d done that for funsies, I would crack up. Especially if it was something really lame, like “HI!” or a smiley face or something.

  16. Kate says:

    WOW… reading the first piece of advice, I thought it was meh. The second one was just confusing (she doesn’t REALLY bedazzle her va-jay, right?), and by the third one I was truly convinced that it was all a joke and after the excerpt was over, you’d tell us you were just kidding.

    …But you didn’t. You just forgot right? That’s not her REAL dating advice…… right??

  17. BethF says:

    I think taking a bath while donning a tiara sounds kind of fun. Some of you might want to consider lightening up and digging deep inside for your lost sense of humor. Life is too short for corn cobs. And, who knows… maybe there’s a niche of women who really do want to get dumped so this book might be just the ticket to help the poor saps end their relationships. And, for those of you who want to hold onto your man just inverse the advice i.e. if she says to vagazzle any part of your body then that should be your cue of what not to do.

  18. beautiful dresses ,I like that
    glad to hear that the day I shot cupid will be published

  19. Jere Schifo says:

    Definitely a great post on this topic. Keep up the good work!

  20. Sandy says:

    It’s nice to read a good blog post. I enjoy many of the articles on your web site.

  21. Lee Ann says:

    Oh come on, don’t be so cruel guys, she’s a sweet girl tries to share her story

  22. Leah says:

    She is perfect as she is. Lady Gaga should grow up and Madonna at least Cher did.