Tim Gunn has a new book coming out called Gunn’s Golden Rules: Life’s Little Lessons for Making It Work. I think I knew that Tim was doing a book, but I didn’t think much of it. After all, Tim is a gentleman, and he would never bitch someone out, right? Wrong. Tim Gunn is calling out bitches right and left in newly released excerpts from the book. It’s starting to look like this is Tim’s naughty tell-all memoir, and his bitchiness is both exquisite and fabulous. Here are some highlights:

Gunn on Vogue editor Anna Wintour: “It’s insane that people don’t call her out on the things she does. Is it fear? I was certainly afraid of her. When her office called me, I thought I’d have to go into the witness protection program.”

On designer Isaac Mizrahi, who Tim calls a “snob”: Don’t even get me started on Isaac Mizrahi. In my view, he’s one of the world’s biggest divas. One time, I saw Isaac throw a fit about a security guard from the second-floor showroom at Liz Claiborne Inc.’s Times Square offices. Why, you may ask? Was the guard stealing? Harassing guests? Showing up late? No, he was wearing brown. Can you imagine having your senses so offended by a color that it provokes such an extreme reaction?… Oh, please, I was so kind to him. I mean, I wouldn’t have the words to describe some of the more abhorrent behavior. He really is a terrible, terrible, terrible person.”

On Martha Stewart’s daughter Alexis: “One of the angriest people I’ve ever met. [She] kept cursing under her breath in anticipation of her mother coming — ‘goddamn bitch,’ almost as if she had Tourette’s syndrome… I was so horrified by how she treated her mother in front of a lot of people. Good heavens, you’re an adult!”

Tim doesn’t like the word “etiquette”: “I don’t like the word. It connotes fish forks and wine-glass placement. And it sounds elitist and stuffy.” Still, he did want to provide “an antidote to all the bad behavior that abounds around us. One of the themes of the book is ‘Take the high road,’ you’ll never regret it.” In fact, “Golden Rules” does more than just promote a cool demeanor while punishing what he calls “potty-mouthed ruffians.”

On his parents: Gunn writes with surprising candor about his chilly relationship with his parents. He paints his mother as remote, his father as a homophobic brute. “My mother is truly, deathly ill right now,” says Gunn. “She has congestive heart failure, kidney failure. If she’s still alive on Sept. 7 [the day before the book’s publication], she won’t be on the eighth.” Despite such statements, Gunn insists, “I love her dearly. But she’s a stone.”

On J. Edgar Hoover and the idea that Gunn’s father could have been gay: The author’s father served as an FBI special agent and ghost writer for the legendary chief of the organization, J. Edgar Hoover. In his book, Gunn speculates on Hoover’s alleged homosexuality and wonders about his dad’s own orientation. “You have to wonder about the identity of an individual who’s so blatantly homophobic,” he says of his father. “Then there’s the whole Hoover FBI, with all these really good-looking men. It’s a little spooky like Hoover’s hand-picked club.”

On having an earth-shattering relationship, and how he hasn’t gotten laid in a while: Gunn also writes about a terrible relationship he had over 20 years ago, which ended with a betrayal so wounding, he has not risked a romantic involvement since. It’s been decades since he has had sex, he says, though he stresses he’s happy with the decision. “I wanted to say that, whether you’re gay or straight, you can live a celibate life and be perfectly satisfied and happy.”

On being an old fart: “But I am an old fart,” he says. “You really do need to draw the line and set up boundaries.”

On Padma Lakshmi being unprofessional: I go for long periods of time when I feel like casual politeness is extinct. I received an e-mail recently from a certain glamorous host of Top Chef. I won’t say who she is, but she was once married to a world-famous novelist. She was looking for a designer for her jewelry line, and I said I would put up my radar and send her anyone I thought might be a good fit. Well, I found someone terrific, discovered she was available, and sent along her résumé. I was very proud of myself for making such a great match. Then I never heard back. Nor did the designer. I was so embarrassed. Here I had this great designer all excited, and then it was as if I’d made up the whole gig. Either the glamorous host should have followed up with the designer or written one of us back to say, “I found someone, but thank you so much.” Without acknowledgment I have to assume she didn’t really want my help after all, so I’ll keep that in mind if she ever asks for anything again.

[From NYDN & Marie Claire]

I mean, how awesome is he? Obviously, I think Tim has deeper issues than I’ve ever realized, but he also sounds like a man who is obsessed with people being responsible adults. It’s not the worst thing, and I if I was one of the people mentioned in his book, I would shudder in fear. Tim’s bitchy wrath knows no bounds!