It’s no secret that Chelsea Handler is Team Aniston. Chelsea has criticized Angelina Jolie time and time again over the past few years, even going so far as to mock Jolie’s children, and to call Angelina “evil” on the same night that Jennifer Aniston was appearing on Chelsea Lately. Chelsea seems to be tight with Aniston – they apparently hang out every now and then, although I think Chelsea seems to push the idea that they’re best friends when they’re just occasional drinking buddies.

Anyway, Chelsea is interviewed in the new issue of Rolling Stone (the one with Mad Men on the cover). Thus far, Rolling Stone hasn’t put the full piece online yet, but they did put up a behind-the-scenes video of the photo shoot here. I think she did the interview to promote her hosting gig at the VMAs, which I am not looking forward too. Perish the thought of all of the Asian and black jokes she’s going to make – ugh. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind some racially-tinged humor, but I guess that’s my biggest problem with Chelsea: I don’t find her drunken-racist-whore schtick funny. At all. So, anyway, I read the article in my copy of RS a few days ago, and I was… disturbed. Here are the relevant Bermuda Triangle parts, and keep in mind, these comments came up without Chelsea being asked specifically about any of the players – she just likes to bring up this stuff in normal conversation with journalists:

“Oh, this is so funny!” Handler says, holding up a magazine so everyone can see. It’s a story about her and her supposed BFF Jennifer Aniston and how “Chelsea, 35, persuaded her 41-year-old pal to join Crunch fitness in West Hollywood by raving about all the ‘hot, scantily clad men’ that work out there.” Handler reads the story out loud, and whenever anyone tries to interrupt, she shouts them down. “Wait, listen to this!” she says. “Chelsea has started hosting weekly vodka mixer parties for their get-togethers, Jen and Chelsea demand that each female guest bring eligible bachelors to mingle with their other single female friends.”

Handler howls with laughter.

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She says that she normally doesn’t remember her dreams, but there’s this one. In it, Aniston is getting back together with Brad Pitt and Handler is shouting, “You can’t do it! Don’t so it!” Although Aniston is a recent friend, Handler has had that dream repeatedly – an indication, no doubt, of how deeply into her psyche the crud of celebrity culture has seeped.

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It’s pretty entertaining watching Handler do her thing at work. Much of it seems to involve hanging out in her dressing room as various sorts of traipse in and out and interrupt her train of though. She’ll be saying something like, “You know who I don’t like? Angelina Jolie. She’s a home-wrecker who has no female friends. I can tell from a mile away she’s bad. You can adopt as many babies as you want – I can tell she’s not a good girl.”

[From Rolling Stone, print edition]

Is this really the way “friends” of Jennifer Aniston talk and obsess? If so, then I think we can safely say that all of those tabloid stories through the years where unnamed Aniston “friends” talk sh-t about Brad and Angelina, still obsessing about it, are probably not the fantasies of tabloid editors. Those “friends” really are that petty. It’s like high school who an unlimited supply of vodka and Botox, but the same amount of fake IDs, only this time to convince people you’re younger.

Also: Chelsea is widely believed to have “homewrecked” her boss Ted Harbert – he was married when they began “dating” circa 2005-6, and she confirms in the piece that she dumped him shortly after he gave her a multi-million dollar contract.

Here’s the behind-the-scenes Rolling Stone video. This bitch is not 35 years old.