Sure, we’ve all pretended not to notice. Okay, not really, we all noticed and commented on Mariah Carey’s weight gain. Much like Jessica Simpson, it’s not Mariah’s weight that offends me in any way – Mariah looks happy and God bless her. No, what offends me is that Mariah still dresses like she has her old figure – and many of those ensembles were questionable even then. But I digress – The National Enquirer has an epic story about how in the two years of blissful matrimony to Nick Cannon, Mariah has gained 57 pounds. That seems like a lot. I don’t really think it’s that much – my guess is closer to 30 pounds, but I think I might be bad at guessing weights. The Enquirer’s piece quotes extensively from a doctor who isn’t treating Mariah, and he’s basically just saying that if she eats one more cheeseburger, she’s going to die. FYI: Nick Cannon comes across in this article like a really lovely man. Here’s more:

Has Mariah Carey turned herself into a foodaholic – just a few calories away from hitting a deadly high of 200 pounds?

“Mariah looks like she has really let herself go,” revealed a source close to the singer.

Mariah has packed on a whopping 57 pounds just in the last two years, says a concerned source. And her ballooning weight – now approaching an all-time high of 192 pounds – has brought her to the brink of life-threatening medical problems, warns an expert. But pals say the hardworking diva is under tremendous stress and is resorting to food binges to relieve her frustrations.

“Turning 40 was a big thing for Mariah, and she’s been trying repeatedly to get pregnant. Combined, the two things have hit like a one-two punch and stresses her out. She is turning to food for comfort.”

To make matters worse, Nick Cannon is sending the wrong message – telling Mariah there’s “just more of her to love.”

For the past several weeks, Mariah – who turned 41 in March – has been dropping hints she may be pregnant.

“Mariah’s been coy about the whole pregnancy thing right now to deflect attention from her weight gain,” said the close source. “She doesn’t want to have to address it. And Nick keeps telling her how beautiful she looks.”

When Mariah and Nick got married, she weighed 135 pounds. But over the past two years, Mariah has been cooking mac & cheese, fried chicken, pizzas, et cetera. “Nick has even suggested that her food is so good, she should think about writing a cookbook.”

Where she once was rumored to have undergone liposuction (in the fall of 2008), now “she has turned to high-calorie late-night snacking and she’s at her heaviest weight ever. Her attitude is not to fight the weight gain, but just to go with it.”

[From The National Enquirer, print edition]

I remember the liposuction rumor! It seemed like all of sudden, around the winter of 2008-09, Mariah’s stomach looked really flat and, like, mysteriously toned. And only her waist was small, everything else was normal Mariah-sized. By the way, doesn’t Nick sound like a lovely husband? That’s probably why Mariah has been gaining weight – because Nick adores her no matter what she weighs, and he supports her in whatever she wants. It’s kind of awesome. Who would have thought that Mariah would have such a great marriage? Now, regarding the whole “Oh my God, she’s going to die!” stuff. I don’t know, I guess people should get a grip. Sure, she could stand to lose some weight, but we don’t know everything that’s going on with her, so just leave her alone. And make her buy some clothes in her size so she won’t keep jamming herself into this stuff.

Mariah Carey in Malibu on November 4, 2009. Credit: Pacific Coast News.