Just as I anointed Christina Hendricks “Queen of the Trashy,” I am anointing Dame Anger Bear, Karl Lagerfeld, as “Queen of the Classy” for last night’s Costume Institute Met Ball. Karl looks like he’s going to cut somebody. As he should! Okay, let’s get this bitch started.

Sarah Jessica Parker surprised me with this. She looks great. Better than she’s looked in a long time on a red carpet.

Sienna Miller and Jude Law walked their first red carpet as a renewed couple. You can’t really see it in this photo, but Sienna’s wearing a mullet dress. And it works on her. They both look gorgeous.

It was also Tom Brady and Gisele’s first red carpet together since their baby Benjamin was born. Gisele looks tired, but happy. Her dress was all about her insane legs. And Tom needs to cut his hair, for real. He also looks like he’s grooming her here:

Blake Lively’s dress won’t make everyone’s best dressed list, but I love it. If you’re young with an amazing figure, this is what you should wear to a big fashion event. She looks great.

I know Rachel Zoe picked this out for Anne Hathaway. And I know it washes her out, kind of. But I still think she looks good, although Anne does veer into the “too princess-y” style too often. But great fit, great styling, and she’s one of my picks for best dressed.

Jennifer Lopez’s dress was very similar to Anne’s, and I thought Anne pulled it off better. Jennifer is actually “trashy” in my opinion, but I wanted to put her next to Anne so you could see the similarities.

Is Carey Mulligan high fashion? Not really. Much like Kristen Stewart, I think Carey is still finding her style, and ends up in some weird, quirky sh-t along the way (remember her Oscar dress?). But I like that Carey tried something cute and special, rather than some random gown – she looks like herself:

I was torn about whether to put Kate on the trashy or the classy list. It’s not a bad dress, really. It’s just totally plain, and it is utterly boring. Ugh.

I like the long-sleeve trend, and I welcome it back to fashion. I think Diane Kruger’s dress looks very Michael Kors circa 2000, but Zoe Saldana’s dress looks very fresh to me:

So, just shoot me, because I liked Kate Bosworth’s dress. Yes, I want to smack her. But this dress looks really good on her.

Just kill me again, because I thought Jessica Alba looked great too. Interesting color, great cut. It could have gone bridesmaid-y, but it didn’t.

How gorgeous is Iman? I love her.

Emma Watson’s skin and makeup are flawless. The dress? Eh. Good color for her, but it’s not really working for me. Still, I can’t call her trashy.

I liked Kerry Washington’s dress. I didn’t love it, but it is interesting, and it looks great on her.

F-ck, I liked Demi Moore’s dress too. I’m a sucker for metallics. This gunmetal color looks great on her, and the dress has an interesting cut and design.

I don’t hate January Jones’ dress, but her styling is crap. Why did I include this on the Classy list? I don’t know.

Let’s end it with Chloe Sevigny. You know what? She looks good here. Love the color, and the dress would have looked terrible and trashy on anyone other than Chloe.