Question: How f-cking stupid is Paris Hilton? I mean, I’ve always known she’s really, really, mind-numbingly idiotic, but now that I’ve read some excerpts from the new, just released criminal charge against Paris, I have new questions about how she is capable of functioning on a daily basis. And no, I’m not making fun of people who have actual mental handicaps – Paris is just an idiot, willfully and powerfully stupid. So, Paris is being formally chanrged with felony cocaine possession in the great state of Nevada. The Las Vegas DA released the formal charge, and the police report, which is totally worth a read:

Paris Hilton has been charged with felony cocaine possesion, RadarOnline.com has learned. According to the criminal complaint filed by the Las Vegas District Attorney, Paris “Wilfully (sic), unlawfully, feloniously, knowingly, and intentionally possess a controlled substance, to-wit: Cocaine.”

As RadarOnline.com has previously reported, Hilton was arrested early Saturday morning in Las Vegas after cops found .8 grams of cocaine on the heiress at a traffic stop. Her boyfriend Cy Waits was the driver of the car and after the car was stopped when the officer smelled “the strong odor of marijuana coming from the vehicle.” Cy was “administered a series of filed sobriety tests, which Waits failed.”

Police wrote in their report that Paris told the officer she was “extremely embarrassed” and needed to used the bathroom “badly” so the officer escorted her into the Wynn.

The officer wrote that Paris was carrying a purse as they went into the Wynn and Hilton told him she needed to put some lip balm on. “As she began to open it, I saw a small bindle of what I believed to be cocaine in a clear baggy begin to fall from the purse and into my hand.”

The officer waited for the arrival of a female officer to assist in the search and they removed the “suspected bindle of cocaine,” and then Paris was read her Miranda rights. Paris told the officer that the purse was not hers, and that “she had borrowed it from a friend.”

When the officer asked Hilton whose cocaine it was “she said she had not seen it but now thought it was gum.”

Paris told the officer the $1,300 cash and credit card were hers, but “several cosmetic items in the purse were not hers.”

The officer placed Paris under arrest “for possession of a controlled substance cocaine.”

[From Radar]

My God. You know how it went down too – and you know Paris thought she was being clever. She was coked out of her mind, and she thought up a “clever” scheme to talk her way out of the arrest: “I have to go potty, Officer…” And so the cop took her to the Wynn and she proceeded to open up her purse – with the cocaine visible – in front of the cop! Was part of the scheme to flush the cocaine and Paris just didn’t get to it, and so now she’s all “That’s not gum?” Oh, and the money and credit cards were hers, but the purse wasn’t. Of course. She’s just ridiculous. Oh, and TMZ says that the total amount of cocaine Paris had on her was 0.8 grams. I expected more, honestly. More coke, I mean.