Last week, Al and Tipper Gore announced their separation after forty years of marriage. Many of our first thoughts were along the lines of “I bet he cheated.” And then, “Oh, maybe she cheated.” Of course we’re bad, horrible people who think the worst. But you know what? According to the Enquirer, Tipper was thinking the same stuff. The Enquirer’s sources claim that Tipper “allowed herself to suspect the worse” about Al, although, “there’s never been proof that Al had affairs.” So Tipper would get crazy jealous, and Al had enough, and HE dumped HER. One source says: “I think she’s always believed there was something going on between Al and many of the women in his life.” These mysterious women who get hot for robots? An environmentalist in the Clinton cabinet when Gore was veep, a “sexy Hollywood actress,” a message therapist, a cheerleader (really?) and Al’s first girlfriend. Let’s break it down (all of this comes from the Enquirer, by the way:

*The high-school sweetheart, named Donna. Donna is dead now. But she gave an interview in 2000 and she talked about how Tipper was a jealous bitch… in 1970, when Al introduced Tipper to Donna, Tipper wouldn’t acknowledge her. Boring. And the woman is dead!

*The Cabinet member, “Environmental Advisor” Kathleen McGinty. There were rumors about Al and Kathleen in 1995, but the Enquirer claims that they investigated at the time and “the two had a strictly professional relationship.” My guess? Bubba probably boned her, but Al didn’t hit it.

*The message therapist, name unknown. Circa 2000, there were rumors about Al having a “fling” with his massage therapist. The source says: “Tipper knew that Al had a daily massage, and she was always jealous of the therapists… he mostly had female masseuses, but Tipper became so vocal about the women that Al switched to male therapists to keep the peace.” Verdict? Hand-jobs, probably.

*The “sultry screen star,” name unknown. Why do I think it’s Leo DiCaprio? Anyway, circa 2001, there was a “whispering campaign” about it. Tipper confronted him about Leo (or whoever) but Al denied it. The source says: “By this time, Tipper’s jealousy was putting stress on their marriage.” My take: Al & Leo 4 Eva.

*The cheerleader, name unknown, but identified as “a gorgeous 23 year-old Tennessee Titans cheerleader.” Once again, this sounds more like Bubba’s type, right? Maybe Al was just being a good wingman, a bro, and covering for his buddy. Anyway, the cheerleader was allegedly the last girl that Tipper went into a “jealous rage” about.

That’s about it. The rest of the article is just about money and how much Tipper could get in the divorce. The Enquirer tries to list Al’s assets, but they make a hash out of it, and now I can’t really tell. My own guess is that Al is worth something like $200-250 million, but that’s the number the Enquirer is using for Tipper’s possible payday. Eh. Who knows?