Where in the world has Suri Cruise been? The normally ubiquitous toddler hasn’t been spotted in eight weeks, and theories on her sudden removal from the public eye are abundant. Some sources say Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have been keeping their little rugrat at home because the paparazzi crush at a recent restaurant outing frightened her; others are speculating that the couple is purposely keeping Suri’s profile low in anticipation of her big birthday bash next month. Perez Hilton even jokingly (I hope) suggested that Suri checked into baby rehab.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes looked thrilled to be out at Cut restaurant in LA on March 5. Dining with actor Forest Whitaker and his wife, Keisha, the couple were celebrating the near completion of their new Hollywood Hills mansion. But something was out of place. Where was Suri? Until recently, Tom and Katie had taken their 23-month-old daughter with them everywhere. But Suri hasn’t been spotted in public since Jan. 16 — 61 days and counting at press time.

So what’s happened to her? Katie, 29, and Tom, 45, have always spoken about Suri as if she were a small adult. But an insider close to the Cruises says a series of events reminded the family that Suri’s just a child after all. One evening, on the way out of a restaurant, fans surged. “Suri freaked out,” the insider says. “She started blinking her eyes because people started taking pictures, and she put up an arm to shield her face. She cried and clung to Katie the whole way back to the hotel. That really upset Katie.”

There’s another only-in-Hollywood reason Tom and Katie have been keeping Suri holed up at their apartment in the Scientology Celebrity Centre: fear of overexposure. To celebrate Suri’s 2nd birthday, on April 18, “Katie and Tom are throwing a party to end all parties,” says the insider. “With all the publicity that it’s going to generate, Katie thinks it’s best for Suri to lie low.”

[From Life & Style Weekly]

Other theories on the whereabouts of the toddler from the “Best Week Ever” blog over at VH1:

Now, if this were any other baby, the world would probably not even notice. But this being Suri, handily the world’s most adorable and, up until recently, the most photographed baby, her absence is cause for concern. Which leads us to ask: Where Is Suri? Here are 7 plausible theories:

1. Accidentally mistaking her for a chicken wing, Kirstie Alley threw Suri into a deep fryer. Upon realizing the mistake, Alley immediately removed America’s Best Baby from the fryer, but sadly… it was too late. Too, too late. On the bright side, Alley insists it was the most delicious baby she has ever eaten.

2. Tom and Katie panicked when they learned that Suri’s first words were “I want Ritalin.” She is now resting comfortably in a soundproof, padlocked drawer.

3. Katie Holmes has pawned poor Suri to buy Armani’s latest creation: A python-skinned covered baby shaped bag. Think of how many diamonds you can fit into it!

4. Suri was murdered by supposed fellow baby friend Shiloh Pitt… who is now on the crawl from the law.

5. Giving free stress tests in Times Square…

[From Best Week Ever]

My theory is that she’s involved in some kind of Scientology ritual, just like her mysteriously absent older siblings. What do you guys think?

Suri Cruise is shown on 1/16/08 with her parents in Manhattan, thanks to Splash News.