There’s a very good editorial on MSN from a mother of a premature baby who is aghast at the way the Duggar family has handled the media after their youngest, Josie, was born four and a half months early. Josie recently had to go back to the hospital in Little Rock, Arkansas, when her vitals dropped due to problems she had digesting the supplements that were being added to her mom’s breastmilk. She had just gone home last week after a nearly four month stay following her birth. Josie is doing much better and will hopefully go back home again to her large family in a few days.
The editorial on MSN impressed me because it touches on something that’s bothered me about the Duggars but I never quite put my finger on – their nonchalance. They’re so mellow about everything, and that makes them calm, arguably effective parents who run an ordered household. There’s something delusional about that in Josie’s case, though. They happily posed for photos with Josie, allowed cameras in the hospital, and said they would continue having as many kids as “God” granted them. This made them seem more clueless than they already did, and if they were aware of the seriousness of their 19th child’s condition they certainly weren’t fazed by it at all. Compare that to what this mother says she went through when her child was born about as premature, and it all seems suspect. I guess we already knew the Duggars were in their own spacey happy world, though. Here are some of the highlights:
On the Duggars’ “twisted” media coverage of Josie
For a parent, experiencing the harrowing birth of a premie is an absolute nightmare. It requires so much strength and hope and emotion and hard work. I know; I have some experience walking in Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar’s shoes, and I’m thoroughly baffled, even offended, by their public reaction and interaction with the media since Josie’s birth. I’m not sure that being offended by their lifestyle choice is totally reasonable, but it’s definitely what I feel. When I heard she was so early, I felt sad knowing what a long, tough road she has ahead. But within days the media were asking if the couple was going to have more babies. (Who really asks that right after a seriously medically challenging delivery? If someone had asked me that, they would have gotten punched in the mouth!) The Duggars’ response didn’t exactly defuse the media, though. They could have deflected the ensuing criticism by saying something to the effect of, “Our newborn is fighting for her life. We’re not in a position to think about that at the moment.” Instead, they went on to give People an interview saying they’re fully open to having more children. The article included photos of them looking as happy as can be while holding little Josie in the hospital with her feeding tube taped to the side of her face. TLC video crews were also on hand to document it all from birth up to now. It actually seems kind of twisted to me.My own premie arrived three months early, too, and weighed just two ounces more than Josie Duggar. Our neonatal nurses wouldn’t even turn the lights on in our daughter’s room because it was too much stimulation for her delicate eyes. We were also only allowed two people at a time to visit her because of the risk of the introduction of germs. Something that might cause a cold for a term baby could be lethal for a premie.
In the early days after her birth, we wore hospital gowns and face masks. I cannot imagine having a television crew just feet away from my premie, with cameras, lights, gear, and boom mikes that have been all over creation. I was astounded when I saw the People photos and TLC video, knowing what went into taking them and what kind of stress that could cause for baby Josie….
On the Duggars’ general lifestyle
I find the Duggar phenomenon totally off-putting (including the hokey plan to give every child a name that starts with the letter J). So many children, a televised wedding, a new grandbaby, another televised special on Josie’s birth — all of this in the name of what? This deeply Christian family would probably answer, “God.” That might be satisfactory enough if it was a more private affair, one not broadcast on national television. It’s one thing to have an unusually large family. It’s another to put that family and all its trappings into a fishbowl and then invite millions of viewers to gawk and critique and criticize. “19 Kids and Counting” (previously called “18 …” and “17 …”) isn’t the Duggars’ first foray into television entertainment. They started with Discovery way back when the family was comparatively small with just 14 kids. Clearly, it’s reached freak show status or TLC wouldn’t be documenting the trials, chaos, and certainly cooperation and love of this ginormous family…The reality of having so many kids, though, is that one mom and dad just couldn’t possibly do it all. At some point, the older kids have to be stand-in or part-time parents to the younger ones. Maybe Jim Bob and Michelle, themselves, inadvertently admitted that when they said on their Web site that one of their goals in parenting a large family is making sure they have individual conversations with each child at least — wait for it — once a week! Can you imagine how loved a kid must feel getting penciled in to talk to Dad on Wednesdays at 2:35? It sounds more like a parent/teacher conference than parent/child relationship. (Better not be late!) The family also has Operational Definitions of Character Qualities they expect of their kids. I think I had one of those at the mega-company I used to work for. The kids are also paired off in a buddy system so an older child can mentor and help a younger one.
[From TV.MSN.com]
The author doesn’t have just criticism for the Duggars, and praises their frugality and organizational skills in running such a large family. I liked this article because it was certainly opinionated, but it was balanced, backed up well and she was writing from experience. Most families feel the strain from one premature baby, but the Duggars just keep pressing on with permagrins and a promise to try, try again. That’s part of the reason they’re so famous. It’s their kids that will have to deal with the repercussions of that, especially Josie. Hopefully she’s ok and will be well cared for like her siblings. I don’t dislike the Duggars, I just understand why people take issue with them.
I really don’t think of their attitudes as nochalant… rather they are just *really* alowing their faith to govern how they react to their situations. They seem to feel that God is doing his thing, and they have no control one way or the other- so they just go with it and remain positive no matter what happens. To most it would be stressfull dealing with what they deal with, but they look at it as devine intervention I suppose.
Funny, God didn’t “grant” them this child, science did.
Very interesting take on the situation, the media coverage, etc, from someone who went through a similar situation. I can’t even begin to understand why the Duggars do what they do.
Hope little Josie is doing well.
My immediate reaction was to say they are taking it so lightly because they have plenty of children to spare, but now that seems really harsh…..part of me still feels like it’s true though
I can imagine the challenges of trying to manage the enormous bills that would be incurred by having a baby in the hospital for so long might have been a big factor in them allowing the show to broadcast in the neonatal unit, but I can also see how the writer would have been totally freaked out by the germs and overstimulation threats. Finding a way to balance must be extremely difficult, but I can’t imagine that the hospital would allow the arrangement and access to the film crew unless some pretty strict guidelines were followed, simply for liability and health concerns of the patients. The public scrutiny of the facilities would require that they consult not only legal but also health professionals. And how completely awful would it be if something bad happened to the infant/s and it was attributable to the film crew? Those are grounds for a giant lawsuit and a horrible PR debaucle, so I’m hoping they crossed the t’s and dotted their i’s before proceeding with this.
That detached manner is what I noticed right away… maybe cos after that many kids it just doesnt get to you–? But man, if I had a baby and it was all hooked up and that tiny I definitely wouldnt have been so neutral like the Michelle was. IMO it was being handled too roughly by the staff, as well, and I wouldve been all over the baby and hissing and scratching at the staff for being brutal beasts LOL
Mothers instincts are alive and well in me, I suppose.
I believe their nonchalance can be explained thusly: If they admitted that it was unwise to furiously pump out progeny as fast as possible, they’d be acknowledging that it’s not really part of “God’s plan”. If they admitted fears or misgivings about the baby’s health, they’d be acknowledging imperfect faith, both unacceptable in their worldview.
Also, the Duggars are secret quiverfull fanatics – if they hadn’t erased their old website, you’d see that they follow the teachings of a guy named Gothard, who advocated “blanket training” for small children (google it, it’s vile.)
Oh, and the Duggars aren’t stupid, they know they need to present an appealing package in order for the TV money to keep rolling in.
Risa, I think you are right. The Duggars are able to (at least in public) put there lives totally in the hands of God. Whether one believes in God or not, this is soemthing devote Christians strive for. Perhaps other religions do as well, I just don’t know more than core beliefs of the other world religions. But I also understand how this is crazy to understand is we don’t share their same devout faith. I know I would be calling on every specialist out there, but I am not the Duggars
The first thought that came into my mind was ‘To each their own’. I mean, most women in today’s society are quite good at over stressing and worrying and trying to control things they cant, especially with issues regarding fertility and childern. My man’s sis just had a baby recently, I mentioned this before on this site, and she also had two miscarriages before her third pregnancy. When she was carrying she was always on pins and needles; she felt if she did the slightest thing wrong, it would cause her to miscarry. Including when they got a new sedan and she read online somewhere that the smell of a new car was toxic, she literally drove with all the widows down the first few days. Including across Texas to visit us!
What Im trying to say is, some women do feel like over stressing out will make having a premie easier to deal with, but maybe the Duggares just dont feel that way. I dunno, having never had a baby, I cant say I empathize with whatever women are dealing with anyway.
I don’t understand why it is such a big deal that they choose to have a large family. It is really not anybody’s business but theirs.
I think the lady who wrote the MSN article is out of line. There are hours upon hours that are not filmed, where the mother can privately go through the natural emotions. I also think they have a faith in God, that allows them to feel peace at this difficult time.
I think that the Duggars are scared beyond measure. However, what takes them through life is their faith in God. We as outsiders, see the smiles and the peace and wonder if she’s “all there”.
It’s like a situation that I’m dealing with now. Just two weeks ago, I lost my best friend suddenly. I cried until I was sick, then cried again. At her funeral, I was so overcome with sadness at seeing my bestie in a casket when I remembered her as my roadie in Vegas. She was going to be here in August to help me with my baby (as I’m due in August) and checked on me daily.
When her father got up to speak, he was a level of calm that I could not fathom. He quoted his belief in God, mentioned scriptures and stated that in time, he would be reunited with her in heaven..in peace. I remembered wondering how could he not be so sad. Her fiance’ (my Godbrother) was overcome and everyone who loved her was just as sad. He told my Godbrother this week that it’s a daily battle for him to keep it together, and that it’s his faith in God that helps him get out the bed and go on.
So, from the images we see, we wonder if Michelle really “gets it”. But I feel she does. But as my friend’s father said, his belief and faith keeps him smiling and in peace. Besides, what good will negative energy bring in Josie’s life? Howling and holing up in a room will not help that baby, but faith and love will.
As for the cameras: would you have believed that a preemie as small as Josie could ever survive? I’m glad to see Michelle’s experience. I’m 21 weeks along with fluctuating high blood pressure. It makes me take better care of myself to better help my unborn son…
@ursaline I would agree that bills could be a factor, except the Duggar’s all have free state-paid health insurance. Jim Bob was a US senator for one term, and now the entire family has free health care for life.
The whole thing rubs me the wrong way, as I feel like they are pimping out their very ill child for pity. It’s just kinda ick.
I read that article when it came out and I dont think she was out of line or off-base at all. I agree with it, especially about not having the harsh lights on the newborns eyes. This family disgusts me to no end and Im sure they only had the cameras on that poor baby to get more donations.
I’d say it’s time to sew up mommy Michele. Enough! This is NOT God’s way…….
For those that say her children are not God’s will, how do you know?
I always wondered why they were like that, I do think it is just because they have that “If that’s what God…” attitude.
I’ve said this before and don’t care if I’m slammed for it:
These. People. Are. SICK.
Pimping out your family is not Godly, no matter how they try to justify it. They are doing this for NO other reason than notoriety and income.
Let’s not forget that they don’t allow their children to watch tv. So I still don’t understand why they agreed to do a show.
@Ade it wouldn’t be anyone’s business if they didn’t have a show. By putting it out there, they opened themselves up to criticism. And I say that as someone who has relatives who don’t use birth control out of the same belief that God provides the number of children He means for you to have. I don’t avoid those relatives or mock them. It’s a personal choice for them to have a large number of children as long as the children are well cared for (receiving adequate food, care, education, etc).
But once you turn on the television cameras or make a website? You’re asking people to tune in and watch your family. Some of the people who do are going to negatively judge you. That’s the price you pay for giving up that privacy.
“I don’t understand why it is such a big deal that they choose to have a large family. It is really not anybody’s business but theirs.”
well, considering the fact that they are using huge amounts of natural resources by having 20 kids it IS everyone’s concern. take water, for example, which many environmentalists and economists predict will be the resource we will go to war over in the near future: the average american home (4 people) uses about 100 gallons of water each day while the poorest people subsist on 5 gallons. furthermore, 1 in 8 of the world’s population does not currently have daily access to clean water, and that number will only increase as water gets scarcer. how much water do you think these enormous families use every year? our natural resources are not infinite, and people need to think about that before popping out 10 or 15 kids.
I think that what we’re seeing as nonchalance is a brave face, and nothing more. The Duggars, despite the television show, are really private about their feelings. They share their life, their choices and actions, with us, but not their deep, internal personal stuff. There is a lot to be said for abiding faith, too; I’m not religious but I know that it can provide a lot of comfort to people who are.
All in all, I think the Duggars know how bad the situation with Josie is and can be in the future, but they don’t feel like that’s something for public consumption. So they slap on a smile and tell us the good news, and hope and pray quietly for the best outcome.
So now she’s being criticized for not being an emotional wreck? Because, somehow, that is the appropriate reaction to a crisis? I’m not much of a believer myself, but clearly those that truly believe in God may have a calmness that comes from knowing God has a plan that non-believers may not quite get.
So, although they moved their entire family close to the hospital so that they could be together, and there everyday, that isn’t good enough. Now we need to see them breaking down so that we can feel comfortable with their reaction.
So much of the writer’s opinions are about the family in general, that I find it hard to believe that they could have handled it in any way that would have satisfied her.
People need to think about natural resources when they are building mini mansions with hot tubs,swimming pools,sprinkler systems etc How much water is wasted on that nonsense. The Duggars probably use less water than the average family because they can only use the shower for 3 min to allow everyone a chance.
A fiend of mine had 2 baby girls at different times, both of them were preemies due to different circumstances. They were her only children, and both died at the hospital, fighting for their lives.
She decided not to bring anymore children to suffer to this world because of what she saw that they had to endure during weeks of surviving, and still they did not make it trough.
It is really hard, and it is true that they ones that may be paying consequences of early birth are the children, look for the danger of being born prematurely. Good that they have good medica care for them.
After 17 or 18 kids, having the risk of having premature babies is irresponsible, in my view.
I’ve thought about all that too – premature babies can get sick VERY easily, so why the fuck was a camera crew allowed that close to Josie? And the lights are on, and they’re smiling and it all just seems so wrong. SO wrong.
It must be nice to not worry or care about the fate of your daughter because you believe God will do whatever the hell he wants regardless of your actions. This is why Christianity didn’t work for me.
They DO allow their kids to watch tv, actually. They’re selective about the programming, but that’s not a bad thing these days. I wouldn’t want my kids watching the real housewives of jersey shore hills. They used to not allow it, but they really mellowed out after the early seasons.
People are always hating on the Duggars without doing any research.
#24 (kim?) – i agree with you that things like golf courses use ludicrous amounts of water: in florida alone about 3,000 gallions of water are used per golf game! that needs to change, obviously. as far as the duggars and their 3 minute showers, that’s great, but lots of people take 3 minute showers. if you think that a family of 20 uses less resources daily than a family of 4, you need to take math 101 again. 3 x 4 = 12 minutes. 3 x 20 = 60 minutes. and what about the amount of garbage a family of 20 produces?
I have no problem with this family per se, but I do wonder how in hell the hospital NICU would allow a camera crew in that ward. Next to cardiac ICUs, NICUs are about the most sterile envs in a hospital. I doubt the Duggars would know this as they are not terribly educated, but the hosp staff sure as heckfire should. That was terribly poor judgement of the staff.
I think this is God’s way of saying enough it enough, personally. Poor little Josie, and I think Michelle needs to keep a nickel between her knees.
@ JC126 – You make excellent points. These parents are disgusting. And everyone has a right to be concerned about the other children, TV or not. I have a friend who is in a religion that doesn’t believe in doctor’s and her dog died of Lyme disease recently because, I know she delayed treatment because she was at home “praying” for him. Thank god she doesn’t have kids – yet.
Actually per a Larry King interview in 2009, the Duggars pay for their health insurance, but it does not cover childbirth. Personally, I would rather see them with 19 obviously well taken care of kids than one crackhead baby. Also, i think it is none of my business how many kids they have. Funny how everyone bitches about the exploitation of the family and kids, but yet someone must be watching the show or it wouldn’t still be on the air.
Yea now I remember what I didnt like: Josie was very obviously in discomfort from all the damned lights shining right into her eyes/ she was lying on her back and the lights above were on and she looked like she was in pain. They were just smiling at a distance like oh how cute shes making faces.
I felt pain for Josie when I saw that.
I think it’s interesting how many people watch them and say “oh, they’re so relaxed just because they are totally putting their lives in God’s hands!”
Well, how do you know that? DO you really know that?
No one knows that. I’m a Christian, too, but God didn’t give me x-ray vision to peer into another person’s soul and inner life and tell you exactly what’s there. And He didn’t give it to any of you, either.
For all you know, they’re so relaxed because they pop three Xanax a day. Or they’re so relaxed because they are incredibly naive and don’t even grasp the ramifications of their actions. Or they are only *acting* relaxed, when really on the inside they are both privately freaking out having lots of moments of “what the HELL ARE WE THINKING?”
That is why I draw conclusions about public figures based ONLY on what I see them do and what I hear them say. And in this case, I see a couple of people who ARE far too nonchalant about their life choices and the consequences of such, especially in light of this latest birth. Nowhere in the Bible does it command you to hand your brain over to God and stop making decisions, stop engaging in critical thinking. Nowhere. It’s the lazy way out, it’s irresponsible and silly.
A normal thinking person (yes, even a Christian one) who has a micropreemie with severe health issues does not just automatically say “well, yeah, I’m going to just keep on truckin’! Keep on doing what I’ve been doing!” No, they examine things, re-analyze things in light of this new development.
I don’t know why they act so nonchalant and neither does anyone else. But the fact that they do seem really nonchalant throws up warning signals to me.
“Personally, I would rather see them with 19 obviously well taken care of kids than one crackhead baby.”
yeah – because those are the only two options.
but it does not cover childbirth
that would explain all the pics, they’re pimping out pics for donations. That poor child will probably have more damage to her vision from the lights and cameras and Im sure they’re write it off as ‘god’s will’ too..poor thing.
The father and his phony smile just scream PHONY CREEP to me. I think its only a matter of time before something scandalous comes out about this family.
Utter stupidity will do that to people. They’re freakishly calm because they genuinely believe all their fundamentalist nonsense that it’s “all in God’s plan”. It’s a sign of how deeply brainwashed they are into this bizarre mindset.
I’ve had twin boys born a month & half too early and had to spend a whole month in neonatal care, both hooked up to machines and tubes everywhere. To see them we had to scrub, wear caps and blouses and slippers before entering their room…and even though I’m Christian, it was very scarey, especially when a machine went off.The waiting was long, everyday arriving at the hospital praying that our kids had taken on a few grams, that their body temp was stable, that they were pooping well….etc. so many scarey things.Just because you put your faith in God, it does not take away your concerns and fears to that point which seems to be the Duggars’. For me, that top pic is just freaky, there they are, hair done and makeup with this “so happy smile” while their baby daughter is fighting for her life right under their chins. And even if some people say that it’s just for the cameras. It makes it worse. Plus now naming their show “19 and counting” !!! that’s just unbelievable!!! It’s like saying “ok, moving on now!” Like there is no respect for their little Josie. Do they not know that she might grow up with alot of health issues due to her extreme premature birth? My hubby’s a doctor and told me that a baby that small will probably have quite a few health issues to deal with later on. How can these parents just skip that?
I get the “ick” vibe off them too. I’m sure they’ll be totally confused when some of their kids cannot get far enough away from them as adults (and probably have small families)
For everyone commenting that they’re criticized for acting too calm…
That’s not what the author is getting at, it’s the fact that if your child was fighting for his/her life would you even care about being on the cover of People or making sure your reality show gets good footage? Most people would probably say ‘no’
If they truly believed “everything is in God’s hands”, then why are they so willing to have doctors and medical science working to keep little Josie alive? Seems hypocritical at the least.
lady nightshade – i guess for them fame is more important than keeping their preemie’s little lungs away from strangers, lights and cameras.
marina – you do know that her prematurity wasn’t due to how many children the mom had, right? It’s called pre-eclampsia and it happens to first time moms just as well.
Sugar & spice – really? you really don’t seem to understand how that faith works. You don’t sit around waiting for your child to be healed even when you do believe that its in God’s hands. they could believe God guides them to the proper care and in this case it would be doctors and medical science.
Science is right.
Biology keeps giving her fertilized zygotes. Those doctors helped keep their baby alive.
I wish the best for those kids. I think the parents just keep taking advantage where they can to profit off them.
@Moore. There are a few religions that do not seek medical help at all. Christian Scientists, World Church of God, Rastafarian, and many tribal cultures. All of them have faith and don’t believe in modern intervention.
I believe Sugar meant that is if their answer to criticism is that it’s all in God’s Hands or a part of God’s Plan… why don’t they go whole hog. haha
@ Moore – fair enough, I understand what you’re saying. But I just think it seems hypocritical to say that they leave everything up to God and talk about what a faith-based lifestyle they lead, and then on the other hand act completely opposite of those claims. I know a lot of people who live a faith-based life, but they aren’t out there contradicting themselves just to make a buck & a name for themselves. I believe in God too, but I take responsibility for my own actions, I don’t just lump them onto His shoulders and say, ok I’m just along for the ride.
Sugar & Spice – I don’t see them selling out to make a buck. The Duggars have their own work outside of this show and have done well for their family in the fact that were completely debt free, I believe, before this show came along. So saying that they’re out to make more money is not backed up by their lifestyle. Again, this is just what I’ve seen of them.
What actions are they supposed to be taking responsibility for here? Having a premature child? Medical issue. Having tv cameras around? Taped segments, they aren’t there constantly. Making money? We all make money, just so happens there are people who want to see this family and so they are on tv. I’ve yet to see this family’s children pimped out in other ways. I don’t see what actions they should be taking responsibility for when their actions aren’t directly hurting anyone other than people who claim that all the children are using up the natural resources.
If their approach is anything to go by, it’s working. I wouldn’t take the amount of kids but I would take the money making and being debt free in a minute.
Just looking at that tiny baby makes my eyes watery…how the parents would bring a camera crew to film her is beyond me.
“What actions are they supposed to be taking responsibility for here?”
why would parents allow their very sick, premature baby to be taped by strangers with germ-laden equipment? maybe they should take responsibility for that. i am amazed the hospital didn’t refuse the camera crew entry into the unit.
These people are sickening. To put that baby right on tv and in magazines is terrible. He made some money in real estate, but most of it comes from the shows. They didn’t have that big house before it. Turn off the cameras and take care of that sick baby.
I see their non-chalance as a lack of significant attachment to their children. These children are just numbers now. I mean if they lost this one they’d still have 18 more, so I’m not particularly surprised by their attitude. I feel sorry for these children, they’re environment is run more like an institution than an intimate family household.
Michael,
Great point. So, what if their next child is stillborn due to over reproduction, or if the mother dies on the table?
Is that the sign they are waiting for?
I don’t know that I would take them smiling into the camera while taking pics with their baby is twisted. I know Michelle at least definitely had her emotional moments on camera but I think it has a lot do do with a much different life perspective.
I think they smiled because they were happy that she was alive and I think they know she might not have made it at any given time.
I definitely don’t live my life that way and i know I get pissed when other Christians expect me to look on life as they do, as though God is pissing blessings (a rough road with a preemie) down upon me and I am supposed to go dancing in it.
I truely do understand that people put them off puting but honestly a lot of it is just a different approach to life. If they aren’t being abusive to their children or there is some evidence that their parenting choices are harming their children that would be one thing.
And as for the once a week thing, I think many people with far less children have serious one on one time with their children. Life many times for a variety of reasons gets in the way.
Science helped to create birth control and it also helps to keep their preemie alive. They should really give birth control a try or wrap it up.
My oldest nephew was born at 26 weeks gestation just over 24 years ago. He weighed barely 2lbs 8 oz. And dropped to barely a pound during his first week of life.
The hospital where he was born was a learning center for UCLA’s neonatal ICU and my nephew recieved with my sister & her husband permission as many experimental premie treatments as his little body could handle. Including not being feed for two weeks, being given paralytic drugs to stop him from burning off calories he couldn’t afford, being wrapped in Saran Wrap to retain body heat, and having his exposure to light and stimulation severely limited. He was also put on an ventilator for the entire time that they had him on paralytic drugs which was 3 weeks.
Visitors were limited to 1 at a time either mom or dad although an exception was made because my brother-in-law was physical handicapped and needed assistance. Even once our boy was moved from the NICU to the Neonatal unit stimulation was limited to quiet voices, soft music,, soft lights and all of the ten babies there thrived. Prior to the 10 premie group that my nephew was unfortunately born into the hospital used to allow lots of stimulation and visitors etc, they placed the premies under warming lights and bright lights in the isolets thinking that light would improve their delicate conditions. And nurses spoke in normal to loud voices. The results were not good. The premies before my nephews group faltered and they were born older than my nephew who was the earilest in the unit.
I am very happy to say that 24 years later thanks to the experimentation and innovation of the hospital where he was born and their affiliation with UCLA’s Neonatal center my nephew had only 1 medical complication (a quick lung hemorrhage that spontaneously healed after a blood transfusion). When he came home after three months he suffered no developmental or growth delays at all. The child suffered no ill-effects from his traumatic birth, my sister & her hubby on the other hand were worn ragged from the stress and worry.
With regard to Josie I think the hospital where she is and her parents have done that child a great disservice. I suspect that she will probably suffer from mild to major developmental and physical delays due to the type of care she’s receiving. It seems that her care and the hospital allowing camera crews, family friends, photographers and other unnecessary stimulation and exposure will mean that Josie will always have medical issues that other premies born at the same age under the similar conditions won’t suffer from. And Josie’s issues will be solely a result of her parents poor decision making to place their “show” and the money it brings to their family to outweigh the good of their newest family member. They are acting like Josie’s premature birth is the best thing since slice bread and that she doesn’t require special consideration. then again I have always felt that they have treated all their children like cattle.
I worry for little Josie that rather than having a bright future that many premies now go on to have that this Duggar will happily be paraded around as “the special Duggar”.
This was a good article. I didn’t realize a lot of the stuff mentioned about premies. I don’t see why they would put their child at risk.
Oh yes, I understand that Josie went home last week and is already back in the hospital for digestive issues and other troubles. Sometimes attempts to treat premies like full term babies results in physical maladies that could have been avoided with more vigilant and slower progression of care by the hospital.
Again, none of the 10 premies in the unit (including my nephew) had to go back to the hospital once they were released. I know this because the hospital were the children were treated has yearly reunions of the first special premie class. 2 out of 10 are a bit developmentally delayed. Which was a result of they way the were born – there wasn’t early medical invention and the mother’s actually when into premature labor and delivered vaginal while the other 8 were taken via C-section as soon as the risk was recognized.
Weird, memory I still remember that when my nephew was born their weren’t any male premie clothes so we dressed him in Cabbage Patch kid premie clothes. They fit and were adorable but it made my sister very upset to have to dress her first baby in doll clothes. And the second weird memory is when he got his first bath in the hospital. It was probably three weeks before he was released, so he was two months old. My sister and b-i-l were so excited but were told to remain very calm and be very gentle in there caress of their son’s skin. My dad, my b-i-l’s mother and I stood out the Neonatal units windows watching quietly as our tiny now 4 lb boy got his first bath. He fit in the palm of my sister’s hand. It was amazing and it really was a very very private moment for our family. It wasn’t for public consumption. But that’s just us. We didn’t call People mag, or the Today Show or have an audience. We just gave the boy loads of attention and love.
snapdragon, I’m pretty sure if it was deemed harmful it wouldn’t have been done. I don’t understand it but considering everyone who would take the fall for that, I doubt it was done without the outcome and the precautions being considered first. Especially when its not just a few people who would get to see the tape and have to own up to it.
Duh: Thank you so much for sharing the remarkable details of your nephew’s plight. My child was in the NICU briefly, but he was full-term and was only kept there for a couple of days for observational purposes (he was born nearly 12 hours after my water broke, and he was running a fever). Watching them rush him from the delivery room and into to NICU was the most terrifying moment of my life. He was my first, so going from the jubilation of that brand new moment to intense concern was awful. That probably sounds silly when compared to what your nephew and other preemies have been through, but I guess my point is that even when my full-term, otherwise healthy son was in the NICU, I was so protective and vigilant, and so were the nurses. No way in hell would a camera crew be in there distracting us from my child’s improvement and well being.
Anyway, thank you so much for sharing. Your nephew is so lucky to have such a wonderful family who obviously adores him. And that story about his first bath was so touching it made me cry.
I consider myself a very devout Christian, but let me tell you, when my daughter was born 2 months early weighing only 2 pounds and 7 ounces and then having my dad pass away from cancer four days later, my faith was certainly tested.
My daughter also was born with kinking in her intestines and had to be rushed into surgery at a day old. She has had 6 surgeries since and has a central line. We have spent countless nights at the Children’s Hospital because of infections and complications. She requires 16 hours of TPN a night and I do all her medical care. I turn to my faith but it is very unrealistic to not have your faith rocked some. Even Job and Jesus underwent their own doubts at pivotal moments.
I could never think of allowing a camera crew into the preemie unit. For one thing, it was the most emotional time of our lives. For those three months she was in the NICU, we were absolutely emotionally drained by the end of the day. I couldn’t imagine posing for photos and granting interviews. My entire time was consumed being by my daughter’s side. I tried desperately to pump breast milk for her only to be crushed to learn she would not take it.
It does smack of selfishness to say that you will continue to have children if God intends that for you while you have an infant fighting for her life right in front of you.
Trust me, my daughter consumes all of my time. So for the Duggars to think they are doing their children some great favor by giving them each an hour a week smacks of naivete. This baby will need every moment and it scares me to think she will be passed off to one of the older children. A nurse told me part of my daughter’s recovery was her knowing her mother was beside her showering her with love.
I have no ill-will towards the Duggars at all. I see them as a real life version of the Brady Bunch, where they kind of just live in their own good natured little world.
@Ash – You sound like a reasonable Christian, nice to know there are still reasonable ones out there. The Duggars don’t seem to care about their children only having them and that is so Michelle can feel darn special for 38 weeks or so and then it is all about the baby so she has to turn the attention back on her by getting knocked up by that buffoon of a husband.
TG: Amen!
Just because someone thinks or says that they are doing something for religious reasons doesn’t make it so. Building their own child army (sorry AJ!), having film crews follow them around, being famous–The Duggars are getting satisfaction from the choices they’ve made that have nothing to do with a love of God. They have chosen the path that best feeds their narcissism. Just look at that top photo–They love having that camera pointed straight at them!
I can see the view about their ‘nonchalance’ but it seems that their view of children is very different from the writer of the article.
Her baby was a preemie– was it her first? If you only have one, if something happens to the child it’s devastating. But the Duggers have 18 kids. They have a more old-fashioned view of child rearing, which is that you bear many children because not all survive.
For all I can see, their home is large, healthy and secure. Maybe too many kids (it would be for me!) but they’re not doing heroin and having random sex like that chick on Pretty Wild.
Worse families have happened. The Duggars are calm under duress– what’s the problem with that? Would it be better to sweat and cry and writhe their hands?
And pregnancy number 20 announcement in 3..2..1…
One thing that I’ve always wondered is not only how they find enough time for 19 kids, but how do they find time to have sex every day? Seriously, how do they manage to even get the dishes done between the kids and the sex???
@snapdragon – you’re totally right, depletion of LIMITED natural resources is exactly why it’s everyone’s business when people choose to have lots of kids. and the scary part is, their children are statistically likely to begin breeding early, and have huge families. say the duggars have 19 kids, and even giving benefit of some tiny bit more sense to the kids, lets say they each have 10 kids, the duggars will have ONE HUNDRED AND NINETY GRANDCHILDREN!!!! If each of those kids has only 5 children (unlikely if they remain in the belief system that perpetuates this type of breeding) they’ll have NINE HUNDRED AND FIFTY GREAT GRANDCHILDREN. that’s over eleven hundred new people impacting this seriously stressed planet in just three short generations. it’s evil, pure and simple, and it hurts every living being.
I was almost 2 months premature and weighed 4 lbs, 13 oz.. The hospital kept me until I was 5 pounds. For the first year of my life, I wasn’t allowed to be held by relatives and strangers, for fear of contracting germs, and while I was in the hospital, my parents could only hold me for 15 minutes a day. Yes, that was a long time ago, but having such a severely premature child, it seems the Duggars would have been told similar things in order to ensure the survivability of their child. Whether they believe God will make things okay or not, they need to do their part in keeping their child healthy. Having film crews around and passing the child to every Tom, Dick and Harry isn’t the way to do that.
@Ash – Ugh, you brought up Job. The story wherein God gives Satan permission to ruins a good man’s life for no reason other than to prove the point that the faithful will still love Him even if their lives suck. Not if you let it happens on purpose just because you want to say “I told you so” to the devil, you heartless dick.
Seriously, that story is supposed in INSPIRE faith?
@MsTriste – “Seriously, how do they manage to even get the dishes done between the kids and the sex???”
Because the older kids raise the younger ones so they can go off and get pregnant again.
Who the HELL is this “mother of a preemie” to criticize how another person deals with and reacts to their premature child? I was not aware that there was ONE specific, acceptable way to show your feelings, but thank goodness this woman is here to tell Michelle Duggar to fall into line and get her emotions up to acceptable standards, amirite?
See, THIS is the problem I have with “Mommies” in general. There is so much judgment, condemnation, preaching and finger pointing aimed at mothers, but it comes from other mothers, who you’d think should know better! It’s ridiculous and unnecessary because not everyone handles things like YOU would like them to, but people don’t seem to grasp that simple fact, so if you don’t fall in line, you’re a horrible mother! I am pregnant right now and I have determined that I will NOT be terrorized by these b*tches, which of course makes ME a bad mother, but I’m OK with that, as I imagine Michelle Duggar is. Because it’s her life, her child, and nobody else’s GOD DAMNED BUSINESS. Besides, it’s obvious that these women are miserable and only want to make other women and mothers as miserable as they are, and I will not allow them to control my life. I actually respect Michelle Duggar a LOT for living her life the way SHE chooses, and not by other people’s standards of acceptability. I’d rather be like her than like this judgmental twat ANY DAY.
Oh, and I find it very interesting that the “judgmental, EEEEVIL Christians” are not the most judgmental, hypocritical, preachiest people…that would go to this dumb c*nt who likes to criticize. She needs to STFU and go deal with HER family, instead of inserting her big fat nose into other people’s business. Guess she wanted some attention and applause for being the “Mommy” of a preemie too….jealousy is SO UGLY. Better do something to get attention, quick! Oh wait….
@latenightwigs
Michelle Duggar made it everyone else’s business when she decided to televise it. The same way the Gosselin parents did. You can have privacy or you can have fame (and the accompanying wealth). But you don’t get to cry foul when you CHOOSE to publicize intimate details of your life and people don’t agree with your choices.
Late Night Wigs- you need to take a MAJOR chill pill. Getting worked up into a righteous frenzy over a gossip site is just a little over-the-top. DEEEEEP breath….step away from the computer.
Honestly, the public brainwashing of these ‘TV families’ is ridiculous. I remember how many people stood up to defend the Gosselin’s and look at what was really going on behind-the-scenes vs. what the public saw on TV. The Duggars aren’t option-less. Given Jim’s political background and his current profession, he has made and makes enough money to take care of his family’s needs. TV isn’t the only financial option for these large families, not to mention people shouldn’t have large families if they can’t find afford to care for them in legitimate ways that don’t exploit their children and take them away from the opportunity to have “normal” lives. The Duggars lives are anything but normal, and I completely agree with this woman. Their behavior has been highly questionable and I don’t by into this ‘wholesome’ act whatsoever. I remember everyone thinking the Gosselin’s were this wholesome religious family and we all know where that ended.
Jag, having been 2 months premature myself (4lbs 1 oz) with weeks in NICU, I can honestly say from experience that not all preemies are kept away like that. Sure, with her age, they should totally take all precautions but being exposed does not automatically turn into a health crisis when it is done in the right way. One could argue what the right way is but both of us were preemies, treated differently and still made it. It doesn’t always turn out bad for the child. It should be left to the parents and the hospital as to how they’ll handle their child’s health.
Gods first commandment was to ” Be fruitful and multiply’ and it’s not up to the Duggers to alter the Bible, nor do they want to needlessy disobey God. ( in reference to the media asking about more children). The Duggars do not pick and choose, they follow the whole Bible.
Mrs. Duggar is a shining Titus 2.
Why do people defend these people?They put there life and there children’s life on t.v. for anyone and everyone to see.They keep having children after being warned by doctors not to.God gave someone the availability to be a doctor and that doctor gave them a warning that this could happen if they don’t stop having children.In my eyes they didn’t listen to god’s warning.Now they have a child who may need more care then they can give.So what if the Gosselin’s put there children on t.v. to long that doesn’t even compare to what the Duaggrs are doing.They are in dangering the life of Michelle and any children they have from now on.
Everyone has fit about the Gosselin’s because of one reason they didn’t shove there religion down someone throat the Duggars do so everyone trys to defend them.Who sits smiling and putting there innocent little baby on t.v. when they child is fighting for there life in the hospital.Most mothers would be run down not sleeping or eating just trying to make it to the next day.My best friend had a preemie we could hardly get her away from the hospital.We even had to force her away to eat.She would never been torn away to send one of her older children to the hospital to take her place so she take a break for 2 weeks.I stopped watching this show cause I don’t want to be watching if something goes wrong during one of these births.
Maybe all the hairspray they use caused Michelle and Jim Bob some brain damage?
I found this article amusing. Adults are typically issue or crisis centered, instead of subject-centered. In our society typically, we are always in crisis mode. The Duggars most recent episode showed Kelly Bates and Michelle in the same room with Josie. Kelly was crying at the sight of seeing Josie for the first time. There were people that thought that Kelly was more “Real” what does that mean anyway? I’ve never gotten it.
I agree with the person that said the Duggars deal with some of their more personal things off camera. I also saw where someone counteracted that by saying, well how do you know they even deal with it at all. My question is, how does the article writer know for sure, that Michelle is nonchalant about it all the time.
When you have a big family like the Duggars, you have to be subject centered, you have to have objectives, and you have to remain calm. Also I’m not Christian, I’m a Buddhist, but we believe that the way that you think affects your actions, and that you can actually will things to happen whether negative or positive. Isn’t it just possible that the Duggars are trying to pray and think positively for Josie to get better?
Do we really need to see JB and Michelle crying their eyes out in every episode, and sitting at home with their kids in a circle sharing their personal turmoil about this? Do we really need to see the words, Until Josie is better and recovered, there will be no more filming for a year? Do we really need to have a statement from them that they agree to this statement, “not their will, but the public’s will be done.?” I like how the article was balanced. But even though they’re on tv, that doesn’t mean that any of us have a right to tell them how we want them to act, or what we want them to do.
This is just my opinion.
This woman is just addicted to the “rush” that pregnancy, child birth and the whole “look at me and my baby” period that happens within the 1st year after birth.
Why do you think she has them so close together?
And you sick people, in the name of your “god” (LMFAO) use this as an excuse to bring even MORE life onto this planet
This isn’t the dark ages, and yet you continue to bleat like sheep with no shepard. Science should have replaced all these BS preconceived notions about what it is to be “blessed by god”. I’m certain it’s not popping out a kid, propping him or her up in front of a camera, and talking endlessly about how well you’ve been brainwashed (and are spreading the mental infection to others).
Seems like she’s just popping em out to avoid postpartum. Like people who keep buying puppies because they have a house full of dogs.
Programmed…Systematic…Brainwashing.
Sorry MommaQ, you are wrong. The Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:2-17 NKJV)
1 “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. You shall have no other gods before Me.
2 “You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them nor serve them. For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing mercy to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My Commandments.
3 “You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes His name in vain.
4 “Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord your God. In it you shall do no work: you, nor your son, nor your daughter, nor your male servant, nor your female servant, nor your cattle, nor your stranger who is within your gates. For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and hallowed it.
5 “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.
6 “You shall not murder.
7 “You shall not commit adultery.
8 “You shall not steal.
9 “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
10 “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor’s.”
YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT I THINK WOULD BE RUDE AND LOW DOWN SELFISH IS IF THE DUGGARS WOULD OF JUST IGNORED PUTTING JOSIE ON CAMERA AND NEVER BROUGHT HER UP NOW TO ME THAT IS BEING A BAD PARENT I BELEAVE THAT ITS REALLY SAD TO SEE YOUR CHILD HOOKED UP TO A MONITOR AND IV’S YES I UNDERSTAND BUT WITH JIM BOB AND HIS FAMILY PUTTING THEIR LITTLE ONE ON CAMERA SHOWS THEY ARE NOT ASHAMMED OF THE LITTLE BABY THEY HAVE I LOVE THIS SHOW AND REALLY LIKE THE FAMILY I WISH THE FAMILY ALL OF THE BEST OF WISHES AND SUPPORT THAT THE LORD HAS TO GIVE THEM I WOULDNT PUT MY CHILD ON TV REALLY SICK BUT IF THIS IS SOMETHING THE DUGGARS CHOOSE TO DO THEN JUST LET THEM EXSPAND OUT THEIR BEAUTIFUL FAMILY AND LET IT GO FROM THERE. DIRTY COMMENTS GO ARE SO JUVANILE WHEN THIS FAMILY DIDNT EVEN DO ANYTHING TO US BUT SHARE THEIR FAMILY WITH US
How about “J’Enuff Already Duggar” for the 20th child that Michelle is, in all likelihood, in the process of hatching as we speak!!
regardless what the docs and supporters say it is the number of kids. One article gave all the risks and complications of having another child after 4 c- sections and a preemie. You got scar tissues from c sections plus the embryo has to find a new place for implantation. This article was very clear. The Duggars and TLC try anything to make this lifestyle look glamorous and I believe glossing medical facts is one of them. Notice how they emphasize debt free. TLC waters down some of their beliefs over the years to keep viewers. You can look up their old website in the archives. Many things were taken down that disturbed people. Its not our business who has hot tubs and whirlpools. I couldn’t take a shower in two or three minutes. I think there are things right about the duggars but many things are so disturbing. How is questioning beliefs wrong? While any more children are Jimbob and Michelle’s decision I hope they seriously think about risks.
Why not adoption, If jimbob and his wife really cared about life. But then TLC money matters more! More kids = more money!
Ok..am taking deep breath.I once upon a time loved the Duggar show. Everything seemed so ‘perfect’ all the time. Alway’s a smile..alway’s positive. It was refreshing..until reality set in. Who was really rasing these children? Chores are very important..but for the oldest daughter’s to do ALL the raising, cooking,cleaning,potty training, guiding laundry, bathing, Do you guy’s realise if michelle duggar’s daughter’s decided to go to college, the entire system would fail?Don’t you think there may be a wee bit of error there? I also read the girl’s do ALL the packing when they go on trip’s. It’s one thing to live God’s vision..it becomes another to expect your children to live out YOUR VISION. I read how 2 tv producer’s stated the Duggar’s really knew how to put on a show. That really nags at me. Is this nothing but a show? And if so isn’t there a little dishonsty in this? One little duggar called his sister ‘mommy’ Michelle Duggar looked fertively at camera.. was appearance more important to her than her child knowing SHE was the mommy? When the little ones need comforting..isn’t it disconcerting they go to sister for comfort.not mom? These children never see mom making dinner, bathing them.dressing them. etc. Is that wise? Is it wise to give over 4 to 6 mo. baby to sister to ‘buddy’? Babies need mom’s bonding for at least a year if not longer. The more children Michelle has the less she interact’s with them.
They’d make a great comedy reality show if they didn’t actually hurt people.