Thursday night was the annual AMFAR benefit in Cannes, which is the biggest event of the film festival, and often draws some of the biggest A-list names of any event all year. Lots of crap goes down at the AMFAR benefit, but this year’s was probably more subdued because crazy Sharon Stone was no longer the hostess. One of the biggest problems that I can see for the evening – some major fashion disasters. Let’s take Jennifer Lopez and big, furry, pink “hairy vadge” dress. Ever since I hallucinated on allergy medication while writing that fashion post about Cannes opening night, that’s all I can think about whenever I see these big feathery/fluffy/tiered dresses – it’s a big hairy vadge.

Okay, I love Michelle Rodriguez. I loved her on Lost (and I loved her cameo on Tuesday) and I love her in interviews, and I think she’s gorgeous. She usually doesn’t go this dressed up though. But I’m loving the hot pink, although the shoes are a little matchy-matchy for my taste. Still, I kind of think Michelle was one of the best dressed women of the night.

I hate Kiki Dunst’s dress, but I never “get” her style. She’s eccentric and eclectic and vintagey and “oh, isn’t this precious!” I usually thinks she looks fussy and old on red carpets. And I don’t see how this dress would be flattering on anyone.

Rachel Bilson has Sparkle Boobs! Much like Charlize Theron’s Rose Boobs at the Oscars. Women of the world: Stop wearing clothes designed by gay men! They will put sparkles or roses on your boobs and toss you out to the wolves yelling “Wear it, bitch, you look fabulous!”

I hate Elizabeth Banks’ dress too. What is her style deal? Is she just trying to stand out? Does she think being on the worst dressed list is better than being ignored?

Mischa Barton = Corpsey Mary Bo Peep.

I kind of like the simplicity of Mary J. Blige’s pink dress. Decent cut, it doesn’t so wonders for her kick-ass figure, but it’s not a shapeless sack either. What I don’t get is the hair. She looks like a mushroom.

Kate Beckinsale looks tired. She had one job to do, and that was show up to every red carpet and now she’s exhausted. It was her dream job, and it’s killing her. Oh, the dress looks like a knock-off of J.Lo’s Oscar dress. Probably Armani. I love how Kate is standing on her train too.

So kill me because I love Naomi Campbell’s dress. The crazy bitch looks fabulous.

I don’t care for Diane Kruger’s dress, mainly because it looks uncomfortable and she looks miserable in it. Strange cut too.

I didn’t even recognize Emily Blunt, honestly. I thought it was just some random girl. The color pops, especially since most of the women went for paler colors. I’m not crazy about that hint of lace inset I see on the side.

Michelle Williams looked really cute. Very Mia Farrow circa Rosemary’s Baby, which is a style Michelle often rocks. She’s so slender, so she can wear this kind of shapeless cocktail dress and look chic. I couldn’t and I’m jealous.

Just when you least expect it… BAM! Karl Lagerfeld denotes the end, because he is the end of all of things, just as he is the beginning. Whoops, I mean he was there for the beginning, since he’s old as dirt. Note: Every other man at this even was wearing black-tie. Lagerfeld is all “white tie it is, with a hint of bling, for the dirty Americans.”

Photos from the AMFAR gala red carpet on May 20, 2010. Credit: WENN.