I hope someone speaks German! Because I would love to know what the hell this GQ Germany interview for Lindsay Lohan says. Anyone? Herr Bueller? Oh, never mind – if you are using Google Chrome and you go to that site, you can get an automatic translation! Awesome.

Okay, so, as we already saw, Lindsay Lohan is the cover girl for the August issue of GQ Germany. And by “we already saw” I mean these hilarious paparazzi photos where you can see what Lindsay truly looked like during her photo shoot. It’s crazy how much they retouched her. See her freckles disappear and reappear! See her crackface morph!

Here’s Google Chrome’s translation of the Lohan Q & A (I tried to clean it up a bit, with some help from CB’s husband)… note: Lohan translated from English to German and then back to English is a trip. She sounds extra crackheaded.

GQ: Why do you want to play Linda Lovelace, Lindsay Lohan?
Lindsay Lohan: I was fascinated by the universality of the story: We tell of a woman who falls in love with a young age head-first into a man. And we speak of the realization that one of the true self of the other person often can recognize with difficulty when you are well and are still so blinded by love. Linda Lovelace story is tragic and comparable to the fate of many female Hollywood icons: You will find only to itself, as it is already too late.

GQ: Are there aspects of Linda Lovelace life, Lohan also discovered in themselves? The uncertainties about, and in relations to other people, the permanent interest of the public?

Lindsay Lohan: Definitely. Everyone feels but sometimes more or less uncertain. I can identify myself with quite well, I admire Lovelace for their strength and that she has still managed to bounce at some point. , Deep Throat was a gift from heaven for them, even though the film was seen as controversial and discussed. Because he gave her the opportunity to finally break away from this monster.

GQ: How they will see the light of balance, so the movie does not start back?
Lindsay Lohan: By playing the raw scenes, but not in a vulgar way. Our film is not so much the raw sex and nudity, but more about showing how much anxiety they had. I want to show what was going on in her when she had to experience these moments. And that’s what the audience should also be able to understand at the end.

GQ: Would like to describe their own perspective on life?
Lindsay Lohan: I, too, at the point of view in recent years have changed. When I started working in the industry, I wanted to come to the very top – and painted me everything is completely different than it actually is. Nowadays in Hollywood it’s so much more about celebrities and gossip, a fact that many great actors distract from their actual ability. For the public learns as much about these people and that gets superimposed on their work in movies.

GQ: How do you handle it?
Lindsay Lohan: I love what I do, so I must be able to handle it.

GQ: What exactly do you love about it?
Lindsay Lohan: I like to tell stories where people can learn something. And I like the principle of cinema: to put oneself in a dark room, hide from the world for a few hours and discover the similarities of the canvas itself. I love it so much that I will certainly not stop doing it, even if the circumstances change.

GQ: How do you deal with the temptations that lurk seemingly around every corner in – and just lurking behind the paparazzi?
Lindsay Lohan: People believe, of course, what they read in the media. There are all the hair-raising stories that circulate about me every day and are supposed to tell people what I‘m really like. I read plenty of stories that never happened, and then get to hear: Oh, but you were so sweet but in ‘The parent trap’! But what I’m talking about: there are other people in Hollywood who feel like I do.

GQ: The media conveys a wrong idea of who you really are?
Lindsay Lohan: Half of what is written about me is not true. Of course I’m still young, make mistakes and learn it, but that did not necessarily mean that all agree these stories.

GQ: What stories?
Lindsay Lohan: The fact that I am at my end, have parties all the time. I still have a soul, don’t forget that.

GQ: Why are they reporting that you are always partying?
Lohan: The media take their shots in only a second, and use that to interpret reality they way they want. when I sneeze, photos are published and it is said that I would cry. When I put my hand in front of my mouth and nose it is said that I have a terrible hangover after a long party night. It is unbelievable how bad it got.”

**Also: at a GQ photo shoot a lot of paparrazis show eventually up and she covers her almost naked body behind a big towel and runs inside. she said “I don’t care that the get me topless but I don’t want them to take a picture of the Fussfessel (the ankle thing). That is the money shot”

[From GQ]

Okay, I don’t have anything else to say just because working out that translation of the translation was too time-consuming. Instead of reading a half-dozen more crackhead jokes, watch this sketchy video of Lindsay from GQ’s site:

gq-germany.html”>Design Scene. Additional pics from GQ Germany.