Some friends of Silda Spitzer are talking to the press about her. Isn’t that nice of them? Most of them are saying that the former first lady of New York is deeply wounded by the prostitution scandal that brought down her husband’s governorship, but that she is not the kind of woman to make a quick decision about something as serious as divorce.
As she remains out of the public eye following her husband Eliot Spitzer’s sex scandal, friends believe that wife Silda Spitzer is a woman who takes the phrase “for better or worse” seriously.
“Maybe she wanted to kick the guy out of the house but she’s in the public eye and a person who takes responsibility,” David Patrick Columbia, a friend of Silda’s and editor of NewYorkSocialDiary.com tells PEOPLE. “I think she’s a woman who was there because that’s the vow: ‘For better or for worse.’ She’s a woman who lives those words.”
Friends of the former first lady of New York, who told PEOPLE in 2004, “The most jarring thing for me is to read these negative things about [my husband] in the papers and try to reconcile that with the person that we know and love,” are giving her space.
No ‘Hasty Decisions’
“She’s in a state of shock right now and she’s not going to make any hasty decisions,” adds high school friend Lina Gibson of Concord, N.C. “She’s not going to throw 20 years of marriage away based on one week of reports. She has to wait until this does down and decide what she wants to do, not what the media decides she should do.”Her friends “have been very concerned about not making it anymore difficult on her than it already is,” says Columbia. “I feel very bad for her to go through a crisis with her relationship in public. She is such a nice woman who doesn’t deserve this embarrassment.”
It certainly has not been easy. With photographers camped outside the family’s Fifth Avenue high-rise in the wake of Spitzer’s apology and then resignation Wednesday, the couple remained in their apartment last week as their three daughters, Elyssa, Sarabeth and Jenna continued to attend classes at an elite private school in New York City.
Retreated to Country House
On Saturday, the New York Daily News reported that the family had retreated to their country house in Gallatin, New York. (The girls are off for Spring Break this week.) And Eliot and Silda, who told PEOPLE in 2004, “We don’t disagree about much,” continue to work out their issues behind closed doors.“She’s quietly a woman of principle,” says Columbia. “People criticize her for standing by her husband, but she’s the type of person who takes responsibility for things no matter what. She is his partner. I feel she is the type of person who honors that obligation no matter what.”
Well, it’s wonderful that Mrs. Spitzer is the “type of person who honors obligations no matter what,” because her rat-faced shitbag of a husband sure doesn’t. Maybe she should have run for governor instead. I wouldn’t dream of judging this poor woman, but I do have some advice for her. If he dishonors you, dishonors the family you built together, and disrespects all the sacrifices you have made for his career, he ain’t worth it, honey. It’s as simple as that.
Nice women can’t keep their men in the sack.
I disagree. You can be a nice woman and still make a man happy in bed. A lady in the living room, a whore in the bedroom. Simple.
Hell nobody deserves that. Anytime one of these scandals break I wonder what it takes for the spouses to get up there and look stoic when you probably would rather kill the person. I hope in private she hit him really hard at least once.
I hope she did too, neelyo, and you know where. This obviously classy lady standing there looking at that sleazebag husband of hers – I could not do it. I’d have to say “you’re on your own, scumface” and stay home.
I still ask myself; If she was such a great woman, why her husband had to seek comfort from high-paid prostitutes? Do she is blind enough to overlook his 80K$/year expenses on the “Meat Market”?
I don’t think Silda Spitzer is such an innocent victim.
Neelyo, agree 100%. My first reaction to the headline was, “Is there somebody who DOES deserve having a spouse spend tens of thousands of dollars on hookers?” I mean, if your partner is a snore in the sack, buy the kama sutra and save the money to send your three kids to Seven Sisters colleges. It’s just stupid.
Wow.I find it amazing how people are blaming her for her husband stupid mistake from calling her nice, gullible and terrible in the sack.Can it be possible that he was just a f**cking dog? and that it had nothing to do with her. Smart, beautiful, successful women get cheated on every day none of us are immune.
You know, I agree with both neelyo and syko…As for Toubrouk, what kind of sick world do you live in to think she “drove” him to it? Rose has it right, what if he was just a sick f*ck? So, she is standing by her man, here’s to hoping she gave him a good, swift kick to the groin and now is cooling off to rethink her life. As for overlooking the money, they could have had a money manager and got an allotment or something. sheesh.
She knew what her husband was up to. Heck, she even tried to talk him out of resigning after the scandal broke, which would have lead to him being dragged from his office by the voters.
People like this are only sorry when they get caught, like Bill Clinton. It’s amazing to me how much crap a wife will willingly put up with when they are in a position of POWER, which is something neither Silda nor Hillary has EVER wanted to give up.
What power does silda have in this? What power did she have before this? She was a society wife. I could not begin to understand why she does not boot his ass to the curb but it’s not for the furtherance of her career.
I still would not be standing next to him, I will tell you that. Unless it was to repetitively and with increasing violence smack up upside the back of the head until he fell forward into the press pool.
I think that many people miss the point that she is probably acting as gracefully as she knows how for the sake of her daughters. These girls must be terribly confused: you can kick a cheating husband to the curb, but your dad is still your dad. If she were to leave him in the midst of this scandal, her daughters would probably understand, but still be very confused. My guess is, she’ll leave him after everyone involved (read: her 3 teenage daughters) has regained some grip on their lives.
“For better or for worse”…. If I’m not mistaken, even the Bible says a woman is “allowed” to leave her husband if he commits adultery.
I know this isn’t popular opinion, but I think she’s doing the right thing in standing by him right now. If she had taken off right away, it would have been bad for her daughters and the press would have attacked her. As it is now, she can just put on the brave face and hide until everything has calmed down.
If she stays with him, that’s her decision. No one knows what happens in a marriage except the two people in it. Maybe she was fine with him sleeping with a whore. Maybe she didn’t have a clue. Maybe he’s just a jackass who was f*cking both of them and his wife didn’t know. Whatever she does, she seems to be the kind of woman with enough integrity to do what is best for her daughters and not let emotion blind her decision.
I would agree with staying with him for now for the sake of their daughters if they were young girls with no concept of why their parents were splitting. But teenaged girls certainly understand when daddy is a skeezeball. This is her chance to show her daughters that you can love someone but it doesn’t mean you have to put up with their crap.
Whether they divorce or not is up to them, but I really think she needs a break from him. Not just for herself but for her daughters.
The thing is, NONE of us can decide what’s appropriate because none of us know the full story. Just as Kait just said above, maybe she knew all along? Maybe she has her own little 80k vices as well? Maybe she likes being in high society and wouldn’t know what to do without her hubby (however, after this I’m pretty sure their rank has gone down significantly).
I know nobody wants to hear this, but a lot of time women DO play a role in their man cheating. Hell, even DR.LAURA just said this crap on the Today show. A lot of it is biology. Men and women both have to have their needs met. When someone cheats, subconciously or conciously a lot of things are wrong in the relationship.
This isn’t just my opinion! So before anyone goes on saying “Well you don’t HAVE to act on them,” let me just tell you it’s a different story when your in the position and you have those chemicals coursing through your body.
This guy could be a different story. He could have a sick fetish. So could she though? We just don’t know. If she really didn’t know about this, I’m sorry for her embarrasment and possible heartbreak.
Once a cheater, always a cheater. Men do NOT change, they just clean up their act a little and try not to get caught again.
What power did Silda have? Well, she was the wife of the GOVERNOR, with all the perks it entails. This same dynamic is true with military families…a wife of a major is going to boss around the wife of a lieutenant, and have more status and privilege.
All I’m saying is it’s likely she knew what Scumbag Eliot was up to, but knows that a divorce means the end of all the wonderful perks she’s had for the last 10 years.
I think it’s deplorable to blame this woman for her husband’s actions. I will refrain from verbally bitchslapping anyone who perpetuates this opinion, because it’s not really worth the word count. All I can say is: sooner or later, you will be cheated on too- and someone will pose that same question to you, and you will be equally insulted by it.
If Mrs. Spitzer is to blame for anything, it’s for marrying a guy who obviously doesn’t respect his wife or his family. But I’ll give her a pass on that, because I’m sure she’s beating herself up for that as we speak.
I do wonder what kind of message her girls are taking away from all this, and how her choice to stay with a man who has publicly humiliated their family will bear out later when the girls are older and having relationships with men.
I don’t mean to PERSONALLY insult anyone Msat, I’m just talking about studies that have been done on this subject matter-of-factly. Perhaps some of us HAVE been cheated on, we just see it a little differently. I’ll admit I am speaking from the less human/emotional aspect of it, and if I were friends with Silda I wouldn’t say this to her while she grieved. But about cheating in general I will talk about it scientifically and not emotionally. Sorry if I insulted you, because I didn’t intend to.
She’s in a terrible “damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation”. If she stands by him she’s a doormat but if she leaves she’s disloyal. I hope she does the short term “Stand by your man” and turfs his ass in the end. Think of the humiliation he has exposed her and their daughters to, not to mention the diseases.
The poor woman is still probably in shock and just going through the motions as she stands next to her husband. No doubt later when the grief wears off and the anger sets in….she will get even.
You can have the perfect personality, perfect body, perfect moves in the sack, etc…. but if you are with a dog there is NOTHING you can do to stop him from cheating on you. Period.
I can’t say I was surprised to find out Spitzer was a bit freaky – but since most wedding vows include “for better, for worse”, I give them credit for at least trying to work it out.
And yes, I heard Dr. Laura — people love to hate her, probably because she dishes out a lot of common sense that reminds folks of the mother/grandmother. The Spitzer’s were both high-powered professionals, with children. Can you imagine how over-scheduled these people were? This is how couples drift apart – by the time they are in their bedroom there is no energy for each other.
OTOH – I did read the report and have to say ol’ Eliot spent an awful lot of effort arranging his date…I had to wonder, when was the last time he made that much effort for his wife? Or does he just tell his assistant to order roses for their anniversary?
Ick. I hate it when a case of adultery prompts people to say “But the wife wasn’t even ugly…” or “She must have been boring in bed…”
Such misogyny. Only a dirty pig cheats on a spouse and an even worse one spends hard-earned cash (That could have been spent on his children’s college) on whores.
On the other hand, I am extremely jaded when it comes to *political* couples. I mean, are any of them really sleeping in the same beds or are they cold WASPy types who schedule public appearances together?
The mind boggles.
Some of these comments – seriously, what is this crap? How is she responsible for his behaviour? What is she, his keeper now?
When will people learn that how good-looking, or good in bed a woman is makes absolutely NO impact on whether a man cheats on your or not. It’s about how secure or insecure the man feels.
He decided to cheat. It’s not up to her or the other woman to somehow stop his behaviour. He’s an adult. HE should be stopping it (provided he wants to). If he’s considered able enough to be given a job as governor then I’d say he’s able enough to be responsible for his own actions.
Men cheat because they think they’re missing out on something if they don’t, society condones it and tells them it’s what ‘men’ do, they then feel more like ‘men’ doing it. But seriously if you need to do all this stuff to feel like a ‘man’ – and still feel insecure – then maybe the definition of what makes a ‘man’ the problem.
But please, don’t try to convince me that somehow his wife should somehow be controlling his behaviour through the power of great sex. Gimme a break. And stop kidding yourselves.