Why is Jessica Alba so tragic? Why does every photo shoot seem like her biggest Promethean task, like we’ll never know how much she suffers, just being photographed? Or is it – as I theorized last week – that Jessica simply has “natural bitchface”? As in, her face naturally falls into a mask of misery, with a hint of patronizing sneer. All I know is that Jessica had me laughing as I was going through her photo shoot for the June issue of Total Film. She literally looks like the photographer killed her puppy. Like she about to cry and scream and howl all at once. What’s funny about that, then? I really think she’s trying to be “sexy”. Ha!
Anyhoodle, Jessica is the cover girl because she’ll be promoting The Killer Inside Me any day now. That film – directed by Michael Winterbottom – isn’t really getting the best reviews. Apparently, it’s supposed to be really violent, and not really breaking any new ground on the whole “serial killer genre” of film. In addition to Alba, the cast includes Casey Affleck (who is in one of these photos, trying to jazz the place up, while Alba looks like a zombie), Kate Hudson, and Simon Baker (hot). In the interview, Alba doesn’t come across as badly as the photos would suggest (full scans of the Total Film interview here):
This month Total Film has been hanging out with Jessica Alba, and along with a great cover shot, she gave us all the inside info on The Killer Inside Me, Machete and Sin City 2.
The Killer Inside Me“Violence, death and killing not pretty, and I think maybe people have this idea that this homicidal maniac should do it cleanly and victims should jut scream and it’s over. But this isn’t a horror movie.”
Sin City 2“Nancy’s the sweetest by far of all the women, she wasn’t jaded at all – so it would be nice to see effects of her adult life on her. It might be fun to see when she gets her groove and understands the ways of the world.”
Brittany Murphy’s death“I wouldn’t equate what happened to her with Hollywood and being a woman. I knew her more personally than at work. It just seemed like such a shame that others people in the world couldn’t experience her light and brightness and her sweetness”.
The paparazzi“It is what it is. But if I don’t leave the house, I don’t get to go anywhere and there’s no point in doing that. I’m a person! I think if you complain about it you seem like an asshole. More of an asshole than if you just go with it. It’s not like you ever get used to it – it’s like having sex with the camera in front of you – it’s just as awkward!”
Daughter Honor“My daughter is so independent. No one’s going to stomp on her, no one’s going to tell her anything, she’s going to do exactly what she wants to do. She’s not a weak girl!”
[From Total Film via JessicaAlba.net]
She’s complaining about the paparazzi? Is she a big enough star where the paparazzi are always following her? Or do they get “tipped off”? I have nothing to back that up, but I know Jessica isn’t a big enough star where paparazzi would really give a sh-t enough to track her movements. Re: Sin City 2 – that f-cking film has been on the drawing boards for years now, as Robert Rodriguez screwed around with his pipe dream, having Rose McGowan play Red Sonja. Rodriguez needs to go back to Sin City, because he made a solid film, and people are really interested in a sequel. The last rumors I heard were about either Angelina Jolie or Rachel Weisz playing “A Dame To Kill For”.
She is so very, very annoying!
As for the paparazzi hounding her every move, I have this to say, “In your dreams, Jessie!”
she looks like a brunette Gwen Stefani in the headline picture, an African-American video girl in the magazine cover, and Octomom in the last picture.
I love that MK from D-Listed calls her Miseralba.
Um Jessica…the paparazzi wouldn’t harass you if you would stop calling them to let them know what park you’re taking your kid to or what place you’re going to shop. duh!
Fricking outsmarted again- You do this to me all the time CB/Kaiser!!! Even when I could give two dried up turds about Scott Baio and Jessica Alba, and when I personally vow to avoid reading anything involving the likes of a Kardasian or Lagerfeld, Baio, Gosslin, Alba to deprive them of the desperate attention they so badly crave- You manage to hook me with a silly headline. time and time again.
sigh.
First, have to admit Jessica looks good in fishnets; women look better in hosiery no question about it. But as to the “suffering” the only suffering is what she is inflicting on the public with her bad acting and desperately empty attention grabs; her interview comments were just meh – silly me for expecting anything interesting from this bland celeb.
“The paparazzi. It is what it is. But if I don’t leave the house, I don’t get to go anywhere and there’s no point in doing that.”
Well, I’m no Alba-expert, but from her account the only place she ever ever goes is the playpark with little doodah. So those dastardly papz must be waiting right there for her. What diabolical skills do these people have that they always know where she and doodah will be ……..?
Ever since she had Honor, she has been getting photographed a lot more. Babies/Celeb moms are popular right now. I dont think she is complaining about it, just saying how things are right now. And whether or not she calls them, who knows.
Look wise, I think she is pretty. She is one of my celeb body aspirations. Other than that, sometimes she can be annoying and her acting is bad.
I don’t really like her, but I don’t see how she is remotely even complaining about the paps – I thought what she said really echoed what all of us thought – it sucks, but celebs can’t really complain because it makes them look like a-holes. Am I missing something?
This is the first interview I have read of hers that she didn’t come off sounding so stupid. These answers were bland and simple, but at least she didn’t go into dump sh*t about how she is raising her daughter or stupid stuff like that. Dumb people like her shouldn’t have kids. Just her daughter’s name alone is telling. Yes, she is beautiful, but empty-headed.
didn’t sound like she’s complaining…
Didn’t they pay her enough to have an expression on her face other than ‘hm, I’m bored’?
Huh? Whats the big deal?
The last rumors I heard were about either Angelina Jolie or Rachel Weisz playing “A Dame To Kill For”.
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I seriously doubt Angelina Jolie wants to be in a Rodriguez movie.
And, I like Jessica Alba and the paps like her also. Her daughter is adorable and those pics sell for some money on the baby blogs. So, no, I don’t think she calls the paps; I think they follow her. I’ve only seen her in one movie . . . that one where she plays a blind pianist. The movie was terrible and I haven’t bothered to watch any other movie with her in them, but I like her anyway. Have no idea why.
How can somebody that good looking be so un-hot? It’s almost like it takes real work.
Jessica Alba has a slender build and her post-baby body looks great, but those hips look a little too tiny, especially on the cover. I’m tired of photo editors improving on mother nature by whittling down to prepubescent the already slim hips of thin women. When are these blockheads going to realize that unnatural features scream “Photoshop”?
I’m thinking she must have some killer stretchmarks that she doesn’t want anyone to see, or doesn’t trust that they’ll be retouched. Seems like she rarely bares the belly anymore
She’s pretty enough (maybe just a little too skinny). But she can’t act her way out of a paper bag. She can’t even “act” as much as a model does (when posing for photos).
Shouldn’t the headline read:
We’ll never CARE how much Jessica Miseralba suffers.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
She didn’t complain at all. She said it is what it is and if she were to complain she would sound like an asshole.
It’s gotten to the point where I really question your reporting on this stuff. You QUITE OFTEN say that the person in question saying or acting in a way completely off base than the reality. You take them down for the hell of it not because there is any truth to it. I love Lainey. At least when she hates on a celeb, it’s not pulled out of her ass.
Jessica looks great in these photos. She has always been a fantastic model.
As for the interview, I read the actual magazine article, and she comes off as very insightful and intelligent
Oh, and paparazzi are disgusting these days. They don’t just take photos from far away, they swarm like flies on a carcass, and say rude things trying to elicit a reaction. Mike Tyson should have got a medal for slugging one of them, not taken to court.
She’s not unattractive (although her personality kind of is…), but in some of these pics she looks kind of ‘dude looks like a lady’, if you get what I mean.
JuiceinLA is right, i could give two shits about jessica fucking alba unless she’s said something extra douchey, which i thought she had judging by this headline >:
Damn you to hell!
Totally agree with Amy. Something is always tried to be made out of what is nothing, which is the case here.
I think Jessica just has natural bitchface. I have natural solemn-face in that people tend to think I’m sad when I’m just thinking about dinner. I have similar lips to Jessica; full and downward curving. The straight eyebrows don’t help in Jessica’s case because it makes her look on the verge of throwing a tantrum. She’s a beautiful woman, I don’t find her annoying.
Her legs look weird in that second picture. Like they are too small for her body. That necklace is awesome though.
Don’t get what the prob is…I don’t think she sounded whiny and I don’t find her annoying at all. And she seems to lead a pretty quiet life. It’s not as if she’s falling out of clubs on a nightly basis or doing anything to encourage the paps.
(I too have a tendency for not bitchface, but “sadface”, where strangers have stopped to ask if I was okay. Doesn’t mean she ain’t nice 🙂 )
I don’t know JA, and you don’t *either*. That’s the point! Stop judging her — how can you be sure she doesn’t suffer when you don’t even know her? Just because she’s beautiful and reach she gets slammed by other “ladies”, the same “ladies” who wouldn’t dare saying that a beautiful man doesn’t suffer. Envy, much?
she’s every day on X17 online,a paps site
she looks bored in every.single.photo
I’m sure the paps are more interested in Honor than her. It’s an odd choice putting her on the cover when there are bigger summer movies coming out.
slutface.
She’s pretty, omg Miseralba, that’s pretty clever.
@amy its too early in the morning for my eyes to read caplock posts *handing you a glass of wine to chill out*. Oh wait. Too early for wine too.
Hoodiegirl:
I agree w/ every single thing in your comment.
I WANT her body!! STRIVE for it 🙂
That miserable look is probably hunger. Eat a burger already.
I wonder if she’s still itchy from that bad case of herpes Derek Jeter gave her. She forgot to mention that.
Did Derek Jeter Gave Poor Jessica Alba Herpes?
jeter082207.jpgSo rumor has it that Jessica Alba is chasing the Valtrex dragon and that it was that damn Yankee Derek Jeter who gave it to her.
Our source who worked for one of their camps, had to refill her Valtrex prescription for her on a regular basis! Guess who she got it from…that’s right…dirty Derek Jeter.
Immediately, our brains began tallying all the ladies with bold-face names we know with whom serial-dater Jeter has gotten to home base. Luckily, so did gossip site Holy Candy, who made a handy chart so we can track who’s at risk for the gift that keeps on giving. After the jump, the Derek Jeter Herpes Tree.
herpestree.jpgWe kinda like how they treat dudes in Hollywood like baseball cards or something. But we didn’t realize that Scarlett Johansson and Jessica Biel were so into each other’s sloppy seconds! Also, does this mean that Cameron Diaz is in danger?
Derek Jeter Gave Jessica Alba Herpes [SportsWrap via L.A.