Lindsay Lohan went through the revolving doors of three different rehab facilities back in 2007 when she got two DUIs and still had a career that could have potentially been saved. She wasn’t just in rehab three times though – she went back to the same facility twice on two different occasions, making her unsuccessful attempts clock in at around five. Later, Lindsay called her stints in rehab “like vacation“. When it comes to whether she needs rehab for her obvious prescription pill addiction, Lindsay has said “I don’t see why I’d even have to do that (go into rehab). I don’t see why that would even be a question.” According to Dina, Lindsay earnestly wants to open her own rehab though, because she thinks she can be of service to other addicts in denial hoping to dupe their mean old judges. This family lives in denial town, where the pharmaceuticals flow freely and the boob jobs and lip injections start at 15.

A judge ordered Lindsay Lohan to report to jail July 20, but the star’s mom, Dina, has every expectation that the actress won’t be spending any time behind bars.

In an interview with In Touch Weekly, Dina said that after the July 6 sentencing, she and Lindsay “hugged and cried a lot,” but they are “optimists.” “Lindsay is sober and she’s fine. I don’t want to speak hypothetically (about jail) because she’s not going to be in that situation,” Dina said.

If Lindsay does end up in jail, her mother says that Lindsay’s biggest concerns about doing time would be coping with her claustrophobia and dealing with not smoking. (“She will probably have to get hypnotized,” Dina said of the smoking situation.)

But her fears for Lindsay are much larger. “If Lindsay went to jail, I would fear for her life. Jail doesn’t help anyone no matter what problem you have — unless you’re a rapist or a murderer. This wasn’t a violent crime, but they’re saying you miss a DUI class and have to go to jail for three months — that’s absurd,” Dina told In Touch.

There’s been speculation about what Lindsay’s future will be like if she has to go to jail, and what impact it will have on her career. Dina said that Lindsay does have goals for the future, and they have nothing to do with acting.

“Lindsay actually wants to open up her own rehab center here (in Los Angeles) and a couple across the country to help other kids and celebs so they don’t fall through the cracks in this town,” Dina said. “She mentioned it to me a couple of days ago. She’s really growing up.”

[From MSNBC]

Optimism must be the new way to refer to a delusional sense of self entitlement. Can you imagine Lindsay’s rehab facility? Do you remember how her house looks? The girl is a hoarder with crap piled all over. She hasn’t successfully completed rehab after five tries and ditched so many alcohol education classes that she’s going to jail. Her mother earnestly believes that her daughter, a messy drugged out twit who can’t get her life together, is somehow qualified to open her own rehab facility. It would be funny if it wasn’t just a hair’s breadth from tragedy. I know – Lindsay can start her own rehab from her crack house and then go there instead of heading to jail. It’s genius!

Meanwhile Lindsay still does not have a lawyer and is interviewing potential candidates. Kaiser’s theory is that Lindsay and Dina will not be able to retain a lawyer in time to mount a very simple appeal, which would put off her going to jail for a few months. I agree, especially when you consider all the other very basic ways they’ve tried to ignore or beat the system and have failed. (Dina trying to get the “French” embassy on the horn after hours to grant Lindsay an emergency passport for instance.)

Oh and a “source” tells TMZ that Lindsay never takes Dilaudid at this point and is only on Adderall and Nexium. Her dad calls that complete horsecrap. Lindsay is also involved in a Twitter war with her dad and Joan Rivers for their remarks against her. (She sounds too sober and grammatically correct in the latest tweets, though and I’m guessing they’re straight from Dina.) The judge should have taken away her Internet connection.