By the way, that’s Angelina’s “Cut a Bitch” face, just in case anyone was wondering. Anyway, for some reason, it’s been a while since all of the tabloids were running big Brangelina stories. It’s almost as if even the fan-fiction writers were getting a little exhausted with their own bullsh-t. But last week was Angelina’s birthday, so many of the tabloids took the “let’s make up a story about Angelina’s birthday” angle for this week’s tabloids. And then there was Life & Style, who went in a new direction with a story about Brad Pitt and a psychic – they actually interview the psychic, and the dude claims “personally and spiritually, Brad is at the top” but apparently there’s some tricky psychic-to-patient confidentiality that the dude doesn’t want to break. Note: all of this has been compiled by Jezebel’s writers, so they have their own little funny asides in the stories.

OK! Magazine – Angelina Jolie’s birthday last Friday ended in tears! On the day before her birthday, witnesses say Brad Pitt was “lost in thought” as he spent hours drinking beer in the back of a chauffeur-driven SUV, riding aimlessly around L.A. Maybe he was trying to think of a good present for the woman with everything? A source says: “I don’t think Angelina knew where he went, and that’s probably why she got so mad. There was some speculation that he was hoping to see Jennifer Aniston.” So he drove aimlessly around L.A. looking for her? The mag claims that when Brad got home, “a fierce argument erupted.” Angie “burst into tears,” says an insider, “and canceled plans to see Sesame Street Live. All the kids were looking forward to it.” Sniffle!

Life & Style – Brad Pitt visits a psychic named Ron Bard, and Ron talked to the mag! Ron says that Brad first visited him while he was filming Mr. & Mrs Smith. Not nearly dramatic enough for this mag, so some editor wrote: “Tormented by his attraction to Angie and torn over what to do, he begged the psychic for advice.” Ron says: “Yes, Brad has come to me for a reading. I know him both personally and through my business. He is very, very spiritual.” And: “I’m between a rock and a hard place. I can’t break my confidentiality. It wouldn’t be fair to spread details of any readings I do, and that includes Brad’s. All I can say is that personally and spiritually, he is at the top.” Wait, so he’s not chugging beer and desperately searching for Jennifer Aniston in the streets of L.A.?

In Touch Weekly – Angelina’s birthday last week was the first birthday she spent with both her dad and brother in eight years — and she has Brad to thank! He was pushing for Angie to be on speaking terms with dad for five years.

[From Jezebel’s Tabloid round-up]

Angelina’s birthday plans involved Sesame Street Live? Maybe I’m not a mom (of six), but my 35th birthday better involve a spa, an orgasm, a good steak and alcohol, in no particular order. Mama doesn’t want a Sesame Street headache for her b-day.

Meanwhile, Star Magazine devoted another cover to the uncool Bermuda triangle! So old-school, so quaint. According to Star, Jennifer Aniston and Brad had a “secret” business meeting where they drank beer and Brad talked about Shiloh. Note: even though the cover says Jen wants to “start over” it doesn’t seem like the story is really about that? It sounds more like Brad was all “My family is great, thanks for asking” and Aniston was all “I want babies!!!” Whatever:

Star Magazine – Brad and Jen are both in L.A., and now that they’re in the same city again, they have been emailing and texting each other. If you read as many tabloids as we do, you’ve been lead to believe that they NEVER stopped emailing and texting each other and even found a way to negotiate the time difference when he was in Italy, but whatever. At the end of May, Jen and Brad had a meeting at Brad’s Plan B offices in Beverly Hills, “under the guise of talking about potential projects.”

A source says: “When she got to his offices, and saw him walking toward her, she said it took her breath away, and she overwhelmed with emotion, but she held it together.” Really? Even with the scragglebeard? Anyway, it goes on like this, as though it’s been penned by a former telenovela writer: “Brad grabbed beers from the kitchen fridge and sat down close to Jen on a couch in the conference room.” Says an insider: “They started talking about work and their travels, but things quickly got personal. She cracked a joke about how he had a lot more gray hair than the last time she saw him, and that really broke the ice.”

Wait, so who was in the conference room seeing them do this? The conference table? The speaker phone? “He had Jen in stitches, telling her how much of a tomboy his daughter Shiloh can be, and all the trouble she gets into. Once again, they talked about Jen becoming a parent herself. She was so touched when he told what an amazing mom she would be.” Wasn’t he helping her adopt a little Mexican girl? These mags need to keep their storylines straight. The meeting ended with Jen inviting Brad to come over to her house for margaritas and to check out the remodeling she’s done, since he’s so into architecture. Jen’s friend Sheryl Crow has adopted a baby, which has inspired Jen “into taking another look at making her own baby dreams come true.” Sheryl told Jen: “Don’t wait for a man to start a family.”

[From Jezebel’s Tabloid round-up]

Yes, sure, okay. Like I said, this story doesn’t really seem that scandalous if you separate it from the SECRET MEETINGS bullsh-t. I could actually buy that this went down, and went down pretty much like Star is claiming. But what business would they have together? Brad’s got Plan B and Aniston has her Echo Films and never the twain shall meet. Unless… is Brad being confirmed for the Friends movie?!?